Reflections

I wiped away the steam on the bathroom mirror and had to take a second to stare at my reflection, hugging the towel tightly around my body as I did so. I looked over my face, looking to see if there was some sort of change in my appearance. I’m not sure what I was expecting, if somehow looking at me now anyone who had seen me before would know that I had just handed over my so called “innocence” to Sidney, but looking over my face in the bathroom of Sidney’s house, I looked basically the same, save for the wet hair.

I eventually sighed, turning away from the mirror so I could start to change into the clothes Nathalie had brought down for me. When I had snatched them off of the couch on my journey from Sidney’s room to the bathroom, I had only noticed the sweatpants and t shirt. Nathalie was clearly a more caring lady then I had assumed, as when I unfolded the pants, a pair of underwear and a bra fell to the floor. I didn’t know whether to laugh at the fact that she had stolen one of her daughters bras, or be completely weirded out by the fact that she had guessed my bra size. I chose neither option, and instead changed quickly into the clothes, hanging the towel up on the back of the door before placing my hand on the door knob.

And then I waited there.

I knew that when I eventually emerged from the washroom, things could be different. It was my own fault. Sidney had wanted to talk, but his phone went off and I convinced him to answer it, almost running out of the bed room as soon as he did so and jumping into the shower. I could hear him moving around in the kitchen, and even though there was a large part of me that just wanted to run back into his arms, there was also a part of me that was starting to worry that maybe I had just done the wrong thing. Maybe I had just rushed our relationship, taken a step that we shouldn’t have taken yet. I had always assumed that the only man I would ever be having sex with would be the guy I ended up marrying, and yet, here I was. Twenty years old and hiding in my boyfriend’s bathroom because I was so nervous about what our relationship would be now.

I eventually came to realize that nothing could be solved if I was hiding in his bathroom, and that Sidney probably thought I had crawled out a window and flown back to Vancouver by now, so I took a deep breath and opened the door. I almost ran back into the bathroom as soon as I remembered that I had no make-up on, before scolding myself with, “Hanna, he’s seen you naked now,” and forcing myself to take a few more steps, peeking my head around the corner to peer over at Sidney in the kitchen and try to see what he was doing. Again, I don’t know what I was expecting. In the heat of the moment, I hadn’t even stopped to wonder about the after math. Now, I was basically hiding from him in his own house because I was partially convinced that he would want nothing to do with me now.

I couldn’t see Sidney from the corner I was peering around, so, I finally faced my fears and stepped into the kitchen so I could see him.

Sidney turned around, clearly having heard me, and smiled. “Are you still hungry? Because the chicken is almost ready.”

I looked from where he was standing to the oven, only then noticing that there was something in it, suddenly aware of the smell of chicken and something else. “Doesn’t chicken take, like, half an hour to cook?”

He gave me another half smile, looking away from me as he answered, “You took about half an hour.”

I had unknowingly balled up the bottom fabric of the shirt I was wearing and was twisting it around in my hand. “Sorry about that. I was worried that things were going to be really awkward-”

“Yes, so leaving would definitely fix things,” He interrupted, looking back up at me.

I stopped twisting up the shirt and took a tentative step towards him, stopping and looking over his expression before I took a few more steps and stopped just in front of him, looking up at him. “I’m sorry. I was just, I don’t know, scared? I was really worried that you wouldn’t want to be with me anymore.”

Sidney looked like he was about to laugh as he reached out and pulled me closer to him. “Hanna, I love you. I’m not just going to change my mind about that.”

I sighed, leaning against him. “I guess I was just worried that we made a mistake by…doing that,” I admitted.

He placed his hand under my chin, forcing me to look up at him. “Do you think it was a mistake?”

I stared up at him for a few seconds, actually thinking over the question. I took in a deep breath of air, making sure my lungs were full before quietly answering, “No.”

He nodded, the corners of his mouth tugging up at the corner a bit. “I don’t either,” he kissed my forehead, having to step away from me as the timer on the oven went off. “But, just a note,” he said, looking at me over his shoulder as he grabbed a hand towel and used it as a make-shift oven mitt, pulling the sheet of chicken out of the oven and setting it down on the stove top, “next time you have sex with a guy, don’t leave the room as soon as it’s over.”

I smirked at him, making my way over to the small table and sitting down. “Noted.”

He glanced back at me once more with a grin before he set back to plating the chicken and rice he had cooked.

---------------------------------------------

“So, if you do end up going to PEI, I can still stay at your place?” Peyton asked.

I yawned, pulling the phone away from my face as I did so before moving it back. “Yeah, I’ll leave a copy of the key with Kris and make sure my fridge is packed with food,” I promised. “I don’t see why you don’t just stay with Kris, though.”

“Are you kidding me?” She asked, a hint of amusement in her voice. “Hanna, if I’m alone in a house with Kris, I’m going to sleep with Kris, and I don’t want to do that.”

I felt all the blood in my body rush to my face, suddenly feeling as if there was a fire burning beneath the surface of my skin. “Why not?”

“Really? We’ve barely been a couple, and I don’t want to rush things. Besides, I made the mistake of sleeping with my last boyfriend too soon and it completely destroyed the relationship,” she reminded me. “And aren’t you the one who lectured me when I told you I was thinking about sleeping with Jared? You were all, ‘Peyton you shouldn’t have sex with a guy unless he’s your husband or you plan to make him your husband’? I can almost hear you saying it in my head, I swear.”

I gulped, grabbing the glass of water that was in front of me and pressing it up against my face in an attempt to cool it. “Well, I mean, we were seventeen when that happened. You’re twenty-one now. I’m sure you can make your own decisions.”

Peyton laughed, “What? Hanna, what has Pittsburgh done to you?”

I sighed, “I guess you’re right. If you’re desperate to make sure you don’t do anything you don’t want to, then my house is yours to stay in.”

“Thank you,” She said. “So, what’s new with you?”

“Oh, nothing,” I answered, my voice a little shaky, “just been working at the bakery. I took up jogging.”

“Wow, that sounds awesome,” Peyton replied, sarcasm evident in her voice. “What about Sidney what’s he been doing?”

I winced, thankful that she couldn’t see me. “He’s good.”

“Staying in shape?” She asked, joking.

“Ha…yeah, he’s in shape,” I said back, scratching my head awkwardly.

“I miss you guys. All of you. I even miss Max and Jordan a little bit,” she admitted, letting out a sigh. “Well, I guess I should let you get you bed so you’re up and ready for work,” She mumbled.

“Yeah, I have a job,” I reminded her lamely, almost smacking my forehead at how obvious my discomfort had just become.

“Uh…yes you do,” she said, pausing. “Hanna, are you okay?”

“I’m great!” I yelled, hearing her jump on the other end. “I mean, you know, I’m good. The weather here is really nice right now.”

Peyton was silent for a moment, “What is your deal? You’re acting really weird, I’m kind of worried. Did you and Sid have a fight?”

“No, Sidney and I are fine,” I told her. “I’m fine. Nothing’s wrong, I’m just tired.”

“Are you sure?” She asked.

“I’m positive, Peyton, don’t worry about me. Just let me know when you’re going to be coming down here so I can give Kris the key to my place. But make sure you get it back,” I reminded her.

“Well, I’d need it to get into the house,” She reminded me. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I am great. I’ll talk to you some other time,” I told her, hanging up before any further questioning could continue.

I sighed, leaning my head back and groaning. I had expected Peyton to be the one person I could talk to about the fact that I had slept with Sidney, but now I almost felt guilty about it. I took a drink of my water, trying to decide if it was late enough that I could just crawl into bed or not when the phone went off again, startling me. I almost knocked my glass of water, but managed to place it back down on the table before answering. “Hello?”

“You had sex with Sidney!” Peyton screamed into the phone, causing me to almost drop it from how loud she was.

“How did you know?” I asked, my voice sounding meek.

“You were acting weird, and you basically encouraged me to sleep with Kris and…you had sex? You. Hanna Ashton, you had sex?”

I sighed, “I know. I wasn’t planning on it, it just kind of happened,” I tried to explain.

There was a long pause, so long that I actually thought she had hung up the phone for a moment. “Well…how was it?”

“Peyton!” I whined, feeling my face heat up once more.

“Come on! You had sex with Sidney Crosby, you can’t expect me to not ask that.”

I shook my head. “I’m not talking to you about this. I’m not talking to anyone about it.”

Peyton laughed, “Yeah, okay. Because you haven’t spent every minute since you left his house wanting to talk to someone about it.”

I chewed on the inside of my cheek for a moment. “I just started thinking about how I might be heading out to PEI and wouldn’t see him for couple of weeks, and then he said some really sweet things to me and I just… I don’t know.” I let out a sigh, my eye catching the locket necklace Sidney had given me, which was sitting on the kitchen counter, right where I had left it. “I love him, Peyton.”

She sighed, “I know you do. Just, do me a favour?”

“What’s that?” I asked, already walking over to the counter and picking up the necklace.

“Don’t rush things. I know you love him, but I also know you, and you need to take a step back and make sure that Sidney’s the guy you see yourself spending the rest of your life with before you two start taking even bigger steps,” she said seriously.

“Peyton, it’s not like I’m going to run off and elope with him,” I laughed.

“I know that,” she said. “But if you give everything you have to this guy, and he’s not the one you end up with, you can never get it back. I know it’s too late now, and don’t think that I’m trying to ruin your first time for you, I’m just trying to keep you from getting hurt. There’s a lot happening in your life right now, and I don’t want Sidney to only serve as a distraction, okay?” She asked.

I nodded, “Okay. I’m not going to do anything stupid though, you know that, right?”

Peyton took a moment to answer. “Love can do strange things to you, Hanna. Especially when hard times hit you. Try to think your head right now, because your heart? Your heart just wants to feel good, it doesn’t want to do what’s right.”

“When did you become a poet?” I joked, trying to play off the situation as lighter then it was.

Peyton sighed, “I’ll call you in a day or so, alright? Say hi to Sidney for me.” She was gone before I could say anything more.

Running

I chewed on my lip, re-reading the email from my mother which was filled with all of the details on when and where she and my dad would be flying out to see Cameron and Elizabeth. It wasn’t for another two months, and yet the women couldn’t stop talking to me about it. I had told her that I wasn’t sure how I felt about it, but I was leaning more towards not going. That didn’t seem to phase her, and at least once every three days since I was bombarded with voicemails, emails and even a post card, about how “lovely” it would be if I changed my mind.

I sighed, closing my lap top and setting it down on the coffee table with a yawn. Despite how much I was enjoying my job at Cups of Cakes, the bakery Vero’s father owned, I seemed to find it exhausting. After two weeks of working there, my hours had been changed to a typical bakers; 5:45am-1:45pm. It also meant that I was only baking, not doing dishes or working with the customers, but I hadn’t adjusted to the hours yet, and the fatigue was becoming increasingly hard to deal with. My inability to sleep when it was still light out didn’t help, since it meant I could never nap, so I was trying to find things to do that would fill the time and keep me awake.

I tied my hair back, grabbing my ipod and house key from the kitchen counter and stepping out the door, making sure to lock it behind me and tuck the key into the pocket of my shorts as I stepped down from the step leading up to the door. Even though I had never been much of an athlete, I had always loved running. I used to go for a morning jog before my shift at the Ice Rink would start, but since I had moved out to Pittsburgh, I hadn’t done much of that. Now that the weather was getting mildly warmer, I figured it was a good chance to start.

My feet hit the pavement sluggishly at first, and I had to take a couple of deep breaths and remind myself that I used to love jogging before I could fall into a steady pace, trying to keep control of my breathing and focus on the music playing in my ears instead of the burning muscles in my legs. It didn’t take more then a few moments before my brain had wondered away from controlling how much air I was letting in and out of lungs and onto the subject of Cameron. Even though the thought of him and the things he had say to me, the way he had piled all of the blame for Alissa’s death onto my shoulders and completely disregarded both my parents and I for the past few years was enough to make my pulse echo in my head, I still had this annoying voice in the back of my mind telling me that I should go and try to make some form of amends with him.

I rounded a corner, not even entirely sure of where I was running towards anymore, and began to make a mental list of pros and cons regarding the whole situation, trying to decide what I was going to do. I had two months left to decide, and even though that seemed like such a large amount of time, I had other aspects to take into consideration. With the playoffs about to start, I had Sidney to think about as well. Even though he had already told me that if I chose to go, he completely supported that, I knew there had to be a piece of him that didn’t want me to be hours away while he was making run for a second straight Stanley Cup, especially with all of the pressure that was already being placed upon him by TV analysts and sports reporters. There was also Peyton, who was going to be finished with her brief in-between semester/summer course pretty soon and wanted to come out and stay with me again. Then there was my new job. Could I take a couple of weeks off when I had only been there for a couple of months?

When my lungs felt like they were about to burst into flames I stopped, leaning down and taking in a few deep breaths, tearing my headphones out of my ears as I tried to calm down my heart rate. I finally stood back up, glancing around to see how far from my place I had run and almost laughing when I realized that my feet had carried me all the way down to where Sidney was. I had to walk another block before I arrived at the Lemieux’s house, pulling my cell phone out and calling Sidney to let him know he had to come get me.

He came running out of his house seconds after I told him I was there, grinning at me as he opened up the gate to let me in. “Look at you, being all athletic.”

I rolled my eyes, too tired to say anything snaky back. “My whole body hurts.”

He laughed, shutting the gate behind me. “When did you start running?”

I grabbed his wrist, glancing down at his watch. “An hour ago?”

“Oh my gosh,” he responded, laughing. “Hanna, you’re going to kill yourself. You’re supposed to work yourself into runs, not start with an hour long one. Did you at least pace yourself?”

I looked up at him, leaning on him because my legs hurt so much I could barely stand up. “By pace yourself do you mean run as fast as you can for an hour?”

“No, I mean the exact opposite,” He told me. “Look at you, your face is all red and you can barely stand up. Don’t do that to yourself.”

“Why is your house so far away?” I whined.

Sidney let out a small laugh, looking down at me as I scowled over at his house. “Alright, I need you to promise that you’re not going to tell anyone what I’m about to do.”

“Why, are you going to kill me?” I asked.

Sidney rolled his eyes, stopping and turning to look at me, lifting one of my arms up over his shoulders and scooping me up in his arms to carry me the rest of the way to his house, making me laugh. “I can’t believe this is happening!”

“It’s not happening, remember? No one hears about this,” He reminded me, setting me down just outside of his front door so he could open it up and usher me inside. Once I had collapsed on his couch Sidney grabbed me a bottle of water, setting it down on the table in front of me and sitting down on the chair beside the couch. “So, what inspired you to go for a run?”

I sighed, trying to sit up before I answered. “Well, it’s mainly because I’m struggling to stay awake through the day with my new hours at the bakery, and I used to go for jogs all the time while I was still in high school, so I figured it was a good idea,” I explained. “But I think I made it through two songs and then my mind just went straight over to whether I want to go with my parents and see Cameron or not.”

Sidney nodded playing with the zipper of his sweatshirt. “What are your thoughts on it today?”

I had to take a few gulps of water before I could respond, still trying to catch my breath, fully aware that still being this breathless meant I was far more out of shape then I had thought. “I’m still mad about everything he’s done,” I began, earning a nod from Sidney, “but I also want to try and make things better, I guess. I mean, I’ve hated him for seven years now, I might as well try to not hate him, right?”

Sidney nodded, “It’s probably better to try and fix things then continue to carry the grudge.”

“Yes, it is,” I agreed. “but at the same time, I want to be here during the playoffs. I mean, if I don’t basically beat the worries out of you, you don’t talk about them.”

Sidney sighed, “Hanna, you have a phone. You can call me and make me whine to you over the phone. Besides, you‘ll be there for the first round for sure, and part of the second if we make it that far.”

“I know, but I want to be there for all of it, and I want to go to the games and yell at all the people who call you names. Plus, Peyton wants to come out and stay with me once she’s done her classes, and I don’t want to let down Vero’s dad by asking for time off right off the bat. I mean, I just started the job, right? I can’t just leave and let down all of you.”

Sidney smiled, watching me for a moment before he spoke. “Do you remember when you and I first started talking, when I was still trying to convince both of us that I didn’t want a relationship?”

“Oh yes. I loved those days,” I mumbled, taking another drink from my water as Sidney chuckled.

“The thing that attracted me to you, besides how beautiful you are,” he began, making me blush, “was that you constantly told me to stop thinking about everyone else and to take a moment to consider what I wanted. You always told me stop putting aside my own feelings to benefit everyone else. Remember that?”

I nodded, “I do. And I stand by that, because you always seem to get the blame and rarely any of the praise.”

He smiled, “Well, my point was that you should take your own advice. What do you want? Don’t worry about me or Peyton, and Vero’s dad is the most understanding man I’ve ever met, he would give you a couple of weeks off to go fix things with your brother. If you feel like this is something you need to do, then do it. My parents will be out here to support me, and Peyton can either stay here by herself or tell Kris to find her somewhere to stay. What do you want?”

I shrugged, “I’m not sure yet.”

He smirked at me, “Yes you are. You just don’t want to admit it yet.”

I eyed him, sighing. “I do want to go see my family. But I’m worried about how bad things could get if I go.”

“What about how bad they could get if you don’t?” He asked.

I groaned, leaning my head back against the couch. “I still want to think about it. I‘m just…I‘m not sure about any of this right now. I mean, I know baking seems to be where I‘m heading now, but looking at my future in it‘s entirety, I don‘t know what I want yet. I‘m not really sure about anything anymore, I guess. I just…I just need more time.”

He nodded, seeming to understand., “Definitely. Make sure you’re ready before you head over there. This is a big deal. I mean, it’s more then just seeing your brother for the first time in awhile, it’s being there to meet your niece for the first time ever. That’s a big deal.”

I nodded, finishing off the water he had handed me earlier and letting out a big breath of air. “I’m changing the subject now,” I decided, making him laugh. “How are you feeling about the playoffs?”

He sighed, “I’m alright. I mean, I’ve done this a few times now, right?” He joked. “I’m trying not to get too caught up in it. The mental side of it is more wearing than the physical, which I think a lot of people don’t take into account. I’m trying to just focus on the last couple of games before I throw myself into playoff mode.”

I pulled my legs up onto the couch, noticing the goose bumps that had prickled all over my skin. “I am so cold now.”

Sidney smiled, standing up from his chair and walking over to a small closet I hadn’t noticed before, grabbing a blanket out of it and tossing it towards me. “Are you staying here for awhile? Because I’ll make you dinner if you are.”

I grinned, unfolding the blanket and covering my legs with it. “You’re going to cook for me?”

He smiled, standing a few feet away from the couch. “I’m assuming that means yes, you are staying?”

“Well, my legs hurt so much I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to walk again,” I admitted.

Sidney laughed. “Okay then. I’ll make us something to eat and then drive you home.”

I smiled at him, glancing down at my sweaty jogging gear and sighing. “So, awkward question,” I asked, causing him to stop and turn to face me. “Can I use your shower? I mean, I know you’re too nice to say anything, but I definitely smell.”

He laughed, “I honestly didn’t notice, but if you want to, sure. Do you need clothes?”

I made a face, “Do you have pants that fit me?”

He shook his head, “No, but there are four girls living in the rest of this house, I’m sure one of them has something you can wear. Do you want me to go check?”

“I’ll go ask myself, because otherwise you’ll grab me something that doesn’t fit and then I’ll cry for days,” I told him, kicking off the blanket and standing up, groaning immediately. “Oh my goodness, my thighs hurt so much.”

Sidney laughed, “Are you sure you don’t want me to go ask? You know you have to walk up a flight of stairs just to get into their house, right?”

I sighed, “Well…can I call them or something?”

He rolled his eyes, picking up his phone and punching in a number and asking for Nathalie. “Hey, Nathalie, how are you?” He asked, listening for a moment. “I’m good, I was actually calling for a favour,” He began, glancing over at me, “Hanna is here and-” he stopped, obviously being interrupted. I couldn’t hear what was being said to him, but by the way his face was tinged pink and he looked down at the floor with an embarrassed smirk, I’m assuming it was about me. “Yeah, she is,” he agreed, glancing at me once more briefly. “Anyways, uhm, she went for a run and basically killed herself, and now she needs new clothes to wear. Any chance there’s a pair of pants you or one of the girls can lend her?”

I picked up the blanket up from off of the floor and wrapped it around me again, watching as Sidney listened to Nathalie before he turned to me. “Hanna, what size are you?”

“Whoa, give me the phone, I’m not telling you that,” I said, trying to race over to him.

He rolled his eyes, “She doesn’t want to tell me. I’m assuming five.”

I laughed, “Oh, Sidney. You’re sweet. Give me the phone.”

“Six? Seven? Just tell me, I don’t care!” He said, holding the phone away from me with a grin. “I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours.”

“If my leg didn’t hurt so much, I would kick you so hard!” I yelled, making him laugh.

He lowered the phone back down, listening to Nathalie, “Okay, that’ll work. Thank you.” He hung up, smirking at me. “She’ll grab you a pair of sweatpants.”

I sighed, “Sometimes, you’re an asshole.”

He grinned, setting the phone down. “You good with chicken and rice?”

“Yes. Are you going to tell it what size I am?”

He laughed, “I can’t believe you made such a big deal out of that. You know that guys don’t actually care what size you are, right?” He asked. “And you don’t actually think you’re fat or anything, do you?” He asked, the grin fallin away, “Hanna, you don’t think you’re fat, do you?”

“No, not really, but I still don’t want to talk about what size pants I wear,” I told him. “It’s a girl thing.”

“It’s a dumb thing,” He corrected. “You shouldn’t be scared to tell me things like that. I don’t care. I mean, I obviously think you’re beautiful, and that’s great, but I’m in love with who you are, not just what you look like.”

I felt my heart melt a little bit, staring over at him in silence. Sidney, who usually would have cleared his throat and tried to change the subject, held my gaze, only breaking it when there was a knock at the downstairs door, causing him to head over and answer it.

Nathalie stepped into kitchen, smiling over at me. “Hanna, I’m so happy to see you again.”

I smiled back, wrapping the blanket tighter around me. “Hi Nathalie. Thank you so much for finding me some clothes. I smell really disgusting right now.”

She laughed, “I wouldn’t have noticed, I married a hockey player. They usually smell.”

I smiled, watching as she handed off the clothes to Sidney, mumbling something to him before she smiled and waved to me once more, heading back upstairs.

Sidney sighed, locking the door behind Nathalie and walking over to me, setting the clothes down on the back of the couch right beside me. He reached out, placing both of his hands on my hips and tugging me towards him so he could look down at me. “Please don’t ever listen to the voice in your head that tells you that you are anything less then perfect.”

I smiled, letting out a breathy laugh. “Sidney, no one is perfect.”

He lifted up one of his hands to brush my bangs away from my eyes. “I don’t mean perfect as in without faults,” he explained, pausing briefly. “I mean perfect for me.”

I felt my breath get caught in the back of my throat, looking up at him as he ran his fingers through my hair, not sure of when I had taken it out of it’s ponytail or if he had done that. I stood up on the tips of my toes, pressing my lips against his, running my hands up his arms to the back of his neck, feeling my back hit the back of the couch when Sidney responded, knocking me back a step.

Even though Sidney and I had had our moments of heated kissing, it never seemed to feel as intense as it did in that moment. He was so close to me I could feel every time he inhaled, and my one hand was tangled in the back of his curling hair, keeping his lips pressed against mine despite the lack of oxygen both of us were in need of. It wasn’t until I reached down and grabbed the bottom of his shirt that he pulled away, one hand already underneath the fabric of my shirt on my back and the other cupping my face. “Hanna, we shouldn’t…I mean, I don’t think we should-”

“Sidney,” I cut him off, letting one of my hands reach up and rest on the side of his face, the other still holding a fist full of his t shirt, “my entire life has been about being careful and not jumping into things,” I told him, my voice quiet. “There isn’t a single thing in my life that I have ever been sure about, except for you. You’re the first thing in my life that I know I want. So stop trying to tell me that I don’t want this.”

He licked his lips, studying my face for a moment, still breathing deeply, before he leaned down and kissed me again, the passion behind it so strong that my knees actually felt like they were shaking. It only took a moment before he broke away from me, just for a moment so I tug his shirt over his head and he could move over a couple of feet, leaning back down to cover my face and neck in kisses as he backed me through the living room and into his room.

There was a brief moment, somewhere between my shirt coming off and Sidney’s body falling on top of mine, that I stopped to wonder if I was actually ready for this. If I was sure that Sidney was really the guy I wanted to give up my virginity to, and if I was only doing this because my mind was so heavy with fears. But when Sidney stopped kissing my neck and placed a hand on the side of my face again, leaning down to ask if I was sure, there was no doubt in my mind anymore. So I lifted my head up to kiss him again, running my hands down his back as I nodded. And then it was too late to change my mind.

Ice Cream Love

**Hey guys! First of all, big thank you to the new followers and for your continous comments. Both are very greatly appreciated. Secondly, I have a friend who has a music page, and since she's too sweet to go around promoting herself to everyone, I'm doing it for her. Check it out. Her name's Krista, like me, so she's obviously awesome. That's all :)**


The sound of my phone ringing awoke me from my sleep, causing me to groan and stretch, lifting my head up and letting out a shriek from the pain that shot through my face as it was peeled off of the couch. I rubbed the tender skin, pouting as I looked around me, not sure how I or when I had fallen asleep on my couch, before stretching out an arm to grab the phone, clicking the talk button and lifting it up to my ear. “Hello?”

“I have amazing news!” Peyton shrieked on the other end, causing me to move the phone away from my ear. “I have a boyfriend.”

I was stunned by the news, taking a moment to blink a few times in surprise before replying to the news. “A boyfriend? But, what about Kris?”

Peyton laughed, “Hanna, Kris is the boyfriend.”

I winced in embarrassment, thankful that Peyton couldn’t see me. “Right, that would make sense.”

“Did you just get up?” She asked, raising her voice a bit as the background noise of her location seemed to grow louder for a moment.

“Yeah, apparently I fell asleep on the couch,” I admitted. “Are you calling me from work?”

“Sure am. It was really dead here, until some elementary school just showed up to rent the rink for skating lessons. Who gives skating lessons at school? Shouldn’t these weasels be learning math instead? Or maybe manners. Yeah, that’s directed at you, Mr. I’m going to pick my nose and flick it on the ground.”

“Peyton, tell me you did not just embarrass some tiny six year old boy!” I shouted.

“I didn’t! He’s at least eleven,” She assured me, earning a groan out of me. “Anyways, I guess I should go do my job now. I’ll call you once I’m home, which will be later since I have school tonight. Say hi to Sidney for me, ” She said, hanging up before I could reply.

I stretched my arms up above my head, rubbing my eyes afterwards and glancing around me. The TV was still on, and highlights from yesterday’s games were flashing across the screen. There was a plate of half-eaten spaghetti on the table, along with an almost full glass of milk next to it. I glanced up at the TV, seeing them flash the score from the Penguins and Thrashers game, remembering that I had come home from my first day at the bakery Vero’s dad owned completely exhausted, but also intensely determined to catch the last period of the game. I remembered seeing Sidney take an iffy penalty, watched him smash his stick against the penalty box door, and then…

I guess I fell asleep.

I stood up from the couch, picking up the dishes and carrying them over to the sink, leaving them there so I could head over to my room and change out of my clothes, checking to see how bad my make-up from yesterday looked before grabbing my purse from my bed and checking the time on my cell phone. I was supposed to call Vero once I was up so that the two of us could do some shopping, and for some reason, I felt like I needed the distraction.

-----------------------

“I feel like I got drunk yesterday,” I whined to Vero when we finally took a break from shopping to grab a cup of coffee.

She raised her eyebrows at me, pouring some cream into her cup. “Did you drink the baking rum at the bakery?”

I laughed, “No. I didn’t have any alcohol, but I passed out of my couch with no recollection of the night, and I have this dull throb just behind my temples, like a weak hangover or something.

“Maybe you are getting sick?” She suggested, taking a careful sip from her cup. “You missed the game then?”

I nodded, stirring in a package of sugar to my own cup. “I was home for the last bit of the second and the entire third period, but I only remember the penalty Sid took. Nothing past that.”

“He was not a happy boy,” She said, laughing. “It wasn’t too much of a game, from my perspective. The entire team seemed off, whereas Atlanta were all in synch. It was almost sad to watch. It’s probably for the best that you didn’t watch the entire thing, the crowd was giving Sidney a really hard time, especially after that iffy boarding call he took.”

“Crowds always give Sidney a hard time,” I reminded her, earning a small chuckle from her.

Vero smiled, running her finger around the rim of her coffee cup for a moment, looking out the window at the few people passing by. “My dad really likes you. He said you’re a very hard worker,” She told me, still smiling softly.

I laughed, “Well, I try to be. I’m not gonna lie, though, I already miss the ice rink. Not the job as much as the people. Now I can’t see the game at work.”

She nodded, “It’s hard, not being able to see every game that they play. It’s also hard to watch them go on the road games and not be able to come every time. It almost makes you feel hopeless, you know?”

“Well, I’m not that experienced with the whole thing, yet,” I reminded her, “but I do feel guilty if I have to miss a game. Sidney claims that it’s not that big of a deal to him, but I still feel bad.”

Vero nodded, “It’s hard. I’ve been with Marc-Andre for a very long time, before the NHL, and I still try to plan my work schedules around his game.”

I took a drink from my cup, sighing. “I didn’t realize how intense it would be to date a hockey player. I mean, I don’t know how Sidney doesn’t lose his mind over the things people in the media say about him, or how hockey fans could even think that he’s not as talented as he is. It makes my blood boil when they compare him to Ovechkin, but he never lets it get to him.”

“I would like to tell you that it gets easier, but it does not,” Vero admitted, giving me a half smile. “It’s a lot of adjusting. I’m just thankful that Marc hasn’t been traded yet. I couldn’t imagine moving again. I don’t even live out here all the time, just going between Quebec and back is hard enough for me.”

“Your family doesn’t live out here?” I asked, surprised. “But, your dad owns a bakery out here?”

“Yes, we stay here a lot. My dad wanted to have a business out here so that he didn’t have to take so much time off of work to come visit, and so that he could continue doing what he loves. He went to school to be a pastry chef, so he wanted to put that to use,” She explained quickly. “I go to school in Quebec, but I stay out here with Marc-Andre on weekends and any breaks the school gives.”

“I think I knew that already,” I admitted. “I never even thought about trades, or requests to be traded. I guess I didn’t think about a lot of these things before jumping into the relationship.”

Vero frowned, “Hanna, Sidney Crosby is not going to get traded. At least not anytime soon, he’s the face of the franchise,” She reminded me. “And as for everything else, you and Sidney can work through that. He doesn’t open himself up to very many people, and you’ve already become the closest to him. Don’t let a few complications ruin this.”

I smirked at her, “Are you going to school to be a counsellor?” I joked.

She grinned at me, “No, but I have a lot of knowledge. It’s part of my appeal.”

I rolled my eyes at her, taking another drink from my coffee.
---------------------------------

I had barely stepped into my place when Pascal started knocking on the downstairs door, causing me to toss my purse and the bags full of clothes I had bought onto the ground and race over to the door, unlocking it and looking up at Pascal.

He grinned, “Hanna bear, I brought you apples!” He shouted, holding up a bag full of green apples.

I accepted the bag, stepping back so that he could step into the living room, shutting the door that connected the upstairs to the downstairs behind him. I looked down at the bag of at least one dozen apples, frowning. “Thanks, Pascal, but I don’t even like apples.”


He threw his arms up in the air, “That’s what I told Maria, but does she listen to me? No!”

I laughed, walking into the kitchen and setting down the bag of apples. “Well, I guess I could make some apple sauce or something.”

“Yes! Then Maria can make pork chops, and I will be a happy man,” He said, letting out a sigh and placing a hand on his chest. “Anyways, I should go back upstairs and help with the children. If you have no plans for dinner tonight, you are welcome to join us.”

I smiled, “Thanks, but I think I’ll pass tonight. Maybe some other time?”

“You always say that. I’m beginning to think you hate my family,” He said, already heading towards the door that lead upstairs. “I will talk to you later, Hanna Bear!” He said, sending me a wave before disappearing behind the door.

I shook my head, trying to figure out what I was going to do with all of these apples, but finding myself instead trying to figure out where my cell phone was as I heard it start ringing. I walked back over to the front door, having to bend down to try and dig through my purse to find it, not checking the call display before I answered, “Hello?”
“Hanna, how are you?”

I frowned, looking at the call display for a second before bringing the phone back to my ear, “Mom?”

“Yes, mom! Did you not know who I was?” She asked, sounding hurt.

“No, I was…I was just so excited that it was you, that I could hardly believe it, that’s all,” I lied. “How’s it going?”

“Oh, it’s good,” She said. “I was just calling you to tell you that Cameron is here.”

I shook my head, “I’m sorry, mom, I think I misheard you. One more time?”

She sighed, “Hanna, don’t be like that. He and Elizabeth are out here visiting. He wanted to talk to us about the baby and maybe having her out here.”

“Her? They already know what they’re having?” I asked, walking into the living room and sitting down on the couch.

“Well, yes, she’s getting close to five months, silly,” She reminded me. “Anyways, I wanted you to make sure that you have some free time towards the end of June. Cameron and Elizabeth want us to come out to Prince Edward Island with them to be there for the birth, and then maybe you could stay a few days back in Vancouver with us?”

I stuttered for a moment, trying to think of the best way to tell my clearly enthused mother that I wasn’t sure I wanted to see my brother yet, or possibly ever. “Mom I-”

I just about jumped and screamed “Hallelujah!” when I heard someone knocking at the front door, pumping one of my fists in the air. “Sorry, someone’s at the door, so I have to go,” I told her apologetically. “I’ll talk to you some other time, okay?” I hung up before she could add anything more, tossing my cell phone onto the couch and heading over to the door and twisting the door knob so I could pull it open.

Sidney shot me a small smile, stepping inside immediately and shrugging off his jacket. “Hey,” He greeted, hanging the jacket on the small coat rack Tyler had bought me as a welcome present.

“Hi. I haven’t seen you in a couple of days,” I said, walking into the kitchen to grab us each a bottle of water, tossing one to him and watching in surprise as he wasted no time in twisting the cap off and chugging half of the bottle. “Wow.”

Sidney smiled, a little embarrassedly, wiping the moisture away from his mouth. “Sorry, I decided it would be a good idea to walk over here, but then I got really cold, so I ran the last couple of blocks.”

I shook my head at him, taking a sip from my own bottle of water. “Don’t you have a car?”

“Yeah, but I thought it seemed like a nice night for walk,” He explained, shrugging his shoulders nonchalantly as he placed the bottle down on the counter top, looking at me for a moment. “How’s your new job?”

“Tiring,” I answered, making him chuckle. “I didn’t know baking was so much work. I mean, at home I make a couple dozen cookies and that’s that. There, I have to make three cheesecakes, three dozen tarts, five kinds of cookies, peanut butter bars and a carrot cake. It’s very stressful,” I explained, taking another sip of water before adding, “but I love it.”

Sidney grinned, “I’m glad to hear that. I’m really happy that you’re figuring things out here, since that was kind of the plan all along.”

“Yeah, and then I got all distracted by you and forgot about that,” I joked. “No wonder people hate you.”

“People only hate me because I’m beautiful, Hanna,” Sidney corrected. “Or because I don’t play for their team.”

“Both perfectly valid reasons,” I agreed, smiling at him for a moment. “So, speaking of hating people, my brother is in Vancouver with my parents.”

Sidney jerked his head back a bit in surprise. “Wow, that’s unexpected. Your parents don’t mind, do they?”

“I’m sure my dad is not so thrilled, but my mom hates how far away he and Elizabeth are and she’s always wished he move closer and try to reconcile everything,” I explained. “Anyways, they apparently want my whole family to fly out to PEI for the birth of their kid, and my mom wants me to go.”

Sidney nodded, “You should go. Maybe seeing your brother again is just another step forward in wherever you’re going.”

I made a face at him, “You make me feel like I’m in some children’s book when you say things like that.”

He laughed, “I’m just trying to be helpful. What do you want to do?”

I sighed, leaning against the counter on my elbows. “Honestly? I don’t think I want to see him. I mean, I know it’s childish and that he’s the one who seems to be making some sort of effort to make things better, but I’m still so bitter about all the things he’s said to me. And I can’t even imagine what he’ll say when he finds out I’ve moved to Pittsburgh and am dating a hockey player, no offence.”

Sidney shrugged at the comment. “I understand all of that, but how long do you want to let this thing go for? I mean, do you want his kid to be graduating and only know so because your mom sent you an email, or do you want to be a part of your first niece or nephew’s life?”

I groaned, “Sidney, why do you have to be so logical?” I whined, sighing as he laughed at me. “I need to think about it. I know that I should go because not only is it the responsible thing to do, but it will make my mom happy, but I also know I’ll be miserable the entire time.” I drummed my fingers on the counter for a moment before looking back up at Sidney. “I guess I have three months or so to decide. It’s not like I have to know now, right?”

He nodded, chugging back the last of his water and placing the empty bottle down on the counter. “Take some time to think about it, definitely. I’m sure your mom will understand if you explain to her why you’re not ready for the Cameron confrontation yet.”

I twisted my mouth to the side, nodding slightly. “So, how about that game yesterday?”

Sidney made a face, “I don’t want to talk about it. It’s one of the games I like to pretend never happened,” He said.

I sucked in my bottom lip for a moment. “I hear you got a boarding call for basically breaking Zach Bogosian’s back.”

He glared at me, picking up his empty bottle and lightly tossing it towards my head, making me duck and almost fall over with the laughter. “I don’t even know why I like you,” He said, walking around the counter to help me stand back up.

I grinned at him, “It’s probably because I’m a total babe.”

He rolled his eyes at me, trying to hide the smile pushing it’s way onto his face. “I feel like I haven’t seen you in weeks even though it was only two days,” He said softly, brushing my hair away from my face.

I blushed, looking away from him as I shyly shrugged. “I am pretty awesome. It’s hard to fill a void as big as the one you must feel when I’m not there,” I joked.

Sidney laughed, a quiet laugh that barely seemed to reach my ears before he leaned down and placed a small kiss on the corner of my lips, stepping away from me afterwards and smiling. “Want to go get an ice cream or something? You can rant about your brother if you want, cause I can see you’re basically raging inside.”

“Did you just say ‘raging’?” I asked, “I feel like I don’t even know who you are.”

Sidney laughed, already standing by the front door. “Come on, I’ll even pay.”

I gasped, as if this was something new. “You’re willing to buy ice cream for me?” I repeated, grabbing my coat. “You must really like me or something.”

He smirked at me, waiting as I slid my coat on before he pulled open the door. “Yeah, something like that,” He mumbled.

I laughed, “Or maybe it’s just because you have a hockey rant you need to get off of your chest?”

He glanced at me sheepishly. “Maybe I’m a little mad about yesterday’s game,” he admitted, making me chuckle, “but I’m only buying you the ice cream because I love you.”

I blushed, even though he already said it before, it still made me swoon whenever I heard it. The blush almost disappeared entirely when he added, “but not enough to buy you two scoops.”

“Sidney,” I laughed, smacking his arm as he giggled, running away from me and down the sidewalk.

Cheesecakes, Chips and Caity

“Don’t you dare!” I yelled, pointing a finger over at Max. “I will kill you, Talbot. I swear, I will. I will just drop you dead right here, in your kitchen.”

Max’s eyes grew big as he glanced back and forth between me and the cheesecake that I had brought over before looking at the fork in his hand and then back at me. “Are you a fast runner?” He asked.

I frowned, “Why is that impo-”

Before I could finish the question he had grabbed the cheesecake, still on it’s platter, and was running out of the kitchen, one hand holding the platter and one placed gingerly on top o the cake so that it didn’t fall off.

“Max!” I yelled, taking off after him, my bare feet slapping against the tile in his kitchen, almost stubbing my toes on the corner of the island counter.

Max was already outside, possibly running down the street for all I knew, and by the time I had reached the front door, which he had left open, I was too tired to keep chasing him. I leaned up against the doorframe, taking in a few deep breaths before I looked up at Marc, Jordan, Kris and Sidney who were all laughing so hard their faces were red and their eyes were watery. “His house is really big,” I told them.

“Hey guys,” Vero greeted, finally arriving to the barbeque Max was throwing. She slipped off her shoes, glancing at the three boys with a puzzled look before turning her attention to me. “I’m going to guess that them laughing has something to do with why Max is sitting on the sidewalk eating a cheesecake by himself?”

I nodded, “That would be the cheesecake I brought and had slaved over for hours! Seriously, hours. I never got around to buying a mixer. Do you know how hard it is to hand mix cheesecake?”

Vero laughed, carrying the fruit platter she brought into Max’s kitchen, shaking her head at the boys as she passed them.

Every year, or at least as long as he had been a Penguin, Max threw a barbeque two weeks before the playoffs to celebrate the season, calm the nerves that might be coming on and remind the team that they were all in it together. Or at least, that’s what Max claims. Seeing as he only invites the guys that he really likes or that will bring the best food, I’m thinking it’s more so that he knows everyone will be too stressed to hang out and he gets lonely easily. Whatever the real reason was, he had been throwing one at his house every year since he first made it into the NHL.

It was weird to see how the rest of the players lived in comparison to Sidney. Even though I knew that Sidney made far more money then almost every player on the team, he still lived at the Lemieux’s, and he never seemed to make any crazy purchases. No fancy cars, no gold watches, no exotic pets, he just bought the necessities. Not to say that the rest of the team bought unnecessary things, but they certainly weren’t secretive about their salary.
Max, for instance, had a house bigger then the apartment complex Peyton and I had lived in back in Vancouver, and the size of the pool in his back yard was so huge that, at first glance, I thought he lived on the waterfront. It wasn’t as gigantic and in your face as Mario Lemieux’s house, but it was still so spacious that I was out of breath running from his kitchen to the front door. Then there was Marc, with his Lamborghini car, his own mansion, which I had heard was even bigger than Max’s, along with an insane collection of Patrick Roy collectibles. Tyler owned three motorcycles, even though he didn’t know how to drive them, as well as a customized hummer. Then there was Evgeni Malkin, and even though he was a very kind person, and had a ridiculous sense of humour(or so I was told) he also owned four sports cars, his own mansion with an in-ground swimming pool, small golf course and don’t even get me started on how much his girlfriend’s plastic surgery must have cost him. The purchases these guys made, it didn’t mean that they had no sense of value or that they were spoiled, it just made me realize how different Sidney was from the typical millionaire athlete, and how special he was.

Max finally stepped back into the house a good ten minutes later, the strawberry glaze of the cheesecake covering his face and crumbs from the graham cracker bottom of the cake stuck to his shirt as he let out a long breath, placing his free hand on his stomach. “I don’t feel too good.”

“You are an entire cheesecake by yourself in ten minutes. Of course you don’t feel good,” Jordan said before shoving a handful of chips into his mouth, shooting Max a “duh” look.

Max nodded, sluggishly making his way over to the kitchen so he could put the now empty platter on the kitchen counter, letting out a big sigh. “Why do I do these things? Now I’m too full to eat any hamburgers.”

“If Peyton was here, she’d say it was because you’re French,” I answered, frowning afterwards and turning to look at Kris. “It’s weird that she mocks the French thing so often, but she likes you.”

Kris shrugged, his face turning pink as Jordan nudged him, laughing at how obviously embarrassed the poor guy was.

“So, Hanna,” Vero began, tugging my arm so that she and I were further away from the boys and in our little corner of the kitchen, waiting until Max had ventured back into the living room where the others were to talk. “I hear that you want to open a bakery?”

I smiled, “Yeah. I mean, I love baking and cooking, and I always thought about it when I was younger, but I don’t actually think it could happen. I mean, I don’t have the money or the time yet.”

She nodded, taking a sip from the juice she had poured herself. “Well, I’m asking because my dad owns a bakery and he’s looking for some extra workers. I know you’re working at the Mellon right now, but if you want to start getting some experience, I could put in a good word for you.”

I had to take a second before answering. “Wow, really?”

“Yes,” She said, laughing lightly. “I want to help you make this happen. I…maybe I shouldn’t know, but Marc-Andre, he told me that you are not sure what you want to do with your life yet, and if owning your own bakery or something is where you want to go, I want to help you get there,” She explained.

I smiled, “Thanks, Vero. I mean, I don’t know if I want to spend my life owning a bakery, but I love baking, and I can’t think of anything else that I could actually handle doing for the rest of my life.”

“You don’t have to be in baking forever. Maybe working for my father will just help you see if it’s actually something you want to do or not. Besides, I know it will pay more than the arena pays you to deliver food to the people in the suites.” She smoothed out the ends of her hair, smiling at me. “I’m excited for you now. It’s like you’re finding your way, right in front of all of us.”

I grinned back at her, letting out a small laugh as she and I made our way into the living room, noticing that Tyler and Caity had arrived. I sat down on one of the three leather couches in the living room, making a face as Jordan, who was standing behind the couch, leaned down to chew obnoxiously in my ear.

Caity came to sit next to me, setting the container of cookies she had brought down on the table before she turned to smile at me. “Hey, how’s it going?”

“Not too bad. How have you been? How’s school?” I asked.

She shrugged, “Okay. I’m begging to wonder what on earth ever made me want to be a nurse, because the more time I spend in hospitals, the more I hate-”

“People?” I asked.

“Old people,” She corrected, making me laugh. She leaned down to take the lid off of the Tupperware container the cookies were in, picking one up before leaning back and looking at me. “How long have you been in Pittsburgh now?”

I felt my eye twitch as she took a bite of the cookie, chewing with her mouth open. I shook my head, trying to ignore it, “Uhm, just about three months now.”

“And you and Sid have been dating?” She asked.

I had to wipe a few cookie crumbs off of my face from her asking the question with her mouth full, ignoring the sound of Jordan choking on the chips he was eating as he laughed at me. “Well, I guess almost three months. I was only here a week when we started dating.”

She nodded, grabbing another cookie, “Do you want one?” She asked.

“Sure,” I accepted the cookie, taking a bite out of it and looking around the room, noticing that Max and Sidney were having an intense game of rock-paper-scissors on the couch across from me while Tyler and Kris were comparing tattoos. It was such a relaxed atmosphere, with everyone talking and laughing while Max’s horrible music taste played in the background(I swear, a Celine Dion song came on and he got offended when I laughed). It was hard to imagine that in just under two weeks these calm boys would be in what Sidney called “the Playoff zone.” Their diets changed, their exercise routines were increased, their sleep schedules were thrown off. Everything was intensified because of the non-stop playoff schedule, with a game every second day and flying back and forth between cities, or sometimes countries. I didn’t know what to expect from Sidney when he was in that mind-set, and I’d be lying if I didn’t admit it scared the crap out of me to even think about what I would have to say if they were eliminated.

“Hey, Caity,” I asked her, almost whispering so that the boys wouldn’t hear me, “how long have you and Tyler been together?”

“Four years,” She answered. “Why?”

I sighed, “What did you say when they were…when they didn’t…when the playoffs were happening and they…you know…didn’t win?”

She smiled, “You’re worried that you won’t know what to say if that happens this year?” She asked, biting her lip a bit when I nodded. “It depends. Tyler, he just needed a day to himself, and then I just had to be careful not to bring up the playoffs for a couple of days. When they went all the way to the finals and didn’t win, that was harder. There were many days where he woke up and asked me if that had actually happened, or where he couldn’t eat because he was so upset. I mean, these guys spend the entire season playing for the chance to win the cup, and to be so close but not win it?” She sighed, “But, they won it last year, so I think that if they do end up getting eliminated this year, they’ll be okay. Not great, but okay. Or at least Tyler will be. Sid’s pretty serious about his hockey, he might have a hard time with it.”

“That’s my worry,” I admitted. “Sidney’s a pretty calm guy most of the time, but he puts everything he has into hockey, and I don’t even want to think about what I would have to do if he didn’t win the cup.”

Caity raised her eyebrows at me, smirking a bit. “Then I guess you better hope they win it,” She said.

---------------------------------------

I stood on the edge of Max’s back porch, watching as the rest of the guests stood around the small fire that Max had made and laughed and talked, while a few of them had hopped into the pool, despite the coolness of the night.

I was tired. It was only just past nine, but I was completely exhausted. I brushed my bangs away from my eyes, making a mental note to get a hair cut sometime in the next week, and tugged my sweater around me, trying to fight off the chills I was getting.

“Hey,” Sidney said, surprising me as he came to stand next to me on the porch, his hands in the pockets of his hoodie. “I feel like I haven’t seen you since you got here,” He said, pulling a hand out of his pocket and wrapping it around my waist, pulling me closer to him.

“Yeah, I was with Vero and Caity for most of the night,” I told him, still watching as Jordan and some random friend of Max’s tried to start a Congo line.

“Are you okay? You seem quieter than usual,” He asked.

“I’m really tired. I don’t know why, but I feel drained,” I admitted.

He nodded, letting out a soft sigh. “Do you want me to take you home?”

I smiled, “Sidney, I drove myself here, I could go home by myself if I wanted to leave.”

“Well, I just thought that maybe you were too tired to drive yourself or something. Besides, I don’t mind driving you home anyways, it’s not like you live really far away from Talbot’s house,” He reminded me.

I laughed, “I can drive myself home, Sid, don’t worry about it.” I finally looked away from Jordan and his crazy dancing to look up at Sidney as he was glancing up towards the sky at something. There was something about Sidney’s eyes that I just couldn’t get over. It wasn’t even the fact that, in certain lights, they were a light hazel colour instead of their usual light brown, but the way everything reflected in them always caught me by surprise. I could see the moon shining back at me when I looked up into his eyes at that moment, and when he glanced back down at me, I could see the porch light behind me, and I could see a ghostlike version of myself. I bit my lip, giving my head a small shake, “Sidney, you have the most amazing eyes.”

He grinned, “Do I?” He widened his eyes at me, making me chuckle a bit before he leaned down and placed a kiss on the tip of my nose. “Are you actually thinking about heading home?”

I nodded, “I know, it’s lame, but I’m really tired. Besides, Vero said she could get me a job at her dad’s bakery, so I’ll probably have to be up early so I can make myself look pretty for the interview.”

Sidney rolled his eyes, “You always look pretty. You are pretty, I don’t know why you need to put any effort into it,” He said. “If you’re going, I’m walking you to your car.”

I grinned, “Well, then we should start walking.”

“Don’t you want to go say bye to anybody?” He asked.

I glanced back at everybody out on the lawn before shaking my head, “Nah, I’ll just see all of them tomorrow anyways.” He laughed, walking the few feet to the back door and holding it open for me so we could make our way through Max’s house and out to the road where my car was parked. “So, are you ready for the playoffs?” I asked him.

He shrugged a bit, “I guess so. As ready as you can be, anyways. I’m trying not to think about it too much since the regular season isn’t over and I don’t want to get ahead of myself.” He let out a long sigh, “I can’t believe it’s already playoff time. I feel like the season just started. I feel like I just played game seven of the finals a week ago.”

“Maybe it’s from having no time off?” I suggested.

“Maybe,” He agreed, thinking about it for a moment, “You know what? Now that you mention it, I can’t remember having more then two weeks off in the last three years.”

“Really? Wow. Maybe you should, I don’t know, take a vacation or something,” I suggested. “What do you do once hockey is over? I mean, even last year when you guys went all the way, that was in June and the season doesn’t start until October.”

“Well, there were appearances with the cups to make, plus charity work and fundraising, which we do every year with the team and by ourselves. Then I have my own sponsorships to take care of, like Reebok, which means flying out to wherever they want me to be and shooting commercials or doing store appearances, as well as Gatorade and Tim Horton’s. I guess I just make too many commitments, that’s all,” He answered.

I gave my head a small shake, pulling my car keys out of purse as we neared my car. “You really do give everything you have into hockey, don’t you?”

He didn’t answer for a moment, seeming to think over the question before he answered, “I guess I do. I mean, when I was younger, I thought that I would never love anything as much as I loved hockey, and I feel like I threw myself into the sport and endorsing it, and all of the other endorsement deals, because I would be content with having hockey as the one constant in my life, and I figured I’d never get sick of it.”

“Are you getting sick of hockey?” I asked, leaning against my car and looking up at him.

“Maybe that was bad choice of words,” He said quietly. “I’m not sick of it, no. Hockey is my passion, and I can’t even imagine not playing it, I just feel like everything might be starting to get to me. It’s like, for every commitment I make to the game, it’s another weight on my shoulders. The first few years I could handle it, because fifty commitments, that’s just fifty pounds, I could handle that. But now, with everyone waiting to see what I’ll do to ‘top’ the gold medal game, and everyone pinning Ovechkin and I against each other to see who will get to 50 goals, or who will score more goals, as well as the pressure to be repeat cup champions, it’s just getting to me, I guess.” He admitted.

“You don’t have to carry all of that by yourself, Sidney,” I reminded him.

He nodded, “I know that. It’s just that, I really did think that I would never feel like hockey was too much. I just assumed that it would be the number one love of my life, forever.”

“You aren’t in love with hockey anymore?” I teased.

“No, I still am,” He said, laughing slightly before he bit his lip, looking down at me. “I’m just learning how to love something other then hockey,” He explained, leaning down to open up my car door for me before he leaned down, placing one hand on the side of my face as he kissed me, a passionate kiss that almost caught me off guard, stunning me for a second before I came to my sense and responded, one of my hands on his hip and the other reaching up to rest on the back of his neck. When he pulled away from the kiss he smoothed out my hair, pulling the door open completely for me and watching as I stepped around him to stand in front of the open car door, making sure I was seated before saying, “I love you, Hanna.”

If I hadn’t been sitting down, I probably would have just died on the sidewalk. He tried to shut the door and head off, I’m assuming so that he didn’t have to wait and see if I wouldn’t say it back, but I pushed the door back open first, surprising him a bit. “You don’t get to just say that and then run off. What is this, a Kate Hudson movie?” I asked, climbing back out of the car and looking up at him. “Let’s try that again.”

His eyebrows furrowed down a bit, confusion spreading across his face. “You want me to…to say it again?”

“Yes. Here, we’ll back track a bit,” I suggested, clearing my throat. “You aren’t in love with hockey anymore?”

He looked down at me silently for a moment, the shadow of a smirk on his face as he let out a loud breath of air. “I still am, but I’m learning how to love something other then hockey,” He repeated, stopping for a second and making a bit of a face. “Do I kiss you again?”

I laughed, “Why not?” I said, smiling as he playfully rolled his eyes and leaned down, kissing me again.

Sidney pulled away once more, looking at me as if he could hardly believe that I was actually making him do this all over again, before he repeated, “I love you, Hanna.”
I grinned, my hand still resting on the back of his neck. “I love you too, Sidney.”

He seemed surprised to hear me say it, moving his head back a bit after I said it, but after a few seconds he grinned, leaning down to kiss my lips once more before scattering a few kisses across my cheeks and nose, placing both of his hands on either side of my face. “You know what, I’m really glad that you made us go back and re-enact that.”

I nodded, “It’s way better this way, right?” I asked, leaning up to kiss him one last time before I took a step back. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

He nodded, backing away from my car and watching as I climbed in, watching as I started the car and drove off. I could see him in my rear-view mirror, just standing on the sidewalk outside of Max’s house, watching me drive off until I had turn off of the street.

Pirates

My right knee bounced up and down as I sat on my couch, staring at the TV as I absentmindedly flicked through the channels, trying to keep myself from glancing up and checking the time.

Peyton had flown home three days ago, unable to miss anymore school and also out of spending money. Without her here to constantly distract me or drag me out my place to go show her around Pittsburgh, since she didn’t get to see much of it last time she was here, I was viewing time as my enemy. No many how many channels I flicked through, it seemed like no time had passed by at all. I let out a long sigh, tossing the remote down on the couch next to me, standing up and making my way over to my kitchen, pulling open the fridge and looking in it to try and see if anything caught my interest. I stared into it for a few minutes, letting the cold air hit my legs and seep through the fabric of my jeans before I closed it, moving over to the cupboards and opening each one, taking a moment to look at all the contents of them before moving on to the next one. After looking through every cupboard and not finding any suitable form of distraction, I returned to the fridge, opening it again and staring into, trying to see if I had missed anything, or if something had expired and I should throw it out.

I was in the middle of pulling out every individual container of yogurt and checking the expiration date on them when I finally heard someone knock on my door, causing me to toss the container that was in my hand into the fridge, shutting the fridge door and almost sliding across my kitchen floor to get to the door, nearly tripping over the pair of shoes by the door as I grabbed the door knob and pulled the door open, launching myself onto Sidney as soon as I saw him and almost knocking him backwards.

“I’m happy to see you, too,” He said, laughing as he steadied himself, returning my embrace and standing just outside of the door with me for a good minute before he kissed the top of my head. “Can I come in, or are we just going to stand out here and hug?” He asked.

I reluctantly let go of him, stepping back into the basement and letting him step in as well, watching as he took off his shoes and set down the bag I hadn’t noticed was in his hand before he turned to me, smiling as he walked over to me, placing a hand on the side of my face so he could lean down and kiss me.

On the ice, Sidney looks so small. When you’re on a team with the likes of Jordan Staal, Evgeni Malkin and Eric Goddard, it’s hard not to look so tiny in comparison. But off the ice, he seemed like a giant to me. I had to step on the tips of my toes to kiss him, or even to hug him comfortably. I had spent the last two weeks trying to remember what it was like to kiss Sidney, and somewhere in those two weeks I had forgotten about how tall he was.

“You’re taller then I remember, did you grow?” I asked him when he finally pulled away, settling back onto the flats of my feet.

Sidney laughed, “I wish. Maybe you just shrunk while I was gone, did you think of that?”

I rolled my eyes at him, giving his chest a shove as I headed back over to the couch, sitting down and waiting for Sidney to make his way over, watching as he settled into the chair next to the couch before asking, “How was your time away?”

“Stressful,” He admitted with a bit of a smile. “The media seems even crazier outside of Pittsburgh.”

“That’s just because Pittsburgh is used to you and the other cities only get to see once in awhile. It’s like a treat for them,” I explained, grinning at the way he shook his head at me.

“It was pretty good, I guess. I would have preferred a few more wins, obviously, and maybe a little more time for sleep, but other than that, it was alright,” He said. “How was being here without any of your friends?” He asked, grinning.

“I had Peyton for awhile,” I reminded him. “But, it was lonely. My boss told me that he might be able to introduce me to you, though,” I shared.

Sidney laughed, “Did he now? That’s nice of him, offering my services to random girls.”

“Random?” I repeated, making him laugh again.

“Have you not told your boss that you’re dating me? What am I, an embarrassment?” He asked.

“No, you’re not an embarrassment. I’ve just already learned that if people find out I even know you they immediately want me to ask you for favours. I mean, Lisa is an example. I know you didn’t really have a problem with meeting her brother, but who knows what everyone else might expect from you? And I know that you’d go along with it, because you’re just a really nice guy, but I don’t want to do that to you. You’ve got enough happening to and around you, and I’m still really worried that one day you’re just going to lose your mind because you never complain,” I finished, letting out a big sigh afterwards. “I’m sorry to add that last part in, I just wasn’t sure when I would have the opportunity to throw it out there,” I admitted, looking down at my hands for a moment before I looked back up at Sidney. “I’m worried about you, Sidney.”

He sighed, getting up from the chair and moving to sit next to me on the couch, taking both of my hands in his. “You don’t need to worry about me, Hanna. I’m okay, and all of the added stress, that’s just part of my job. I can handle it.”

“But what if you can’t?” I asked. “I think about this all the time, Sidney, it’s almost ridiculous. What if one day it’s too much for you? What if all these expectations and stress just become too much? What if you just lose your mind, or can’t take it anymore?”

“Why don’t you just let me worry about that, okay?” He said, letting go of one my hands so he could run his hand through my hair. “I knew about all of this when I first entered the NHL, and if I feel like I can’t handle it, I promise, I will tell you,” He swore. “You don’t need to worry about me.”

“Yeah, because that will stop me from worrying,” I muttered, making him chuckle. I studied his face for a moment, seeing that he didn’t want to talk about his stresses and career anymore. I sucked my bottom lip into my mouth for a moment, trying to think of a way to change the subject. My eyes drifted away from Sidney for a moment, finding their way over to the bag beside the door. “What did you bring?” I asked.

“Oh yeah, I forgot,” He said, standing up and walking over to where the bag was, snatching it up from the ground and walking back over to me. “I, uhm, I bought you something,” He said, smiling at me.

I raised my eyebrows up at him. “You, the boy who makes millions of dollars a year that he refuses to spend bought me something? Is the world ending?”

Sidney rolled his eyes, reaching into the bag and pulling out a rectangular box. “It’s not anything super fancy, but I saw it and thought of you,” He said, handing me the box.

I eyed it for a moment, looking up at him. “Sidney-”

“Just open it before you try and tell me that I shouldn’t have,” He said, smirking at me slightly.

I sighed, opening up the box and looking down at the necklace inside. It was nothing overly-fancy, which was a relief since I had a history of misplacing, losing or breaking anything fancy, but it still made my entire face heat up as I looked down at it. It was a tiny little locket on a silver chain, and once I managed to pry the locket open, I was met with an equally tiny picture of a penguin inside. I let out a small laugh, looking at the little cartoon penguin. “That is so adorable, Sidney. Thank you.”

He smiled, “I know you don’t like really expensive looking jewellery and I figured this was simple enough that you could wear it with whatever. I mean, unless you don’t want to wear it.”

“Of course I want to wear it,” I told him, lifting the necklace out of the box and holding the chain with my left hand, letting the locket lie flat in the palm of my right. “It’s really pretty, and I love the penguin in the locket.”

“Well, you know, I’ll be off on road games a lot now that it’s the end of the regular season, and then with the playoffs, so I wanted you to remember me when I was gone,” He admitted a little sheepishly.

I grinned at him, “Like I would forget about you, Sidney,” I said teasingly, testing the clip at the back of the necklace before deciding to put it on.

“Do you need help?” Sidney asked.

I shook my head, already managing to clip the necklace shut, untucking my hair from under the chain of the locket. “No, it’s pretty easy to put on, which is good because otherwise, I’d never be able to wear it.”

Sidney grinned, letting his eyes move away from me as he looked around my basement suite. “Well, everything looks just as I remember, that’s good. I was worried you’d have re-painted or something.”

“Right, because I have the motivation to do that,” I replied, giving my head a bit of a shake. “I debated drastically changing the place, just to try and distract myself from how lonely I was. I love Peyton, and she was great to have around, but she never seemed to adjust to the time change and was asleep by about seven thirty every night, which was just after I’d get home from work.”

Sidney laughed, “Oh, Peyton. I actually kind of miss her.”

“Yeah, she misses you too,” I said, smiling at the unbelieving look he sent me. “Okay, no she doesn’t, but that’s just because she misses Kris too much to miss anyone else. Don’t take it personally.”

“I don’t take anything personally. I’m a man,” He informed me, puffing out his chest.

I smirked at him, giving my head a small shake, “Sure you are, Sidney.”

He bit his lip, looking at me as I played with the necklace around my neck for a moment before he let out a loud sigh, startling me slightly. “Do you want to go for a walk with me? I haven’t had the chance to get a lot of fresh air with the whole hiding in my hotel room thing,” He said, already standing up from the couch.

I nodded, also standing up and grabbing my coat from where it was draped across the back of the couch, walking over to the door where a pair of flats were already waiting for me. Sidney waited for me to button up my coat before he pushed the door open for me, having to wait a few feet away once more as I locked the door behind me, finally turning around and facing him so that we could make our way down the driveway and onto the sidewalk, falling into a calm silence as we walked alongside each other for a few moments.

I didn’t do a lot of wandering around. I had never been much for enjoying the scenery, I guess. I always wanted to see the people, make friends, make connections. I didn’t even explore much of Vancouver, and I had lived my whole life there. I knew the big name places, Science World, Granville Island, GM Place, Metro Town, etc., but I didn’t actually know the area. Sidney was an explorer. He wanted to see all of the sights, he wanted to know the details of his surroundings, he wanted to feel like he knew every city he visited like the back of his hand. The only problem was that he rarely got to see the city on his own. He could only see the sights in passing through the windows on the bus or the airplane, and even though I knew that it had to drive him crazy and that he must completely despise being locked inside of every hotel room he’s checked into, he refused to admit it. Watching him take in the sights in the small neighbourhood the Dupuis’, and I, lived in, I knew that he must have been itching to be back in an area where he could roam freely.

“What’s your favourite city to visit?” I asked, breaking the silence that we had fallen into.

Sidney thought about it for a moment, twisting his mouth to the side a bit as he did so. “Well, I loved Vancouver, obviously,” He started, making me chuckle at him., “but I also love Los Angeles.”

“LA, really? I wouldn’t have pinned you as the type to like that city,” I admitted, surprised by the answer.

“I’m rarely there, so it’s always nice to visit it,” He explained. “And it’s nothing like Cole Harbour or Pittsburgh, so it’s a unique experience. I haven’t really had a chance to see most of it, but what I had seen, I liked. Oh, and I also like being in Carolina. The people are there are always really kind hearted. I’ve only been spit on once there.”

I laughed, “It’s sad that being spit on at all is an upside for you.”

Sidney shrugged, reaching out to tug one of my hands free from the coat pocket they were trying to keep warm in so he could hold it. “It’s okay. The amount of people who are nice to me cancel out the ones who are so passionate about their team, they hate me.”

“Those people are douche bags,” I decided aloud, making Sidney smirk at me. “I think you’re rad.”

Sidney laughed lightly, “Thanks, babe.”

I was startled by the use of “babe”, as he had never done that before, and by the odd sideways glance Sidney sent me, it was just as unexpected on his part. “That was…neat,” I finally said.

Sidney raised up both of his eyebrows, “I don’t know where that came from. I don’t even like pet names.”

“Apparently you like ‘babe.’ I guess it’s better then calling me ‘hun’ or some crap like that,” I mumbled.

He laughed, “I hate people who call their girlfriends or boyfriends hun, it’s just so…mid thirties of them.”

I giggled, “It really is, you’re right,” I agreed. “Although, to be honest, the Babe thing? It makes me think of that terrible children’s movie of the same name, with that stupid talking pig who makes friends with a bunch of chickens or some crap like that, so I’m almost offended by it.”

“What stops you from being offended?” He asked, already smirking.

“Well, Babe went on to have three mildly successful sequels, and was never caught and turned into a delicious ham, so I guess the name must have some sort of positive sentiment to it,” I explained.

Sidney laughed, letting his head tip back a bit as he did so. “I missed you, Hanna. Next time I have to go off for road games, I think you should just come with me so I don’t have to miss out on these conversations.”

“I would love that,” I agreed, taking a second to look around us and try to see where we were. “Where are we?”

“Down by the park. You’ve never been here before?” He asked, seeming surprised.

“No, I didn’t even know there was a park right by my place,” I admitted, eyeing the small playground that was vacant, since it was nearly nine o’clock at night and most of the kids were home.

“Are you kidding me?” He asked, laughing. “Hanna, you drive past it on your home every day.”

“Do I?” I asked, looking down the stretch of road and realizing that, yes, I did drive down here on my way to and from work every day. “That’s really sad for me.”

Sidney shook his head, checking for cars before he tugged my hand and lead me across the road with him, jogging over to the small play area. “When I was younger, my favourite thing to do, next to play hockey, was go on the swings,” he told me, already heading over to the set of swings.

I dropped his hand so that he could sit down on one of the swings, leaning against the side the slide just a few feet away. “Really? Why’s that?”

He shrugged, started to swing slightly. “I don’t know. There was just something about how high up I could swing, and that feeling of your stomach dropping that I loved. I didn’t spend a lot of time out at the parks, or even on the swing set at my school because I was always playing hockey, but if I couldn’t find anyone else to play, or the pavement was being used for something else, I’d come out to the swing set,” He explained.

I smiled, watching as he barely moved on the swing before I made my way over to the swing two over from him, sitting down and starting to sway. “I was always scared of the swings. When I was about five, Cameron pushed me so high once that I lost my grip on the chains and fell backwards,” I admitted, seeing the grin that hit Sidney’s face. “It’s funny to look back on now, how that one fall was enough to scare me off of them for years afterwards, but at the time I was convinced I’d never sit on a swing again. I didn’t even want to walk past them for at least three years after. That’s probably why I was never involved in anything as a kid, no kind of sports, music or dance. I was always a quitter.”

Sidney was barely moving now, instead twisting on his swing so he could see me. “I never had that in me. If I fell off the swing, which I’ll admit, I never did, I would be determined to get back on and not do it again. I don’t know why, but it was just always instilled in me to be the best I could be at everything and to never give up on anything.”

“That’s a good thing, Sid,” I told him. “Most people don’t gain that attribute until they’re much older.”

“I know,” He said, still smiling slightly. “I kind of wish I had had that in me, though, the giving up thing. I know it sounds weird, it’s just, it makes me feel like I was never a kid.”

I nodded, looking at him for a moment. “Well, let’s be kids now,” I said.

Sidney frowned, “What?” He asked, laughing slightly.

I grinned, getting off of the swing. “Come on, let’s pretend we’re pirates on this stupid slide set or something,” I said, already climbing up the wood ladder to stand on the giant wooden bridge that connected the slide to the monkey bars and small zip line. “Do you want be the pirate, or the hostage?”

He laughed, finally hopping off of his own swing. “I don’t know, does it matter?”

I gasped, “Does it matter? Clearly, you are not cut out to be a pirate. Come up here so I can pretend to tie you up.”

Sidney stared up at me for a moment, trying to judge if I was joking or not. When I didn’t change my stoic face he sighed, climbing up to join me. “You are the weirdest girl I have ever met.”

I grinned, rising up on my tip toes to kiss him before replying, “I know. Now help me find a giant stick so I can pretend it’s a sword.”

Road Games

I am sorry that I disappeared! I had exams and a gazillion papers and a recital. But, I am done school now(FOREVER! Heck yes, no more University) so I shouldn't take that long for an update again.

“Oh, stop pouting like that,” Peyton scolded, tossing a piece of popcorn at my head as I stuck my lower lip out, looking at the TV with sad eyes as they zoomed in on Sidney sitting on the bench.

I picked the piece of popcorn out of my hair, frowning at Peyton. “I’m so glad you decided to stay an extra few days,” I told her sarcastically, eating the piece of popcorn. “I can’t help it, though. I miss him.”

“He’ll be back soon, just a few more days,” Peyton reminded me, glancing back at the TV for a second. “Oh, there’s Kris.”

“Oh, so you can be sad, but I can’t? At least Sidney’s actually my boyfriend,” I reminded her, earning another few pieces of popcorn in my hair. “Do you want to sleep outside?”

Peyton laughed, “I’m sorry. You just make this annoying moaning sound whenever you see Sidney on the TV and it’s driving me crazy. They zoom in on the guy every ten seconds, you can’t make a noise every time you see him!”

I sighed, “I know, I’m sorry.”

Peyton was silent for a moment, watching the game as she chewed on a few pieces of popcorn, “This is weird.”

I looked at her, “What’s weird? Watching hockey?”

Peyton laughed, “No. I mean, you. You’re in a relationship. I haven’t seen you in a relationship since tenth grade, and I’m not even sure that you could count that as a real relationship.”

I thought about it for a moment before nodding. “I guess it’s the first real relationship I’ve ever been in. It took my twenty years to earn a guy’s attention, but still.”

Peyton rolled her eyes, “Yes, Hanna. No other guy in the history of males has ever had an interest you, other than Sidney Crosby.” She shook her head, “I know he’s a special guy, but he is not that special,” She joked, glancing back at the TV as they called a penalty against the Penguins. Peyton waited until they cut to commercial to turn and face me. “Can I ask you something?”

“If I said no, would that actually stop you?” I asked, watching as she shook her head. “Then, yeah, go for it.”

“Do you have moments where you freak out because Sidney is such a big deal?”

I blinked a few times before shaking my head. “Uhm, I don’t really think about what a big deal he is at all, oddly enough.”

Peyton made a face, “Did I just put that in your head? Because I’m sorry if I did, it’s just that I was thinking about Kris, and I saw this fan site for him online and it scared the crap out of me.”

“Sidney kind of goes out of his way to make himself seem as normal a guy as possible,” I told her. “It doesn’t work, since people stare at him wherever we go, he gets hit on by other girls and I always hear people talking about how amazing he is, but Sidney tried to make me view him as just another guy.”

Peyton stared at me for a moment. “And that works? Either he has an acting ability that he can hide really well you are really dumb.”

I laughed, reaching out and hitting her arm. “I don’t know, when I’m with Sidney I just think of him as Sidney. He’s not trying to get a goal, he’s not getting booed, he’s just talking to me and buying me food.”

“So, what you’re telling me is that I have no reason to be completely convinced that Kris will come back from this road trip with a new girlfriend, or that he’ll do anything really stupid like hook-up with another girl?” Peyton asked.

I sighed, “Peyton, you should talk to Kris about that. But, no, I don’t think you need to worry,” I assured her. “That boy asked about you everyday when I first got here, and he spent a really long time deciding on how his hair should be the day you arrived. He’s not looking at any other girls, he’s been waiting for you.”

Peyton’s cheeks tinged a little bit, something I very rarely saw happen to her, and she smiled softly, looking away from me and back at the TV as they cut back to the game, showing Eric Goddard in the box. “He’s a man, Eric. Such a man,” She said, taking a handful of popcorn and shoving it into her mouth as she continued to watch the game.

The camera panned past the Penguins bench, with the commentator going on about how amazing Boucher, the goalie at the other end playing for the Flyers, had been all night. As usual, the camera stopped on Sidney, zooming in on him as he chewed on his mouth guard a bit, moving it out of his mouth a bit so he could chew on the end before taking it out completely so he could grab a drink of water. The mouth guard accentuated his already large lips, and it made him look a little bit like a monkey. For some reason, I only viewed it as completely adorable, and had to be careful not to let out another squeal of some kind as he continued to move the mouth guard around for a few seconds before the camera moved away from him and back to the Penguins zone where a face off was about to happen.

“I saw that,” Peyton said to me, earning my attention briefly. “And if I didn’t think it was so damn adorable that this boy has turned you into one of these girls after just over a month of dating you, I’d dump this bowl of popcorn on your head.”

I grinned at her, looking back at the TV as played started. It was weird to think that all of these new people, save for Peyton, had only been in my life for a couple of months. It was almost impossible for me to think back to the time when they hadn’t been there, and I had just been watching all of them play hockey on my TV while I put off going to sleep or getting groceries. I could almost imagine Sidney being in my life long before he had been. When I thought back to the days following Alissa’s death, I could picture him sitting beside me at the funeral, or walking down the halls at school with me. He had just become a part of my life, and even though I still had a few moments where I would pass a poster of him on the street and think about how odd it was that I had somehow earned his attention, I already couldn’t imagine things without him. It was almost scary, to already be so dependant on someone, and to have already let them become such an essential part of your life in such a short span of time, but I felt like the only thing scarier would be losing him.
---------------------------------------------
“So, hang on,” I said into the phone as I kicked the fridge shut with the back of my foot. “You just don’t eat cookies?”

Sidney sighed, “We’ve had this conversation before, I don’t understand why it’s so hard for you to grasp.”

“Let’s say that I bake these delicious chocolate chip cookies,” I began, balancing the phone between my ear and shoulder, “and you come over, and I stand in front of you with them all on a platter and a pouty face and tell you that the only thing that will make me believe that you have any real feelings for me is if you eat the cookies. Would you eat them then?”

Sidney laughed, “Hanna, why is it such a big deal?” He asked. “I eat basically everything else.”

“Don’t avoid my question, Crosby. Would you eat the cookies I had slaved over, and only made because I was trying to fight away all the lonely hours without you, or would you scoff at them and tell me that eating them breaks your commitment to your sport?” I asked him, pouring myself a glass of milk.

“If the season was over, I would probably eat one,” He said. “But during the season? Hanna, when you haven’t eaten chocolate chip cookies in just over six years, and then you just say, ‘screw it’ and eat some, you usually end up getting to know your bathroom really well.”

“What if I also supplied some Pepto Bismol, or some Immodium?” I bargained, hearing him sigh on the other end, laughing softly to himself. “Come on, I love baking, and now that my family isn’t around there’s no one to eat any of the stuff I make. I’d send some upstairs, but Maria bakes just as much as I do.”

“Most of the team will still eat all of the amazing stuff you bake, and I can eat most of it,” He tried to tell me. “Couldn’t you just cut the recipe in half and just make enough for yourself?”

“I can’t just bake things for myself, Sidney. What am I, in my late forties and alone?”

He laughed, “Fine, bake as much of whatever you want, but you can’t make me eat it.”

“That’s what she said,” I muttered, earning a sigh from him. “But what do I do with all of the baking?”

“I don’t know,” He said, pausing as he yawned, “Why don’t you open a bakery or something if you love baking so much? We don’t have very many of those around here.”

I was silent for a moment, staring down at the recipe book in front of me before I gasped, “Sidney, that’s an amazing idea.”

“It is?” He asked,

“Yes! Sidney, I’ve spent the last two and a half years trying to figure out what the hell I wanted to do with myself, and you just spout off the answer!”

“Wow, now let’s actually think about this,” He started. “Opening up your own business is a lot of work, and a lot of money-”

“I’m not going to open up my own bakery now,” I said, laughing. “I’m going to keep working at the arena while I try to find some bakery or something baking related to work at, and save up my money and…I don’t what else, but at least I have something to work towards, right?”

Sidney didn’t say anything for a few seconds but eventually agreed, “Yeah, that sounds amazing. If that’s what you want to do with your life, then I’ll help you in any way you need to me too.”

“Oh, you know what would really help?” I asked.

“I’m not eating the cookies,” He answered, making me groan. “Maybe once the season is done, but not during.”

“How will I know if I am actually a good enough baker if my boyfriend won’t even eat what I bake?” I asked.

“Wow, you are just pulling out all the stops with this, aren’t you?” He asked, laughing. “You can do this, Hanna. If it’s what you really want to do, I believe you can make it happen.”

I smiled, sitting down on the couch with my recipe books, “Thank you, Sidney.” I sighed, glancing up at the clock on the wall across from me. “Shouldn’t you be asleep?”

“I don’t sleep very well on the road. Besides, I’m so used to talking to you before I go to bed that I can’t sleep if I don’t hear your voice before,” He confessed, his voice sounding so small on the other end.

I felt a grin take over my face, my face heating up, even though I knew he couldn’t see me. “I miss you, Sid.”

“I miss you, too,” He admitted. “I’ve gotten used to you being there in the crowd somewhere, waiting for me once the game is over. I’m lonely now. I asked Max if he would hold my hand and go get a sandwich with me, but he said he had plans with Flower.”
I let out a small laugh, “Well, I bet Max has gross boy hands anyways. You don’t want to hold those.” I stretched out on the couch, looking at the clock again. “You need to go to bed, Sidney. Go get some sleep so you can be extra cheery with the media tomorrow.”

“I love the media. They always know just what to say to make me feel completely encouraged, and they always have cute little reminders for me on when the last time I scored a goal was or what my plus/minus is. I actually look forward to it almost as much as I look forward to smashing my face into a brick wall,” He told me, making me chuckle. “Goodnight, Hanna.”

“Night, Sidney. Have fun tomorrow with your off day. Don’t get too crazy,” I joked, smiling as he let out a tired laugh before I pushed the end button, tossing the phone onto the table and yawning, forcing myself to sit back up so I could head over to my room, checking the calendar on my wall as I did so. “Five more days,” I mumbled, letting my eyes glance over to the box with the giant red circle around it.

-----------------------------------

“Is he a good kisser?” Lisa asked.

I sighed, looking up at her over the container of aprons that I was taking over to get washed. “Lisa, I don’t want to discuss all of this with you.”

“Come on, humour me! You get to kiss the lips of Sidney Crosby whenever you feel like it, and you can’t even tell me about it?” She prodded. “I’m 24, Hanna, and I have spent the last five years trying to convince myself that Crosby might like older women. Help me.”

“I think a psychiatrist is who helps you with stuff like that,” I told her, earning an unimpressed frown from her. I sighed, taking the handful of cloths that she had and adding them to the bin in my hands. “Yes, he’s a good kisser.”

“I knew it!” She exclaimed, earning the attention of the other workers. “Sorry,” She apologized, grinning at me. “I’ll stop asking you questions, I swear,” She promised. “It’s just, with lips like that, it can either go one way or the other, right?”

I shook my head at her, making my way through the rest of the kitchen area to gather the other laundry that needed to be washed. “You’re a strange girl, Lisa.”

“Listen, Hanna,” She said, causing me to turn around and look at her, “I never really thanked you for letting Shawn meet Sidney,” She said. “That meant a lot to him, and it meant a lot to me, too. Thanks for doing that.” She patted my shoulder, shooting me another smile before she turned and headed off towards the front area.

I chewed on my lip for a moment, not sure what to think of that whole exchange, before grabbing the last of the cloths and heading off towards the laundry area.

There were reminders of Sidney everywhere, especially in his own arena. Pictures of him from the start of his NHL career to present day lined the walls on my walk down the hallway. Downstairs, where the ice was, there were giant sized posters of him with the cup above his head, or in mid slap-shot would stare back at me. It made my entire body ache with loneliness, the reminders that he wasn’t here. I found myself wishing the day would speed by so that I could talk to him before I fell asleep, or catch a clip of his interview from before or after one of the games. I found myself spacing out and losing my train of thought at work as I tried to remember what it felt like to hug him, kiss him or even just sit across from him and listen to him talk. It had only been a week, or just shy of, and yet it seemed like I hadn’t seen him in months.

“Hanna, you okay?” Michael, my boss asked me as he passed me in the hall.

I was surprised, not even aware that I had stopped on the way to the laundry room and was staring up at a picture of Sidney in the face-off circle against Nicklas Backstrom. “Yeah, I’m sorry. I just-”

“It’s okay, a lot of the workers get side-tracked. It’s weird to think that the league’s greatest could just be downstairs, right?” He asked. “Sidney’s a really nice guy, when the team is back from the road trip, he usually makes a point to come upstairs and talk to a lot of us, thank us for keeping the arena clean. A lot of the workers here have already met him, save for couple. Maybe you’ll get lucky.”

I bit back a grin, nodding to him. “That’d be fantastic. I’m a huge fan.”

Michael nodded. “Well, go finish up the laundry. There’s not a whole lot left to do, so we can probably head out early,” He said, giving me a thumbs up before continuing down the hall.

I let out a small laugh, looking back at the Sidney picture. “You come upstairs to thank the workers? You charmer,” I cooed at the picture, reaching up to let my fingers run across his face in the picture before I carried on towards the laundry room