tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-65513476637285458302024-03-07T22:29:17.723-08:00When The Truth Just Walks AwayHe tilted his head to the side a little bit, studying my face for a moment before answering, “People don’t usually let me ask them questions, they just want to know what I think about hockey.”
I was beginning to see that Sidney Crosby wasn’t the same guy I always saw in after game interviews. There was something more to him, and I was wondering if he had ever let anybody see just who he really was.Mackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08005607416251563909noreply@blogger.comBlogger49125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6551347663728545830.post-30917800380082811722010-11-11T20:09:00.001-08:002010-11-11T20:10:25.003-08:00Hey, anyone with a registered account, I changed the setting and layout of both this blog and <a href="http://strangersinyourhead.blogspot.com/">the Letang story</a>, so you can leave comments anonymously now. It's probably a lost cause, seeing as this story is finished, but I thought you'd want to know anyways!Mackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08005607416251563909noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6551347663728545830.post-3839496431219618272010-09-28T22:16:00.001-07:002010-09-28T22:19:39.363-07:00Hey guys!<br /><br />If anyone cares enough to check out the Kris Letang story, <a href="http://strangersinyourhead.blogspot.com/">head on over here</a> and let me know what you think. It's not as funny as the Sidney story, but I'm really in love with where it's going so far. Anyways, if you do check it out, be sure to let me know what you think.Mackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08005607416251563909noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6551347663728545830.post-66830091452323791462010-09-26T12:47:00.001-07:002010-09-26T12:48:09.977-07:00Epilogue<span style="font-style:italic;">I told myself I wasn't going to write anything past part 45, but I felt like the story needed something else. Surprise, I guess.<br />-------------<br /></span><br /><br />“Call me as soon as you’re at the arena,” Sidney instructed me, speaking loudly so I could hear him over all of the background noise.<br /><br />“If you don’t let me hang up the phone and leave, I’ll never get to the arena,” I told him, searching through my purse to find my car keys. “I’ll see you in about an hour.”<br /><br />“An hour!” He yelled, making me move the phone away from my ear. “Hanna, come on, it does not take an hour to get from the school to the arena.”<br /><br />“It does when your class ends at five fifteen, it’s rush hour and the Pittsburgh Penguins are in town to play a game at GM Place.”<br /><br />“Those Penguins, they just go and mess everything up,” he joked, letting out a loud sigh. “Fine, you’ll just get here when I’m already on the ice and I won’t be able to see you before the game. That’s fine. I’m not going to cry about it… that much.”<br /><br />I rolled my eyes, walking out to my car. “I’ll see as soon as I can, alright?”<br /><br />“Alright, I guess I can hold myself together until then,” he joked. “I’ll let you go so you can actually drive to me.”<br /><br />I smiled, pulling the car door shut and tossing my purse onto the passenger seat. “If I take the back roads, I might manage to get there just before the game.”<br /><br />“Really? Okay, I’m going to wait in the hall as long as I can, just in case. I hope you aren’t teasing me.”<br /><br />“Goodbye, Sidney,” I laughed, flipping my phone shut and starting up my car, tugging my seat belt on as I left the parking lot.<br /><br />------------------------------<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Sidney was waiting just outside of the Penguins locker room, already in all of his gear, jersey including. His stick was leaning against the wall behind him, his helmet resting on top of the sticks knob. He took a few steps towards me when I first rounded the corner, being careful as he was in his skates and there were cables from all of the cameras scattered around the floor.<br /><br />I shook my head at him, laughing at him as he had to crouch down to be able to hug me properly, lifting me up as he did so. “I can’t believe you made your dad come pick me up.”<br /><br />“I missed you,” he said, mumbling into my neck, finally setting me back down on my feet. <br /><br />“It’s only been three days,” I reminded him, grinning.<br /><br />He shrugged, his hands resting on my waist. “I don’t care, I still missed you. Are you done school now?”<br /><br />I nodded, placing my hands on top of his and letting out a small sigh. “Don’t you have a game to go play?”<br /><br />Sidney nodded, leaning down to place a quick kiss on my lips before stepping away from me. “Yeah, I should probably do that. Apparently they need me or something,” he said, rolling his eyes before sending me a playful wink, popping his helmet onto his head and grabbing his stick. “The rest of the guys are already out there warming up, so I should probably go.”<br /><br />“I’ll be up in the booth with all the other not as important people.” I gave him a wave, turning and trying not to walk into any of the news crew waiting back there.<br /><br />Peyton was already sitting with a full plate of food when I stepped into the booth, waving at me. “Glad you could make it.”<br /><br />“You’re eating that much?” I asked, waving to the familiar faces up in the booth. “Wow.”<br /><br />“This is the first day I haven’t been too nervous to eat in about two weeks,” she told me, her mouth half full of some kind of artichoke dip. “Did you go see your little pookie? He was driving me crazy all afternoon, asking if you’d make it in time.”<br /><br />I smiled, unzipping my hoodie. “I did, for a minute. He seems excited, which is good. How’s Kris?”<br /><br />Peyton laughed, setting down the drumstick she had been about to take a bite of. “A nervous wreck. I’m surprised they’re letting him play, he can hardly think straight. I thought it was the girl who was supposed to get all worked up about the wedding?”<br /><br />“Kris is a pretty feminine guy,” I reminded her.<br /><br />“Right. The one dating a I]Sidney[/I] is mocking my man’s level of manliness,” Peyton said, rolling her eyes at me.<br /><br />“Sid has to be a total man because of his girl name, okay?” I defended. “I’m going to grab some food before the game officially starts,” I decided out loud, standing up and shrugging off my hoodie as I made my towards the small table of food.<br /><br />Sidney’s parents, Troy and Trina, stepped into the booth, having just left an interview. “Hanna!” Trina greeted, coming over to wrap me in a hug. “Sidney wasn’t sure that you’d make it in time.”<br /><br />“Well, I may have broken a few laws, but I managed to get here,” I told her, smiling as I picked up a plate. “Troy, good to see you.”<br /><br />He shook his head at me, glancing at my shirt. “I can’t believe you. You’re in the visitor’s suite box, with the owners of the team, dating the star player, and you’re wearing a Canucks shirt.”<br /><br />“Not just a Canucks shirt,” I corrected, turning around so they could see the back. “A Mason Raymond player shirt.” I grabbed a spoonful of spinach dip, smirking at him. “As much as I love your son, I’ve got to stay loyal to my home team.”<br /><br />Troy sighed, picking up a plate of his own. “Sometimes I wonder what that boy sees in you,” he told me, grinning afterwards.<br /><br />I returned to my seat beside Peyton, noticing that the anthem singer had made his way out onto the ice, coaxing all of us stand up, even though he probably couldn’t see so far up from where he was on the ice.<br /><br />When the game finally started, Peyton and I were lost in it. The last three time the Canucks and Penguins had met, the Canucks had managed to take the win. This time, it looked like the Pens were in control of the game. Five minutes into the first period, Malkin carried the puck down the ice, hollering over to Jordan, faking a pass to him and then dropping the puck behind him for Kris to pick up. Without a second of hesitation, Kris shot the puck, catching Luongo by surprise as he was halfway into position, having believed that Jordan would end up with the puck. It was one noting for the Pens, and Peyton and I stood up and cheered before groaning. It was complicated to date someone on one team and secretly be rooting against them.<br /><br />By the end of the second period, the Pens were up 3-1, and GM Place was buzzing. It was a mixed crowd, half of them there to catch Sidney Crosby in all of his glory, and the other half die-hard Canuck fans who had been hoping for a repeat of the last time the Penguins were in town and the Canucks took the game 6-2.<br /><br />Peyton let out a long sigh, turning to face me. “Well, Kris should be so tired he won’t have the energy to fret over the wedding tonight.”<br /><br />I grinned, a wave of excitement hitting me as I thought about Peyton and Kris becoming Mr and Mrs Letang. “I can’t believe it’s tomorrow.”<br /><br />She made a face, “I can’t either. I feel like there’s five million things I haven’t done yet, and I’m still convinced that someone else should do my make-up. My hands will be shaking too bad to properly apply eyeliner.”<br /><br />I laughed, “Peyton, you went to school for cosmetology, why would you way someone to do what you’re already really good at? And as for the shaky hands, we’ll give you a little rum and that should calm you right down.”<br /><br />She laughed, nudging me. “Sid got his tux fitted, right?”<br /><br />“I told him too, so he should have. If not, I’m sorry that your wedding party pictures will be ruined by the guy in his boxers.”<br /><br />“I could make so much money off Sidney Crosby in his boxers,” she muttered, taking a bite out of the Nanaimo bar she was eating.<br /><br />I gave my head a light shake, glancing back down at the ice as the teams skated back on for the third period. Sidney had been trying desperately to score a goal all game. He had hit two posts, and Luongo had managed to make three saves on him. I could see, even from as high up as I was, that there was that determined glint in his eye. Just the way he glanced back towards the defenceman before taking his spot in the face off circle, I knew that he was out to blood. I had known it since Kris had scored that goal early in the first. Sidney Crosby did not like to be shown up, especially in a city where pictures of him scoring the “Golden goal” two years ago were still hung up.<br /><br />His determination paid off with three minutes left in the third period. The Canucks had managed to come within one goal, thanks to Mason Raymond, but a bad turnover at the blue line by Shane O’Brien set Sidney on a break away, O’Brien and Ballard chasing after him to try and stop what the entire Canuck team had been determined to prevent from the start; Crosby scoring a goal.<br /><br />I already knew that Sidney would try and go short side, as that was Luongo’s weakest spot. He faked him out, moving the puck to his left before using his skate to kick it back onto his stick, scoop it up and shoot at the side of the net, pumping his arms into the air as the goal light flashed behind him, Luongo’s head falling backwards in disappointment while the Penguins bench jumped up and down. Half of the arena cheered and the other half groaned, their heads falling forwards as they realized that the game was now out of reach.<br /><br />I could only grin, Peyton and I high-fiving while the boys celebrated on the ice.<br /><br />--------------------<br /><br />I didn’t get to sleep that night. With their wedding the next day, Peyton spent the evening pacing the apartment, walking into my room to ask me if I was sure that she should leave her hair down, or if lipstick would be too much. Once the clock hit four in the morning, I gave up and got out of bed, joining her in the living to drink some coffee and go over the plans for the day. I spent most of the morning talking her out of approaching panic attacks, and any free moments that I had were spent sending text messages to Sidney to let him know that Peyton hadn’t completely lost her mind yet.<br /><br />I could hardly believe it when I finally found myself waiting at the altar, watching Kris’ nervous face as the doors at the end of the church were pulled open and Peyton emerged, every one of the guests standing up and staring at her in awe. I had always known that Peyton was beautiful, and I had also secretly resented her for that fact, but the way her entire face glowed as she made her down the aisle to stand beside Kris was a whole different level of beauty. Even glancing over at Kris, who was fighting back the tears that were welling in his eyes at he looked at her, I was taken aback by how beautiful the two of them looked. Kris had even gone out and cut his hair for the big day.<br /><br />“Did you cry?” Sidney asked me, taking a sip of his juice as we watched Kris and Peyton take their first dance together.<br /><br />I smirked at him. “I teared up a bit, but I didn’t actually cry. You?”<br /><br />“Me?” He scoffed, “Hanna, I’m a man. We only cry over two things; Football and baby girls.” He frowned, scratching the back of his neck before quickly adding, “Our own baby girls, I mean. We don’t just cry when we see a little girl or anything, I mean-”<br /><br />“I know what you mean,” I interrupted, laughing at him. “Do you have a daughter you haven’t told me about?” I asked jokingly, earning an eyebrow wag from him.<br /><br />The DJ announced that other couples could join in on the dance floor, causing Sidney to promptly push his chair and extend a hand to me, a sly grin on his face.<br /><br />I eyed his hand for a moment, moving my eyes back up to his face. “You want to dance? Are you drunk?”<br /><br />He laughed, helping me up from my chair. “No, I’m just in the mood to dance. It is one of my best friend’s wedding, after all,” he reminded me, walking me out to the dance floor and wrapping his arms around me. “And you do look very lovely in that green dress,” he added, smiling at me.<br /><br />I thanked him, glancing over at the other couples who had made their way out onto the floor. Jordan was already being asked to dance with some of Kris’ younger cousins, causing the giant to lean down and pick up one of the tiny girls, making her blush as he held her up so they could dance. “Kris and Peyton are married.”<br /><br />Sidney nodded, his chin resting on top of my head. “It’s crazy, right?”<br /><br />“I feel like just yesterday she was asking me how hockey worked, and now, she’s married to a hockey player,” I said, sighing. “Where does the time go?”<br /><br />Sidney let out a small chuckle, lifting his chin off of my head so he could lean back and look at me. “I don’t know, baby.”<br /><br />I looked over at Kris and Peyton, not able to contain the grin that broke out at the two of them as he spun Peyton around, laughing when she nearly tripped over the fabric of her dress. “This is a really beautiful wedding,” I said quietly, my eyes wondering around the room to take in all of the flowers, the candles, the white rose pedals scattered across part of the floor.<br /><br />“Yeah,” Sidney agreed, his own eyes surveying the room before a smirk appeared across his face and he glanced down at me. “Ours will be nicer.”<br /><br />I felt my eyes widen for a second before I looked up at him, a smirk appearing on my face as well. “Oh, you think you’re going to marry me, eh, Crosby?”<br /><br />He let out a soft laugh, shrugging his shoulders. “Well, you know. I think it’d be nice.”<br /><br />My own reply was interrupted by Peyton clearing her throat, smiling the two of us. “Mind if I cut in?” She asked.<br /><br />I nodded, stepping away from Sidney. “Go for it, Mrs. Letang.”<br /><br />Peyton rolled her eyes, swatting away Sidney’s hands. “Not with him, silly. I want to dance with my best friend. Is that okay, Sid?”<br /><br />Sidney laughed. “As long as I don’t have to dance with Kris.”<br /><br />“You want to dance with me?” I asked, almost pouting as Sidney walked back over to the table before I looked at her again, “That’s kind of odd.”<br /><br />“Hanna, it is my wedding day. I can do odd things,” She frowned, “That was a bad choice of words.”<br /><br />I grinned at her. “You’re someone’s wife now, Peyton. How does that feel?”<br /><br />“I think you should ask me that in a month or so,” she answered, her free hand reaching up to play with one of her curls. “I feel kind of old, to be honest.”<br /><br />“Old? Pey, you’re 23,” I reminded her, laughing.<br /><br />Peyton smiled, her hand falling to her side. “I know. I just… I didn’t think I’d ever get married, so this is so odd for me. I always figured I’d be at your wedding before you’d be at mine, you know?”<br /><br />I shrugged, my eyes moving just past her to see Kris talking with one of his friends, a grin still on his face. “Maybe. I think that when you find the one, it doesn’t really matter when you get married, you know? I mean, it’s fairly obvious that you’re meant to be with Kris, and you’ve got things figured out. You’re not worried it’s too soon, are you? Because, I hate to say it, but it’s a little too late.”<br /><br />Peyton shook her head, the smiling returning to her face. “No, I’m not thinking that at all. I’m just surprised that someone can actually put up with me.”<br /><br />I chuckled at her. “There’s someone out there for everyone, right?”<br /><br />She shrugged, glancing back as Kris called her. “I guess. Have fun tonight, alright?” She said.<br /><br />I nodded, “You too,” I added, winking at her and laughing as she groaned, turning around to try and spot Sidney again.<br /><br />He was over by the cake table, not eating a piece, but talking quietly with my brother, Cameron. The two had finally met just a few months ago, and even though I was still worried that Cameron wouldn’t approve of my dating a hockey player, especially a hockey player that I had once dated and been dumped by, the two seemed to hit off. They went fishing together in the summer, and Cameron had flown out to see a few games throughout the season. The fact that Elizabeth approved of Sidney, and that little baby Alison had become Sidney’s favourite person in the entire world didn’t hurt, either.<br /><br />I waited a moment before finally walking over to the two, making sure to make enough noise that they heard me and smiling at them as they turned to face me. “Sorry, I was just lonely.”<br /><br />Cameron grinned at me. “No worries at all, Hanna. Sidney was just telling me about how he went on the Canucks for you,” he said, grinning at Sidney.<br /><br />Sidney laughed. “Yeah, that’s totally what we were talking about,” he agreed, reaching an arm out to tug me closer to him. “Actually, Cameron was proposing that we come out and visit him and Liz sometime,” he told me, planting a kiss on my forehead.<br /><br />“Oh really?” I asked, looking to Cameron. “You just want to brag about knowing Sidney Crosby.”<br /><br />Cameron laughed. “That’s definitely my only motive,” he agreed. “You two should talk it over and let me know when you’re free.” He pointed a finger at me, his face growing serious, “But you won’t be sharing a room.”<br /><br />I fought the urge to roll my eyes at him, nodding instead. “Understood. We will sleep in separate rooms.”<br /><br />He nodded, glancing at Sidney, who was awkwardly looking anywhere but at Cameron. “Well, I should go find my wife, congratulate Peyton and head on home to put my little girl to bed,” he told me. “You have to come see her before Liz and I fly back home, Hanna. She’s gotten so big.”<br /><br />I nodded, “I want to see her. Elizabeth told me that she’s talking now and it made me feel really out of the loop.”<br /><br />Cameron nodded, reaching out to pat Sidney’s shoulder. “I’ll talk to the two of you later. Have a good night,” He said, leaning down to give me a hug before he headed off in search of his wife.<br /><br />I let my head fall to rest against Sidney’s shoulder, yawning. “What time is it?”<br /><br />“It’s only eight o’clock,” he said, laughing at my obvious fatigue. “You going to make it?”<br /><br />I nodded, smiling up at him. “I’m sure a piece of cake will make me feel more energized,” I told him, moving away from his embrace to grab a piece off of the table.<br /><br />Sidney sighed. “I miss cake.”<br /><br />“You could have a piece. It’s not like it’ll kill you,” I reminded him, waving the plate in front of his face.<br /><br />“I can’t. I ate a piece at the rehearsal dinner, and I only allow myself three pieces of cake a year.” He reminded me, watching the plate as I teased him with it.<br /><br />“You’re just holding out in case there’s better cake somewhere down the line this year?” I asked, taking a bite of the cake.<br /><br />He shrugged. “You never know.” He let out a long sigh. “You’re going to watch hockey with me tomorrow right? I fly out late in the night, so we could watch most of the Canucks versus the Sharks.”<br /><br />I nodded, chewing on the bite of cake before answering, “Of course. I never pass up the chance to oggle at both Mason Raymond and Joe Thornton, Sid. You should know that by now.”<br /><br />Sidney smiled, reaching out to pull me back towards him once more.<br /><br />-----------------------------<br /><br />“Hanna, come on, the game is starting!” Sidney yelled at me.<br /><br />I groaned, pulling my hair up into a ponytail as I made my way out of my room and into the living room where Sidney was, sighing as I plopped down on the couch beside him. “It’s weird to be in here without Peyton,” I told him.<br /><br />He nodded, moving his hand to brush my bangs out of my eyes. “I know. You’re going to get so lonely, way out here in Vancouver while everyone else is in Pittsburgh.” He shot me a look.<br /><br />I shook my head at him. “Come on, Sid. You know how I feel about the living together thing. I don’t want to move everything into your place and then have us break-up, not that I think we’re going to break up.”<br /><br />He sighed, nodding his head and pulling his blackberry out of his pocket. “I know, but that’s not going to stop me from bugging you about it,” he reminded me, glancing up from his phone to shoot me a smile before he texted something, shoving the phone back into his pocket. “I mean, it’s been two years now, and you finish your photography course in a month” he reminded me.<br /><br />I reached a hand up to playfully thwack his nose, making him laugh. He hushed me before I could say anything back, pressing his fingers to my lips with a playful smirk .”Now, now, my buddy Roberto is being interviewed and I want to hear what he has to say. He might talk about me,” he pointed out.<br /><br />“Wow, you just think everyone is talking about you, don’t you?” I asked, grinning at him as he shook his head at me, my attention falling back to the TV while Sidney squirmed a bit beside me, apologizing when I glanced at him.<br /><br />Roberto Luongo appeared on screen alongside Dan Murphy, half dressed in his uniform, not wearing his actual jersey yet, and his green Canucks hat resting on his mess of curls. Just as Sidney has joked, he was asked about the game against the Penguins just two nights ago, admitting that he believe Sidney was going easy on him, too. “Ever since the Olympics, Sid has been more of a friend then a hockey rival,” he explained with a small smile. “He definitely had me beat at one point, but he passed it off to Kris Letang. I guess he was trying to help Tangers show off to his lady, since he was getting married the next night,” he joked.<br /><br />“I love that people just can’t believe that sometimes you’re just off your game,” I muttered at Sidney, making him chuckle at me.<br /><br />Dan Murphy brought up the possibility of a Canucks versus Penguins Cup final, making Luongo laugh. “That’s a long way away, that’s for sure, and we’ve got a lot of work to put in before we can even really think about the Playoffs. But, it would be interesting. I know Sid’s weaknesses, and he knows mine. It could make things interesting,” he admitted.<br /><br />Dan Murphy went on a semi long speech about the Olympics, about the upcoming 2014 ones and whether Luongo thought he had a chance at earning the start in those competitions. His answer was drowned out by Sidney turning to me and asking, “What do you think of Kris and Peyton’s agreement?”<br /><br />I looked away from the TV and back at him. “The wedding one?”<br /><br />He laughed, “No. Their decision that if they got married out here, where all of Peyton’s family and friends were, she’d move to Pittsburgh without any complaints. What do you think of that?”<br /><br />I shrugged. “I guess it’s fair. She’s leaving everything here to go and follow him around, right?” I asked, watching as Sidney nodded. “I mean, if she was going to make him play for the Canucks or move out of Pittsburgh, that would be ridiculous. Why? You disagree?”<br /><br />He shook his head, his attention moving back to the TV. “No, I just hadn’t asked you about it and I was curious, that’s all.” His hand moved up to twirl a piece of my hair absentmindedly as he watched the last bit of Luongo’s interview.<br /><br />I didn’t manage to catch whatever Dan Murphy had asked, but Luongo grinned, nodding his head. “I do talk to him, actually. I just talked to him, funny enough.” He bit his lip, turning his attention away from Dan Murphy and to the camera. “Actually, the best part of being kind of friends with a guy like Crosby is that he asks you for favours occasionally. I told him if he didn’t show me up in our game, I’d do this one little thing for him.” Luongo seemed to pause just for dramatic effect, long enough for me to frown as I realized that Sidney actually [I]had[/I] gone easy on the Canucks net minder, and that I was completely confused as to why he would do that.<br /><br />I could see Sidney shift a bit out of the corner of my eye, but before I could fully move my attention from the TV to him, Luongo spoke again. “Sidney asked if I’d hold this up for him.” Luongo stepped off camera for a moment, leaving a grinning Dan Murphy before he re-appeared with a sign, winking at the camera. “Hanna, I hope you’re watching.” Without another second of hesitation, he flipped the sign over, leaving me to stare at the words [b]Hanna, will you marry me?[/b] written across it.<br /><br />The camera cut back to the TSN studio, causing me to shake myself out of my shock and turn to Sidney, about to ask him whether I had just hallucinated or not.<br /><br />My answer came in the form of Sidney holding out a velvet box with a ring in it, a nervous look on his face as he stared at me. “Hanna, I think I’ve been in love with you since that day, two years ago, when we first talked and you treated me like an actual person. I spent more time wondering it would be like to kiss you then I did working on my face-offs, or on my skating. I spent months agonizing over the best way to actually ask you out, and then you kissed me, and it just felt like everything in my life was okay.” He paused, swallowing hard before continuing. “I know that the start of our relationship had it’s hard times. When you moved out of Pittsburgh and back out here, and we weren’t really speaking, I felt like I had lost everything. I felt like I had lost my world and myself while you were gone, and, to be honest, when I’m out on the road and think about how you’re in a different country and so far away from me, I feel like I’m losing myself again. I don’t know who I am without you by my side, and I don’t want to know who I’d be without you. So, I guess what I’m trying to ask you is,” he stopped, taking in a deep breath before he asked, “Will you marry me?”<br /><br />My eyes had been on his face the entire time, taking in every detail of his beautiful features as he spoke, every word that he had said sinking into my sink and becoming a part of me. I didn’t notice that I had actually done the typical girl thing and teared up until I blinked and one of the tears cascaded over the bottom of my eye and rolled gently down my cheeks, only making it halfway before Sidney’s free hand reached out to brush it away. I had to inhale deeply to find my voice, closing my eyes as I did so before opening them once more. “Yes.”<br /><br />It was a simple answer, not nearly as breathtaking as his speech to me had been, but the way Sidney’s entire face seemed to lift up into this radiant joy was enough to let me know that I didn’t have to say anything more. He leaned in to kiss me, softly on the lips before his own lips moved up to my nose, and then to each cheek, then back to my lips. He moved back long enough to pull the ring out of the box, allowing me to actually get a look at it. <br /><br />It was a beautiful ring, really. I didn’t know a lot about jewellery, but the thin silver band held one rather large diamond, along with two smaller ones, one on each side, and it was the most perfect piece of jewellery I had ever laid eyes on. He slid the ring onto my finger without a second thought before he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me towards him, pulling me into a kiss as the now empty box landed on the floor. He broke the kiss for a moment, apologizing to me as he grabbed his Blackberry once more, sending off another text and letting the phone drop to the ground as he leaned down to me again.<br /><br />In the background, barely heard over the sound of my own heartbeat echoing in my head as Sidney planted kisses all over my face and I stared down at the ring on my hand, I heard Dan Murphy announce that Sidney Crosby was officially off the market, making me laugh. “I can’t believe how cheesy you are,” I mumbled to Sidney, making him stop his kissing parade and grin at me.<br /><br />“That’s why you love me though, right? Because I’m cheesy and make you look good?” <br /><br />I reached a hand up to run it through his dark hair before letting it rest against his cheek. I could only sigh, taking in his face once more. “I love you.”<br /><br />He grinned, taking my hand and moving it to his mouth so he could kiss the palm of it. “I love you, too.”Mackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08005607416251563909noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6551347663728545830.post-20500815373784722342010-09-24T14:05:00.000-07:002010-09-24T14:08:45.668-07:00Hey Readers!I have two things to tell you. First off, thank you so much to all of you who read and commented on the Sidney story. It really meant a lot to me. I never expected there to be so many readers on here or on mibba(where the story currently has 932 readers. WHAT?!), and I thank you all so much for that.<br /><br />Secondly, there is a new story in the works. I asked on my other account who everyone wanted to read about, and Kris Letang took the cake, so there's a Letang story that I'm working on. It's only part 3 for me, so it won't be up for another week or so, but if you're interested, keep your eyes peeled.<br /><br />I'm sure all of you are just as excited for the season to start as I am, and I hope that school or work(or school and work) is going well for you. Take care of yourselves!<br /><br />-KristaMackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08005607416251563909noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6551347663728545830.post-15720211810359562622010-08-10T19:09:00.001-07:002010-08-10T19:10:34.746-07:00The End<em>I can't believe this story is over, but I'm also very relieved about it. Thank you everyone for following and reading! I might start another story, so if there's someone you're really hoping to read about, let me know!</em><br />-------------------<br /><br />The Olympic gala was one of the most beautiful and intimidating thing I had ever been to.<br /><br />Every Canadian hockey player from Team Canada was there, and every time I even so much as passed by one, I almost fell over from the shock of being so close to them. <br /><br />And then there was the fact that the actual gala, the decorations, the entertainment, the guests, was absolutely breath taking. Every where I looked, there was a gleam of red, a shimmer of white and a touch of gold. I wanted to shake my head and tell myself that it was tacky, the constant colour all around the banquet room, but every time I turned my head and allowed my eyes to rest on some aspect of the room, I was right back to being completely mesmerized. <br /><br />“Enjoying the gala?” A voice asked from behind me, causing me to turn around and meet Troy’s grinning face.<br /><br />I smiled at him, giving a half shrug. “I guess. I’ll probably be happier when the food is out.”<br /><br />Troy laughed, nodding his head as he took a quick glance around the room before he let his eyes fall back on me. “It’s good to see you again, Hanna. I’m glad you’re doing well.”<br /><br />I tried to give him a sincere smile, completely aware of the fact that Sidney must have told him all about why we broke up, and nodded. “It’s nice to see you too, Troy. I swear you’ve gotten better looking since I saw you last.”<br /><br />This only managed to get a smirk out of Troy before he excused himself, heading over to where Mike Babcock was so they could catch up, leaving me to take in another big breath of air and get lost in the banquet room again.<br /><br />Peyton was off with Kris, just at the other end of the room, being introduced to all of the athletes he knew, or being used to introduce him to the ones he didn’t, and smiling politely at them all when they told her about how beautiful she was. I watched the two of them for a moment, noticing the way that Kris kept a hand firmly placed on the small of Peyton’s back as they walked around. How she would step forward to shake whoever’s hand, and then step back and rest against Kris once more. The way that everyone looked back and forth between the two of them and gave a soft smile, because they were just so adorable together that you couldn’t help but smile when you saw them, and I had to fight the urge to pout. If I had done what I was supposed to when I had first arrived in Pittsburgh, and focused more on the fact that there was still a lot of issues running around my head and not so much on what a babe Sidney was, it could have me that was being courted around the gala, with Sidney’s hand on the small of my back and jealous eyes on the two of us.<br /><br />I let out a long sigh before I turned and looked around the room in search of Jordan or Max. Jordan was somewhere in the gathering of all the Staals, all of whom were being photographed, and all of whom were towering over the pint sized photographer taking the pictures. Max was heading across the room and towards the table of pictures from the Olympics, smiling at everyone he knew as he passed them. <br /><br />I walked as fast as my legs would allow me to in my heels to try and catch up with him, apologizing when I bumped into some unsuspecting woman and caused her to spill a bit of her champagne. She only smiled back, telling me it was fine before she returned to talking to the man in front of her. I carried on towards Max, flipping my hair out of my way as I did so. “Talbot!”<br /><br />Max stopped, turning around in search of whoever had called him and grinning at me when his eyes landed on me, lifting up a hand to wave at me. “Hanna! I thought you had left, I hadn’t seen you since we first arrived.”<br /><br />“Well, that’s probably because as soon as we stepped through the doors, you were dragged off to be interviewed, Jordan’s mom made him head over and see his family, Kris is showing Peyton off to everyone he knows and I am…. Well, I’m alone.” I frowned, crossing my arms. “Now I made myself kind of sad.”<br /><br />“You are so whiny,” Max groaned, reaching out put an arm around me so he could drag me beside him as he walked. “We bring you here, with all of these attractive people, and all you can do is whine because we left you all alone and didn’t introduce you to anyone? Hanna, be a little grateful. Enjoy the scenery.”<br /><br />I let out a half laugh, pushing him away from me. “I’m sorry, Max. How dare I not love being completely ignored in a room full of gorgeous people?” I paused, lowering my voice to add, “And the women’s hockey team.”<br /><br />Max laughed, covering my mouth as soon as I had said the last comment as he let his shoulders drop down so he could chuckle at me. “Oh, Hanna. Come on, we’ll head over to where Sidney is, having his picture taken by all of the adoring fans.”<br /><br />“A usual day for Mr. Crosby,” I joked, tugging at the straps of my dress as we neared the mass pile of people surrounding Sidney. <br /><br />I had to stop a moment, causing Max to turn around and frown at me. The sight of Sidney surrounded by the media, the way that I couldn’t see him at all because of it, it brought me right back to the first day I ever met him. Back to when Matt Cooke was throwing chunks of gum at him and Jordan was struggling to remember Peyton’s name. I had give me head a small shake before I met Max’s curious gaze and gave him a half smile. “Sorry. I’m having flashbacks.”<br /><br />He nodded, seeming to understand what I was meaning. “Ah, back when Sidney Crosby was just Sidney Crosby, and I was just an attractive French man.”<br /><br />I smirked at him. “I don’t remember that last part, but, basically, yes.” I reached up to make sure my hair was okay before I gave Max a nervous glance. “How long will they be talking to him for?”<br /><br />Max shrugged, glancing over one of the reporters in front of him to peer over at Sidney before turning back to look at me. “It looks like he’s almost done. They’re asking him what his plans for the summer are, which is usually he end question.”<br /><br />I nodded, letting my hands smooth out the fabric of the dress I was wearing as I watched the gathering of cameras, microphones and reporters thanked Sidney, still jotting down a few notes on their notepads as they headed off towards the other players and coaches. Sidney let out a small sigh, reaching a hand up to adjust the tie he was wearing, loosening it a bit, before he turned around to see where Max and I were, clearly surprised to see us.<br />“Hey. I didn’t know you guys were here already,” he said, smiling at us. “How has the gala been so far?”<br /><br />Max shrugged. “Fine. I wish there was more to eat, but it’s very pretty.”<br /><br />Sidney smirked at him, giving his head a small shake before he looked over at me. “How about you, Hanna? Enjoying yourself?”<br /><br />I shrugged. “Yeah, I guess. Everyone abandoned me when we first got here, but now that I’ve found everyone, it’s becoming more enjoyable.”<br /><br />He nodded, his eyes moving past me and towards someone else for a moment before they returned to me. “So, things are looking up for you now, aren’t they?”<br /><br />I let out a soft laugh. “I guess so. I mean, having a job I actually like is certainly a bonus.”<br /><br />“A job? Hanna, you’re working side by side with the Canucks main photographer. This is the first step to getting a career,” Sidney corrected. “It’s going to be really good for you.”<br /><br />I gave him a half smile. “Well, when you put it that way…” I trailed off, making Sidney chuckle lightly. “Things are getting better, though. I should have taken the time to try and sort myself out as soon as I was out of high school.”<br /><br />“And you want to do some more counselling?” He asked.<br /><br />I nodded. “Yeah. I guess there was more going on inside of my head then I thought,” I joked, making Sidney smile at me a bit. I looked away from him for a moment, taking the break from eye contact to take in a big breath of air. “What about you? What’s new with you?”<br /><br />He was looking past me again at someone I couldn’t see, but his eyes moved back to me as soon as I had asked the question. He sighed, seeming to need a few seconds to think about before finally answering, “Not much. My mind has mainly been occupied with interviews and endorsement shoots. I feel like I haven’t even had time to sleep, actually,” he said, letting out a soft laugh. “Summer’s don’t feel like summer anymore.”<br /><br />I fought the urge to reach out and pull him into a hug, choosing instead to give him a sympathetic smile, nearly jumping out of my skin when someone shouted, “Sidney!” from behind me.<br /><br />Sidney’s eyes seemed to widen for a brief moment before he grinned, stretching out a hand to the approaching man and grinning. “Good to see you, Rick. I’m glad you make it out.”<br /><br />Rick Bowness, the assistant coach of the Vancouver Canucks, grinned at Sidney, shaking his hand. “Glad I was invited.” He glanced behind Sidney at the giant mural of stills from his game winning goal, “the golden goal” as most called it, and laughed. “This certainly is the Sidney Crosby show here, though, isn’t it?”<br /><br />Sidney smiled, that look that I had seen flash across his face so many times before when praise thrown at him and he felt it was undeserved had settled over his features again. “Is your wife here?” He asked.<br /><br />Rick nodded, his attention moving to me for a moment before he glanced back at Sidney, seeming to wait for some kind of a signal before turning back to me. “Hi, I don’t believe we’ve met yet. I’m Rick.”<br /><br />I smiled. Shaking his hand. “I’m Hanna. It’s so nice to meet you. I’m a huge fan of the Canucks.”<br /><br />He nodded, grinning a bit. “You don’t happen to be Hanna Ashton, do you?”<br /><br />I nodded, smiling a bit. “I just so happen to be actually.”<br /><br />Rick continued to grin. “I’m glad to finally meet you. Sidney had a lot of great things to say about you when I was visiting with him back in Halifax. The boy thinks you’ve got the potential to be the next Anne Geddes.”<br /><br />I frowned, looking at Sidney. “You think I could one day take scandalous photos of Miley Cyrus?”<br /><br />Sidney laughed, shaking his head at me as Rick Bowness chuckled beside me. “I’m excited to see you around taking pictures, Ms. Ashton,” Rick told me. “But, if you’ll excuse me, I’m hoping to catch up to Roberto before it’s his turn to be hounded by the media.” He waved at me, wishing Sidney luck with the rest of the night before he headed off into the crowd.<br /><br />I watched him walk away before I turned back to Sidney, taking a step closer to him. “You did that? You’re the one who showed my pictures to Bowness and got me this… whatever this is?”<br /><br />“I just showed them some of your pictures. They were sitting on my living room table when he and his wife dropped by. I told you, he lives right by me in Halifax, and we have dinner together a few times every summer. He saw them and asked who the photographer was. I just told him about you, said you were really talented, and he asked if you’d be interested in a job.”<br /><br />“Why did Max and Jordan tell me? I thought one of them was behind it, or that it was Vero.” I frowned, looking back up at him. “And how did you have some of my pictures?”<br /><br />He sighed, “Marc and Vero would always ask you for copies and then give them to me. I wanted to see how good you were, since everyone kept telling me you were so amazing at photography. And, the Max and Jordan thing? I just… you and I weren’t really talking, and I was still really confused about everything that happened. I didn’t want to end up saying something I’d regret to you.”<br /><br />I studied his face for a moment before asking, “Why did you do that for me? I go all crazy on you and ruin our relationship, and you get me an internship.” I paused, smirking at him. “Oh, I get it. You’re keeping me in Vancouver and out of Pittsburgh.”<br /><br />He laughed, “Yes, that’s exactly why I did it. To make sure you’re not around anymore,” he rolled his eyes. “I did it because you deserve it. Hanna, I don’t know why you don’t see this in yourself, but after everything you’ve been through, losing someone so close to you, having your family fall apart, you’re so strong. And you’re so selfless. You pushed aside your own problems to take care of me, and I don’t even think you were aware that you were doing so. You’ve spent so long trying to find out who you are and what you love to do, who you want to be, and you came back from that family visit with all those answers. Photography, Hanna? That’s what you love. I don’t know how you just ignored it for the last few years, but when I see those pictures you’ve taken, I feel like I was there when you took them. And that trip always made you start thinking about life differently, about what you still needed out of it.” He paused, licking his lips before he added, his voice a bit softer, “Maybe I’m not a part of wherever you’re going, and that’s okay. But I couldn’t let you take all of these steps, go and get help for yourself, and then hear that you weren’t doing anything with photography. When Rick asked about those pictures, I had to make sure he knew how amazing you were. Because you are. You’re amazing.”<br /><br />I didn’t even know what to say to him after all of that. I tried to think of something to say back, but every time I opened my mouth nothing except a few squeak came out. Sidney was looking at me for a minute, but after I offered nothing except silence, he sighed, looking away from me and over at all of the people mingling around. I was actually surprised that no one had come over to interrupt us yet. <br /><br />Without meaning too, my eyes shot over to where Kris and Peyton were, once again looking over at the way the two of them just seemed to mould together when they stood side by side, and how Kris seemed anxious to tell everyone who was willing to listen that Peyton was his girlfriend.<br /><br />I glanced back at Sidney, following where his eyes were and noticing that he, too, was watching Kris and Peyton, with the same glint of jealousy in his eyes that I was sure had been in mine seconds before.<br /><br />There was some kind of an announcement being made over the speakers, something about the athletes being needed at the stage set up in the centre of the room. Sidney let out a long sigh, reaching up to scratch his neck before he mumbled, “I guess I have to head over there.” He glanced back down at me. “I’m glad you came, Hanna.”<br /><br />I nodded, watching as he started to make his way over to where the rest of the players were gathering. He had gotten a few steps when I jolted forwards and grabbed his arm, turning him around and seeming to catch him by surprise. “Sidney,” I said, making him pause and turn himself around to fully face me. He waited, looking down at me as he waited to hear what I was going to say. <br /><br />I let go of his arm and bit my lip. “I actually have no idea what I was going to say to you. I just didn’t want you to leave.”<br /><br />Sidney’s mouth turned itself up into a soft smile. He lifted his hand up to cup the side of my face, surprising me before he leaned down to softly tell me, “I’m right here, Hanna.”<br /><br />I sighed. “I don’t mean leave here I mean-”<br /><br />“I know what you mean,” he interrupted, his thumb stroking my cheek. <br /><br />“I know that I was really stupid and I ruined everything, but after spending these last couple of months just having ‘me’ time and working on dealing with my problems, I realized that there’s really no point in making myself more awesome if I don’t have someone equally awesome to share it with,” I explained.<br /><br />Sidney tilted his head to the side. “Now that’s just silly. My level of awesome is far superior to yours,” he reminded me.<br /><br />I managed to peer over his shoulder enough to notice that almost all of the other players were up on stage. “I guess you have a job to go do, again.”<br /><br />“I guess so.” He let his hand drop from my face. “Where are you sitting?”<br /><br />“Wherever Max and Kris are, I guess,” I answered. “Why?”<br /><br />He gave me a small shrug. “I just want to know where to look when I have to give my speech.” He grinned at me, turning and heading towards the stage.<br /><br />Max and Jordan were both smirking at me when I slid into my seat, making me sigh. “What?”<br /><br />“Nothing, that was just… that was beautiful,” Max told me.<br /><br />“I almost wish a mic had been there so I could have heard the sound of your heart melting when he gazed into your eyes,” Jordan said.<br /><br />I ignored both of them, looking up at the stage as Mike Babcock introduced himself to everyone. Peyton nudged me, making me glance over at her. “So, are you and Sidney-”<br /><br />“Sidanna,” Jordan whispered.<br /><br />“Hanney,” Max whispered afterwards, making both Peyton and I sigh at them.<br /><br />“Are you two back on?” Peyton asked.<br /><br />I glanced back up at the stage, managing to catch Sidney’s eyes looking back at me as I shrugged. “Well, he practically begged me so, I agreed to give it another shot,” I joked.<br /><br />Peyton shook her head at me. “I don’t know why it didn’t work out the first time when you’re so sweet and thoughtful.”<br /><br />I grinned at her, my eyes moving back up to the stage and meeting Sidney’s once more.Mackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08005607416251563909noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6551347663728545830.post-48517309717782294122010-08-02T20:37:00.000-07:002010-08-02T20:38:29.454-07:00I Miss That“Hanna stop pacing,” Peyton whined, reaching out to grab my arm and hauling me down to the couch beside her. “It’s not going to help you calm down or give you and idea of what Sidney has to say. All you’re doing is pissing me off.”<br /><br />I frowned at her. “Well, sorry, Peyton. I’m sorry that my extreme nerves are bothering you, jerk. Oh, and I’m fine, thanks for asking.”<br /><br />She laughed. “Hanna, seriously, do you think Sid would come all the way out here to say something mean to you? The guy won’t even trash talk other hockey players, Hanna?”<br /><br />“Okay, that’s a valid point,” I agreed. “But it doesn’t make me any less nervous.” I lifted my hand up and scratched the back of my head quickly before I moved to the end of my seat. “How’s my hair?”<br /><br />Peyton rolled her eyes. “Hanna, calm down. He probably won’t even be here for another-”<br /><br />“Was that a knock?” I asked, cutting off her sentence.<br /><br />“What? No, it was me talking, asshole,” she answered, standing up from the couch and making her way out of the living room and towards her own room, stopping when the sound of someone knock on our door was heard. “Oh. Maybe you did hear someone knocking,” she muttered, shooting me an apologetic smile. “I’ll be in my room, so you two will have your privacy.”<br /><br />“I don’t know if I want privacy,” I admitted, standing up and slowly edging my way towards the door.<br /><br />“Hanna, he clearly just wants to talk to you, and I have to call Kris and double check on dinner plans, anyways. You’ll be fine. You’ve talked to Sidney a million times.” She reminded me.<br /><br />“That was different,” I began, stopping when there was another knock on the door before continuing, “I hadn’t slept with him, let him buy a house for us to live in and then admit that I was still a complete mess and needed some time.”<br /><br />Peyton rolled her eyes again. “Hanna, stop being so dramatic and answer the damn door, okay?” She didn’t wait to see what I was going to say, already turning and making her way into her room before she had even gotten the last word out.<br /><br />I had to take in a deep breath of air, reminding myself to let it out before I took the last few steps towards the door and pulled it open, staring up at Sidney. “You get taller every time I see you.”<br /><br />He smiled, both of his hands in his pockets as he looked down at me. “I wish that were true.” He continued to looking at me, his eyes occasionally moving away from my face and towards the apartment behind me before he let out a soft laugh. “Are you going to let me in?”<br /><br />I felt my face blush, stepping aside so he could enter the apartment watching as he slid his flip flops off and headed into the living room, waiting for me to join him before he sat down on the very edge of the beaten up arm chair, sitting with his elbows resting on his knees and his hands together. “How are you?” He asked me, his voice soft.<br /><br />I shrugged, sitting with one leg curled beneath me so I could play the threads of my sock. “Good. I moved back in a couple of days ago, right after my counselling was done in Pittsburgh. I’m actually thinking about signing up for some more, since the therapist I had back there mainly talked about my family. Alissa was just kind of a background topic, and even though I see why he did that, I still feel like I need to talk more about the impact of her death a little more.” I lifted my eyes up to look at him, immediately intimidated by his gaze and looking back down at my lap. “What about you?”<br /><br />I heard him sigh before he actually answered. “I’ve been busy. My workout schedule takes up most of my time. I don’t want to fall out of shape in the off season, so I’m pretty hard on myself during the summer.” <br /><br />There was a long pause, and as much as I wanted to look up at him, I just couldn’t seem to bring myself to do so. I knew that Sidney didn’t hate me, even though there was a voice in my head telling me that he did, but I was still dealing with a lot of guilt over how things had ended, and every time I looked up and saw him looking back at me, it only seemed to intensify the guilt and the loneliness I had thrown onto myself.<br /><br />Sidney eventually continued, clearly realizing that I wasn’t going to give in and meet his gaze. He told me about the interview’s he’d done, about how fatigued he was from the constant flying back and forth to make appearances that he had agreed to months ago. He told me about how his mom had made him help his dad remodel the kitchen, and about how the person he had spent the most time with was his agent and other coaches who had been at certain events that he had also been asked to show up too.<br /><br />I finally lifted my head back up, relieved to see that Sidney was now looking down at the floor, not at me anymore, and debated whether I wanted to ask the question or not, before I finally just asked, “What happened to the house you bought?”<br /><br />Sidney seemed to freeze, despite the fact that he wasn’t really moving to start with. His fingers, which he had been lightly tapping together, stopped, and his body to seem to jolt into a freeze frame. He didn’t say anything for a moment, and I was beginning to think that he wasn’t even going to answer, before he lifted his head up to look at me, letting me see the way his face had adapted this look that I didn’t even recognize, and answered, “I haven’t been to it since the day we… since you left.”<br /><br />I sucked in my lower lip, giving a small nod and letting my eyes fall away from him again. “I’m sorry, Sidney.”<br /><br />He didn’t reply to the apology, even though I managed to catch a glimpse of his face after I had issued the apology, which let me know that he had heard it. Instead he let out another loud sigh and leaned back a bit. “So, I hear your taking pictures now?”<br /><br />“Yeah. Jory, the Canucks photographer, he’s taking me on as an assistant slash apprentice. He’s an interesting guy,” I answered, letting out a small laugh.<br /><br />Sidney nodded, his focus on the window behind me. “I forgot how much I loved Vancouver,” he said, standing up from the couch and walking over to the window so he could look out it. “I can’t get over the mountains, or even the way the air feels different. Do you know what I mean?” He asked, turning around to glance at me. “Did you notice it when you came back from Pittsburgh, the way the air feels, I don’t know, heavier? But in the best way.”<br /><br />I smiled, shaking my head, no. “I did not notice that. I missed the mountains, but I miss Pittsburgh a lot, actually. It’s beautiful out here, but Pittsburgh really felt like home for those six or so months that I was there.”<br /><br />Sidney turned away from the window to look at me once more, taking a moment to study my face. He had caught my gaze when he turned around, and now that he had it, he held it, making sure that I was actually looking at him. “I’m glad you’re getting help, Hanna. You don’t deserve to hurt anymore.” He seemed to glance past me and at the clock hanging on the kitchen wall before he took a few steps back into the living room, Sidney’s subtle way of showing you that he had to leave. “And I’m really glad that you’re finding your passion. I didn’t even know that you were into photography.”<br /><br />I gave him a soft smile, standing up from the couch but staying a few feet away from him. “I didn’t think I ever had a chance with it, honestly. It wasn’t until Elizabeth and Cameron bought me that camera that I remembered how much I loved it.”<br /><br />He nodded, letting out an awkward laugh. “Yeah, when I heard that you were doing those headshots for Vero, I was really surprised. But, in a good way.” He glanced at the clock again before he looked back at me. “Are you coming with Peyton?”<br /><br />I frowned, “Where is Peyton going?”<br /><br />He smiled. “She didn’t tell you? The Olympic gala I’m going to, I’m actually leaving for it tonight, some of the team is coming with me. Kris, Max, Jordan and Tyler are all going, and obviously Kris is bringing Peyton. I got her an extra ticket for you, but I guess she didn’t tell you about it.”<br /><br />I laughed, “She probably didn’t want to say anything in case you and I didn’t have a good talk today.”<br /><br />He smirked at me, seeming to understand. “Well, I know this was a short visit, but I just…” he shrugged, looking down at the floor for a moment, seeming to try and find the words to finish his sentence before he looked back up at me. “I miss you, Hanna. And I wanted to make sure you were okay, that you were dealing with everything. I know things didn’t end well, and it will take some time before we’re less uncomfortable around each other, but, I really want to be friends again. I found that picture of you, Staalsy and I in the photo booth, and I miss that, you know?”<br /><br />I had to take a moment to try and figure out what he was talking about before I laughed. “Oh yeah. The first day we ever spent any time together,” I remembered, smiling. “I miss that too.”<br /><br />Sidney looked at me for another moment before he turned his gaze away from me and started making his way towards the door. “Well, I told Luongo I’d met him at GM Place in about two hours, and I still have to swing by Rick Bowness’ place and say hi.”<br /><br />I frowned, “You know Rick Bowness?”<br /><br />Sidney was already at the door, putting his flip flops on and tugging his car keys out of his pocket. “Yeah, he lives across the lake from me in Halifax. We go fishing together once in awhile, and his wife invites me over for dinner every so often.” He grinned, “He won’t tell me how to beat Luongo, though, the bastard.”<br /><br />I laughed. “I didn’t know that. This whole time you’ve had an in to helping me meet the Canucks and you didn’t even tell me.”<br /><br />Sidney just shrugged, his hand on the door handle as he looked over at me before giving me a small smile. “Bye, Hanna.”<br /><br />I waved to him, falling backwards onto the couch as soon as he was out the door and groaning into my hands. I was going to be spending another evening with him now that he had invited me to the Olympic gala banquet, and even though I was grateful that he still wanted to be friends, I couldn’t get over how awkward this brief talk had been.<br /><br />“Well, you’re not crying. That’s good,” Peyton said, startling me a bit. <br /><br />I sat up, frowning at her. “Why didn’t you tell me about the Olympic gala?”<br /><br />Peyton made a face, “Oh, right. So, there’s this Olympic gala tomorrow night in Alberta-”<br /><br />“Yeah, I know. Sidney asked me if I was going and then had to awkwardly explain to me that he had given my best friend a ticket for me, and said best friend didn’t tell me!” I reminded her, grabbing a pillow from off of the couch and chucking it at her.<br /><br />Peyton ducked, avoiding the pillow. “Yes, throw things at me. That will urge me to hand you the ticket and say, ‘hey, Hanna, why don’t you and I sit side by side on an airplane for two or so hours and hang out!’”<br /><br />“Please, you’ll sit with Kris and stick me with Max,” I said.<br /><br />Peyton laughed, “I totally would do that, you’re right.” She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “So, you want to go?”<br /><br />“Well, I can’t not go after Sidney came and invited me,” I mumbled, falling back onto the couch. “What am I going to wear?”<br /><br />“We’ll buy you a dress!”<br />I frowned, sitting back up and staring over at where Peyton was, utterly confused as to how Max, Jordan and Kris had ended up behind her. “How did you guys-”<br /><br />“Right, funny story,” Peyton began, causing Jordan to burst into laughter, which caused the rest of us to turn and look at him. He stopped, giving an embarrassed smile. “Sorry, I thought laughing would make the explanation funnier, but I guess I should have waited for her to actually explain it.”<br /><br />Peyton shook her head at him before she looked over at me again. “Well, they’ve all been here the whole time. We were all in my room, just in case you and Sid had a screaming match and we had to intervene.”<br /><br />“But now that you know about the gala,” Max started, skipping over to me and sitting on my lap, making me groan from his weight, “we can all go shopping and get you all pretty.” He grinned, making a bit of a face before adding, “Well, prettier.”<br /><br />I sighed. “Why do you always have to buy me a dress?”<br /><br />“Because, I may be a man, but I can still appreciate a wonderful piece of clothing. But, since I’m a man, I can’t wear them, but I always wish I could buy them and feel beautiful.” He explained.<br /><br />“What’s he’s trying to say,” Jordan cut in, “is that he buys you pretty dresses so that he can live vicariously through you.”<br /><br />“If you feel beautiful, we all feel beautiful,” Kris added.<br /><br />I laughed, pushing Max off of me and completely ignoring his overdramatic cry of pain as I stood up from the couch. “Well, I guess I can appreciate that.”<br /><br />“Good,” Kris said, letting out a yawn before he continued, “because Max already bought a few dresses for you to try on.”<br /><br />“I went with him to make sure he got your size.” Peyton assured me. “And also to stop him from buying this unfortunately fuchsia coloured dress with silver sparkles all over the neckline.”<br /><br />“The dress was beautiful Hanna,” Max told me, grabbing onto one of my legs with a long sigh. “If I had the bust for it, I would be in it right now.”<br /><br />“Okay, someone please give me a distraction to get the image of Max in that dress out of my head,” I whined.<br /><br />“In my head, he purple lipstick, dark blue eye shadow and some serious curls,” Jordan told me, laughing at the facial expressions we all gave him. “But if you want a distraction, I’m starving, and I’ve been told that Vancouver has the best sushi.”<br /><br />“I could actually go for some sushi,” I agreed, kicking Max off of my leg and heading over to where the shoe closet was. “What time do we have to leave tomorrow?” I asked.<br /><br />“Around noon, I think,” Peyton answered, already waiting with the door open. “You sure you want to go?”<br /><br />“I’m positive,” I answered. Smiling at her before I stepped out of the apartment, waiting for the rest of them to join me.Mackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08005607416251563909noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6551347663728545830.post-19891174743771155632010-07-28T20:42:00.000-07:002010-07-28T20:44:41.925-07:00Moments<em>Hey guys! So, I'm just letting you know that, if I write this out as it is in my head, there's only two parts after this. But, as I said on Mibba, if you have a suggestion for who I should write about next, leave a comment and let me know! I'm not 100% positive that I will write a whole 'nother story, but I would definitely write a so called "one shot." Also, thank you all so much for continuing to read and comment. I really appreciate it.</em><br />--------------------------------------<br /><br />“You are so confusing,” Peyton said to me, watching as I carried another box inside of the apartment. “Just over six months ago, you move out to find yourself. I replace you with a new, mildly smelly, barely speaks English and doesn’t pay the rent room mate. Now, barely speaks English is living on the street, and you’re back. I’m confused.”<br /><br />I had stopped mid-way through the hallway to turn and stare at her in the living room as she spoke, shaking my head. “Your roommates name was Natalie and she was from Burnaby. Why are you lying to me about her?”<br /><br />“Burnaby’s version of English and Vancouver’s version of English are not on the same page. Do you know what the bitch referred to Chiliwack as? The wack. What the hell, right?”<br /><br />I laughed, setting the box down in my room before turning and walking back out to where Peyton was sitting in the living room with a giant bottle of Mountain Dew. “I missed you, Peyton.”<br /><br />She grinned, pouring me a glass of Mountain Dew. “I know.” She handed me the cup she had just poured for me, picking her own back up and taking a sip. “So, you’re back.”<br /><br />I nodded, taking a drink from the cup. “I’m back.”<br /><br />“How does it feel?”<br /><br />I sighed, letting my head fall back against the couch with a shrug. “I don’t know. I almost feel like I’m in the same position, but that’s probably just because I feel so lonely now. Once I get past that, I’m sure I’ll see all the good Pittsburgh did for me.”<br /><br />Peyton nodded, leaning forward to set her cup down on the table. “You’re not alone, though. I’m here, and even though I feel as if my level of awesome is high enough that you don’t need other friends, Max, Marc and Jordan already made plans to come see you, and Kris will be here all next week.” She studied my face for a moment before nodding in understanding, “Oh, I see. You mean lonely because there’s no…. boy.”<br /><br />I let out a half laugh, “You can say his name, Peyton. It’s not like I won’t hear it thirty times a day on the TV or radio.”<br /><br />She grinned, “I’m sure all the posters of him celebrating that big goal in the Olympics being plastered all over the city doesn’t help either, huh?”<br /><br />“Not really.” I admitted, sighing. “I just can’t believe that I’m back here already. I was starting to believe that Pittsburgh was my new home. That I’d never be coming back here unless I was visiting. I guess it’s just hard to swallow, that’s all,” I tried to explain to her.<br /><br />Peyton gave me a small smile, letting out a sigh. “Well, sometimes life has different plans for you. Besides, working as an assistant to the Vancouver Canucks main photographer? I mean, that’s a pretty rad deal, Hanna.”<br /><br />“Yeah, I guess it’s okay,” I joked, taking another drink from my cup before letting out a groan. “I can’t believe I’m back in this apartment.”<br /><br />“Can you smell the Thai food? It’s the only thing Natalie would eat, and I swear that eventually it made everything taste like Thai food. Everything. Even cereal.” She leaned forward so that her face was only a few inches from mine and asked, “Do you know the terror of putting a spoonful of Foot Loops into your mouth, and tasting Tom Yam?”<br /><br />I pushed her face away from me, letting out a loud laugh. “Oh my goodness, Peyton. I don’t know how I survived six months without you.”<br /><br />“Well, clearly you didn’t do too well,” she joked, earning a push from me.<br /><br />“I don’t even know what Tom Yam is, but the amount of dirty jokes I want to say now is just unthinkable,” I added, letting out a long sigh as I leaned forward and set my cup down on the table, looking around at the apartment.<br /><br />“It’s hot and sour soup. It’s also not delicious.” Peyton stood up from the couch, stretching her arms above her head before she glanced back down at me. “Well, let’s get to unpacking your stuff. Also, I need to explain to you why there’s now a whole in the bathroom.”<br /><br />“There’s a whole in the bathroom? Where?” I asked, standing up and following her down the hall to where my room was. <br /><br />“In the wall,” she answered, pausing to glance back at me. “I don’t want to get to into it right now, but it may have involved me trying to kick Natalie, and missing.”<br /><br />I laughed. “I can’t imagine why she was so eager to move out.”<br /><br />“I don’t know either! Bitch drank all the milk. If anyone should have wanted to run out of the apartment, it should have been me.”<br /><br />I could only roll my eyes at her.<br /><br />-----------------------------------<br /><br />“Hanna, are you listening to me?”<br /><br />I nodded, trying to pick up the papers I had just dropped. “I am. I’m just…I’m really nervous, Jory, that’s all.”<br /><br />Jory, the main photographer for the Vancouver Canucks, only chuckled at me as I nervously followed after him. “This is the dressing room, as I’m sure you can tell,” he said, letting me step into the Canucks locker room. “Media and photographers are only allowed in if one of the coaches or the media coach says so. Usually, I’m allowed in before and after games pre-media scrum, but not only. It depends on the game,” he said. “Also, you can only be in here taking pictures, or in the hall where the equipment is taken care of. No sneaking off to try and snap a picture of Kesler in the showers.”<br /><br />I felt my face burn with embarrassment, earning another laugh out of Jory. “Okay.”<br /><br />He shook his head at me, half laughing still. “Hanna, you need to lighten up. This is a fun job. All of the players are really nice, and really funny guys.” He paused, furrowing his brow for a second. “Well, except Alex Edler. I mean, he’s really nice, but he’s also really quiet. Sometimes, I worry that he’s only so silent because he’s plotting all of our deaths.” He turned to look at me, seeing the disturbed look on my face and patted my head. “Don’t worry, he’s too shy around girls to do anything to you, other than smile and scratch his neck awkwardly whenever you talk to him.” He sighed, “Anyways, feel free to marvel in the beauty of the best locker room in all the NHL.”<br /><br />I took a step further into the room and took it all in. Jory wasn’t lying when he told me to marvel in it. The room was circular, so that each stall faced into the centre of the room, and every player could see each other and be seen, no one being stuck in a corner. It left far more open space for walking around and for the media to pile in after practices or games. Behind the actual locker room was the players lounge, a room filled with comfortable couches, a kitchen and table, three big screen TV’s and all kinds of game counsels. Then there was the sauna room, where there was a giant hot tub, as well as an ice bath, and, well, the sauna. Showers were somewhere in the same area, but Jory didn’t show me them since he was convinced I might use my camera for “evil.” <br /><br />The coaches offices were surrounded in glass, so they could see the players out in the hallway, even though most of the time, the players weren’t around the offices anyways. I didn’t get a tour of the equipment room, but I could only imagine that it was superior to most other equipment rooms.<br /><br />“Jory, I have a question for you,” I said as he lead me back out of the change room and towards the tiny room that was called his office. “How did I end up with this assistant, apprentice, whatever job?”<br /><br />He laughed at me again, something I was beginning to learn would be a typical exchange between us. “It was Bowness who showed me some of your pictures. I guess he got them from a friend of yours, or maybe a friend of a friend? Anyways, you’ve got potential. You’re good at the portrait style photos, so when the season starts up, you can help with headshots for the stat cards and website, as well as photos at practice. There’s a lot of standing around listening to the coaches plays at practice, so you can get some good still photos. We’ll get you a proper camera for live action shots, because that one,” he pointed to the camera in my hand, “won’t work.”<br /><br />I had to shake my head, trying to absorb everything that he had just said. “So, was it Vero who sent in pics for me?” I asked.<br /><br />Jory glanced at me, a small smirk forming on his face. “Well, who do you think it was?”<br /><br />I sighed, following him out of his office and towards the actual arena, even though it was void of ice due to the summer time. “This job,” I started, “it’s an actual job, right? You’re not just making something up because my friend made you feel sorry for you?”<br /><br />“Sorry for you?” He asked, almost laughing again. “Hanna, I am 36 and balding. I tried to grow a playoff beard faster than a cheeta pet this year, and I failed. You think I’d feel sorry for you because you’re 21 and don’t have a permanent career yet?” He did laugh this time, reaching out to ruffle my hair. “You’re silly. You can help me write the captions for the photos, I think. Maybe. We’ll see how funny your ideas are.”<br /><br />-------------------------------------<br /><br />“Hanna!” Peyton answered the door, standing in my way as I tried to enter the apartment. “You are home earlier then I thought.”<br /><br />I eyed her curiously. “What are you hiding from me?”<br /><br />Peyton sighed, moving so I could enter the apartment finally. “It was going to be a surprise.”<br /><br />I tossed my purse onto the floor, walking towards the living room. “What was supposed to be a surpri-”<br /><br />“HANNA!” Max yelled, tackling me to the floor before I could even finish my sentence. “Oh no, you fell down!” He yelled, already standing back up.<br /><br />“Shit, Max, I think you broke my hip bone,” I whined accepting the hand he extended and allowing him to help me up.<br /><br />He chuckled, letting go of my hand and stuffing it into his pocket, using his free hand to point at me with a wink, “Not the first time I’ve heard that from a lady.”<br /><br />I made a face, peering around him to see Kris and Jordan sitting on the couch. “You guys are here too!” I yelled, startling Kris who dropped the bowl of chips he was holding. “I mean, I expected Kris since he’s dating Peyton, but Jordan!”<br /><br />Jordan stood up from the couch, clapping his hands and jumping over to me. “It’s a surprise visit!” He yelled, grabbing my hands and making me jump with him.<br /><br />I laughed, my laughter escalating when Max, after watching the two of with a curious expression, came over and joined the jump circle, letting out a squeal when I almost fell into him, the intensity of my laughter having knocked me off balance and into him. “Oh my God, Hanna, your got clumsiness all over my favourite shirt!” He yelled, making me have to sit down from the overall ridiculousness of the moment.<br /><br />Peyton came over to help me up, shaking her head at the three of us with a small laugh. “I miss these moments. I feel like I missed so many of them while you were off in Pittsburgh.”<br /><br />I nodded, wiping away the tears that my fit of laughter had caused. “Yeah, but I have a feeling there will be many more of these to come, whether these boys are here or not.”<br /><br />Peyton grinned at me. “This is such a Hannah Montana moment. Seriously, if one of us had a bad braid in their hair, I’d feel like we were ripping the show off.”<br /><br />Once I had finally gotten over the shock of seeing Max, Jordan and Kris again, Peyton and Kris began whispering to one another, stopping occasionally to glance over at me before whispering again. “What are you guys talking about?” I asked, seeming to catch both of them off guard.<br /><br />Peyton sighed, running her hands up and down the tops of her thighs nervously before finally just saying, “Sidney is coming over tomorrow. He wants to talk to you.”<br /><br />“Peyton, she wasn’t supposed to know until he was here,” Kris said. “Remember, he said he didn’t want her to know ahead of time because he was worried that she’d spend too much time being afraid of how it would go.” <br /><br />“Wow, you two are terrible at keeping secrets,” Jordan mumbled, making Max chuckle.<br /><br />“He’s coming over tomorrow?” I asked. “When?”<br /><br />Peyton shrugged, “He didn’t say exactly. His flight gets in early, like nine am or so, but he might not come straight here. And he’s only staying for a day, then he’s hopping on a plane and going to Alberta for something about the Olympics. Apparently some of Team Canada live out here and he’s going with them, but he wanted to stop by first.”<br /><br />I nodded, letting out a nervous breath of air. “Well, I’m glad you told me. If he had just shown up, I probably would have crapped myself.”<br /><br />“That’s a pretty typical reaction for him, he probably wouldn’t even notice,” Max said.<br /><br />I shot him an unimpressed look, fighting back laughter when he picked up a cup to throw at me, not realizing that it had pop in it which resulted in him dumping the cup on himself.<br /><br />It was good that he, and Jordan and Kris and Peyton, were here for momentary distraction. Because, as much as I was trying to act like it was no big deal, my palms were already moistening with sweat from the nerves Sidney’s news had caused.<em></em>Mackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08005607416251563909noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6551347663728545830.post-90842037228983627562010-07-22T02:58:00.000-07:002010-07-22T02:59:21.865-07:00Adventures“Hanna?” Vero called, the sound of her walking through the living room accompanying the call.<br /><br />“I’m in my room,” I called back, flipping shut the book I was reading and looking up at her as soon as she walked into my room. “What do you need?”<br /><br />She smiled, walking over to sit on the edge of my bed. “I just wanted to see how you were doing.”<br /><br />I smirked at her, sitting up on my bed. “I go to counselling to talk about my feelings, Vero, you don’t need to worry about me,” I reminded her.<br /><br />She nodded, smoothing out the comforter on my bed before letting out a long sigh. “I actually wanted to ask you of a favour.”<br /><br />I nodded, again, trying not to giggle at her. “What is it?”<br /><br />“You would be okay with me leaving for a few days, right?” She asked, giving me a small smile. “Because, those pictures you took for me, they worked. I have been asked to fly out to New York and meet with an agent.”<br /><br />I felt my mouth fall open for a moment before I lunged forward and pulled her into a hug. “Vero, that’s amazing! Of course you should go, I’ll be fine here.”<br /><br />She laughed, “Are you sure? I hate to leave you when you’re still…”<br /><br />I smiled at her, “Sad? Don’t worry about me, Vero, I can manage. Remember, counselling? I believe I just brought it up a moment ago. Besides, I think a little alone time would be good for me.”<br /><br />She nodded, looking me over with a soft sigh. “I just feel bad, leaving you after a break up.”<br /><br />“Well, it was a little bit my fault for the break-up, and it was almost a month ago now. I will be fine. I’ll hang out with… I don’t know, someone. I’ll be fine, okay. I’ll be here, working and spending my spare time taking pictures and crying every time the TV plays a hockey commercial with Sidney in it,” I joked.<br />She smiled at me, reaching out to move my hair out of my face, a gentle gesture that Vero often used with me. At times, she seemed more like a mother figure to me then one of my closest friends, and after ruining what might have been the best relationship of my life, it was nice to have. “Have you talked to Sidney?”<br /><br />I shook my head, I giving a small shrug. “No, but he sort of hinted that he thought us being so far apart might be a good thing, so I’m not going to worry about it too much.” I let out another sigh, grinning at Vero. “When are you leaving?”<br /><br />“In two days, if it is okay?” She asked, smiling shyly.<br /><br />I rolled my eyes. “Vero, I just told you it’s fine if you leave. You can’t miss out on a possible modeling gig because I just went through a break-up. That’s ridiculous.”<br /><br />“That is what Marc-Andre told me, too,” she said, laughing. “You’ll help me pack then?”<br /><br />“Oh, I see. This is the favour you were going to ask for?” I let out a soft laugh when she nodded. “Fine. I mean, it’s not like I already took the pictures that got you this possible modelling gig. I definitely haven’t done enough for you.”<br /><br />She smirked at me as we both our made way towards her room. “That reminds me,” she began, “how are you liking staying here for almost free?”<br /><br />I laughed, “Wow. Okay, touché.”<br /><br />--------------------------------------<br /><br />The apartment was so quiet without Vero in it. The first day without her had been good. I did need a little quiet time, not that Vero was really much of the noise maker, and it was nice to be able to sit down and actually think about the way things were now.<br /><br />By the second day, however, I was just out about losing my mind. It seemed like everywhere I turned there was a poster of Sidney, a commercial about his golden goal, an FSN commercial featuring him, or a poster of him staring down at me. My counselling sessions had moved on from discussing my family to asking about current relationships and who had helped me realize I needed the counselling, and when my poor counsellor asked me if Sidney was still in my life, I almost started crying. I knew that us not being together, at least at this point in time, was what was best for us. But at the same time, I had never missed anything as much as I missed Sidney’s voice. <br /><br />It was funny, the things that you do end up missing. I had been to afraid to admit that I wasn’t actually ready for such a serious relationship because I thought I would miss the feeling of his arms around me, or the way his lips felt when he kissed the crook of my neck. I thought I’d miss holding his hand, or falling asleep beside him on the nights that he slept over. But now that all of that was actually gone, I found that I missed his voice more than anything else. I missed the way he would breathe that he loved me into my ear when he was tired. I missed those few moments when he was deep in thought and I would interrupt them with a random comment, and he would let out this soft laugh before telling me I was ridiculous. I missed listening to him. I missed him. I missed the friendship even more then I missed the romantic side of our relationship, and I couldn’t stop worrying that my refusal to just admit that I needed to take a step back and deal with my baggage had ruined every aspect of Sidney and I.<br /><br />I finally moved myself off the couch, where I had been lying since I had arrived home from work, and sulked my way into the kitchen, opening the freezer and grabbing the small pint of ice cream. I was just about to grab a spoon when I heard a knock at the door, making me abandon the pint of ice cream on the counter and head over to the door, tugging it open to reveal Max and Jordan on the other side. “You guys are still in Pittsburgh?” I asked, letting them come into the apartment.<br /><br />Max nodded, looking around the place. “Yeah, well, I can’t go back to Quebec yet. Not when I brought the cup last year, and this year? Nothing.”<br /><br />I laughed, looking over at Jordan, who was already looking through my fridge. “What about you?”<br /><br />“Me?” He asked, standing up with a jar of pickles in his hand. “I just like Pittsburgh.”<br /><br />Max pointed over at the untouched container of ice cream and raised an eyebrow at me. “Are you doing that thing girls do when they are sad? Eating bad food and being sad?”<br /><br />I sighed, “That was the plan, until you two showed up.”<br /><br />Jordan chewed on a pickle, loudly, before saying, “We’re surprisingly in touch with our feminine side.”<br /><br />Max nodded, picking up the carton of ice cream. “We can cry about Sidney, too. No worries. But we might need more ice cream.”<br /><br />I laughed, “Thanks, guys. I’m not sure I want to cry about Sidney anymore, though,” I admitted, walking into the living room and waiting for them to join me. “I just feel lost, guys. I know that this counselling is good for me, and I’ve been loving my time with my new camera, but I still feel like I have no direction. I gave up my relationship because I needed to deal with everything, but now I feel like I’m even more lost.”<br /><br />Max and Jordan exchanged a completely bewildered look, Jordan still eating pickles straight out of the jar and Max with a spoonful of ice cream in his mouth. After a moment, Max spoke. “Hanna, we can’t help you with that.”<br /><br />I sighed, “I know. I just missed having someone to talk too,” I explained.<br />“Well,” Jordan began, crossing one leg over the other and holding the pickle in his hand up in the air for a dramatic pose, “I think that you should spend some time having fun. Your pictures are good, your cookies are good. Keep doing things that make you happy, and keep going to counselling.”<br /><br />I rolled my eyes. “I thought you’d share some life changing advice with me.”<br /><br />“I’m a Staal, not a therapist,” he scoffed, taking a loud bite out of the pickle.<br /><br />“Well I think,” Max began, “that Jordan has a point. You spent a long time ignoring parts of yourself. Spend some time focusing on them. You and Sid both need to just take a little while and live. You’re both just thinking about your relationship, and since there isn’t one right now, maybe you should be thinking about yourself.” He took another spoonful of ice cream, watching to see if I would mock his advice before adding, “What do you want to do? What makes you happy?”<br /><br />“Honestly?” I asked, watching both of them. “Photography. And baking. I’m happiest when I’m taking pictures, and I love coming home and making cookies or cakes.”<br /><br />“Which is better?” Jordan asked.<br /><br />“Photography,” I answered without a thought. “I love capturing a moment. With one movement, the entire story behind the picture could change. Someone could be laughing when I lift my camera up, and scowling by the time the flash has gone off, but I caught the moment of happiness. They’ll look back on it and see the smile. That’s what I love. Capturing those moments.”<br /><br />Jordan and Max seemed to exchange another look before Jordan set the jar of pickles down the table and leaned forward. “Have you ever thought about maybe being a sports photographer?”<br /><br />I laughed. “You need a degree for that, guys. Or at least a lot of credibility.”<br /><br />“What if we said that we could get you on as a junior photographer with a team?” Max asked. “You’d take some pictures, and you could put them on your own site.”<br /><br />“The only catch is that you’d be moving again,” Jordan told me.<br /><br />I was still caught off guard by the offer and had to take a moment think about it before asking, “Where would I be going this time?”<br /><br />“Back to Vancouver,” Max said, grinning at me. “It wouldn’t be until your counselling is done, so you don’t have to worry about that.”<br /><br />I sighed, “Back to Vancouver? I just moved into this place with Vero.”<br />“You’ve barely unpacked,” Jordan reminded me. “And if you don’t want to do it-”<br /><br />“I do,” I said. “I’m just… how did you guys manage this?”<br /><br />There was a pause, the two of them exchanging another look before turning back to me with a grin. “We know Rick Bowness, the assistant coach of the Canucks, and he introduced us to Jory, their team photographer, and he mentioned needing an assistant. That’s all.”<br /><br />“How did you meet Rick Bowness?” I asked.<br /><br />“Hanna, that’s not important,” Max said. “What’s important is that you find yourself. Wait until you’re done your counselling to really answer, but I think this might be good for you.”<br /><br />“Back to Vancouver?” I repeated, sighing. “You boys, you’re just taking my life and throwing it into all kinds of walls.”<br /><br />Jordan grinned, “We’re hockey players. Smashing people into boards and walls is what we do.”<br /><br />I rolled my eyes at him, shaking my head when Max and him both high fived in laughterMackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08005607416251563909noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6551347663728545830.post-59959365584796839992010-07-13T19:25:00.001-07:002010-07-13T19:25:36.693-07:00ChangesPeyton sat on the floor across me, twisting her mouth from side to side as she watched me sit with my gaze on the floor, the boxes filled with my few belongings around us. She sighed, reaching out and putting a hand on my leg. “Hanna, it’s okay if you weren’t ready. I mean, I don’t mean to be a jerk, but we both knew you weren’t ready to live with him,” she reminded me, causing me to lift my head up and look at her as she gave a shrug. “I mean, I figured you’d last a few days, not less than an hour, but still. You knew you weren’t ready. Why’d you even go?”<br /><br />It was my turn to shrug as I rubbed my hand back and forth against the carpet, not looking up at Peyton. “I wanted to be ready. I didn’t want to carry around these issues anymore, and I love Sidney. I wanted to prove to everyone that they were wrong, and we weren’t going to fast, and… it all made sense when I packed everything.”<br /><br />Peyton nodded, blowing her bangs away from her face and studying me for another moment before asking, “What are you going to do now?”<br /><br />I let out a long breath of air, picking at some loose threads in the carpet as I shrugged, finally lifting up my tired eyes to look at her. “I’m getting counselling. And, I’m moving in with Vero, she’s planning to transfer out here to Pittsburgh University, so we’re getting an apartment together. I’m going to keep working at the bakery until something better comes up, and hope that one day Sidney will speak to me again.”<br /><br />“So, in short, you’re not even sure?” Peyton asked.<br /><br />“Not really. I know I need counselling. I mean, I was ready to just throw my life and problems at Sidney and hope he would deal with it for me. I see now that you have to deal with it yourself. I can’t ignore it anymore.”<br /><br />“I’m glad you see that,” Peyton told me, scooting closer to me. “Hanna, I know that you’re really upset and confused right now, but it’s not bad to step away from some things in order to sort yourself out. The point of you coming out to Pittsburgh wasn’t to date Sidney Crosby, it was to find some head space.”<br /><br />I nodded, forcing a smile at her. “Well, all I have is space now, right?”<br /><br />“Don’t get all melodramatic on me, Hanna,” Peyton laughed, earning a genuine smirk out of me. “This is going to be okay. You’ll get help, you’ll move out of Pascal’s basement, you’ll figure out what you want to do with your life.” She paused, putting a hand on my shoulder. “And Sid just needs to calm down. It might take him a few days, but you know he’s not the type to cut you out of his life. He’ll want to make sure you’re okay.”<br /><br />I nodded, trying to convince myself that I believed her.<br /><br />---------------------------------<br /><br />“Hanna, stop sulking,” Vero ordered, making me jump away from the box I was about to pick up. “We have unpacking to do.”<br /><br />“I have unpacking to do,” I corrected. “You told me you were looking for a place, not that you had one.”<br /><br />She smiled, “Well, Marc-Andre bought me this place. I was trying to find my own place because I feel bad just accepting things from him, but this is the best apartment for two people. It has a fireplace.”<br /><br />I laughed, “Well, two friends can only share an apartment if there’s a fireplace. I agree.” I picked the box up and carried it into the room that was slowly being turned into my own. “I’m sorry by the way. I’m sorry that I ruined your plans of finding your own place, without Marc’s help, because I’m a head case.”<br /><br />Vero shot me a stern look, frowning at me. “Hanna, don’t you dare. Even though I do think that Sidney has a right to be so upset, I also see why it happened. You need to take a little time and get help. If being here with me will help you with that, I am happy to have you.”<br /><br />I smiled at her, “Thanks, Vero. I really appreciate it. I know the Dupuis’ weren’t going to kick me out because Sidney and I broke up, but I felt like I couldn’t continue mooching off of his friends. Not when he hates me.”<br /><br />“Sidney doesn’t hate you,” Vero corrected me. “He’s only so sad because he sees that this break is best for you. And I think that a part of him knew that you weren’t ready to live with him. Give him a little bit of time to deal with this and he’ll be back to calling you and asking how you are.” She sighed, putting both hands on her hips and glancing around at the apartment. “Well, I think that we have had made good progress. Do you want to take a break and maybe get some food to eat?”<br /><br />I wiped the palm of my hands on my jeans and nodded. “Yes, I would love to eat something. I’m starving.”<br /><br />She nodded, turning to grab her purse and accidentally knocking over a bag of my things, causing my pictures from my family trip, a few tubes of lip gloss, some books and my cell phone, immediately apologizing and bending down to pick up everything she had knocked over.<br /><br />“Don’t even worry about it,” I assured her, helping to gather up the bags belongings.<br /><br />Vero let out a soft gasp from beside me, causing me to turn and glance at her. “Hanna, who took these?” She asked, lifting up one of the pictures of baby Alison and looking at me expectantly.<br /><br />I glanced at the picture, stacking up the few books that had fallen. “I did. Cameron and Elizabeth bought me a camera while I was there, and I pretty much spent all of my time taking pictures.”<br /><br />She nodded, looking at a few more pictures. “Hanna, you are a wonderful photograph.”<br /><br />I tried not to laugh at her improper English, instead smiling. “Thanks, Vero.”<br /><br />“No, I mean it,” she said, standing back up and looking through a few more of the pictures before looking back up at me. “I actually could use your help. I need someone to take head shots of me.”<br /><br />“Head shots? For what?” I asked, putting the books back into the bag.<br /><br />She gave me an embarrassed glance, looking back down at the counter. “Well, I’m thinking of maybe doing some modeling.”<br /><br />“What? Vero, that’s amazing. You’re totally perfect for that, you’re all tall and gorgeous. Are you sure you want me to take the pictures?” I asked her.<br /><br />“I’m sure. I’ll even pay you, if you want,” she bargained.<br /><br />I laughed, “Your family is going to pay my rent, I swear. With my job at your dad’s bakery and you paying me to take pictures.”<br /><br />She only smiled. “Come on, let’s go get food, and then we can see when picture time can happen.”<br /><br />--------------------------<br /><br />The apartment that Vero and I were living in was quite a change from the Dupuis basement. Aside from the fact that I had to take an elevator up three stories, there was the new layout, which had the kitchen across my room instead of beside the living room as I had grown accustomed too, and a decent sized living room, which was the first thing you saw when you walked in, a bathroom in between Vero and I’s room, and no long hallway like I had in my basement suite. Even though I had lived alone there, being alone in the apartment was almost spooky. We weren’t even completely moved in, given, it had only been a few days, but with Vero having a few days off, I had grown used to her company already. My shifts at the bakery started early, meaning I was home early and left alone for long stretches of time. It gave me far too much time to think about the last week, and how I had gone from starting to mend things with my brother, and having an incredible boyfriend who wanted to move in with me, to being miserable, about to start counselling, and living with a French girl who, even though she was all kinds of sweet, didn’t understand my love of Wheel Of Fortune.<br /><br />I flopped down on the couch, letting out a long sigh as I grabbed the remote, trying to distract myself from how many changes were occurring around me. My parents had no idea about any of the sudden changes, especially Sidney since they were so in love with him, and now that Peyton had to fly back out to Vancouver, I had been living in my head too much. Trying to keep myself from focusing on the fact that Sidney hadn’t spoken to me since I left the mansion he had bought in tears and asked Max to come pick me up, I began flipping through all the channels, trying to find something to amuse me. Just as I had seemed to settle on a re-run of [I]Wizards of Waverly place[/I], there was a knock at the door.<br /><br />I had to stretch before I was able to walk towards the door, my ponytail stuck in the back of my shirt, making me reach back and fix it as I pulled open the door, freezing mid-motion as I looked up at Sidney’s blank face, my breath catching in my throat and my mind seeming to just lose track of itself as I stared up at him. “Sidney. I didn’t think you’d want to see me.”<br /><br />He rolled his jaw, looking past me and not at me. “I didn’t. Max drove me here and said I had to talk to you.”<br /><br />I felt my shoulders sag down, my eyes dropping from him and to the floor. “Oh.” I cleared my throat, “Well, I can tell Max that you came here and we talked everything out if you just want to leave.”<br /><br />He nodded, “Thanks,” he turned away from me and made his way back down the hall towards the elevators, making me suck my bottom lip in as I was suddenly hit with a wave of emotions again.<br /><br />I shut the door, wiping away the few tears that were leaking down my face before I leaned against the wall, trying to compose myself so I could walk back over to the living room. <br /><br />I knew that it was my fault that Sidney wasn’t a fan of mine anymore, but I hadn’t expected him to actually avoid talking to me when I was right in front of him. Seeing him just turn away from me without a second thought, it was enough to just about break me.<br /><br />Another knock on the door caused me to push myself away from the wall, wipe my face and tug the door open, just about crying again when I saw that it was Sidney once more.<br /><br />He sighed, “I’m sorry. I’m still…. I’m still trying to decide how I feel, and even though I’m still really mad at you, I shouldn’t have done that.”<br /><br />I nodded, unable to say anything more to him and choosing to step aside and let him come into the apartment instead. Sidney brushed past me, not even bothering to take off his shoes, and paused to glance around the apartment before he sat down in the armchair, waiting for me to shut the door and sit across from him on the couch before sighing. “So, what’s your plan now?” He asked.<br /><br />I chewed in the inside of my cheek for a second, not able to meet his gaze. “I’m starting counselling next week to deal with Alissa’s death and my family’s trouble, and I’m going to go back to doing photography for fun. I’d forgotten about how much I loved taking pictures until I was in PEI.”<br /><br />He nodded, rubbing his hands together. “Well, I’m really happy for you,” he said, standing up from the chair.<br /><br />I stood up, too. “Sidney,” I started, watching as he hesitated before turning back to me. “I’m sorry. I should have told you that I wasn’t ready, but I wanted to be. I wanted to be ready for everything, for you. But I wasn’t, and I wish I could tell you why I wasn’t, and I’m sure you already know this, but it was completely me. I hate to be this person, but, it wasn’t you. It was me.”<br /><br />Sidney took in a big breath of air, the kind that seemed to puff his chest out even more, before sighing. “I’m only this mad because you kept telling me that you were okay, and when I told you that I had thought about marrying you, you didn’t tell me that hearing that scared you. Why didn’t you tell me that you couldn’t think that far ahead? After everything I told you, about how hard it is for me to open up to people and how much I wanted to know about you and be there for you, and you couldn’t even tell me that you had these fears?”<br /><br />“I didn’t want to have them,” I tried to explain. “Sidney, I’ve been running from how much hurt and guilt Alissa’s death put on me since it happened eight years ago. I came here to deal with it, to try and figure out my life. I knew I wanted you in my life, but because I don’t have the other pieces, I didn’t know where you would fit in. It scared me to hear that you had already fit me into yours.”<br /><br />He gave a half shrug. “Maybe this is for the best. I’m going back to Nova Scotia for the off season, so you won’t have to worry about me showing up and being a jerk to you, again.” He kidded.<br /><br />I smiled, crossing my arms. “You’re not a jerk, Sidney. You’re a great guy.” I pursed my lips, looking away from him. “And, if you find some other girl in the off season-”<br /><br />“Sop that,” he said, surprising me when he reached out and pulled me into him. When he let go of me he sighed, putting his hands into his pocket and seeming to scan over my face for a moment before he turned and headed towards the door, pausing on his way out to say, “Bye Hanna.”Mackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08005607416251563909noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6551347663728545830.post-62118160078090938732010-07-07T23:11:00.001-07:002010-07-07T23:11:42.969-07:00TimeCameron and I drove in silence back to the house, my parents having left earlier to get some sleep. Elizabeth would have to stay overnight, along with the tiny little baby, leaving Cameron and I to have to drive back together.<br /><br />I had my head against the window, watching as the moisture from my breath fogged up a tiny space on the window for a few seconds before disappearing until my next breath. Cameron and I hadn’t uttered a single word to each other since he had told me that Elizabeth was in labour, and even though I was trying to act as if I didn’t notice the thick smoke of tension suffocating us, it was, well, suffocating.<br /><br />Cameron let out a loud breath of air and glanced over at me as the car came to a brief stop at a red light. “So, are we just not talking ever again?”<br /><br />I shrugged, still with my face pressed against the window, voicing no response.<br /><br />Cameron tightened his grip on the steering wheel and seemed to take a deep breath before speaking again. “I’m sorry for upsetting you,” he began, having to move his attention back to the road as the light changed. “I wasn’t trying to tell you that Sidney was a bad guy, or even that you were making the wrong choices. I just don’t want you to have to look back at this relationship and wish that you hadn’t gone so far, if the relationship doesn’t work out.” He stopped, his eyes widening as he turned to look at me quickly. “Not that I’m saying I think it won’t work out I’m just…I’m just saying.”<br /><br />I lifted my head up from the window and looked over at him, twisting my mouth to the side for a moment before letting out a soft, probably inaudible, sigh. “I get that. It’s just that it feels like everyone thinks that I’m too young to know what’s best for me. And I just, I’m still having a hard time listening to your advice. I can see that you’re not the same, but I’m still really affected by the past.”<br /><br />“That’s why I’m worried,” he tried to explain. “Hanna, so much has happened to you. Losing your best friend, who’s also part of your family, that’s hard. And when you’re stupid brother blames you for it, it probably doesn’t help.”<br /><br />I only nodded, my attention falling to my folded hands in my laps.<br /><br />Cameron was silent for a few moments before he quietly said, “I don’t want you to leave in a couple of days and still hate me. I don’t want you to think that I still view you as some immature little girl who can’t make up her own mind.”<br /><br />“What do you want me to think, then?” I asked, looking up at him.<br /><br />The car came to a stop as we had pulled into the driveway of his house, allowing him to turn and look at me. “I want you to think-no, I want you to [I]know[/I] that I think you’re growing up to be one of the most amazing people I’ve ever known, and the only reason I’m so concerned about your relationship is because I don’t want this spirit in you to be lost in heart ache. I believe Sidney is a great guy, and I don’t doubt that you love him and he loves you,” Cameron explained, studying my face to make sure he hadn’t lost me, “I just don’t want you to give more than you’re ready to to him, and look back on this with regret. If Sidney is as amazing as I’ve heard he is, he’ll understand if you ask him to slow things down a bit.”<br /><br />There was a part of me that was still angered at the mention of Sidney and I moving too fast, even those same fears were emerging in my own mind. At the same time, I could see that Cameron had never intended to set something off inside of the me the way he had. Sitting there, with the inside car light reflecting off of his face, I could see the pain Cameron felt. I could see the remorse in his eyes when he mentioned Alissa and how he had blamed me. I could hear the fear at me losing myself in a relationship that I might not be ready for in his voice when he spoke, and he looked at me expectantly, waiting to hear what I would say back, I could see that the Cameron I had grown to hate was no longer there, and that the man sitting next to me hated him just as much as I had. He had changed. He had taken the time to deal with his issues, to take steps in a better direction, to find his place in life. And the reason he was so worried about me was because he could see it clearer than anyone else;<br />I hadn’t yet.<br />I didn’t know what to say to back him. Instead of even attempting, I reached out and placed a hand on his shoulder, giving it a small squeeze, and smiled. “Thanks.”<br /><br />Cameron nodded back, the two of us finally climbing out of the car and heading back inside to sleep before he would be leaving to go see his new daughter, and I would be calling the airline to see if I could change my flight and head back to Pittsburgh sooner than I had planned. <br /><br />------------------------------------<br /><br /><br />“What did they name her?” Peyton asked me again, yawning beside me.<br /><br />“Alison. Alison Jane Ashton,” I answered, smiling faintly. “She was the tiniest, sweetest little thing I had ever seen, Peyton, I swear. I can hardly believe that Cameron was involved in creating her, she was just so lovely.”<br /><br />Peyton smiled, unlocking the back of her car and letting me toss my bag in. “That’s so amazing, you being an aunt. I wish I had been there to see the little cutie.”<br /><br />“Oh, don’t even worry, I took a gazillion pictures of her,” I told her, grinning. “That camera Liz and Cameron bought me certainly got used the last week. I have four packages of photos already.”<br /><br />“Wow, way to be an over-achiever. Sidney’s rubbing off on you.” She glanced at me, “Speaking of which, have you talked to him since he told you he wanted to marry you and you basically hung up on him?”<br /><br />“I had to hang up, Alison had just been born,” I reminded her. “I called him to tell him that the baby was here and safe, and I told him her name and weight, and then told him I was going tog et some sleep, book a flight home and I loved him.”<br /><br />“So, he’s sitting at the big empty house he bought thinking you’d live in it with him wondering if he just dropped a million dollars on a house he’ll be living alone in?” Peyton asked, nodding. “You’re a great person, Hanna.”<br /><br />“He didn’t sound too upset when I talked to him,” I said, trying to make myself feel better.<br /><br />“Yeah, but you probably only let him get three words in before you claimed you had to go. Hanna, I saw him yesterday, and he’s not fine. He’s not bad, but he’s certainly worried that you’re going to show up and dump him.”<br /><br />I whipped my head to the side so I was looking at Peyton, who was waiting for a car to get out of her way so she could back up from the parking spot. “What? Why would I do that?”<br /><br />“Why would you stay with a guy that you’re afraid to picture a future with?” Peyton asked back. “Hanna, the guy told you that he planned to marry you one day, and you replied with, ‘I have to go , the babies here.’ Then you don’t even bring it up the next time you talk to him. Of course he’s worried.”<br /><br />“But, I don’t want to break up with Sidney. I love Sidney,” I argued.<br /><br />“Tell him that. You could just admit that you’re scared to think too far into the future. He’d understand. He’d be crushed, but he’d still understand, he’s Sidney. He’s the king of understanding everything,” Peyton reminded me, glancing at me occasionally as she drove. “Right now the guy thinks he’s scared you off. You have to tell him something.”<br /><br />I nodded, looking out the window with a sigh.<br /><br />----------------------------<br /><br />Peyton eyed me cautiously as I walked around my basement suite, moving in and out of each room before I stopped in the hallway leading to the bathroom, placing both hands on my hips and pursing my lips out as I took in the whole basement. My eyes scanned past every wall, every speck of the carpet, before I walked into the living room where Peyton was, stopping a few feet away from the couch she was on.<br /><br />“Should I move out of this place and into Sidney’s house?” I asked.<br /><br />Peyton shrugged. “Have you seen Sid’s place, yet?” I shook my head, no. “It’s huge. Like, pretty sure you could get lost in it, it’s just ridiculous. But it’s really nice. The kitchen in it, Hanna, is amazing. You could just bake in there all day. He wouldn’t eat any of it, but I don’t think that that should stop you. And there’s a huge backyard where he’s already planning on putting in a barbeque and holding team parties there. The whole living room has hardwood floors, which I know you love, and he told me that you could paint any room whatever colour you wanted.” She paused, watching my face as I thought over what she had just told me. “But, if you can’t imagine marry Sidney, why would you move in with him? That’s basically being married, in case you didn’t know.”<br /><br />I glanced down at her, rolling my eyes. “Peyton, I really don’t know what to do. He already bought the place, I can’t tell him I don’t want to move in with him now. He’s already getting ready for me to show up with all of my stuff, and now I might just be like, “Hey, just kidding! I’m staying here.’”<br /><br />Peyton laughed, “If you do change your mind, please let that be your explanation.”<br /><br />“Peyton!” I whined, sitting down on the edge of the couch.<br /><br />She sighed, running a hand through her long hair. “What do you want to do Hanna? Don’t worry about what Sidney wants right now. Even if he’s upset at first, he’ll get over it, just worry about what you want. What’s best for you?”<br /><br />“Sidney. Sidney is what’s best for me,” I replied.<br /><br />“I understand that that’s how you feel,” Peyton began, “but, listen, the point of you moving out here to Pittsburgh was to help you sort yourself out. I know you opened up to Sidney about Alissa, and I know that you going and visiting your family was really good for you, too, but you still haven’t figured it all out. Take a minute to at least think about whether this is what would help you to set your life in motion, or if it’ll just distract you.”<br /><br /><br />I nodded, looking around the room again. “It’s just that everyone seems to think that dealing with everything and being with Sidney can’t go hand in hand. I thought the point of leaving Vancouver for awhile was to leave all of those heartaches behind.”<br /><br />“No, Hanna. You never leave problems behind,” Peyton corrected. “You surround yourself with support so that you have the strength to pick those burdens up, look at them one by one, and eventually toss away the parts that hurt and learn to grow from them. The problem here is that you don’t want Sidney to help you pick these problems up yet, because he already has so much going on in his life.”<br /><br />I chewed on my lip for a few moments thinking over everything that Peyton had just said and everything that Cameron had said to me the days before. Finally, I stood up from the couch and placed both hands on my hips. “I need to get some boxes.”<br /><br />Peyton’s eyes fluttered shut for a few seconds as she let out a long breath of air. “Hanna, are you sure?”<br /><br />“I don’t want to deal with any of this by myself anymore, Peyton. There’s some boxes in the closet by the bathroom. Can you grab them while I call Sidney?”<br /><br />Peyton shook her head at me but did as I requested, heading over to the closet while I picked up the phone and called Sidney to tell him that I was ready to start moving into his new house.<br /><br />----------------------------------<br /><br />“So, this is the other guest room,” Sidney said, opening up what must have been the ninth door and showing me the empty room, “and then down here is the master bedroom,” he said, grinning at me as he opened up the door and let me step into the room, looking over at the bed that was already in there. “I haven’t done too much with it since it’s not just my room.”<br /><br />I looked around the room, at the big green walls and the giant bathroom attached. “It’s huge. This room is the size of the Dupuis basement.”<br /><br />Sidney laughed. “Yeah, it’s a lot bigger then my room at Mario’s, too. But I figure we can make it work.”<br /><br />I nodded, walking over to the closet and pulling open the doors. “I expected this to be bigger,” I spun around to look at him, pointing at him. “Don’t make a ‘that’s what she said’ joke!”<br /><br />He grinned, winking at me. “Well, I figured that I don’t have a lot of clothes anyways, and if all of your shirts don’t fit in there, I’ll just buy a dresser and you can put the rest of your stuff in there.”<br /><br />“You’ve just thought this all out, huh?” I joked, walking back over to him. “I only brought my clothes and a few pictures. I don’t really have a lot of stuff. I guess we can take my couches if you want.”<br /><br />Sidney let out a small chuckle. “No, we’ll buy new furniture.”<br /><br />I followed him back down the stairs and into the giant kitchen, which was so big and so beautiful that I had actually lost my breath when I first stepped foot into it and it’s shiny black cabinets, mahogany counters and shiny silver fridge and dishwasher. “I thought you went back home to Nova Scotia once the season was done. Why did you buy such a big house?”<br /><br />Sidney shrugged, leaning back against one of the counters while I sat at the island. “I have a reason to stay in Pittsburgh now. I mean, you can come with me to Cole Harbour and meet everyone, but I’ll only go for a week or two. And if you don’t want to come with me, you can stay here and redecorate. I don’t really care what the place looks like too much,” he said.<br /><br />I nodded, “I guess I understand that, and also appreciate it,” I said, smiling at him. “It’s the size of it. I mean, an apartment would have been fine. Even just a normal sized house. How am I supposed to clean this?”<br /><br />He grinned at me. “Well, I could hire someone to clean it. Or you could bribe Vero into helping you out,” he suggested. “And I wanted a big house. I figured the space would be needed when we did get married and eventually started a family.”<br /><br />I almost fell off of my chair at the sentence, gripping the countertop as I gave my head a shake. “When we do what and what?”<br /><br />Sidney frowned, confused by my response. “Well, that’s what we’re planning, right? I mean, not now, but, eventually.”<br /><br />I stood up from the chair, still shaking my head. “I never really thought about it.”<br /><br />Sidney made a face, watching me as I wrung my hands together. “Hanna, are you okay?”<br /><br />I lifted a hand up, fanning my suddenly heated face. “I just, I don’t know. All of a sudden I don’t feel so good.”<br /><br />He moved away from the counter, taking a few steps towards me. “What’s wrong? Did you eat something weird?”<br /><br />“No it’s…” I stopped, looking up at Sidney and then around at the giant kitchen, the giant house. The house he had bought for the family he was planning on having, on starting, with me. I looked up at Sidney’s concerned face, seeing that all this poor boy wanted to do was make me happy, and it just felt like too much. “I can’t.”<br /><br />Sidney seemed confused, blinking rapidly as he pulled his head back a bit. “You can’t what?”<br /><br />I took a shaky breath, stepping away from him. “I can’t move in with you. I knew I couldn’t, but I didn’t want to admit that. I can’t live with you, in this house that you bought so that we could have little babies running around.”<br /><br />Sidney reached out to touch my arm, his face falling when I moved away from his touch. “Hanna, I’m not expecting you to have kids with me right now. I’m not even 23 yet, I can’t be a dad.”<br /><br />“But you want them eventually, and I don’t know if I want kids. I don’t know if I want to live in Pittsburgh for the rest of my life. I don’t even know what I want to do with my life. I can’t move in with you, I can’t make a decision like that when I won’t deal with anything else. I can’t bring all of my baggage in here with me.”<br /><br />Sidney’s whole face was creased with lines of worry as he listened to me, utter confusion glistening in his eyes as he stared down at me. “How long have you felt like this? I thought something was off when you talked to me in PEI, but you were fine all day.”<br /><br />“I just…everyone kept telling me that I wasn’t ready for all of this, and I didn’t want to admit it. I didn’t want to admit it because admitting it meant that I hadn’t dealt with it all. I hadn’t dealt with Alissa’s death, with the resentment towards my family. I hadn’t sorted myself out.” I looked up at Sidney, my eyes glistening a bit, but my voice breaking when I saw the panic in Sidney’s eyes. “I can’t be here with you, Sidney. I’ve been using you to distract me from everything, and it was great to have that break from everything that had been haunting me before, but I can’t just keep ignoring it.”<br /><br />“Then let me help you deal with it,” Sidney said, taking a step towards me. “You don’t have to live with me, just let me help you. What do you need? Counselling? I can pay for that.”<br /><br />“I don’t know what I need,” I said, suddenly overwhelmed with emotion. “I saw my brother, who had been this ugly person when I saw him last, and he had dealt with everything. He was still feeling guilty over what he had said to me, but he was different, better. He and Elizabeth made sure he had dealt with everything and that he was strong enough to carry on and I was looking at him on my last night there and I was… I was envious. I was mad with envy, because he was nothing like he used to be, and I as the same. He had washed away all of those issues, and I was just hiding mine.” I rubbed my eyes, well aware that it had probably caused my mascara to smear. “I think I just need to stop.”<br /><br />Sidney seemed to not understand what I was saying for a moment before realization hit him and his whole face melted with hurt. “Hanna, no. I can help you. You don’t have to live here with me, but you don’t have to cut me out.”<br /><br />“I don’t want to cut you out, I just don’t know if I should be in a relationship. I should have never gotten into a relationship. I should have never slept with you, or tried to move in here with you. It’s not fair to you, not when you’re making plans.”<br /><br />He ran a hand through his hair. “What plans? What are you talking about?”<br /><br />I reached out and grabbed his hands, looking up at him with glossy eyes. “Sidney, do you see yourself marrying me?”<br /><br />He didn’t even have to think about it. “Yes. Yes, Hanna, of course I do. Are you kidding me? I’m in love with you! I look at you and all I can do is make plans for us. I want you forever. Not for a few months, forever, because after these few months together, I can’t imagine myself without you.”<br /><br />I nodded, almost choking on the sobs that wanted to crawl out from my throat. “I don’t. I love you, Sidney, I do. But I don’t see anything. And it’s not you, it’s because I’m not even sure of who I am or what I want yet. I can’t do this when you’re thinking about weddings and babies and I’m still trying to figure out if I actually want to open up my own bakery or just live on the street.”<br /><br />Sidney pulled his hands out of mine, his face flashing between different emotions. “What are you saying?”<br /><br />I had to take a moment to make sure I still had control of myself. “I need a break. I do love you, but I need to make it so that I can even imagine the future before I can give myself to someone.”<br /><br />Sidney stared at me, opening his mouth a few times without any sound accompanying the motion before he turned away from me and left the kitchen, moving out of my sight, and leaving me stand there, the pieces of my character falling around me as my body shook with the pains from not only leaving Sidney, but from every other event that I had tried to hide from. <br /><br />I had come to Pittsburgh to try and fix myself, and now that it was finally time to, I was terrified.Mackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08005607416251563909noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6551347663728545830.post-46731722066745246492010-07-05T17:43:00.000-07:002010-07-05T17:44:40.163-07:00The Waiting GameMy mouth hung open as I stared at my TV screen, my dad and mom looking equally shocked on either side of me as we stared, trying to let the last moment sink in.<br /><br />“Oh my God,” I said, lifting my hands up to cover my mouth.<br /><br />My dad shook his head, standing up from the couch. “Damn. I knew not to get my hopes up.”<br /><br />Cameron, who was in the kitchen, poked his head around the corner. “What? Did the Canucks get eliminated again? Shouldn’t you be used to that?”<br /><br />I ignored him, as I had been doing the last three days, and continued to stare in complete shock at the TV, my heart rate beating fast as the events of the game sunk in.<br /><br />My mom was almost in tears, which was both amusing and depressing, as she turned to Cameron. “No, they play tomorrow. But the Penguins are out.”<br /><br />Cameron frowned, “The Penguins? I thought they were playing the Bruins?”<br /><br />“They were,” my mom reminded him, “and they were winning this last game, game seven, until some asshole-”<br /><br />“Michael Ryder” I mumbled.<br /><br />“tied the game, and then Fleury misplayed the puck and some other asshole-”<br /><br />“Patrice Bergeron,” I mumbled again.<br /><br />“got the puck and scored. Then it was over.” She finished, letting out a shaky sigh as she looked back at the TV and watched as the Penguins and Bruins began the handshake line, Sidney leading it. “Poor Sidney.”<br /><br />Cameron’s eyes shot from my mom to me, clearly having forgotten that Sidney was on the team. “So, the Pens are done? They can’t win the cup now?”<br /><br />Both my mom and I nodded, still watching as the Penguins finished the handshake line and held their hockey sticks up in the air, paying thanks to the fans as they had been eliminated in their own arena.<br /><br />“I’m sorry about that. What do they do now?” Cameron asked.<br /><br />My mom glanced over at me, clearly checking to see if I was going to answer him or not. When I didn’t so much as blink, she sighed, turning her head back towards Cameron. “They go golfing.”<br /><br />I didn’t hear Cameron’s reply to the comment, my entire focus being cast towards the television as I watched Marc Savard get interviewed, my eyes catching Sidney in the background, leaning against the boards of the bench, his helmet off and discarded somewhere on the ice as he stared at the rink, the rest of the team filing off of the ice behind him, their heads hanging low. Bill Guerin waited just behind him on the bench, placing a hand on Sidney’s shoulder and saying something to him that made Sidney nod his head a bit, glancing at back at Bill before he looked back out at the ice for a long moment, rubbing his chin before he left the ice and disappeared into the back where the rest of the team was. <br /><br />My mom placed a hand on my shoulder, giving me a small smile. “He’ll be okay, honey. Sidney knows how to handle things like this.”<br /><br />I nodded, letting out a long breath of air. “I know that he’s okay, it’s me I’m worried about. What am I going to say to him the next time I see him? ‘Sorry you guys couldn’t beat the team nobody expected to make to make past the first round. Better luck next year’? I mean, what do I do?”<br /><br />“Hanna, calm down,” My mom said, almost laughing. “Sidney isn’t going to expect you to take care of him, he’ll just be happy to see you again. You know that, don’t you?”<br /><br />I nodded, my eyes moving past her face towards Cameron, who was still leaning against the door frame, watching the two of us. I could see the look of worry written across his face, but I wasn’t sure if it was because he was concerned about Sidney, or if he was worried about whatever it was I was going to do when I saw him next. I couldn’t help but scowl at him, earning an eye roll out of him before he moved out of view and back into the kitchen.<br /><br />----------------------------<br /><br />I scrolled through my uploaded pictures, letting out a sigh as I glanced at them all. Photography had been such a passion of mine when I was in high school, but I was never willing to take the required photos. We’d be assigned to take a picture of railway tracks, and on the way over to the tracks I’d be distracted by a little kid riding his bike down the road and snap a picture of him instead, killing any hopes of me acquiring some kind of degree in it, like maybe Art Media.<br /><br />There were quite a few pictures of Elizabeth, all pregnant and smiling at me with one hand on her stomach. They had all turned out nice, and with the editing program I had downloaded it didn‘t take very long before I had cropped out the open cupboard behind her, adjusted the lighting and contrast and had a pretty decent looking photo. There were a few of my dad and Cameron in the back, working on the tree house they were building, and then a few abstract ones of things I had seen while out with my mom walking, a flower with a bee on it, a mom and her newborn baby walking down the street, the typical.<br /><br />I let out a sigh, glancing over at my cell phone. Sidney hadn‘t call me yet, and even though I knew that he would call when he had composed himself enough that he was ready to talk, I couldn‘t help but worry. Ever since Cameron and I had fought over whether Sidney and I were moving to fast or not, I couldn’t stop worrying. And maybe Cameron had brought a fear that I hadn‘t been ready to face before. Maybe I was willingly throwing myself into my relationship with Sidney because I still wasn‘t sure what I wanted to do. I loved working at the bakery, but could I really handle owning my own business? Did I want to go be a pastry chef? Did I even want to live with Sidney yet, or would it be better to save up and get my own apartment? Did I even want to spend the rest of my life in Pittsburgh, or was it time for me to come back home?<br /><br />I was only supposed to stay on Prince Edward Island for another four days, but since Elizabeth was already past her due date, I wasn‘t sure if I would just stay longer, or if I would leave before the baby was born. I wanted to talk to Sidney about it, but now that he was dealing with the shock of the elimination from tonight‘s game, I wasn‘t sure if he would want to try and sort out my problems with me, at least not yet. And I wanted to tell him that there was a part of me that was concerned about the fast pace of pur relationship, but I knew that he was sensitive right now, and that telling him I was starting to worry probably wouldn’t be the best choice right off the bat. I was out of pictures to edit, which meant that I was out of distractions, and he still hadn’t called me. I stared down at my phone for a good three minutes before I shut my lap top and got up from the desk, deciding that I would just try and force myself into slumber instead of worrying myself sick over issues I couldn’t even resolve on my own and waiting for Sidney to call me.<br /><br />I was just about to crawl under the covers when I heard footsteps running down the stairs, making me pause and look over at my bedroom door right as it burst open and a panting Cameron yelled, “Elizabeth’s water broke, we have to go to the hospital.”<br /><br />------------------------------------<br /><br />“Is there a baby yet?” Peyton asked, making me laugh into the receiver. <br /><br />“No, not yet.”<br /><br />“But, it’s been, like, three hours. Tell her to hurry up, I need to sleep.”<br /><br />I shook my head, looking up at the sky from outside of the hospital. “Sometimes it takes more than three hours, Peyton,” I reminded her. I chewed on my lower lip for a second before finally asking, “How’s Kris?”<br /><br />She sighed, “He’s alright. Disappointed, but he keeps telling me he’s used to it now, and that this is just how hockey goes. I think I’m handling it worse then he is, honestly”<br /><br />“Have you talked to Sidney? Because he hasn’t called me yet,”: I asked.<br /><br />“I saw him just after the game. He was quiet, but he didn’t seem as upset as I would’ve imagined him to be. He was basically attacked by the media as soon as he stepped into the locker room. He was the last one to come back into the room, actually, and I’m guessing it was to avoid the craziness of the media. He went home as soon as they were done talking to him. I’m not even sure he had showered,” she admitted, laughing lightly. “He’ll call you, Hanna. He’s probably just leaving you alone right now because he doesn’t want to put any pressure on you. You know how he is.”<br /><br />I nodded, sighing. “I wish he’d call. I haven’t even been able tot ell him that my niece is on the way, and I want to make sure he’s okay.”<br /><br />“He’ll call you, Hanna. Or, here’s a crazy idea. Call him. It’s not like he’ll see the caller ID and think, ‘shit, my girlfriend is calling me.’”<br /><br />“You’re so sweet, Peyton. You’re empathy is really you’re strongest quality,” I told her, smirking despite the fact that she couldn’t see me.<br /><br />“Thanks. I’ll let you go and call your man now. Let me know when that baby gets here, okay?” She said, making me promise to do so before she hung up.<br /><br />I had to take a second to talk myself into calling Sidney before I finally punched in his number and waited, surprised when he picked up after the first ring. “I’m sorry to call-”<br /><br />“Don’t be sorry, I’m glad you did,” he interrupted, sighing. “how are you?”<br /><br />“I’m waiting for my niece to get here, actually. Liz is in labour as we speak and I’m waiting for the baby to get here,” I answered. “How are you? I saw the game.”<br /><br />There was a pause, “I’m…I’m okay. I should be used to it by now, right? I mean, we’ve been eliminated in the playoffs more times then we’ve won the cup,” he joked. “Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine. I’m disappointed, maybe a little mad, but I’ll deal with it. How long has your sister in law been in labour for?”<br /><br />“Just over three hours,” I answered, debating on what I should bring up next before I sighed. “Sidney, can I ask you something?”<br /><br />“Of course you can,” he sad, sounding almost amused.<br /><br />“Do you ever think that maybe you and I are moving too fast?” I asked.<br /><br />There was a long pause on the other end, and I could almost see the worry stretch itself out across his face as he tried to understand what I was getting at. “I-I, don’t’ really think about it, no. Why? Is this about the house, because you don’t have to move in with me if it’s too soon for you, I just-”<br /><br />“No, it’s not the house, it’s everything,” I admitted. “I mean, we went from barely making out to sleeping together, to now living together, and I guess I’m just starting to worry. I mean, a few days ago Cameron asked me if we were going to get married and I didn’t know what to tell him, and I guess that set everything in motion for me to start worrying.”<br /><br />Sidney sighed on the other end. “I guess we haven’t talked about marriage at all, and I’d justify that by saying it hasn’t been to long, but I can see how that’s no longer a legitimate reason if we’re making plans to live together,” he said quietly. “But if we are talking about, I can’t see myself with someone else. If I think about the future, you’re always there with me, so, if Cameron needs to know what my intentions are, I plan on marrying you one day. I’m just not sure when that day is, yet.”<br /><br />I almost dropped my cell phone, my veins pulsing with a mix of complete excitement over the fact that Sidney had just told me that he did think about making me his wife someday, and complete terror at the exact same fact. Even thinking the word, “wife” was enough to almost make me faint, and he didn’t even have a problem admitting that he thought about it. I didn’t know how to reply, or what to say back, because telling him that I also planned to marry him would be a lie, even though I also didn’t have plans on breaking up with him.<br /><br />As if it were a miracle, my mom stepped out of the hospital doors, looking around for me before spotting me and grinning. “She’s here! Come meet her.’<br /><br />I almost let out a thankful sigh into the phone. “Sidney? I have to go, the baby is here.”<br /><br />I hung up before he could tell me he loved me.Mackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08005607416251563909noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6551347663728545830.post-13643096119857982392010-06-21T19:33:00.001-07:002010-06-21T19:33:21.667-07:00PhotographyI leaned forward against the railing of the back porch, letting out a yawn as I stared out at the massive backyard at Cameron’s house. He and my dad had spent the day working on a tree house that Cameron had been wanting to build since he and Elizabeth first learned they were expecting. I had been too consumed with my thoughts all day to venture outside and see the progress, but since my non-stop worries and contemplations were preventing me from getting any sleep, I found myself outside in the middle of the night, staring out at the barely started tree house.<br /><br />“What are you doing up?”<br /><br />I spun around and let out a sigh when I noticed it was Cameron, leaning back against the porch rail uncomfortably. “I couldn’t sleep. Why are you up?”<br /><br />He smirked at me, leaning against the door frame. “Same reason.” He eyed me for a moment, making me look down at my bare feet nervously. Even though he had sworn to me that he wasn’t the same jerk that he had been just a year or so ago, and even though he had been nothing but pleasant to me, I was still completely uncomfortable around Cameron. I wasn’t sure I believed that he had had some epic change of heart after learning that he would be a dad, and even I was, I still didn’t know him at all. It was completely unnatural to just sit around and talk, which was what he had been trying to do since I had first arrived. <br /><br />Cameron cleared his throat, making me lift my eyes up to look at him briefly before moving them away from his face and over to my reflection in the window across from me. “So, how’s Sidney doing in the playoffs?”<br /><br />My eyes shot back to him, the surprise of him knowing about Sidney and I evident all over my face. “How did you-”<br /><br />“Please, you think mom could keep her daughter dating everyone’s beloved hockey boy a secret?” He laughed, “Come on, Hanna. Of course I know about it.”<br /><br />I moved my hands away from the rail so I could cross them in front of me. “He’s alright. I think the pressure of winning the cup again is getting to him, but he’ll push through it.”<br /><br />Cameron nodded. “How long have you two been together?”<br /><br />I shifted my weight from one foot to the other, clearing my throat and trying to fight off how painfully uncomfortable I was. “Uhm, well we met at the end November, and we started dating towards the end of February.”<br /><br />He nodded, “So, about four months?”<br /><br />“Yeah, but I’ve known him for seven months, and we were basically a couple from the start,” I told him.<br /><br />Cameron frowned, giving his head a bit of an amused shake. “Well, but if you’ve been his girlfriend for four months, then you’ve been dating for four months. You can’t count yourselves as a couple from the day you met,” he reasoned.<br /><br />I felt my lips purse together, my blood growing hot beneath my skin as I looked at him. “I don’t think it matters how long we’ve been an official couple. I love him, and he loves me, and he takes care of me. That’s all that should matter to you.”<br /><br />Cameron still looked completely confused, rubbing his face tiredly before giving it another shake. “Why are you being so defensive about this? I’m not saying anything bad about your relationship, I just wanted to know how long you’ve been a couple, that’s all,” he said, looking at me. <br /><br />I shrugged, looking away from him again. “I just don’t like it when people assume that we haven’t been together long enough to be taking bigger steps.” The sentence was meant to be said in my inner monologue, but it had escaped from my lips before I had the chance to realize the words were passing. My eyes shot up to Cameron, watching as he face went from utter confusion to understanding in a few seconds.<br /><br />“Oh my God, you’re sleeping with him,” he said, putting his face in his hands. “Hanna, I thought you were smarter then that.”<br /><br />I almost laughed, my arms uncrossing and falling to my sides. “Don’t talk to me like you have any idea as to who I am. We haven’t talked in over a year, and even before that, you were too busy telling me about how everything that happened was my fault to actually catch a fragment of who I was or am. Don’t start playing the older brother role now, and don’t judge Sidney. You’ve never even met him.”<br /><br />Cameron lifted his head out of his hands and stared at me for a good two minutes, his face completely blank of an expression. He just stared at me, as if he didn’t know what to say to me, before he shook his head again. “I don’t doubt that Sidney’s a good guy,” he finally said, “but I also don’t doubt that one day you’re going to look back on this and wish you hadn’t given so much of yourself to him this soon into your relationship, even if you think you’re going to marry him.” He sighed, leaning back against the doorframe and watching my face, clearly noticing the way my eyes widened with nerves at the mention of marriage. His mouth dropped open, his head falling forward as he stared at me. “You’re not even sure you’re going to marry him?”<br /><br />I looked away from him again, my hands smoothing down my shirt as I tried to find any form of distraction to keep me from meeting his gaze again.<br /><br />“You-” he stopped, taking a couple of deep breaths before he took a step forward. “You’re not even sure you want to marry him, but you’re sleeping with him? Hanna, what were you thinking?”<br /><br />“Why is this such a big deal?” I asked. “There are so many girls who sleep with guys they aren’t even in a relationship with. You slept with anything that had a pulse for years, and you’re lecturing me?”<br /><br />“That’s why I’m worried,” he said. “Hanna, I made every mistake a person could make, I don’t want you to make the same ones.”<br /><br />“Sidney is not a mistake,” I said, my voice low. “You don’t know him.”<br /><br />“I don’t need to know him. All I need to know is that it’s been four months and he’s already fucking you,” Cameron said, his voice growing a bit louder.<br /><br />“It’s not like that,” I said back, stepping towards him. “Sidney loves me. He takes care of me. He helped me figure out what I want to do with my life, he helped me moved into my place, he calls me every day, he paid for me to fly out to Pittsburgh and visit all of them. He isn’t some dumb hockey player who’s only with me for the sex. And besides, we haven’t been intimate for long, it’s only been about a month, not even.”<br /><br />“I don’t care how long it’s been happening. It’s happening. Hanna, you can’t even tell me you’re going to marry this guy and you’re sleeping with him. You think four months, or however long you’re going with, isn’t long enough to think about a wedding, but it justifies sleeping with him? If marriage scares you, you’re not ready for sex.”<br /><br />“Are you really trying to talk to me like you even give a shit about what happens to me?” I asked him, almost smirking. “Just because you’ve decided to be a decent human being now doesn’t mean that you get to talk to me like you know what’s best. And who are you to decide what I’m ready for?”<br /><br />Cameron closed his eyes, rubbing his temples. “Hanna, I know that I was horrible to you, I get that. That’s why I’m so worried. I already helped fuck up half of your life by blaming you for Alissa’s death, and I know that ruined most of high school for you. I don’t want you to ruin anymore of your life by giving this guy more of you than he deserves, at least this far. Maybe Sidney is the guy you’ll end up, but if you’re not sure yet, why are you given him so much of you?”<br /><br />I opened my mouth to respond, feeling my chin begin to quiver unexpectedly, Cameron’s image growing blurry in front of me as a wave of tears surfaced the front of my eyes. I shut my mouth, trying to swallow back the crying fit that was threatening to form. “He wants to buy a house,” I said, my voice cracking as I spoke, “and he wants me to live with him.”<br /><br />Cameron took in a deep breath, clenching his fists next to his side. “Hanna, please think about that before you agree. Make sure you see yourself with him forever before you take that step, please. If you two break up and you’re already living together, you’ll have nowhere to go.”<br /><br />My chin was still quivering, despite my best efforts to try and calm myself. “Why does everyone keep telling me that? Why can’t any of you just be happy for me?”<br /><br />“Because we love you,” he said, walking over to me and putting a hand on my shoulder, “and we don’t want to see you hurt again. That’s why. At least, that’s why I’m saying it.”<br /><br />I shrugged his hand off of my shoulder, moving away from him and towards the open back door, wiping the few tears that had made it out of my eyes. “I’m tired. I’m going to sleep now,” I mumbled, walking back into the house and waiting until I had made it into the room I was staying in to collapse on the bed and cry, even though I still wasn’t sure what was making me do so.<br /><br />----------------------------------------<br /><br />Elizabeth was the only one in the house when I finally made my way upstairs. She was sitting in the living room with her feet up, one hand rubbing her pregnant belly as she watched a re-run of the Ellen show. She glanced up at me when I stepped into the living room, smiling. “Good morning. How did you sleep?”<br /><br />I returned her smiled, sitting down on one of the chairs and tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. “Well, thanks. How are you feeling?”<br /><br />She sighed, “Pregnant. But there’s only another week or so before she’s supposed to be arriving.” She smiled down at her belly as she said this before looking back up at me. “Hey, I hope this doesn’t make you uncomfortable, but I sent Cameron out to buy you something early this morning. It’s sitting on the counter.”<br /><br />I was surprised, but made my way into the kitchen to find what she had sent him out for. My eyes immediately landed on the giant box sitting on the counter, reading the label and feeling my mouth drop open. It was a brand new camera, A Nikon Coolpix 8700, staring up at me. I picked the box up, still in shock, and made my way back into the living room where Liz was. <br /><br />She grinned at me. “Your mom told me that you’re thinking about going into the baking business, so I know this seems a little off, but I still remember the first time I met you and the way you always had that rented camera from your high school around your neck. You took pictures of everything, and you had an eye for it, too. I don’t know, maybe I’m being silly, but I just thought that maybe you had forgotten about how much you loved photography. Even if you don’t want to get back into that, I still want you to have that. You can take high class pictures of your baking,” she suggested, smiling.<br /><br />I had to shake my head a bit, still staring at the box. “Elizabeth this is, this is amazing. Thank you.”<br /><br />“I hope you enjoy it,” she said. “Maybe you could even take some pictures of Sidney and the team? You could be a sports photographer.”<br /><br />I laughed, “Well, this is the wrong camera for that, but I’m sure I can find many things to take pictures of. I could even take some of the baby once she’s here.”<br /><br />Elizabeth’s whole face seemed to light up at the sentence. “Oh, Hanna that would be amazing.”<br /><br />I smiled back at her, looking down at the camera. “I’m going to take this to my room and put it together. Unless you need something?”<br /><br />She shook her head, “No, I’m fine. Besides, Cam and your parents should be back any minute, and then they can deal with me.”<br /><br />I laughed, standing up from the chair. “Thank you again, Liz. I haven’t touched a camera since high school. I hope I still have an eye for it,” I said, smiling at her.<br /><br />She shrugged, “As long as you still love photography, I don’t see why it matters.” She eyed me for a moment before sighing. “Listen, about whatever happened between Cameron and you last night, I hope you know that anything he said wasn’t meant to hurt you. I know he wasn’t the greatest brother, but he really has changed. I wouldn’t have married him if he wasn’t a good guy.”<br /><br />I forced a small smile, nodding at her. “Yeah, I know.” I sighed, lifting the box up, “I’m going to go play with this now.”<br /><br />She nodded, watching me walk back towards the stairs that lead down to my room.<br /><br />I set the camera down on my bed once I had managed to screw it together and stared down at it. As excited as I was that Elizabeth remembered how much I had loved photography, I couldn’t shake last night’s conversation from my head. Maybe it was more then what Cameron had said. Maybe I was just as worried about how caught up I was getting with Sidney as everyone else was. I wasn’t sure. But as I played around with the camera, taking a few for fun shots and then thinking about how I could do some head shots for Peyton’s beauty class, and take pictures of Sidney’s birthday in a few months, I started thinking about what I really wanted in the future. When I closed my eyes and thought about it, Sidney was there, he was. But everything else I had thought I wanted to be or do in the future was gone in, well, in a flash.<br /><br />And it was terrifying.Mackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08005607416251563909noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6551347663728545830.post-33016233524284114682010-06-17T18:29:00.001-07:002010-06-17T18:29:41.370-07:00StepsThe room Elizabeth had organized for me really was beautiful. She admitted to me that she had been working on it since just before discovering that she was pregnant, telling me that she had been planning to invite me out in hopes of at least smoothing over the anger and resentment between Cameron and I.<br /><br />She had painted the wall a Robin’s egg blue, which I would have assumed I didn’t like, but as I stood in the room and looked around it, noticing how the early morning sunlight streaming in through the blinds reflected against it, I became a fan. She had set the bed with a white duvet and sheets that matched the colour of the walls. There were a few black and white pictures hung up on the walls, )mainly of trees or the corner of someone’s face, you know, the “artsy” ones?), and there was a dresser with a mirror sitting against the far wall. The room had it’s own bathroom, and a rather large sized closet that looked almost naked with the scarce amount of clothes I had brought with me. It was much larger then I had expected the room to be, although, their house was bigger then I had expected, and I could hardly even believe that after years of throwing his life away in the party scene, Cameron now lived in one of the nicest houses I had seen in my entire life.<br /><br />I had wasted as much time in my room as I possibly could. I had escaped downstairs early the night before, and even though I had been awake for almost three hours now, I hadn’t emerged from the room. The smell of pancakes drifting into my room from the upstairs kitchen eventually became too much for me to handle, so, with a sigh, I stood up from the edge of the bed and opened the door, making my way upstairs.<br /><br />My mom was flipping pancakes on the stove while Elizabeth sat in one of the chairs in the kitchen, rubbing her large belly tiredly. Cameron and my dad weren’t in sigh, which caused me to let out a sigh of relief before I stepped into the kitchen, smiling to my mom and Liz. “Morning.”<br /><br />Elizabeth smiled. “Good morning, Hanna. Did you sleep okay? Was the bed alright?”<br /><br />I let out a small laugh, walking into the kitchen to ask my mom if she needed any help before answering. “I slept wonderfully, thank you.”<br /><br />She nodded. “I’m glad. I tried every bed in the mattress store to make sure I snagged the right one for you,” she told me.<br /><br />I grabbed the container of strawberries that my mom had set out and started chopping them up. “Well, I appreciate it.” I glanced up at my mom. “Where are dad and Cameron?” I asked.<br /><br />“Oh, they’re outside. Cameron’s showing your dad the new shed he built and showing off the property.”<br /><br />I nodded, putting all of the chopped up strawberries into a bowl so they could be be put on top of the pancakes if someone wanted them. “I really liked the pictures you hung up in the room for me, Liz,” I told her.<br /><br />Elizabeth grinned, “Really? I’m glad. I remembered that the last time I saw you, you were taking a photography class at school and you were really into black and white pictures. I wasn’t sure if you still were or not.”<br /><br />I tilted my head to the side a bit, trying to think back. “Oh, yeah. I hated that class. I never took the pictures I was supposed to, I always got caught up taking pictures of my friends. I always made Peyton model for me because she was so photogenic.”<br /><br />My mom smiled. “You were always very good at portraits. It’s too bad you gave that up.”<br /><br />I twisted my mouth to the side and nodded. “Yeah, I guess it is.”<br /><br />There was a pause in the room, giving me a moment to glance behind me and steal a glance at the time before I smiled at my mom and Elizabeth. “I’ll be back. I just want to go call Sidney,” I said, escaping from the kitchen before Elizabeth could ask who Sidney was.<br /><br />My cell phone had spent the first night on the charger, and when I finally turned it on I was more then happy to find a few text messages from Peyton, Max and Jordan that all told me they missed me. I dialled Sidney’s number in, almost nervous as I waited to see if he was going to pick up. <br /><br />“Hey,” he greeted, sounding both tired and excited.<br /><br />I let out a sigh. “Hi. I miss you.”<br /><br />Sidney laughed, “I miss you too. How was your flight?”<br /><br />“Long. My dad snored for the first two hours, then complained about the guy behind him who was snoring for the last three.”<br /><br />“That’s basically how I imagined the flight going,” he admitted. “How are things with your brother?”<br /><br />I paused, biting my lip for a moment. “Actually, not as bad as I had expected. We haven’t really talked too much, but he told me that he didn’t want to fight and wasn’t who I thought he was. I’m not sure I believe it, but he hasn’t said anything horrible to me, yet.”<br /><br />“I told you he had probably grown up,” Sidney teased. “I’m happy things are going okay for you. I was worried.”<br /><br />I smiled, leaning back on my bed. “I wish you were here. I’ve gotten used to having you around in the morning, or seeing you right before I fall asleep, or at least talking to you. It’s only been a few days and I already miss you so much it’s ridiculous.”<br /><br />There was a long pause on the other end, and for a second I thought that I had scared him away by seeming so needy. Finally, I heard a sigh from him. “I know. I feel the same way. I couldn’t sleep the first night you were gone, actually,” he admitted shyly. “I, uhm, I was actually wanting to talk to you about that.”<br /><br />“You wanted to talk about missing me?” I asked, half kidding.<br /><br />“Well, kind of,” he admitted. “I was just thinking about how one of us is always at the other one’s house, and how we’re always together anyways and…well, I need to move out Mario’s place eventually, and I was looking at a few houses.”<br /><br />I frowned, “I’m not sure where you’re going with this, Sid.”<br /><br />He let out a nervous chuckle on the other end. “The house I’m looking at, Hanna, it’s really big. Too big for one person, and I know that you like the Dupuis’ basement, but you mentioned awhile ago that you did want to move out pretty soon. I guess I’m trying to tell you, or ask you, if you…if you maybe wanted to move in with me?”<br /><br />I was silent, thankful that he couldn’t see me because I had no doubts that my face was pale with shock. Peyton’s words about how many big steps she feared Sidney and I would take in a short amount of time surfaced to the front of my mind, and I must have been completely silent for a good few minutes, because Sidney nervously said my name, clearly fearful that I had hung up on him. “Sorry, I’m still here,” I said. “Are you sure you would want to do that? I mean, we’d see each other all the time then. And I don’t really have the money for that.”<br /><br />“I would be paying for it. I make so much money that there’s really no point in me even asking for you to pay rent,” he explained. “The house is in a really nice area, and it has a lot of property so we could have people over. Peyton could stay there when she comes to visit, so could your parents.”<br /><br />I chewed on my bottom lip for a moment. “Sidney, that’s a really big step to take.”<br /><br />“I know. But, I want to take it. I mean, unless you don’t want too,” he added nervously.<br /><br />“Could you at least send me pictures of it or something? I mean, what if I don’t even like this place?” <br /><br />“Then we’d look at other houses,” he replied. “I can email you some pictures of it, no problem. I just…I don’t know, moving in together just seems to make sense, you know? We basically live together now, I’m always at your place or you’re always at mine. It wouldn’t be that different.”<br /><br />I thought about his point for a moment. It had gotten to the point where I would often just stay at his place, or he’d stay at mine. I had grown accustomed to waking up and finding him in the kitchen, making eggs or pancakes, or brewing coffee, and I was used to having him come from a game and crawl into bed beside me and nuzzle his face into my neck while he told me about the game and the names he had been called. When I really thought about it, moving in together wasn’t such a mountainous step to take at all. It was more of a convenience, in some aspects.<br /><br />I finally let out a long sigh. “It does make a lot of sense,” I agreed. “I kind of wish you hadn’t been looking at houses without me, though.”<br /><br />“I’ve been looking at houses for the past three years, this one just caught my eye a few months ago,” He told me. “The only thing that stopped me from buying it was that it was so big. I figured it was a waste of money to buy a house that size when I was the only one in it.”<br /><br />I smiled slightly, the smile almost falling away when I heard my mom yell for me upstairs. “Listen, Sid, I have to go eat brunch with my family. I’ll probably call you tomorrow, or maybe the day after.”<br /><br />“Okay. Say hi to your parents for me,” he said, his voice seeming softer then before. “I’ll send over those pictures for you to look at,” he promised.<br /><br />“I look forward to seeing them,” I told him, standing up from my bed with a sigh. “I miss you.”<br /><br />Sidney laughed, “I miss you too. But I’ll see you in a couple of weeks, right?”<br /><br />“Right.”<br /><br />“Try to enjoy your time there, okay? There’s no point in you being miserable for the entire visit,” he reminded me, letting out a sigh afterwards. “I love you, Hanna.”<br /><br />“I love you too. I’ll talk to you later,” I promised, pushing the end button and making a bit of a sad face, already missing his voice. <br /><br />The sound of my mom yelling for me again caused me to toss my phone onto the bed and race upstairs, taking a seat at the table and waiting for my dad and Cameron to finish washing up before they came to join us.Mackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08005607416251563909noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6551347663728545830.post-219827714336987642010-06-10T19:24:00.001-07:002010-06-10T19:24:57.854-07:00Unexpected PlacesI stared up at my bedroom ceiling with tired eyes, wishing that the day hadn’t come as soon as it seemed to have. It felt as if, just yesterday, I had read the email from my mom, and now, here I was; lying on my bed, already fully dressed, waiting until I had to leave what I now called home to be thrown into a situation I never even wanted to be in. I had managed to talk my mom out of me spending a week in Vancouver before heading out to PEI, but I would spending the first two days there with her and my dad.<br /><br />I had woken up hours ago, before the sun had begin to shine, and crawled out of my bed quietly so that I could shower and change. Peyton was asleep in the tiny guest room, I could head her mumbling in her sleep when I trekked back from the bathroom to my room, and I wanted to run to her and wake her up and ask her to take back everything she said about Sidney and let me stay in Pittsburgh, completely ignoring my insane family drama. But I couldn’t do that.<br /><br />Sidney was beside me, asleep and blissfully unaware of the fact that I hadn’t even slept the night before, and was now in what was basically a coma, hating my life.<br /><br />Peyton’s words of warning had stuck with me since the moment she said them. When did I become so dependant on Sidney? It was to the point that I could hardly function through a whole day without at least hearing his voice. I had assumed that this was what love was, a constant need and desire to be with the other person. But, maybe I was wrong? I loved Sidney, there was no questioning that, but had I really thrown parts of myself away just to keep him closer? I mean, I was already sleeping with him and I couldn’t even say for sure if I wanted to marry him. I didn’t <em>not</em> want to marry him, but I also couldn’t picture forever with him, at least, not yet.<br /><br />Sidney stirred next to me, reaching his hands up to his face and tiredly rubbing his eyes before he rolled onto his side and looked at me, causing me to turn my head and look back at him. He gave me a tired smile, reaching out to run his hand down my face. “You leave soon.”<br /><br />I nodded, taking in his face and the way his morning hair was sticking up in every which way. “I leave soon,” I repeated.<br /><br />He sighed, “I see you’ve already gotten ready,” he said, his voice hoarse with fatigue. “How long have you been awake?”<br /><br />It was my turn to sigh. “I never slept,” I admitted.<br /><br />Sidney seemed surprised, his eyes widening a bit as he heard my reply. “Did I snore?”<br /><br />I let out a soft laugh, “No, I was just thinking all night, I guess.”<br /><br />He nodded, finally rolling over so he could sit up, tugging at the collar of the shirt he had fallen asleep in. “How long until you have to leave for the airport?” <br /><br />I glanced at the clock next to me, “About an hour, maybe a little bit more.”<br /><br />He rubbed his face, looking down at me. “How about you go wake up at Peyton while I get changed, and then we’ll all head out for breakfast. I can call the guys if you want?”<br /><br />I smiled, sitting up and leaning over so that I could place a quick kiss on his lips. “That would be great, thanks.”<br /><br />He nodded again, the tips of his fingers resting on my chin for a moment before he leaned in to kiss me once more, smiling softly afterwards as he watched me climb off of the bed and head out to wake up Peyton.<br /><br />Peyton almost smacked me in the face when I tried to wake her up, and once I finally managed to she leaned in to look at my face, shaking her head. “Sidney’s here, isn’t he?”<br /><br />I rolled my eyes. “We didn’t do anything, Peyton, we fell asleep talking. He wasn’t even under the covers when we fell asleep, I swear.”<br /><br />She shrugged, “I’m not against the sex part, I’d just be weirded out if the two of you little babies were humping while I was across the hall.”<br /><br />I made a face, “First off, Sidney is older then you, and secondly…shut up,” I said, shoving her so she fell back over in bed, leaving her to laugh as I left the room.<br /><br />Sidney was already in the kitchen by the time I left Peyton’s room, tiredly leaning against the kitchen counter. He let out a long yawn just before I stepped onto the linoleum, raising up his eyebrows at me as I approached him. “Tangers, Max and Staalsy are on their way over. Kris said he’d meet us there.”<br /><br />I reached out to hug him, resting my head on his shoulder. “Where is ‘there’ exactly?”<br /><br />“Stacy’s Diner. They have the best pancakes in all of Pittsburgh, I swear,” he told me.<br /><br />I nodded, moving my head back so I could look up at him. “Tell me not to go.”<br /><br />Sidney frowned, “What?”<br /><br />“Tell me not to go,” I repeated. “If you tell me not to, I’ll stay here.”<br /><br />He looked at me, his face switching from confusion to empathy as he stroked my hair, giving me a small, sad smile. “You know I won’t say that, Hanna. No matter how much I want you to stay here, I won’t tell you to miss this opportunity just for myself.”<br /><br />I felt my eyes starting water over, which was a surprising reaction for me. “I’m so scared, Sidney. I don’t want to leave you, and I don’t want things to change,” I told him, almost whispering to make sure Peyton couldn’t overhear me as I pleaded with him. “Tell me to stay.”<br /><br />Sidney seemed torn, sucking in his bottom lip as he looked at me, his face seeming to fall into lines of hurt and confusion as he gave his head a small shake. “Things only change if we let them,” he said, moving my arms from around him so he could hold both of my hands. “You and I both know that you need to go, even if it’s a scary thought. Sometimes the scariest things in life are the most necessary,” he reminded me softly, watching as I blinked rapidly a few times to stop the tears that were trying to pour over the lids of my eyes. “I’ll be there with you. I don’t need to be beside you to be with you.”<br /><br />I let out a shaky breath, dropping his hands so I could wrap my arms around him again, letting him run his hand through my hair in an attempt to calm my down.<br /><br />It didn’t matter how many sweet things Sidney said to me, or how much I loved him. I knew, somewhere in my heart, that things were going to be different when I got back. I just wasn’t sure in what way, yet.<br /><br />--------------------------------------<br /><br />Rain. <br /><br />It was the first thing I saw when I looked out the window of the plane. I had spent my two days in Vancouver being all kinds of miserable. I had refused to eat at all when I first arrived, striking worry in my parents minds. My mom followed me upstairs to ask if Sidney and I had gotten into a fight, and that the mention of his name, I had burst into tears, fallen down onto my bed and ignored the rest of her questions. I knew that the reaction was largely due to the zero sleep I had gotten the night before, and the long flight with two layovers, but it was still the exact reaction I had been worried I’d have.<br /><br />My dad hadn’t even bothered trying to speak to me about what was wrong. He had never been the type, and even though I could see from his worried looks that he was just as concerned as my mom, he didn’t know how to even approach a clearly distraught twenty-one year old girl. I’m sure that both of my parents were wondering why they had thought having me stay with them for a couple of days heading out was a good idea, but, as much as I hated to admit it, I probably needed it. I knew I’d be completely messed up from having two days of being three hours ahead, only to fly out and lose four hours, but my mom had been right. I needed those two days to get the overreactions out of my system before being face to face with Cameron, which brings me back to the rain.<br /><br />“We’re here,” my dad said, nudging me. He must of believed that I had fallen asleep during the flight, which he couldn’t be blamed for since I hadn’t moved or uttered a word the entire flight. “Want me to carry your bags?”<br /><br />I turned to look at him, seeing that same concerned look on his face and gave him a small smile. “No, thanks, dad. I can handle it.”<br /><br />He nodded, seeming to debate saying something more but deciding better of it, standing up and helping my mom get her luggage from the overhead compartment. He had made us pack everything into carry-on only, which was fine by me seeing as I always did that and hadn’t brought anything except the necessities from Pittsburgh. <br /><br />I had to stop walking five times, convinced that I was about to be sick in the airport from how nervous and completely terrified I was about seeing Cameron again. I knew that Elizabeth would make sure he was nice to me, as she always had done, but it had been almost three years since I had seen him, and just saying his name left a bitter taste in my mouth. My dad was walking so fast and so far ahead of my mother and I that he didn’t even notice how pale my face had become and how shaky my hands were as I tried to drag my bag behind me, but my mom waited, rubbing my back every time I had to almost squat down and take a few deep breaths to stop myself from throwing up all over the squeaky clean tiles of the tiny airport. I managed to hold all of the emotions in, giving my head a shake as I saw my dad talking to Cameron. I stopped, looking around the airport for a good two minutes before the feeling of nausea returned. <br /><br />Elizabeth wasn’t with him.<br /><br />“Hanna?” My mom spoke, causing my dad and Cameron to both turn and look at me. “Are you okay?”<br /><br />I gulped, forcing a smile and nodding at her before my eyes moved over to Cameron, looking him over quickly. He looked so much older then I remembered. He had the same dark green eyes as me, and the same light brown hair, but he looked like a completely different person then me. I felt as if I didn’t even recognize him as I looked him over, noticing that his once almost too thin frame was thicker, and that he had a bit of stubble coating his face. Even the way he dressed was different, in a normal pair of jeans and a plan, black hoodie instead of what I had last seen him, which was the far too tight skinny jeans and deep V-neck cardigan with some abstract t shirt underneath.<br /><br />He seemed to be doing the same thing to me, both of us completely unsure of how the other would react. My dad wasn’t growing impatient, meaning that not as much time had passed as I had assumed had. Finally, Cameron let out a long sigh, startling me and making take a step back as I looked up at him. He was so tall, which was something that I had forgotten, and as he took three steps towards I was almost intimidated by the height difference. I wondered if he and Jordan were the same size, or if he was even taller. I felt like I was shrinking as he looked down at me, almost wincing as I prepared myself for whatever words he was about to spit out at me, already wishing that I could run back onto the plane and just fly back to Pittsburgh and fall into Sidney’s arms.<br /><br />But he didn’t say a word. Not at first, anyways. No, he did something completely unexpected and reached out to take my bag from me, gently. “I’ll carry that for you,” he said quietly, giving me a small smile before he turned back to my parents. “I parked in the drop off zone, so we should book it before my car gets towed.” <br /><br />My parents both nodded, falling into an easy conversation, asking him if Elizabeth was sick and how work was going, leaving me to stand in shock for a moment before Cameron glanced back at me and stopped, my parents not even seeming to notice as they carried on. He looked at me for a minute before he walked back over to me. “Are you coming?”<br /><br />I didn’t say anything back, rubbing my left arm nervously.<br /><br />He let out another soft sigh. “Hanna, I know that you probably hate me,” he started, “and I was hoping to have this conversation later, but I swear, I’m not the guy I was last time you saw me. You don’t need to be afraid of me.”<br /><br />I had to clear my throat to find my voice. “I don’t think I believe that.”<br /><br />He nodded, “I know, and I don’t blame you. But, I mean, what good does it do for you to stay in the airport?” he asked, almost smirking at me. “Come on, Liz set up the downstairs room for you. She spent three weeks on it, just to make sure you’d love it. And this bag is kind of heavy, so…” He raised an eyebrow at me.<br /><br />I studied his face for a moment, trying to decide if I believed him or not. Finally, I nodded, following him out to where his car was parked.<br /><br />Cameron and Elizabeth lived in a beautiful house. I didn’t really know much about what he did for a job now, but I knew he made good money, and Elizabeth was a school teacher at the small elementary school just around the corner from their house. They had a lot of property, which was pretty common out in the area they lived in. Elizabeth was waiting on the front steps when we pulled into the driveway, and I was out of the car before it had even come to a complete stop.<br /><br />“Hanna!” She greeted, “Look at how grown up you are,” she said, placing both of her hands on my waist and looking me over with a big smile. “You’re such a beautiful girl, you know?”<br /><br />I smiled, “Thank you. And look at you, you’re so…pregnant.”<br /><br />She laughed, stepping into the house and taking me with her. “Yes, and I have been for about nine months now.” She watched as my dad and Cameron came into the house with all of the luggage. “Let’s worry about getting you guys settled until later. I made lunch,” she said, going over to give my mom a hug and smiling at my dad. “I hope you guys are good with soup and buns. I don’t know what it is with this baby, but she won’t let me eat anything solid lately. I’m always sick afterwards.”<br /><br />My mom laughed, “I was the same way when I was pregnant with Cameron. I also couldn’t even hear the word eggs or I would be sick.”<br /><br />“Wow, I thought it would take a little longer before the pregnancy talk started,” I admitted, walking down the hall towards the kitchen. I stopped when I saw a picture of Alissa and I hanging on the wall, my body frozen as I saw it. We must have been ten in the picture, and my head was back, my mouth open as I laughed and my arms around Alissa. She was leaning forward, closer to the camera then I was, and her eyes were glistened with tears from how hard she was laughing. I couldn’t even remember where the picture was, but I couldn’t take my eyes away from it.<br /><br />“It’s from her birthday,” Cameron said from beside me. “You had just knocked her cake off of the table.”<br /><br />I shut my eyes, the memory coming back to the front of my mind. “I remember that,” I said quietly, opening my eyes to look at the picture again. “Auntie Britt was so mad.”<br /><br />Cameron laughed, “She spent hours decorating the cake, and then you just swooped right in and knocked it over.”<br /><br />“We still ate it,” I reminded him.<br /><br />He nodded, reaching out to the straighten the picture frame next to it. “And it was delicious.” He looked down at me, his eyes swimming with the thoughts he didn’t want to say yet. “We should get into the kitchen before Liz gets too hormonal and cries because the soup went cold before we ate it.” He moved to walk past me before stopping and looking back down at me, placing a hand on my shoulder. “I’m sorry, Hanna. For everything. I’m sorry.”<br /><br />I watched him walk into the kitchen, stunned again by how sincere he seemed to be. I glanced at the picture of Alissa and I again, my head moving to look at the rest of the pictures before my dad called for me, shaking me from my thoughts and urging me to head into the kitchen where the rest of them were.Mackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08005607416251563909noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6551347663728545830.post-25905718531460802372010-06-09T14:19:00.000-07:002010-06-09T14:20:12.532-07:00BirthdaysI looked myself over in my bedroom mirror, brushing a few pieces of hair away from my face and tugging on one of the curls with a small sigh. <br /><br />It didn’t matter how many times I looked at myself in the mirror, I didn’t look a day older. I felt like I had lived so much life in the last six months or so, and yet it didn’t even show on my face. Maybe that was a good thing, after all, women are always going to extreme lengths to try and hide their age, maybe this was a blessing of some sort?<br /><br />“You ready?” Sidney asked me from just outside of my bedroom door, causing me to turn and glance at him as he leaned against the doorframe.<br /><br />I glanced back at myself in the mirror once more before shrugging and turning back around to look at him. “I guess so.”<br /><br />Sidney laughed. “I’ve never seen anyone look as unimpressed as you do about leaving for your birthday party.”<br /><br />I smiled, walking out of my room and towards the front door with Sidney following close behind. “It doesn’t feel like my birthday,” I tried to explain, letting him step out the door first so I could lock up. “It’s kind of sad, actually. I’ll be here with everyone tonight, and then two days from now, I’m on a plane to Vancouver and won’t see any of you for almost a month.”<br /><br />Sidney placed an arm around my shoulders as we headed out to his car. “Worry about that in two days. It’s your birthday, stop being so sad and try to enjoy yourself.”<br /><br />I nodded, thanking him as he held the passenger door open for me so I could get in.<br /><br />-------------------------------<br /><br />“Hanna!” Caity yelled, almost tackling me the second I set foot in Kris’ house, “Your dress is so pretty.”<br /><br />I smiled, trying to move a step back from her in unnoticeable fashion. “Thanks, so is yours.”<br /><br />She grinned, grabbing my arm and dragging me through the entry way and living room. “The rest of the girls are over here,” she explained with a small smile, letting go of my arm as soon as the rest of the girlfriends were in view. “You leave tomorrow?”<br /><br />I shook my head, waving to Vero and Jordan’s girlfriend, Tanya. “No, I leave Wednesday,” I corrected. “It’s an early morning flight, though, so tomorrow’s my last day before I leave.”<br /><br />Caity nodded, placing a hand on my shoulder. “I’m sure Sid will try and fly out and see you while you’re gone. I mean, a whole month? The poor boy will probably lose his mind.”<br /><br />I laughed. “I’m sure Sidney will have bigger things to worry about then missing me, but thanks.”<br /><br />Caity became distracted with the food table, allowing me to sneak away from her and over towards Vero and Tanya, earning a grin from both of them. “Happy birthday, Miss Hanna!” Tanya greeted, handing me a small glass of some kind of pink and bubbly drink.<br /><br />I accepted the glass, eyeing it a bit. “Thanks. What is this?”<br /><br />“Strawberry champagne,” Vero answered, taking a tiny sip from her own glass. “You seem unsure.”<br /><br />I smiled, setting the flute glass down on the table. “Yeah, I’m not a big fan of champagne.”<br /><br />“But it’s your 21st birthday and you’re in America! You have to drink some kind of alcohol, I mean, come on!” Tanya reminded me.<br /><br />I let out a small laugh “Maybe I’ll grab a cooler or something. I don’t know, I’m not that crazy about alcoholic beverages, especially if I can taste the alcohol part.”<br /><br />“You are a confusing creature, Hanna,” Tanya joked, picking up a bit sized pizza and popping it into her mouth.<br /><br />A soft sigh escaped my lips as I glanced around at Kris’ house. It wasn’t too packed, since Sidney had a large part in planning the party and he knew I wasn’t too fond of excessive crowds. Peyton was flying in tomorrow so I could show her how everything in my suite worked before I had to leave the next morning, and I was pretty disappointed that my 21st birthday had to be celebrated without her, but Kris and Sidney had made sure to invite the other players that I got along with and any of the other girlfriends, or just females in general, that I liked. I knew that the main point of the part was to try and distract me from the fact that I was leaving in a day and a half and couldn’t see any of them for almost a month, but it wasn’t working so well.<br /><br />“Hanna!” Max yelled, lifting me up and spinning me around so fast that I wasn’t even aware of what was happening until he had already set me back down. “Happy birthday!”<br /><br />I had to lean back against the counter, dizzy from the sudden movement. “Thanks. I feel like I haven’t seen you in a really long time.”<br /><br />Max shrugged, reaching behind me to grab one of the bite sized pizza bagels and chewing on it for a moment before answering. “I ruined my couch.”<br /><br />I felt a small smirk forming on my face. “You…you ruined your couch?” He nodded, looking down at the floor. “How did you do that?”<br /><br />Max sighed, “Why do you need to know that?” He rubbed his face a little bit. “Well, my brothers came to visit, and we started talking about this game we played when we were little-”<br /><br />“Please tell me it didn’t involve you being naked. If this story involves me picturing the Talbot’s naked, I don’t even want to know!” I interrupted.<br /><br />Max stared at me for a moment before giving his head a small shake, “Why do you always assume that I’m naked in my stories?”<br /><br />“Because all of the ones you tell me involve you being naked,” I reminded him.<br /><br />He laughed, looking up at the ceiling a bit as he chuckled, “Oh, yeah. Those are usually the best ones,” he mumbled. “Anyways, I wasn’t naked. We used to play this game where we’d pretend that the floor was covered in lava, so you couldn’t walk on it and we’d jump across from one couch to the other, did you play that?” He asked, not even waiting to see if I replied before carrying on, “Well, Frank and I decided to see if we were still as good at jumping across the living room and onto the other couch.” He rubbed the back of his neck, giving me a half grin. “That was a bad idea. Two incredibly manly men both trying their best to ninja their way onto a couch?”<br /><br />I laughed, “Don’t you have two brothers?”<br /><br />“Yeah, David said he didn’t play those games anymore. He just watched while we snapped the back off of my couch,” He explained.<br /><br />“Ah, now it all makes sense. You haven’t been around lately because you broke your couch,” I said.<br /><br />Max smirked at me, taking a step back. “No, I haven’t been around because you’re usually fuc-”<br /><br />“There you two are,” Sidney interrupted, shooting Max a warning look before he turned to smile at me, handing me a cooler. “I know you don’t like champagne or beer, so I made Kris go buy some coolers. I had to grab you one before Billy drank them all.”<br /><br />I almost snorted, “Bill Guerin is a fan of coolers?”<br /><br />Sidney shrugged, “I guess every man reaches a point where all he wants is fruity goodness.”<br /><br />Max and I exchanged a look before I smiled, patting Sidney’s arm. “I’m not even going to say the comment that’s in my head right now.”<br /><br />“And I appreciate that so much,” Sidney assured me, glancing behind me at Vero and Tanya. “I guess I’ll leave you to your girl talk.”<br /><br />“She was talking to me,” Max corrected.<br /><br />Sidney glanced at him over his shoulder. “I know,” he said, turning back to me with a small grin. “I’ll come find you later,” he said to me, giving my shoulder a small squeeze before he turned and headed off.<br /><br />Max was frowning, watching Sidney as he walked off before he looked back at me. “That boy needs to learn some manners, Hanna. Be careful with him. One day he loves you,” he paused, pretending to well up with tears, “and then the next, he insults you in front of all of your friends.”<br /><br />“Awww, Max,” I cooed, placing a hand n his shoulder and looking up at him, “we’re not friends.”<br /><br />He smacked my hand away from him, making me laugh, “I hate you! I hope…I hope that when you try to blow out your candles, your dignity catches fire.”<br /><br />I glanced behind me at Tanya and Vero, both of whom looked just as confused as I was, and nodded. “Good insult. It really hurt my pride.”<br /><br />Max grinned, “Did it? I’ve been trying to work on my mean remarks, because, let’s be honest, I need to be good at something on the ice.”<br /><br />I nodded, the two of us standing there in silence for a moment before I simply turned around to face Vero and Tanya again. “So, what’s new with you ladies?”<br /><br />“Oh, I see how it is,” Max muttered behind me, disappearing off into the crowd.<br /><br />Tanya shrugged. “Not too much. Just trying to deal with Jordan and his crazy stress about the playoffs, especially now that round two is about to start.”<br /><br />Vero nodded, “Yes, the preparation for the playoffs is never fun. How is Sid handling it?”<br /><br />I sighed, “Okay, I guess. He doesn’t talk about it too much because he doesn’t want me to worry about him while I’m gone with my family, but I can see the stress he’s under. I mean, especially with the push to be repeating cup champs, I can see that it’s weighing down on him, but he doesn’t want to talk about it, and I don’t want to push him,” I answered.<br /><br />Vero nodded. “He’s just too considerate sometimes, that Sid.”<br /><br />I laughed, “Yeah, I guess if there’s one downfall to him, that’s it. He’s just too caring.”<br /><br />Tanya took a sip of her champagne, reminding me of the cooler Sidney had brought over to me and prompting me to open it, earning a nod of approval from Tanya. “So, what are your plans once the party is over?” She asked.<br /><br />“Probably sleeping. Peyton’s flight arrives early tomorrow morning and I’ll have to go pick her up,” I answered.<br /><br />“Wow, that sounds fun,” Tanya joked. “At least you’ll get to see her before you leave. And it’s right after your birthday, so you could just count it as birthday celebration. That means she has to pay for everything,” she pointed out.<br /><br />I grinned at her, letting out a sigh. “This whole family thing is so horribly timed,” I admitted. “I’m leaving the day after my best friend flies in, and right before the next round starts. I should have never agreed to go.”<br /><br />Vero gave me a sympathetic smile. “I’m sure that there’s a reason for why you need to go, Hanna. I mean, I have no doubts that this will be a very important trip for you.”<br /><br />I rolled my eyes, “I know, everyone keeps telling me that. If you’re not right, I’ll probably take up drinking. Just a heads up.”<br /><br />“Yeah, the girl who’s had one sip of her cooler will become an alcoholic,” Tanya said. “Way to be real, Hanna.”<br /><br />----------------------------------------<br /><br />After an incredibly confusing morning at the airport, which involved me being on the opposite side of the airport from where Peyton was arriving, and three coffee stops, Peyton and I were finally able to collapse in my living room.<br /><br />“I forgot how adorable your place was,” she commented, stretching herself out across the couch.<br /><br />I smiled, sinking into the armchair next to her. “Yeah, it’s basically fantastic. No big deal or anything.” I sighed, both of us taking a moment to relax before I spoke again. “I’m sorry about the timing. I feel awful about you flying out here so I could spend one day with you.”<br /><br />Peyton shrugged, “It’s okay. You need to go and at least talk to Cameron, even if he’s a total asshole. Besides, I’m here all summer, so I’ll still be here when you get back.”<br /><br />I smiled, “I know. I still feel bad, though. I’ve missed you.”<br /><br />“I am a very miss-able person,” she joked. <br /><br />She stared up at my ceiling for a few moments while I sunk back into the chair a little more, both of becoming lost in our thoughts. I wasn’t sure what Peyton was thinking about, exactly, but the way that her mouth had puckered in and her brow had furrowed down I was assuming that it was some sort of concern that she just wasn’t ready to share me with, yet.<br /><br />I was still trying to convince myself that leaving for almost a full month to go off and be miserable with my family would be a step in the right direction. I could see that it had the potential to be. I mean, I did have to, eventually, face my brother again, and there was a part of me that was trying to be optimistic and believe that the news of his first born had caused him to step back, evaluate his life and make an earnest effort to grow up. But at the same time, I could just imagine the distress of it all. I could see Cameron and I screaming at each other, him still blaming me for Alissa’s death and me finally lashing out with the years of built up and withheld resentment. I could see my dad’s reserved nature grating on my nerves because he wouldn’t step in and try to fight for me, even of he knew I was right. I knew my mom’s constant optimism would make me want to pull every hair out of my head, and I knew that I would spend almost every waking second missing not only Sidney, but Peyton, Vero, Tanya, Jordan, Max and the feel of being in Mellon arena while the Penguins played a playoff game.<br /><br />The more I thought about it, the less I wanted to go.<br /><br />“I have to ask you something,” Peyton finally said, sitting up and looking at me with a seriousness in her eyes that concerned me.<br /><br />I nodded, pulling my legs up into the chair so that I could cross them beneath me, “Sure, what’s up?”<br /><br />She sighed, “I know that this is probably going to piss you off, and I want you know that I’m not saying to try and cause any kind of strain or trouble, okay?” She waited for me to nod my head in understanding before beginning. “I’m worried about you and Sidney.”<br /><br />I almost groaned. “Peyton, I know that it’s still hard to accept that I changed my views and Sidney and I are having sex-”<br /><br />“It’s not just about the sex,” she said, interrupting me. “Hanna, you’re basing your entire life around him. I love Sidney, and I really do think he’s good for you, but your becoming so dependant on him that I’m concerned.”<br /><br />“I’m dependant on him?” I repeated, almost scoffing. “I don’t know if you remember this, but I’m leaving tomorrow for almost a month, and I have a job that he has nothing to do with. I don’t even see him on days when I work with the morning shift, which is almost always, and he has a game.”<br /><br />“Hanna, I know you, and I know that you are sitting there trying to convince yourself that going to see your family will make you so miserable that you shouldn’t even go, and that you can’t miss seeing Sidney play hockey,” she said, staring at me. “That’s what you’re thinking, isn’t it?”<br /><br />“So, what are you telling me? That I should break up with Sidney?”<br /><br />Peyton sighed, rubbing her forehead. “No, I’m telling you that I’m worried. I don’t want you to give everything you have to Sidney.”<br /><br />“Why not? I’m in love with him,” I shot back.<br /><br />Peyton looked at me in silence for what felt like hours, trying to decide how she wanted to respond to my reminder. “Are you going to marry Sid?”<br /><br />I was caught off guard by the question, just as I had been when Vero had asked me a couple of weeks back. “I don’t know yet, it’s only been a few months.”<br /><br />“Why would you give up everything, and give everything you have, to a guy that you’re not even sure you want to marry, Hanna?” She asked. “You’re debating calling your mom and cancelling this whole trip just so that you can stay here and watch the Playoffs with him. I know you’re scared about Cameron, but I also know that you’re digging for excuses to try and justify cutting your family out to make more room for Sidney.” She waited for me to reply, but when she saw that I couldn’t find any words, she sighed. “I’m not trying to make you doubt what you have with Sidney,” she said quietly, “but I want you to be careful. You get attached to people so easily, and I think that Sidney’s a great guy for you, but I’m scared that if this doesn’t work out, you’ll have nothing left,” she explained. “I don’t want you to go back to where you were when Alissa died,” she added softly.<br /><br />I finally met her eyes again, trying to sort through all of the words and thoughts in my head. “Peyton….”<br /><br />She nodded, “I know. You need time to think,” she said. “Listen, just…don’t give up this family visit, okay? Sidney will be waiting when you get back, you know that, and you need a break from him. You really, really need this, Hanna. Please believe that.”<br /><br />I couldn’t reply, choking on the words that I should have said back. The sound of the doorbell ringing caused both of us to jump, me wincing and glancing at Peyton. “I’m sorry-”<br /><br />She smiled, “It’s okay. I didn’t say to ignore him. If that’s Sidney, invite him in, make small talk with me and spend your last day with him having fun. Just, don’t give up on the family.”<br /><br />I nodded, taking a deep sigh to try and shake the conversation from my head before I got up to answer the door.Mackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08005607416251563909noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6551347663728545830.post-52448961777293732952010-06-02T18:57:00.001-07:002010-06-02T18:57:43.446-07:00Toothbrush“So, you’re going?” My mom asked almost in a whisper, so quietly I had to press the phone hard against my ear just to catch the words.<br /><br />“I think so. I might change my mind, but I feel like I should go. I mean, I like Elizabeth, and I want to see my niece be born,” I explained, watching Sidney as he moved around in his kitchen, pouring two cups of coffee.<br /><br />“Oh, Hanna, that’s wonderful. Cameron was hoping you would come, and so was I,” She gushed. “Now, don’t get upset with me, but I already bought a ticket for you and everything. I’ll mail it to you if you want, or your father and I could pay for you to fly out here a few days earlier and then fly out to Prince Edward Island with us,” She offered.<br /><br />“Mom, why would I fly out from Pittsburgh to Vancouver so I could hop on another plane and fly back out East to PEI?”<br /><br />“I guess that doesn’t make much sense, does it?” She sighed, “Alright. I’ll mail the ticket out to you tomorrow, you’ll get it in time for sure. Make sure you don’t lose it, okay?”<br /><br />“I will put it somewhere safe,” I promised, accepting the cup of coffee that Sidney handed me with a small smile. “I should probably go, mom. I’m at Sidney’s.”<br /><br />“Oh, are you?” She asked. “At this time? What is it there, almost ten?”<br /><br />I let out a small sigh, thankful that Sidney couldn’t hear my mom on my cell phone as he obliviously flicked through the channels on his TV, setting down his own cup of coffee on the table. “Yes, it is. He had practice today and I had to work, so I didn’t have a chance to see him until later,” I told her, smiling awkwardly at Sidney when he shot me a curious glance, clearly aware of the fact that he had been brought up.<br /><br />There was a small pause on the other end of the phone. “Well, don’t stay too late. I don’t want you to don’t anything…stupid, I guess is the word I’m looking for,” she told me, letting out another sigh.<br /><br />I turned away from Sidney, even though he wasn’t looking at me, placing my cup of coffee down on the end table by the chair I was next to. “Mom, I should go.”<br /><br />“Don’t get all upset with me, sweetie. I like Sidney, he’s a nice boy. I just don’t want you to lose your head and go off and sleep with the boy, that’s all.”<br /><br />I could feel all of the blood rushing to my face, glancing over my shoulder at Sidney to make sure he couldn’t hear the conversation. “Right. Well…bye mom.” I pushed the end button on my cell phone, placing it down next to my cup of coffee.<br /><br />“Fun conversation?” Sidney asked, looking at me with a small smirk.<br /><br />I pushed my bangs away from my eyes, sitting down on the chair. “It was all kinds of fun,” I promised, picking up my cup of coffee and taking a drink from it. “Are you sure you can’t come with me?”<br /><br />He smiled, shutting off the TV and leaning forward on the couch. “The only way I could go would be if we were eliminated from the Playoffs in the first round, and I hope you’re not wishing for that to happen.”<br /><br />I pursed my lips, sinking back into the chair more. “No, I don’t want that to happen,” I assured him. “I’m just scared about being alone with my family for two weeks. If you were there-”<br /><br />“If I was there you would use me as an excuse to not spend anytime with your brother or any other member of your family, and you wouldn’t resolve anything,” He interrupted. “Hanna, I know it’s scary to be face to face with your brother, especially when the two of you don’t get along and there’s a lot of bitterness there, but I really think that this is something you need to do.”<br /><br />I groaned, “I know you’re right, but I really wish that you weren’t.”<br /><br />Sidney laughed, “I think this will be really good for you. I don’t know if you realize how tightly you’re hanging onto this resentment, but I honestly believe that if you and Cameron at least attempt to settle things, that you could let go of it, and everything in front of you could become so much clearer. Maybe this is what you need to really figure out what you want to do with your life?”<br /><br />I gulped back almost half of my coffee, ignoring the burning pain it left in my mouth. “If this hockey thing ever stops working for you, you should consider writing self-help books, because, I swear to God, Oprah would say that exact same thing to me. But she’s be in purple.”<br /><br />Sidney laughed, “Why can you never just say thank you, Hanna? I’m basically saving your life and you mock me.”<br /><br />“Saving my life?” I repeated, giggling a bit, “Yeah, okay. Because making me spend two weeks with my insane brother and naïve mother is such a life saving gesture.”<br /><br />He made a face at me, “It won’t be as bad as you’re thinking it will be, anyways. I’m sure it will be fine.” He picked up his own cup, taking a drink from it before he turned back to me. “What day do you leave on?”<br /><br />I shrugged, “I’m not sure. I think May 5th, or something like that.”<br /><br />He grinned, “So you’ll still be here for your birthday?”<br /><br />I felt my cheeks burn a bit. “You remember that, huh?”<br /><br />“You sound surprised,” He observed. “IS it really that surprising?”<br /><br />“Well, I guess most guys might forget, especially if he has as many priorities and as much stress as you,” I admitted.<br /><br />Sidney gave me a half smile, standing up from his spot on the couch and coming over to stand in front of me. “I don’t know why you haven’t realized this yet, but you’re a priority for me now, which means that I make an effort to remember all of these things.”<br /><br />I sighed, “Sidney, you need to stop saying sweet things like that. You’ll give me a heart attack one day from all the swooning.”<br /><br />He laughed, “Oh, I’m sorry.”<br /><br />I grabbed my cup of coffee, downing the rest of it before I stood up. “I guess I should get going since you have to be up early for the game day skate and all,” I said, holding my empty cup.<br /><br />Sidney gave a soft nod, taking the cup from my hands and putting it back down on the table before leaning down to kiss me. “You have to go already?”<br /><br />I sighed, wrapping my arms around his neck. “I can’t keep you up all night,” I said, rolling my eyes at the grin that crossed his face as soon as I had said it. “You have to be up at, like, seven, and then go skate around for an hour. We can’t. Besides, I’m supposed to meet Caity and Vero for brunch, so I need to be up relatively early anyways.”<br /><br />Sidney wasn’t even really listening to me anymore. Somewhere between me reminding him of his morning skate and my own plans he had moved from listening to kissing my neck, and as hard as I was trying to act as if the same thought hadn’t even crossed my mind, the more he kissed down my neck the harder it was getting to remember my own arguments. “Sidney, I need to go home,” I barely managed to whisper, “we both have to be up early.”<br /><br />Sidney lifted his head up, smirking at me a bit. “Here’s an idea; how about you just stay here tonight?”<br /><br />I eyed him, trying to ignore the fact that his hands, which were on my lower back, were already resting beneath the fabric of my shirt. “I don’t have any clothes here,” I reminded him.<br /><br />He shrugged, leaning down to catch my lips again for a moment. “You don’t need clothes.”<br /><br />“I do tomorrow,” I said, trying to look past him so I could focus. <br /><br />Sidney sighed, dropping his hands from around me and taking a step back .”I guess you’re right,” he admitted.<br /><br />I finally looked back up at me, only then noticing how messy his hair had become at some point in the last few minutes and almost fell over right then. “You know what?” I asked, making him raise his eyebrows at me, “If you wake me up when you’re leaving I’ll have time to-”<br /><br />I hadn’t even finished the sentence when Sidney had leaned back down to kiss me, the two of us standing there for a minute, lost in the kiss, before he pulled away and lifted me up, tossing me over his shoulder in a way that almost made me laugh as he carried me over to his room.<br /><br />-----------------------------------<br /><br />“Hanna?”<br /><br />I groaned, rolling over and cracking open an eye to look up at Sidney. He had clearly been awake for awhile as he was kneeling next to the bed grinning at me, his hair still wet from the shower he must have just had. He had on a pair of jeans, but hadn’t found the time to throw on a shirt on yet. Despite how tired I was from a lack of sleep, the sight was enough to jolt me up. “Are you leaving?” I asked him, pulling up the blanket with me.<br /><br />He nodded, reaching out and smoothing out my hair with a small smile. “You slept well, apparently.”<br /><br />I sent him a curious glance before I placed a hand up on my head, groaning as I felt a wild mess of hair. “How bad is it?”<br /><br />He laughed, “It’s fine, don’t worry about it.” “Do you want something to eat before you go?”<br /><br />I smirked at him, still using one of my hands to try and fix my hair. “Do I want to eat before I leave to go eat? I’m good, thanks.”<br /><br />He rolled his eyes, standing up and walking over to his dresser so he could grab a shirt. “Never mind then,” he mumbled, tugging a dark blue, long sleeved shirt over is his head before he turned around to look at me. “Are you getting up, or do you want me to leave you a key so you cam lock up after I leave?”<br /><br />I glanced over at the clock, noting the time and sighed. “No, I should get up. I have to go home and change anyways, I won’t have enough time if I don’t do that now.”<br /><br />He nodded, walking out of the room for a moment to make sure his hockey gear was ready to go, leaving me to pull on my clothes and walk into the bathroom, almost laughing at how horrible my hair looked. I splashed some water on my face to make sure I was fully awake before Sidney appeared next to me, smirking a bit. “I bought you a toothbrush, because I know you’re paranoid about bad breath.”<br /><br />I smiled, accepting the tooth brush he held in his hand, still in it’s plastic package. “When did you buy this?”<br /><br />“A couple of days ago,” he admitted, shrugging shyly.<br /><br />I only grinned, picking up the tube of toothpaste next to the sink and starting to brush my teeth. Sidney watched me for a second, which made me a little uncomfortable, before he turned and headed back out to the living room, probably putting away the dishes we had left out the night before.<br /><br />When I was done brushing my teeth and fixing my hair, I emerged from the room to see Sidney already ready to go. He grinned at me as I made my way over to him, putting on the flip flops I had worn over the night before. I raised my eyebrows at him questioningly, which he acknowledged by leaning down to kiss me, placing one hand on the side of my head, just below my ear, as the other one leaned down to pick up his hockey bag. “Ready?” He asked.<br /><br />I laughed, “I have my own car here,” I reminded him.<br /><br />Sidney shrugged, opening the front door and waiting for me to walk through it before he followed. “I know, but I didn’t want to just leave if we were both heading out anyways.”<br /><br />I smiled at him, waiting for him to toss the bag into the back of his range rover. “I’ll talk to you later. I’m assuming tomorrow?”<br /><br />He nodded, placing another kiss on my lips, “Yeah, I’ll call you tomorrow. The rest of today is pretty packed.”<br /><br />I nodded, taking a moment to look up at him before I sighed, “Well, bye.”<br /><br />He reached out and grabbed my hand before I could turn and head to my car, giving me a smirk. “Hanna?” He asked, making me look up at him again. “I love you.”<br /><br />I smiled, giving his hand a squeeze. “I love you, too,” I said back, winking at him before I turned and walked over to my car, laughing when I saw him shaking his head at me before I climbed into my car and headed off.<br /><br />------------------------------<br /><br />It took three hours, and twenty minutes after Caity headed home, for Vero to finally turn to me and ask, “Did you have sex with Sidney?”<br /><br />“Does everybody know about that?” I asked, suddenly self-conscience. <br /><br />Vero laughed, “No! I don’t think Sidney has said anything, I mean, Marc-Andre didn’t say anything. You just seem different, and so does he lately.”<br /><br />“Well…yeah, we’ve, you know, done that,” I said, looking away from her.<br /><br />“You seem embarrassed?” Vero asked.<br /><br />I sighed, “It’s just awkward to talk about, I guess. I wasn’t really expecting it to happen.”<br /><br />“So it was just a one time thing?” She asked, laughing when I glanced up at her. “Oh, I see. You still feel guilty, but not enough to stop?”<br /><br />“I don’t think guilt is the word,” I said. “It’s just that, I always thought I’d only be with one guy in my entire life, and that guy would be my husband. It was the idea that I was raised with, and I know that my parents would be completely horrified if they knew that I was doing more then kissing with Sidney,” I explained.<br /><br />Vero nodded, playing with the buttons on her cardigan. “Do you think that Sidney is the man you’ll marry? Is that why you changed your mind?”<br /><br />I froze with the cup of water I was about to drink half way to my mouth and glanced up at her. I had never, not once, even thought about that. I loved Sidney, I really did, but I never had the time to stop and wonder if he was the one. There were moments where I felt like I could probably spend forever next to him, and falling asleep in his arms the night before was one of them, but for the most part, I didn’t think about it. Now that the question had been asked, I almost felt sick. I had thrown away my morals for a guy that I wasn’t even positive I would marry? Had I become that girl?<br /><br />“Hanna?” Vero asked, waving a hand in front of my face. “I’m sorry, did I upset you?”<br /><br />I sighed, setting my cup down with shaky hands. “No, I just, I never really thought about marrying Sidney. I mean, it’s barely been four months. It’s too early to think about marriage.” Vero didn’t say anything, but the look on her face was enough to make me nod my head with shame. “I know. It’s too early for me to have thought about marrying him, but not too early for me to fall into bed with him.” <br /><br />Vero chewed on her lip for a moment. “There are so many people who don’t even wait to be in love before they do that. Don’t beat yourself up over it. You love Sidney, and he loves you. Focus on that.” She waited to make sure I was done with the topic before she changed the subject. “So, when do you leave to go visit your family?”<br /><br />“I don’t know the actual date,” I admitted. “But it’s just after my birthday. I’m staying with my parents for a couple of weeks, then lying out to PEI with them and staying there for a week or so. It’s going to be hard to be away from everyone for almost a month, but Sidney thinks it’s something I need to do, and he’s usually right about these things.”<br /><br />Vero nodded, smiling at me. “How about we go and get some cute baby clothes for your soon to be born niece? Take your mind off of things.”<br /><br />I grinned, “That would be a wonderful distraction,” I agreed, standing up from her couch. “Hey, Vero?” I asked, catching her before she left the room. “Thanks.”<br /><br />She smiled, “I’m not sure what you are thanking me for, but you are welcome.”<br /><br />I laughed, following her through the house and to the front door.Mackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08005607416251563909noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6551347663728545830.post-25694144518959109492010-05-28T17:02:00.001-07:002010-05-28T17:02:23.745-07:00ReflectionsI wiped away the steam on the bathroom mirror and had to take a second to stare at my reflection, hugging the towel tightly around my body as I did so. I looked over my face, looking to see if there was some sort of change in my appearance. I’m not sure what I was expecting, if somehow looking at me now anyone who had seen me before would know that I had just handed over my so called “innocence” to Sidney, but looking over my face in the bathroom of Sidney’s house, I looked basically the same, save for the wet hair.<br /><br />I eventually sighed, turning away from the mirror so I could start to change into the clothes Nathalie had brought down for me. When I had snatched them off of the couch on my journey from Sidney’s room to the bathroom, I had only noticed the sweatpants and t shirt. Nathalie was clearly a more caring lady then I had assumed, as when I unfolded the pants, a pair of underwear and a bra fell to the floor. I didn’t know whether to laugh at the fact that she had stolen one of her daughters bras, or be completely weirded out by the fact that she had guessed my bra size. I chose neither option, and instead changed quickly into the clothes, hanging the towel up on the back of the door before placing my hand on the door knob.<br /><br />And then I waited there.<br /><br />I knew that when I eventually emerged from the washroom, things could be different. It was my own fault. Sidney had wanted to talk, but his phone went off and I convinced him to answer it, almost running out of the bed room as soon as he did so and jumping into the shower. I could hear him moving around in the kitchen, and even though there was a large part of me that just wanted to run back into his arms, there was also a part of me that was starting to worry that maybe I had just done the wrong thing. Maybe I had just rushed our relationship, taken a step that we shouldn’t have taken yet. I had always assumed that the only man I would ever be having sex with would be the guy I ended up marrying, and yet, here I was. Twenty years old and hiding in my boyfriend’s bathroom because I was so nervous about what our relationship would be now.<br /><br />I eventually came to realize that nothing could be solved if I was hiding in his bathroom, and that Sidney probably thought I had crawled out a window and flown back to Vancouver by now, so I took a deep breath and opened the door. I almost ran back into the bathroom as soon as I remembered that I had no make-up on, before scolding myself with, “Hanna, he’s seen you naked now,” and forcing myself to take a few more steps, peeking my head around the corner to peer over at Sidney in the kitchen and try to see what he was doing. Again, I don’t know what I was expecting. In the heat of the moment, I hadn’t even stopped to wonder about the after math. Now, I was basically hiding from him in his own house because I was partially convinced that he would want nothing to do with me now. <br /><br />I couldn’t see Sidney from the corner I was peering around, so, I finally faced my fears and stepped into the kitchen so I could see him.<br /><br />Sidney turned around, clearly having heard me, and smiled. “Are you still hungry? Because the chicken is almost ready.”<br /><br />I looked from where he was standing to the oven, only then noticing that there was something in it, suddenly aware of the smell of chicken and something else. “Doesn’t chicken take, like, half an hour to cook?”<br /><br />He gave me another half smile, looking away from me as he answered, “You took about half an hour.”<br /><br />I had unknowingly balled up the bottom fabric of the shirt I was wearing and was twisting it around in my hand. “Sorry about that. I was worried that things were going to be really awkward-”<br /><br />“Yes, so leaving would definitely fix things,” He interrupted, looking back up at me.<br /><br />I stopped twisting up the shirt and took a tentative step towards him, stopping and looking over his expression before I took a few more steps and stopped just in front of him, looking up at him. “I’m sorry. I was just, I don’t know, scared? I was really worried that you wouldn’t want to be with me anymore.”<br /><br />Sidney looked like he was about to laugh as he reached out and pulled me closer to him. “Hanna, I love you. I’m not just going to change my mind about that.”<br /><br />I sighed, leaning against him. “I guess I was just worried that we made a mistake by…doing that,” I admitted.<br /><br />He placed his hand under my chin, forcing me to look up at him. “Do you think it was a mistake?”<br /><br />I stared up at him for a few seconds, actually thinking over the question. I took in a deep breath of air, making sure my lungs were full before quietly answering, “No.”<br /><br />He nodded, the corners of his mouth tugging up at the corner a bit. “I don’t either,” he kissed my forehead, having to step away from me as the timer on the oven went off. “But, just a note,” he said, looking at me over his shoulder as he grabbed a hand towel and used it as a make-shift oven mitt, pulling the sheet of chicken out of the oven and setting it down on the stove top, “next time you have sex with a guy, don’t leave the room as soon as it’s over.”<br /><br />I smirked at him, making my way over to the small table and sitting down. “Noted.”<br /><br />He glanced back at me once more with a grin before he set back to plating the chicken and rice he had cooked.<br /><br />---------------------------------------------<br /><br />“So, if you do end up going to PEI, I can still stay at your place?” Peyton asked.<br /><br />I yawned, pulling the phone away from my face as I did so before moving it back. “Yeah, I’ll leave a copy of the key with Kris and make sure my fridge is packed with food,” I promised. “I don’t see why you don’t just stay with Kris, though.”<br /><br />“Are you kidding me?” She asked, a hint of amusement in her voice. “Hanna, if I’m alone in a house with Kris, I’m going to sleep with Kris, and I don’t want to do that.”<br /><br />I felt all the blood in my body rush to my face, suddenly feeling as if there was a fire burning beneath the surface of my skin. “Why not?”<br /><br />“Really? We’ve barely been a couple, and I don’t want to rush things. Besides, I made the mistake of sleeping with my last boyfriend too soon and it completely destroyed the relationship,” she reminded me. “And aren’t you the one who lectured me when I told you I was thinking about sleeping with Jared? You were all, ‘Peyton you shouldn’t have sex with a guy unless he’s your husband or you plan to make him your husband’? I can almost hear you saying it in my head, I swear.”<br /><br />I gulped, grabbing the glass of water that was in front of me and pressing it up against my face in an attempt to cool it. “Well, I mean, we were seventeen when that happened. You’re twenty-one now. I’m sure you can make your own decisions.”<br /><br />Peyton laughed, “What? Hanna, what has Pittsburgh done to you?”<br /><br />I sighed, “I guess you’re right. If you’re desperate to make sure you don’t do anything you don’t want to, then my house is yours to stay in.”<br /><br />“Thank you,” She said. “So, what’s new with you?”<br /><br />“Oh, nothing,” I answered, my voice a little shaky, “just been working at the bakery. I took up jogging.”<br /><br />“Wow, that sounds awesome,” Peyton replied, sarcasm evident in her voice. “What about Sidney what’s he been doing?”<br /><br />I winced, thankful that she couldn’t see me. “He’s good.”<br /><br />“Staying in shape?” She asked, joking.<br /><br />“Ha…yeah, he’s in shape,” I said back, scratching my head awkwardly.<br /><br />“I miss you guys. All of you. I even miss Max and Jordan a little bit,” she admitted, letting out a sigh. “Well, I guess I should let you get you bed so you’re up and ready for work,” She mumbled. <br /><br />“Yeah, I have a job,” I reminded her lamely, almost smacking my forehead at how obvious my discomfort had just become.<br /><br />“Uh…yes you do,” she said, pausing. “Hanna, are you okay?”<br /><br />“I’m great!” I yelled, hearing her jump on the other end. “I mean, you know, I’m good. The weather here is really nice right now.”<br /><br />Peyton was silent for a moment, “What is your deal? You’re acting really weird, I’m kind of worried. Did you and Sid have a fight?”<br /><br />“No, Sidney and I are fine,” I told her. “I’m fine. Nothing’s wrong, I’m just tired.”<br /><br />“Are you sure?” She asked.<br /><br />“I’m positive, Peyton, don’t worry about me. Just let me know when you’re going to be coming down here so I can give Kris the key to my place. But make sure you get it back,” I reminded her.<br /><br />“Well, I’d need it to get into the house,” She reminded me. “Are you sure you’re okay?”<br /><br />“I am great. I’ll talk to you some other time,” I told her, hanging up before any further questioning could continue.<br /><br />I sighed, leaning my head back and groaning. I had expected Peyton to be the one person I could talk to about the fact that I had slept with Sidney, but now I almost felt guilty about it. I took a drink of my water, trying to decide if it was late enough that I could just crawl into bed or not when the phone went off again, startling me. I almost knocked my glass of water, but managed to place it back down on the table before answering. “Hello?”<br /><br />“You had sex with Sidney!” Peyton screamed into the phone, causing me to almost drop it from how loud she was.<br /><br />“How did you know?” I asked, my voice sounding meek.<br /><br />“You were acting weird, and you basically encouraged me to sleep with Kris and…you had sex? You. Hanna Ashton, you had sex?”<br /><br />I sighed, “I know. I wasn’t planning on it, it just kind of happened,” I tried to explain.<br /><br />There was a long pause, so long that I actually thought she had hung up the phone for a moment. “Well…how was it?”<br /><br />“Peyton!” I whined, feeling my face heat up once more.<br /><br />“Come on! You had sex with Sidney Crosby, you can’t expect me to not ask that.”<br /><br />I shook my head. “I’m not talking to you about this. I’m not talking to anyone about it.”<br /><br />Peyton laughed, “Yeah, okay. Because you haven’t spent every minute since you left his house wanting to talk to someone about it.”<br /><br />I chewed on the inside of my cheek for a moment. “I just started thinking about how I might be heading out to PEI and wouldn’t see him for couple of weeks, and then he said some really sweet things to me and I just… I don’t know.” I let out a sigh, my eye catching the locket necklace Sidney had given me, which was sitting on the kitchen counter, right where I had left it. “I love him, Peyton.”<br /><br />She sighed, “I know you do. Just, do me a favour?”<br /><br />“What’s that?” I asked, already walking over to the counter and picking up the necklace.<br /><br />“Don’t rush things. I know you love him, but I also know you, and you need to take a step back and make sure that Sidney’s the guy you see yourself spending the rest of your life with before you two start taking even bigger steps,” she said seriously.<br /><br />“Peyton, it’s not like I’m going to run off and elope with him,” I laughed.<br /><br />“I know that,” she said. “But if you give everything you have to this guy, and he’s not the one you end up with, you can never get it back. I know it’s too late now, and don’t think that I’m trying to ruin your first time for you, I’m just trying to keep you from getting hurt. There’s a lot happening in your life right now, and I don’t want Sidney to only serve as a distraction, okay?” She asked.<br /><br />I nodded, “Okay. I’m not going to do anything stupid though, you know that, right?”<br /><br />Peyton took a moment to answer. “Love can do strange things to you, Hanna. Especially when hard times hit you. Try to think your head right now, because your heart? Your heart just wants to feel good, it doesn’t want to do what’s right.”<br /><br />“When did you become a poet?” I joked, trying to play off the situation as lighter then it was.<br /><br />Peyton sighed, “I’ll call you in a day or so, alright? Say hi to Sidney for me.” She was gone before I could say anything more.Mackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08005607416251563909noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6551347663728545830.post-53872712457209842382010-05-25T20:59:00.000-07:002010-05-25T21:01:15.906-07:00RunningI chewed on my lip, re-reading the email from my mother which was filled with all of the details on when and where she and my dad would be flying out to see Cameron and Elizabeth. It wasn’t for another two months, and yet the women couldn’t stop talking to me about it. I had told her that I wasn’t sure how I felt about it, but I was leaning more towards not going. That didn’t seem to phase her, and at least once every three days since I was bombarded with voicemails, emails and even a post card, about how “lovely” it would be if I changed my mind.<br /><br />I sighed, closing my lap top and setting it down on the coffee table with a yawn. Despite how much I was enjoying my job at <em>Cups of Cakes</em>, the bakery Vero’s father owned, I seemed to find it exhausting. After two weeks of working there, my hours had been changed to a typical bakers; 5:45am-1:45pm. It also meant that I was only baking, not doing dishes or working with the customers, but I hadn’t adjusted to the hours yet, and the fatigue was becoming increasingly hard to deal with. My inability to sleep when it was still light out didn’t help, since it meant I could never nap, so I was trying to find things to do that would fill the time and keep me awake. <br /><br />I tied my hair back, grabbing my ipod and house key from the kitchen counter and stepping out the door, making sure to lock it behind me and tuck the key into the pocket of my shorts as I stepped down from the step leading up to the door. Even though I had never been much of an athlete, I had always loved running. I used to go for a morning jog before my shift at the Ice Rink would start, but since I had moved out to Pittsburgh, I hadn’t done much of that. Now that the weather was getting mildly warmer, I figured it was a good chance to start.<br /><br />My feet hit the pavement sluggishly at first, and I had to take a couple of deep breaths and remind myself that I used to love jogging before I could fall into a steady pace, trying to keep control of my breathing and focus on the music playing in my ears instead of the burning muscles in my legs. It didn’t take more then a few moments before my brain had wondered away from controlling how much air I was letting in and out of lungs and onto the subject of Cameron. Even though the thought of him and the things he had say to me, the way he had piled all of the blame for Alissa’s death onto my shoulders and completely disregarded both my parents and I for the past few years was enough to make my pulse echo in my head, I still had this annoying voice in the back of my mind telling me that I should go and try to make some form of amends with him.<br /><br />I rounded a corner, not even entirely sure of where I was running towards anymore, and began to make a mental list of pros and cons regarding the whole situation, trying to decide what I was going to do. I had two months left to decide, and even though that seemed like such a large amount of time, I had other aspects to take into consideration. With the playoffs about to start, I had Sidney to think about as well. Even though he had already told me that if I chose to go, he completely supported that, I knew there had to be a piece of him that didn’t want me to be hours away while he was making run for a second straight Stanley Cup, especially with all of the pressure that was already being placed upon him by TV analysts and sports reporters. There was also Peyton, who was going to be finished with her brief in-between semester/summer course pretty soon and wanted to come out and stay with me again. Then there was my new job. Could I take a couple of weeks off when I had only been there for a couple of months?<br /><br />When my lungs felt like they were about to burst into flames I stopped, leaning down and taking in a few deep breaths, tearing my headphones out of my ears as I tried to calm down my heart rate. I finally stood back up, glancing around to see how far from my place I had run and almost laughing when I realized that my feet had carried me all the way down to where Sidney was. I had to walk another block before I arrived at the Lemieux’s house, pulling my cell phone out and calling Sidney to let him know he had to come get me.<br /><br />He came running out of his house seconds after I told him I was there, grinning at me as he opened up the gate to let me in. “Look at you, being all athletic.”<br /><br />I rolled my eyes, too tired to say anything snaky back. “My whole body hurts.”<br /><br />He laughed, shutting the gate behind me. “When did you start running?”<br /><br />I grabbed his wrist, glancing down at his watch. “An hour ago?”<br /><br />“Oh my gosh,” he responded, laughing. “Hanna, you’re going to kill yourself. You’re supposed to work yourself into runs, not start with an hour long one. Did you at least pace yourself?”<br /><br />I looked up at him, leaning on him because my legs hurt so much I could barely stand up. “By pace yourself do you mean run as fast as you can for an hour?”<br /><br />“No, I mean the exact opposite,” He told me. “Look at you, your face is all red and you can barely stand up. Don’t do that to yourself.”<br /><br />“Why is your house so far away?” I whined.<br /><br />Sidney let out a small laugh, looking down at me as I scowled over at his house. “Alright, I need you to promise that you’re not going to tell anyone what I’m about to do.”<br /><br />“Why, are you going to kill me?” I asked.<br /><br />Sidney rolled his eyes, stopping and turning to look at me, lifting one of my arms up over his shoulders and scooping me up in his arms to carry me the rest of the way to his house, making me laugh. “I can’t believe this is happening!”<br /><br />“It’s not happening, remember? No one hears about this,” He reminded me, setting me down just outside of his front door so he could open it up and usher me inside. Once I had collapsed on his couch Sidney grabbed me a bottle of water, setting it down on the table in front of me and sitting down on the chair beside the couch. “So, what inspired you to go for a run?”<br /><br />I sighed, trying to sit up before I answered. “Well, it’s mainly because I’m struggling to stay awake through the day with my new hours at the bakery, and I used to go for jogs all the time while I was still in high school, so I figured it was a good idea,” I explained. “But I think I made it through two songs and then my mind just went straight over to whether I want to go with my parents and see Cameron or not.”<br /><br />Sidney nodded playing with the zipper of his sweatshirt. “What are your thoughts on it today?”<br /><br />I had to take a few gulps of water before I could respond, still trying to catch my breath, fully aware that still being this breathless meant I was far more out of shape then I had thought. “I’m still mad about everything he’s done,” I began, earning a nod from Sidney, “but I also want to try and make things better, I guess. I mean, I’ve hated him for seven years now, I might as well try to not hate him, right?”<br /><br />Sidney nodded, “It’s probably better to try and fix things then continue to carry the grudge.”<br /><br />“Yes, it is,” I agreed. “but at the same time, I want to be here during the playoffs. I mean, if I don’t basically beat the worries out of you, you don’t talk about them.”<br /><br />Sidney sighed, “Hanna, you have a phone. You can call me and make me whine to you over the phone. Besides, you‘ll be there for the first round for sure, and part of the second if we make it that far.”<br /><br />“I know, but I want to be there for all of it, and I want to go to the games and yell at all the people who call you names. Plus, Peyton wants to come out and stay with me once she’s done her classes, and I don’t want to let down Vero’s dad by asking for time off right off the bat. I mean, I just started the job, right? I can’t just leave and let down all of you.”<br /><br />Sidney smiled, watching me for a moment before he spoke. “Do you remember when you and I first started talking, when I was still trying to convince both of us that I didn’t want a relationship?”<br /><br />“Oh yes. I loved those days,” I mumbled, taking another drink from my water as Sidney chuckled.<br /><br />“The thing that attracted me to you, besides how beautiful you are,” he began, making me blush, “was that you constantly told me to stop thinking about everyone else and to take a moment to consider what I wanted. You always told me stop putting aside my own feelings to benefit everyone else. Remember that?”<br /><br />I nodded, “I do. And I stand by that, because you always seem to get the blame and rarely any of the praise.”<br /><br />He smiled, “Well, my point was that you should take your own advice. What do <strong>you </strong>want? Don’t worry about me or Peyton, and Vero’s dad is the most understanding man I’ve ever met, he would give you a couple of weeks off to go fix things with your brother. If you feel like this is something you need to do, then do it. My parents will be out here to support me, and Peyton can either stay here by herself or tell Kris to find her somewhere to stay. What do you want?”<br /><br />I shrugged, “I’m not sure yet.”<br /><br />He smirked at me, “Yes you are. You just don’t want to admit it yet.”<br /><br />I eyed him, sighing. “I do want to go see my family. But I’m worried about how bad things could get if I go.”<br /><br />“What about how bad they could get if you don’t?” He asked.<br /><br />I groaned, leaning my head back against the couch. “I still want to think about it. I‘m just…I‘m not sure about any of this right now. I mean, I know baking seems to be where I‘m heading now, but looking at my future in it‘s entirety, I don‘t know what I want yet. I‘m not really sure about anything anymore, I guess. I just…I just need more time.”<br /><br />He nodded, seeming to understand., “Definitely. Make sure you’re ready before you head over there. This is a big deal. I mean, it’s more then just seeing your brother for the first time in awhile, it’s being there to meet your niece for the first time ever. That’s a big deal.”<br /><br />I nodded, finishing off the water he had handed me earlier and letting out a big breath of air. “I’m changing the subject now,” I decided, making him laugh. “How are you feeling about the playoffs?”<br /><br />He sighed, “I’m alright. I mean, I’ve done this a few times now, right?” He joked. “I’m trying not to get too caught up in it. The mental side of it is more wearing than the physical, which I think a lot of people don’t take into account. I’m trying to just focus on the last couple of games before I throw myself into playoff mode.”<br /><br />I pulled my legs up onto the couch, noticing the goose bumps that had prickled all over my skin. “I am so cold now.”<br /><br />Sidney smiled, standing up from his chair and walking over to a small closet I hadn’t noticed before, grabbing a blanket out of it and tossing it towards me. “Are you staying here for awhile? Because I’ll make you dinner if you are.”<br /><br />I grinned, unfolding the blanket and covering my legs with it. “You’re going to cook for me?”<br /><br />He smiled, standing a few feet away from the couch. “I’m assuming that means yes, you are staying?”<br /><br />“Well, my legs hurt so much I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to walk again,” I admitted.<br /><br />Sidney laughed. “Okay then. I’ll make us something to eat and then drive you home.”<br /><br />I smiled at him, glancing down at my sweaty jogging gear and sighing. “So, awkward question,” I asked, causing him to stop and turn to face me. “Can I use your shower? I mean, I know you’re too nice to say anything, but I definitely smell.”<br /><br />He laughed, “I honestly didn’t notice, but if you want to, sure. Do you need clothes?”<br /><br />I made a face, “Do you have pants that fit me?”<br /><br />He shook his head, “No, but there are four girls living in the rest of this house, I’m sure one of them has something you can wear. Do you want me to go check?”<br /><br />“I’ll go ask myself, because otherwise you’ll grab me something that doesn’t fit and then I’ll cry for days,” I told him, kicking off the blanket and standing up, groaning immediately. “Oh my goodness, my thighs hurt so much.”<br /><br />Sidney laughed, “Are you sure you don’t want me to go ask? You know you have to walk up a flight of stairs just to get into their house, right?”<br /><br />I sighed, “Well…can I call them or something?”<br /><br />He rolled his eyes, picking up his phone and punching in a number and asking for Nathalie. “Hey, Nathalie, how are you?” He asked, listening for a moment. “I’m good, I was actually calling for a favour,” He began, glancing over at me, “Hanna is here and-” he stopped, obviously being interrupted. I couldn’t hear what was being said to him, but by the way his face was tinged pink and he looked down at the floor with an embarrassed smirk, I’m assuming it was about me. “Yeah, she is,” he agreed, glancing at me once more briefly. “Anyways, uhm, she went for a run and basically killed herself, and now she needs new clothes to wear. Any chance there’s a pair of pants you or one of the girls can lend her?”<br /><br />I picked up the blanket up from off of the floor and wrapped it around me again, watching as Sidney listened to Nathalie before he turned to me. “Hanna, what size are you?”<br /><br />“Whoa, give me the phone, I’m not telling you that,” I said, trying to race over to him.<br /><br />He rolled his eyes, “She doesn’t want to tell me. I’m assuming five.”<br /><br />I laughed, “Oh, Sidney. You’re sweet. Give me the phone.”<br /><br />“Six? Seven? Just tell me, I don’t care!” He said, holding the phone away from me with a grin. “I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours.”<br /><br />“If my leg didn’t hurt so much, I would kick you so hard!” I yelled, making him laugh.<br /><br />He lowered the phone back down, listening to Nathalie, “Okay, that’ll work. Thank you.” He hung up, smirking at me. “She’ll grab you a pair of sweatpants.”<br /><br />I sighed, “Sometimes, you’re an asshole.”<br /><br />He grinned, setting the phone down. “You good with chicken and rice?”<br /><br />“Yes. Are you going to tell it what size I am?”<br /><br />He laughed, “I can’t believe you made such a big deal out of that. You know that guys don’t actually care what size you are, right?” He asked. “And you don’t actually think you’re fat or anything, do you?” He asked, the grin fallin away, “Hanna, you don’t think you’re fat, do you?”<br /><br />“No, not really, but I still don’t want to talk about what size pants I wear,” I told him. “It’s a girl thing.”<br /><br />“It’s a dumb thing,” He corrected. “You shouldn’t be scared to tell me things like that. I don’t care. I mean, I obviously think you’re beautiful, and that’s great, but I’m in love with who you are, not just what you look like.”<br /><br />I felt my heart melt a little bit, staring over at him in silence. Sidney, who usually would have cleared his throat and tried to change the subject, held my gaze, only breaking it when there was a knock at the downstairs door, causing him to head over and answer it.<br /><br />Nathalie stepped into kitchen, smiling over at me. “Hanna, I’m so happy to see you again.”<br /><br />I smiled back, wrapping the blanket tighter around me. “Hi Nathalie. Thank you so much for finding me some clothes. I smell really disgusting right now.”<br /><br />She laughed, “I wouldn’t have noticed, I married a hockey player. They usually smell.”<br /><br />I smiled, watching as she handed off the clothes to Sidney, mumbling something to him before she smiled and waved to me once more, heading back upstairs. <br /><br />Sidney sighed, locking the door behind Nathalie and walking over to me, setting the clothes down on the back of the couch right beside me. He reached out, placing both of his hands on my hips and tugging me towards him so he could look down at me. “Please don’t ever listen to the voice in your head that tells you that you are anything less then perfect.”<br /><br />I smiled, letting out a breathy laugh. “Sidney, no one is perfect.”<br /><br />He lifted up one of his hands to brush my bangs away from my eyes. “I don’t mean perfect as in without faults,” he explained, pausing briefly. “I mean perfect for me.”<br /><br />I felt my breath get caught in the back of my throat, looking up at him as he ran his fingers through my hair, not sure of when I had taken it out of it’s ponytail or if he had done that. I stood up on the tips of my toes, pressing my lips against his, running my hands up his arms to the back of his neck, feeling my back hit the back of the couch when Sidney responded, knocking me back a step. <br /><br />Even though Sidney and I had had our moments of heated kissing, it never seemed to feel as intense as it did in that moment. He was so close to me I could feel every time he inhaled, and my one hand was tangled in the back of his curling hair, keeping his lips pressed against mine despite the lack of oxygen both of us were in need of. It wasn’t until I reached down and grabbed the bottom of his shirt that he pulled away, one hand already underneath the fabric of my shirt on my back and the other cupping my face. “Hanna, we shouldn’t…I mean, I don’t think we should-”<br /><br />“Sidney,” I cut him off, letting one of my hands reach up and rest on the side of his face, the other still holding a fist full of his t shirt, “my entire life has been about being careful and not jumping into things,” I told him, my voice quiet. “There isn’t a single thing in my life that I have ever been sure about, except for you. You’re the first thing in my life that I know I want. So stop trying to tell me that I don’t want this.”<br /><br />He licked his lips, studying my face for a moment, still breathing deeply, before he leaned down and kissed me again, the passion behind it so strong that my knees actually felt like they were shaking. It only took a moment before he broke away from me, just for a moment so I tug his shirt over his head and he could move over a couple of feet, leaning back down to cover my face and neck in kisses as he backed me through the living room and into his room.<br /><br />There was a brief moment, somewhere between my shirt coming off and Sidney’s body falling on top of mine, that I stopped to wonder if I was actually ready for this. If I was sure that Sidney was really the guy I wanted to give up my virginity to, and if I was only doing this because my mind was so heavy with fears. But when Sidney stopped kissing my neck and placed a hand on the side of my face again, leaning down to ask if I was sure, there was no doubt in my mind anymore. So I lifted my head up to kiss him again, running my hands down his back as I nodded. And then it was too late to change my mind.Mackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08005607416251563909noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6551347663728545830.post-29555351217820258342010-05-20T12:34:00.000-07:002010-05-20T21:38:03.524-07:00Ice Cream Love*<em>*Hey guys! First of all, big thank you to the new followers and for your continous comments. Both are very greatly appreciated. Secondly, I have a friend who has a music page, and since she's too sweet to go around promoting herself to everyone, I'm doing it for her. <a href= "http://www.myspace.com/TheTAisCrucial">Check it out</a>. Her name's Krista, like me, so she's obviously awesome. That's all :)**</em><br /><br /><br />The sound of my phone ringing awoke me from my sleep, causing me to groan and stretch, lifting my head up and letting out a shriek from the pain that shot through my face as it was peeled off of the couch. I rubbed the tender skin, pouting as I looked around me, not sure how I or when I had fallen asleep on my couch, before stretching out an arm to grab the phone, clicking the talk button and lifting it up to my ear. “Hello?”<br /><br />“I have amazing news!” Peyton shrieked on the other end, causing me to move the phone away from my ear. “I have a boyfriend.”<br /><br />I was stunned by the news, taking a moment to blink a few times in surprise before replying to the news. “A boyfriend? But, what about Kris?”<br /><br />Peyton laughed, “Hanna, Kris is the boyfriend.”<br /><br />I winced in embarrassment, thankful that Peyton couldn’t see me. “Right, that would make sense.”<br /><br />“Did you just get up?” She asked, raising her voice a bit as the background noise of her location seemed to grow louder for a moment.<br /><br />“Yeah, apparently I fell asleep on the couch,” I admitted. “Are you calling me from work?”<br /><br />“Sure am. It was really dead here, until some elementary school just showed up to rent the rink for skating lessons. Who gives skating lessons at school? Shouldn’t these weasels be learning math instead? Or maybe manners. Yeah, that’s directed at you, Mr. I’m going to pick my nose and flick it on the ground.”<br /><br />“Peyton, tell me you did not just embarrass some tiny six year old boy!” I shouted.<br /><br />“I didn’t! He’s at least eleven,” She assured me, earning a groan out of me. “Anyways, I guess I should go do my job now. I’ll call you once I’m home, which will be later since I have school tonight. Say hi to Sidney for me, ” She said, hanging up before I could reply.<br /><br />I stretched my arms up above my head, rubbing my eyes afterwards and glancing around me. The TV was still on, and highlights from yesterday’s games were flashing across the screen. There was a plate of half-eaten spaghetti on the table, along with an almost full glass of milk next to it. I glanced up at the TV, seeing them flash the score from the Penguins and Thrashers game, remembering that I had come home from my first day at the bakery Vero’s dad owned completely exhausted, but also intensely determined to catch the last period of the game. I remembered seeing Sidney take an iffy penalty, watched him smash his stick against the penalty box door, and then…<br /><br />I guess I fell asleep.<br /><br />I stood up from the couch, picking up the dishes and carrying them over to the sink, leaving them there so I could head over to my room and change out of my clothes, checking to see how bad my make-up from yesterday looked before grabbing my purse from my bed and checking the time on my cell phone. I was supposed to call Vero once I was up so that the two of us could do some shopping, and for some reason, I felt like I needed the distraction.<br /><br />-----------------------<br /><br />“I feel like I got drunk yesterday,” I whined to Vero when we finally took a break from shopping to grab a cup of coffee.<br /><br />She raised her eyebrows at me, pouring some cream into her cup. “Did you drink the baking rum at the bakery?”<br /><br />I laughed, “No. I didn’t have any alcohol, but I passed out of my couch with no recollection of the night, and I have this dull throb just behind my temples, like a weak hangover or something.<br /><br />“Maybe you are getting sick?” She suggested, taking a careful sip from her cup. “You missed the game then?”<br /><br />I nodded, stirring in a package of sugar to my own cup. “I was home for the last bit of the second and the entire third period, but I only remember the penalty Sid took. Nothing past that.”<br /><br />“He was not a happy boy,” She said, laughing. “It wasn’t too much of a game, from my perspective. The entire team seemed off, whereas Atlanta were all in synch. It was almost sad to watch. It’s probably for the best that you didn’t watch the entire thing, the crowd was giving Sidney a really hard time, especially after that iffy boarding call he took.”<br /><br />“Crowds always give Sidney a hard time,” I reminded her, earning a small chuckle from her.<br /><br />Vero smiled, running her finger around the rim of her coffee cup for a moment, looking out the window at the few people passing by. “My dad really likes you. He said you’re a very hard worker,” She told me, still smiling softly.<br /><br />I laughed, “Well, I try to be. I’m not gonna lie, though, I already miss the ice rink. Not the job as much as the people. Now I can’t see the game at work.”<br /><br />She nodded, “It’s hard, not being able to see every game that they play. It’s also hard to watch them go on the road games and not be able to come every time. It almost makes you feel hopeless, you know?”<br /><br />“Well, I’m not that experienced with the whole thing, yet,” I reminded her, “but I do feel guilty if I have to miss a game. Sidney claims that it’s not that big of a deal to him, but I still feel bad.”<br /><br />Vero nodded, “It’s hard. I’ve been with Marc-Andre for a very long time, before the NHL, and I still try to plan my work schedules around his game.”<br /><br />I took a drink from my cup, sighing. “I didn’t realize how intense it would be to date a hockey player. I mean, I don’t know how Sidney doesn’t lose his mind over the things people in the media say about him, or how hockey fans could even think that he’s not as talented as he is. It makes my blood boil when they compare him to Ovechkin, but he never lets it get to him.”<br /><br />“I would like to tell you that it gets easier, but it does not,” Vero admitted, giving me a half smile. “It’s a lot of adjusting. I’m just thankful that Marc hasn’t been traded yet. I couldn’t imagine moving again. I don’t even live out here all the time, just going between Quebec and back is hard enough for me.”<br /><br />“Your family doesn’t live out here?” I asked, surprised. “But, your dad owns a bakery out here?”<br /><br />“Yes, we stay here a lot. My dad wanted to have a business out here so that he didn’t have to take so much time off of work to come visit, and so that he could continue doing what he loves. He went to school to be a pastry chef, so he wanted to put that to use,” She explained quickly. “I go to school in Quebec, but I stay out here with Marc-Andre on weekends and any breaks the school gives.”<br /><br />“I think I knew that already,” I admitted. “I never even thought about trades, or requests to be traded. I guess I didn’t think about a lot of these things before jumping into the relationship.”<br /><br />Vero frowned, “Hanna, Sidney Crosby is not going to get traded. At least not anytime soon, he’s the face of the franchise,” She reminded me. “And as for everything else, you and Sidney can work through that. He doesn’t open himself up to very many people, and you’ve already become the closest to him. Don’t let a few complications ruin this.”<br /><br />I smirked at her, “Are you going to school to be a counsellor?” I joked.<br /><br />She grinned at me, “No, but I have a lot of knowledge. It’s part of my appeal.”<br /><br />I rolled my eyes at her, taking another drink from my coffee.<br />---------------------------------<br /><br />I had barely stepped into my place when Pascal started knocking on the downstairs door, causing me to toss my purse and the bags full of clothes I had bought onto the ground and race over to the door, unlocking it and looking up at Pascal.<br /><br />He grinned, “Hanna bear, I brought you apples!” He shouted, holding up a bag full of green apples.<br /><br />I accepted the bag, stepping back so that he could step into the living room, shutting the door that connected the upstairs to the downstairs behind him. I looked down at the bag of at least one dozen apples, frowning. “Thanks, Pascal, but I don’t even like apples.”<br /><br /><br />He threw his arms up in the air, “That’s what I told Maria, but does she listen to me? No!”<br /><br />I laughed, walking into the kitchen and setting down the bag of apples. “Well, I guess I could make some apple sauce or something.”<br /><br />“Yes! Then Maria can make pork chops, and I will be a happy man,” He said, letting out a sigh and placing a hand on his chest. “Anyways, I should go back upstairs and help with the children. If you have no plans for dinner tonight, you are welcome to join us.”<br /><br />I smiled, “Thanks, but I think I’ll pass tonight. Maybe some other time?”<br /><br />“You always say that. I’m beginning to think you hate my family,” He said, already heading towards the door that lead upstairs. “I will talk to you later, Hanna Bear!” He said, sending me a wave before disappearing behind the door.<br /><br />I shook my head, trying to figure out what I was going to do with all of these apples, but finding myself instead trying to figure out where my cell phone was as I heard it start ringing. I walked back over to the front door, having to bend down to try and dig through my purse to find it, not checking the call display before I answered, “Hello?”<br />“Hanna, how are you?”<br /><br />I frowned, looking at the call display for a second before bringing the phone back to my ear, “Mom?”<br /><br />“Yes, mom! Did you not know who I was?” She asked, sounding hurt.<br /><br />“No, I was…I was just so excited that it was you, that I could hardly believe it, that’s all,” I lied. “How’s it going?”<br /><br />“Oh, it’s good,” She said. “I was just calling you to tell you that Cameron is here.”<br /><br />I shook my head, “I’m sorry, mom, I think I misheard you. One more time?”<br /><br />She sighed, “Hanna, don’t be like that. He and Elizabeth are out here visiting. He wanted to talk to us about the baby and maybe having her out here.”<br /><br />“Her? They already know what they’re having?” I asked, walking into the living room and sitting down on the couch.<br /><br />“Well, yes, she’s getting close to five months, silly,” She reminded me. “Anyways, I wanted you to make sure that you have some free time towards the end of June. Cameron and Elizabeth want us to come out to Prince Edward Island with them to be there for the birth, and then maybe you could stay a few days back in Vancouver with us?”<br /><br />I stuttered for a moment, trying to think of the best way to tell my clearly enthused mother that I wasn’t sure I wanted to see my brother yet, or possibly ever. “Mom I-”<br /><br />I just about jumped and screamed “Hallelujah!” when I heard someone knocking at the front door, pumping one of my fists in the air. “Sorry, someone’s at the door, so I have to go,” I told her apologetically. “I’ll talk to you some other time, okay?” I hung up before she could add anything more, tossing my cell phone onto the couch and heading over to the door and twisting the door knob so I could pull it open.<br /><br />Sidney shot me a small smile, stepping inside immediately and shrugging off his jacket. “Hey,” He greeted, hanging the jacket on the small coat rack Tyler had bought me as a welcome present.<br /><br />“Hi. I haven’t seen you in a couple of days,” I said, walking into the kitchen to grab us each a bottle of water, tossing one to him and watching in surprise as he wasted no time in twisting the cap off and chugging half of the bottle. “Wow.”<br /><br />Sidney smiled, a little embarrassedly, wiping the moisture away from his mouth. “Sorry, I decided it would be a good idea to walk over here, but then I got really cold, so I ran the last couple of blocks.”<br /><br />I shook my head at him, taking a sip from my own bottle of water. “Don’t you have a car?”<br /><br />“Yeah, but I thought it seemed like a nice night for walk,” He explained, shrugging his shoulders nonchalantly as he placed the bottle down on the counter top, looking at me for a moment. “How’s your new job?”<br /><br />“Tiring,” I answered, making him chuckle. “I didn’t know baking was so much work. I mean, at home I make a couple dozen cookies and that’s that. There, I have to make three cheesecakes, three dozen tarts, five kinds of cookies, peanut butter bars and a carrot cake. It’s very stressful,” I explained, taking another sip of water before adding, “but I love it.”<br /><br />Sidney grinned, “I’m glad to hear that. I’m really happy that you’re figuring things out here, since that was kind of the plan all along.”<br /><br />“Yeah, and then I got all distracted by you and forgot about that,” I joked. “No wonder people hate you.”<br /><br />“People only hate me because I’m beautiful, Hanna,” Sidney corrected. “Or because I don’t play for their team.”<br /><br />“Both perfectly valid reasons,” I agreed, smiling at him for a moment. “So, speaking of hating people, my brother is in Vancouver with my parents.”<br /><br />Sidney jerked his head back a bit in surprise. “Wow, that’s unexpected. Your parents don’t mind, do they?”<br /><br />“I’m sure my dad is not so thrilled, but my mom hates how far away he and Elizabeth are and she’s always wished he move closer and try to reconcile everything,” I explained. “Anyways, they apparently want my whole family to fly out to PEI for the birth of their kid, and my mom wants me to go.”<br /><br />Sidney nodded, “You should go. Maybe seeing your brother again is just another step forward in wherever you’re going.”<br /><br />I made a face at him, “You make me feel like I’m in some children’s book when you say things like that.”<br /><br />He laughed, “I’m just trying to be helpful. What do you want to do?”<br /><br />I sighed, leaning against the counter on my elbows. “Honestly? I don’t think I want to see him. I mean, I know it’s childish and that he’s the one who seems to be making some sort of effort to make things better, but I’m still so bitter about all the things he’s said to me. And I can’t even imagine what he’ll say when he finds out I’ve moved to Pittsburgh and am dating a hockey player, no offence.”<br /><br />Sidney shrugged at the comment. “I understand all of that, but how long do you want to let this thing go for? I mean, do you want his kid to be graduating and only know so because your mom sent you an email, or do you want to be a part of your first niece or nephew’s life?”<br /><br />I groaned, “Sidney, why do you have to be so logical?” I whined, sighing as he laughed at me. “I need to think about it. I know that I should go because not only is it the responsible thing to do, but it will make my mom happy, but I also know I’ll be miserable the entire time.” I drummed my fingers on the counter for a moment before looking back up at Sidney. “I guess I have three months or so to decide. It’s not like I have to know now, right?”<br /><br />He nodded, chugging back the last of his water and placing the empty bottle down on the counter. “Take some time to think about it, definitely. I’m sure your mom will understand if you explain to her why you’re not ready for the Cameron confrontation yet.”<br /><br />I twisted my mouth to the side, nodding slightly. “So, how about that game yesterday?”<br /><br />Sidney made a face, “I don’t want to talk about it. It’s one of the games I like to pretend never happened,” He said.<br /><br />I sucked in my bottom lip for a moment. “I hear you got a boarding call for basically breaking Zach Bogosian’s back.”<br /><br />He glared at me, picking up his empty bottle and lightly tossing it towards my head, making me duck and almost fall over with the laughter. “I don’t even know why I like you,” He said, walking around the counter to help me stand back up.<br /><br />I grinned at him, “It’s probably because I’m a total babe.”<br /><br />He rolled his eyes at me, trying to hide the smile pushing it’s way onto his face. “I feel like I haven’t seen you in weeks even though it was only two days,” He said softly, brushing my hair away from my face.<br /><br />I blushed, looking away from him as I shyly shrugged. “I am pretty awesome. It’s hard to fill a void as big as the one you must feel when I’m not there,” I joked.<br /><br />Sidney laughed, a quiet laugh that barely seemed to reach my ears before he leaned down and placed a small kiss on the corner of my lips, stepping away from me afterwards and smiling. “Want to go get an ice cream or something? You can rant about your brother if you want, cause I can see you’re basically raging inside.”<br /><br />“Did you just say ‘raging’?” I asked, “I feel like I don’t even know who you are.”<br /><br />Sidney laughed, already standing by the front door. “Come on, I’ll even pay.”<br /><br />I gasped, as if this was something new. “You’re willing to buy ice cream for me?” I repeated, grabbing my coat. “You must really like me or something.”<br /><br />He smirked at me, waiting as I slid my coat on before he pulled open the door. “Yeah, something like that,” He mumbled.<br /><br />I laughed, “Or maybe it’s just because you have a hockey rant you need to get off of your chest?”<br /><br />He glanced at me sheepishly. “Maybe I’m a little mad about yesterday’s game,” he admitted, making me chuckle, “but I’m only buying you the ice cream because I love you.” <br /><br />I blushed, even though he already said it before, it still made me swoon whenever I heard it. The blush almost disappeared entirely when he added, “but not enough to buy you two scoops.”<br /><br />“Sidney,” I laughed, smacking his arm as he giggled, running away from me and down the sidewalk.Mackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08005607416251563909noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6551347663728545830.post-6377528840924347512010-05-14T19:01:00.000-07:002010-05-14T19:02:19.552-07:00Cheesecakes, Chips and Caity“Don’t you dare!” I yelled, pointing a finger over at Max. “I will kill you, Talbot. I swear, I will. I will just drop you dead right here, in your kitchen.”<br /><br />Max’s eyes grew big as he glanced back and forth between me and the cheesecake that I had brought over before looking at the fork in his hand and then back at me. “Are you a fast runner?” He asked.<br /><br />I frowned, “Why is that impo-”<br /><br />Before I could finish the question he had grabbed the cheesecake, still on it’s platter, and was running out of the kitchen, one hand holding the platter and one placed gingerly on top o the cake so that it didn’t fall off.<br /><br />“Max!” I yelled, taking off after him, my bare feet slapping against the tile in his kitchen, almost stubbing my toes on the corner of the island counter. <br /><br />Max was already outside, possibly running down the street for all I knew, and by the time I had reached the front door, which he had left open, I was too tired to keep chasing him. I leaned up against the doorframe, taking in a few deep breaths before I looked up at Marc, Jordan, Kris and Sidney who were all laughing so hard their faces were red and their eyes were watery. “His house is really big,” I told them.<br /><br />“Hey guys,” Vero greeted, finally arriving to the barbeque Max was throwing. She slipped off her shoes, glancing at the three boys with a puzzled look before turning her attention to me. “I’m going to guess that them laughing has something to do with why Max is sitting on the sidewalk eating a cheesecake by himself?”<br /><br />I nodded, “That would be the cheesecake I brought and had slaved over for hours! Seriously, hours. I never got around to buying a mixer. Do you know how hard it is to hand mix cheesecake?”<br /><br />Vero laughed, carrying the fruit platter she brought into Max’s kitchen, shaking her head at the boys as she passed them.<br /><br />Every year, or at least as long as he had been a Penguin, Max threw a barbeque two weeks before the playoffs to celebrate the season, calm the nerves that might be coming on and remind the team that they were all in it together. Or at least, that’s what Max claims. Seeing as he only invites the guys that he really likes or that will bring the best food, I’m thinking it’s more so that he knows everyone will be too stressed to hang out and he gets lonely easily. Whatever the real reason was, he had been throwing one at his house every year since he first made it into the NHL.<br /><br />It was weird to see how the rest of the players lived in comparison to Sidney. Even though I knew that Sidney made far more money then almost every player on the team, he still lived at the Lemieux’s, and he never seemed to make any crazy purchases. No fancy cars, no gold watches, no exotic pets, he just bought the necessities. Not to say that the rest of the team bought unnecessary things, but they certainly weren’t secretive about their salary.<br />Max, for instance, had a house bigger then the apartment complex Peyton and I had lived in back in Vancouver, and the size of the pool in his back yard was so huge that, at first glance, I thought he lived on the waterfront. It wasn’t as gigantic and in your face as Mario Lemieux’s house, but it was still so spacious that I was out of breath running from his kitchen to the front door. Then there was Marc, with his Lamborghini car, his own mansion, which I had heard was even bigger than Max’s, along with an insane collection of Patrick Roy collectibles. Tyler owned three motorcycles, even though he didn’t know how to drive them, as well as a customized hummer. Then there was Evgeni Malkin, and even though he was a very kind person, and had a ridiculous sense of humour(or so I was told) he also owned four sports cars, his own mansion with an in-ground swimming pool, small golf course and don’t even get me started on how much his girlfriend’s plastic surgery must have cost him. The purchases these guys made, it didn’t mean that they had no sense of value or that they were spoiled, it just made me realize how different Sidney was from the typical millionaire athlete, and how special he was.<br /><br />Max finally stepped back into the house a good ten minutes later, the strawberry glaze of the cheesecake covering his face and crumbs from the graham cracker bottom of the cake stuck to his shirt as he let out a long breath, placing his free hand on his stomach. “I don’t feel too good.”<br /><br />“You are an entire cheesecake by yourself in ten minutes. Of course you don’t feel good,” Jordan said before shoving a handful of chips into his mouth, shooting Max a “duh” look.<br /><br />Max nodded, sluggishly making his way over to the kitchen so he could put the now empty platter on the kitchen counter, letting out a big sigh. “Why do I do these things? Now I’m too full to eat any hamburgers.”<br /><br />“If Peyton was here, she’d say it was because you’re French,” I answered, frowning afterwards and turning to look at Kris. “It’s weird that she mocks the French thing so often, but she likes you.”<br /><br />Kris shrugged, his face turning pink as Jordan nudged him, laughing at how obviously embarrassed the poor guy was.<br /><br />“So, Hanna,” Vero began, tugging my arm so that she and I were further away from the boys and in our little corner of the kitchen, waiting until Max had ventured back into the living room where the others were to talk. “I hear that you want to open a bakery?”<br /><br />I smiled, “Yeah. I mean, I love baking and cooking, and I always thought about it when I was younger, but I don’t actually think it could happen. I mean, I don’t have the money or the time yet.”<br /><br />She nodded, taking a sip from the juice she had poured herself. “Well, I’m asking because my dad owns a bakery and he’s looking for some extra workers. I know you’re working at the Mellon right now, but if you want to start getting some experience, I could put in a good word for you.”<br /><br />I had to take a second before answering. “Wow, really?”<br /><br />“Yes,” She said, laughing lightly. “I want to help you make this happen. I…maybe I shouldn’t know, but Marc-Andre, he told me that you are not sure what you want to do with your life yet, and if owning your own bakery or something is where you want to go, I want to help you get there,” She explained.<br /><br />I smiled, “Thanks, Vero. I mean, I don’t know if I want to spend my life owning a bakery, but I love baking, and I can’t think of anything else that I could actually handle doing for the rest of my life.”<br /><br />“You don’t have to be in baking forever. Maybe working for my father will just help you see if it’s actually something you want to do or not. Besides, I know it will pay more than the arena pays you to deliver food to the people in the suites.” She smoothed out the ends of her hair, smiling at me. “I’m excited for you now. It’s like you’re finding your way, right in front of all of us.”<br /><br />I grinned back at her, letting out a small laugh as she and I made our way into the living room, noticing that Tyler and Caity had arrived. I sat down on one of the three leather couches in the living room, making a face as Jordan, who was standing behind the couch, leaned down to chew obnoxiously in my ear.<br /><br />Caity came to sit next to me, setting the container of cookies she had brought down on the table before she turned to smile at me. “Hey, how’s it going?”<br /><br />“Not too bad. How have you been? How’s school?” I asked.<br /><br />She shrugged, “Okay. I’m begging to wonder what on earth ever made me want to be a nurse, because the more time I spend in hospitals, the more I hate-”<br /><br />“People?” I asked.<br /><br />“Old people,” She corrected, making me laugh. She leaned down to take the lid off of the Tupperware container the cookies were in, picking one up before leaning back and looking at me. “How long have you been in Pittsburgh now?”<br /><br />I felt my eye twitch as she took a bite of the cookie, chewing with her mouth open. I shook my head, trying to ignore it, “Uhm, just about three months now.”<br /><br />“And you and Sid have been dating?” She asked.<br /><br />I had to wipe a few cookie crumbs off of my face from her asking the question with her mouth full, ignoring the sound of Jordan choking on the chips he was eating as he laughed at me. “Well, I guess almost three months. I was only here a week when we started dating.”<br /><br />She nodded, grabbing another cookie, “Do you want one?” She asked.<br /><br />“Sure,” I accepted the cookie, taking a bite out of it and looking around the room, noticing that Max and Sidney were having an intense game of rock-paper-scissors on the couch across from me while Tyler and Kris were comparing tattoos. It was such a relaxed atmosphere, with everyone talking and laughing while Max’s horrible music taste played in the background(I swear, a Celine Dion song came on and he got offended when I laughed). It was hard to imagine that in just under two weeks these calm boys would be in what Sidney called “the Playoff zone.” Their diets changed, their exercise routines were increased, their sleep schedules were thrown off. Everything was intensified because of the non-stop playoff schedule, with a game every second day and flying back and forth between cities, or sometimes countries. I didn’t know what to expect from Sidney when he was in that mind-set, and I’d be lying if I didn’t admit it scared the crap out of me to even think about what I would have to say if they were eliminated.<br /><br />“Hey, Caity,” I asked her, almost whispering so that the boys wouldn’t hear me, “how long have you and Tyler been together?”<br /><br />“Four years,” She answered. “Why?”<br /><br />I sighed, “What did you say when they were…when they didn’t…when the playoffs were happening and they…you know…didn’t win?”<br /><br />She smiled, “You’re worried that you won’t know what to say if that happens this year?” She asked, biting her lip a bit when I nodded. “It depends. Tyler, he just needed a day to himself, and then I just had to be careful not to bring up the playoffs for a couple of days. When they went all the way to the finals and didn’t win, that was harder. There were many days where he woke up and asked me if that had actually happened, or where he couldn’t eat because he was so upset. I mean, these guys spend the entire season playing for the chance to win the cup, and to be so close but not win it?” She sighed, “But, they won it last year, so I think that if they do end up getting eliminated this year, they’ll be okay. Not great, but okay. Or at least Tyler will be. Sid’s pretty serious about his hockey, he might have a hard time with it.”<br /><br />“That’s my worry,” I admitted. “Sidney’s a pretty calm guy most of the time, but he puts everything he has into hockey, and I don’t even want to think about what I would have to do if he didn’t win the cup.”<br /><br />Caity raised her eyebrows at me, smirking a bit. “Then I guess you better hope they win it,” She said.<br /><br />---------------------------------------<br /><br />I stood on the edge of Max’s back porch, watching as the rest of the guests stood around the small fire that Max had made and laughed and talked, while a few of them had hopped into the pool, despite the coolness of the night.<br /><br />I was tired. It was only just past nine, but I was completely exhausted. I brushed my bangs away from my eyes, making a mental note to get a hair cut sometime in the next week, and tugged my sweater around me, trying to fight off the chills I was getting.<br /><br />“Hey,” Sidney said, surprising me as he came to stand next to me on the porch, his hands in the pockets of his hoodie. “I feel like I haven’t seen you since you got here,” He said, pulling a hand out of his pocket and wrapping it around my waist, pulling me closer to him.<br /><br />“Yeah, I was with Vero and Caity for most of the night,” I told him, still watching as Jordan and some random friend of Max’s tried to start a Congo line.<br /><br />“Are you okay? You seem quieter than usual,” He asked.<br /><br />“I’m really tired. I don’t know why, but I feel drained,” I admitted.<br /><br />He nodded, letting out a soft sigh. “Do you want me to take you home?”<br /><br />I smiled, “Sidney, I drove myself here, I could go home by myself if I wanted to leave.”<br /><br />“Well, I just thought that maybe you were too tired to drive yourself or something. Besides, I don’t mind driving you home anyways, it’s not like you live really far away from Talbot’s house,” He reminded me.<br /><br />I laughed, “I can drive myself home, Sid, don’t worry about it.” I finally looked away from Jordan and his crazy dancing to look up at Sidney as he was glancing up towards the sky at something. There was something about Sidney’s eyes that I just couldn’t get over. It wasn’t even the fact that, in certain lights, they were a light hazel colour instead of their usual light brown, but the way everything reflected in them always caught me by surprise. I could see the moon shining back at me when I looked up into his eyes at that moment, and when he glanced back down at me, I could see the porch light behind me, and I could see a ghostlike version of myself. I bit my lip, giving my head a small shake, “Sidney, you have the most amazing eyes.”<br /><br />He grinned, “Do I?” He widened his eyes at me, making me chuckle a bit before he leaned down and placed a kiss on the tip of my nose. “Are you actually thinking about heading home?”<br /><br />I nodded, “I know, it’s lame, but I’m really tired. Besides, Vero said she could get me a job at her dad’s bakery, so I’ll probably have to be up early so I can make myself look pretty for the interview.”<br /><br />Sidney rolled his eyes, “You always look pretty. You <em>are</em> pretty, I don’t know why you need to put any effort into it,” He said. “If you’re going, I’m walking you to your car.”<br /><br />I grinned, “Well, then we should start walking.”<br /><br />“Don’t you want to go say bye to anybody?” He asked.<br /><br />I glanced back at everybody out on the lawn before shaking my head, “Nah, I’ll just see all of them tomorrow anyways.” He laughed, walking the few feet to the back door and holding it open for me so we could make our way through Max’s house and out to the road where my car was parked. “So, are you ready for the playoffs?” I asked him.<br /><br />He shrugged a bit, “I guess so. As ready as you can be, anyways. I’m trying not to think about it too much since the regular season isn’t over and I don’t want to get ahead of myself.” He let out a long sigh, “I can’t believe it’s already playoff time. I feel like the season just started. I feel like I just played game seven of the finals a week ago.”<br /><br />“Maybe it’s from having no time off?” I suggested.<br /><br />“Maybe,” He agreed, thinking about it for a moment, “You know what? Now that you mention it, I can’t remember having more then two weeks off in the last three years.”<br /><br />“Really? Wow. Maybe you should, I don’t know, take a vacation or something,” I suggested. “What do you do once hockey is over? I mean, even last year when you guys went all the way, that was in June and the season doesn’t start until October.”<br /><br />“Well, there were appearances with the cups to make, plus charity work and fundraising, which we do every year with the team and by ourselves. Then I have my own sponsorships to take care of, like Reebok, which means flying out to wherever they want me to be and shooting commercials or doing store appearances, as well as Gatorade and Tim Horton’s. I guess I just make too many commitments, that’s all,” He answered.<br /><br />I gave my head a small shake, pulling my car keys out of purse as we neared my car. “You really do give everything you have into hockey, don’t you?”<br /><br />He didn’t answer for a moment, seeming to think over the question before he answered, “I guess I do. I mean, when I was younger, I thought that I would never love anything as much as I loved hockey, and I feel like I threw myself into the sport and endorsing it, and all of the other endorsement deals, because I would be content with having hockey as the one constant in my life, and I figured I’d never get sick of it.”<br /><br />“Are you getting sick of hockey?” I asked, leaning against my car and looking up at him.<br /><br />“Maybe that was bad choice of words,” He said quietly. “I’m not sick of it, no. Hockey is my passion, and I can’t even imagine not playing it, I just feel like everything might be starting to get to me. It’s like, for every commitment I make to the game, it’s another weight on my shoulders. The first few years I could handle it, because fifty commitments, that’s just fifty pounds, I could handle that. But now, with everyone waiting to see what I’ll do to ‘top’ the gold medal game, and everyone pinning Ovechkin and I against each other to see who will get to 50 goals, or who will score more goals, as well as the pressure to be repeat cup champions, it’s just getting to me, I guess.” He admitted.<br /><br />“You don’t have to carry all of that by yourself, Sidney,” I reminded him.<br /><br />He nodded, “I know that. It’s just that, I really did think that I would never feel like hockey was too much. I just assumed that it would be the number one love of my life, forever.”<br /><br />“You aren’t in love with hockey anymore?” I teased.<br /><br />“No, I still am,” He said, laughing slightly before he bit his lip, looking down at me. “I’m just learning how to love something other then hockey,” He explained, leaning down to open up my car door for me before he leaned down, placing one hand on the side of my face as he kissed me, a passionate kiss that almost caught me off guard, stunning me for a second before I came to my sense and responded, one of my hands on his hip and the other reaching up to rest on the back of his neck. When he pulled away from the kiss he smoothed out my hair, pulling the door open completely for me and watching as I stepped around him to stand in front of the open car door, making sure I was seated before saying, “I love you, Hanna.”<br /><br />If I hadn’t been sitting down, I probably would have just died on the sidewalk. He tried to shut the door and head off, I’m assuming so that he didn’t have to wait and see if I wouldn’t say it back, but I pushed the door back open first, surprising him a bit. “You don’t get to just say that and then run off. What is this, a Kate Hudson movie?” I asked, climbing back out of the car and looking up at him. “Let’s try that again.”<br /><br />His eyebrows furrowed down a bit, confusion spreading across his face. “You want me to…to say it again?”<br /><br />“Yes. Here, we’ll back track a bit,” I suggested, clearing my throat. “You aren’t in love with hockey anymore?”<br /><br />He looked down at me silently for a moment, the shadow of a smirk on his face as he let out a loud breath of air. “I still am, but I’m learning how to love something other then hockey,” He repeated, stopping for a second and making a bit of a face. “Do I kiss you again?”<br /><br />I laughed, “Why not?” I said, smiling as he playfully rolled his eyes and leaned down, kissing me again.<br /><br />Sidney pulled away once more, looking at me as if he could hardly believe that I was actually making him do this all over again, before he repeated, “I love you, Hanna.”<br />I grinned, my hand still resting on the back of his neck. “I love you too, Sidney.”<br /><br />He seemed surprised to hear me say it, moving his head back a bit after I said it, but after a few seconds he grinned, leaning down to kiss my lips once more before scattering a few kisses across my cheeks and nose, placing both of his hands on either side of my face. “You know what, I’m really glad that you made us go back and re-enact that.”<br /><br />I nodded, “It’s way better this way, right?” I asked, leaning up to kiss him one last time before I took a step back. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”<br /><br />He nodded, backing away from my car and watching as I climbed in, watching as I started the car and drove off. I could see him in my rear-view mirror, just standing on the sidewalk outside of Max’s house, watching me drive off until I had turn off of the street.Mackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08005607416251563909noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6551347663728545830.post-70799003251836786992010-05-08T21:41:00.001-07:002010-05-08T21:41:41.473-07:00PiratesMy right knee bounced up and down as I sat on my couch, staring at the TV as I absentmindedly flicked through the channels, trying to keep myself from glancing up and checking the time.<br /><br />Peyton had flown home three days ago, unable to miss anymore school and also out of spending money. Without her here to constantly distract me or drag me out my place to go show her around Pittsburgh, since she didn’t get to see much of it last time she was here, I was viewing time as my enemy. No many how many channels I flicked through, it seemed like no time had passed by at all. I let out a long sigh, tossing the remote down on the couch next to me, standing up and making my way over to my kitchen, pulling open the fridge and looking in it to try and see if anything caught my interest. I stared into it for a few minutes, letting the cold air hit my legs and seep through the fabric of my jeans before I closed it, moving over to the cupboards and opening each one, taking a moment to look at all the contents of them before moving on to the next one. After looking through every cupboard and not finding any suitable form of distraction, I returned to the fridge, opening it again and staring into, trying to see if I had missed anything, or if something had expired and I should throw it out. <br /><br />I was in the middle of pulling out every individual container of yogurt and checking the expiration date on them when I finally heard someone knock on my door, causing me to toss the container that was in my hand into the fridge, shutting the fridge door and almost sliding across my kitchen floor to get to the door, nearly tripping over the pair of shoes by the door as I grabbed the door knob and pulled the door open, launching myself onto Sidney as soon as I saw him and almost knocking him backwards.<br /><br />“I’m happy to see you, too,” He said, laughing as he steadied himself, returning my embrace and standing just outside of the door with me for a good minute before he kissed the top of my head. “Can I come in, or are we just going to stand out here and hug?” He asked.<br /><br />I reluctantly let go of him, stepping back into the basement and letting him step in as well, watching as he took off his shoes and set down the bag I hadn’t noticed was in his hand before he turned to me, smiling as he walked over to me, placing a hand on the side of my face so he could lean down and kiss me.<br /><br />On the ice, Sidney looks so small. When you’re on a team with the likes of Jordan Staal, Evgeni Malkin and Eric Goddard, it’s hard not to look so tiny in comparison. But off the ice, he seemed like a giant to me. I had to step on the tips of my toes to kiss him, or even to hug him comfortably. I had spent the last two weeks trying to remember what it was like to kiss Sidney, and somewhere in those two weeks I had forgotten about how tall he was.<br /><br />“You’re taller then I remember, did you grow?” I asked him when he finally pulled away, settling back onto the flats of my feet.<br /><br />Sidney laughed, “I wish. Maybe you just shrunk while I was gone, did you think of that?”<br /><br />I rolled my eyes at him, giving his chest a shove as I headed back over to the couch, sitting down and waiting for Sidney to make his way over, watching as he settled into the chair next to the couch before asking, “How was your time away?”<br /><br />“Stressful,” He admitted with a bit of a smile. “The media seems even crazier outside of Pittsburgh.”<br /><br />“That’s just because Pittsburgh is used to you and the other cities only get to see once in awhile. It’s like a treat for them,” I explained, grinning at the way he shook his head at me.<br /><br />“It was pretty good, I guess. I would have preferred a few more wins, obviously, and maybe a little more time for sleep, but other than that, it was alright,” He said. “How was being here without any of your friends?” He asked, grinning.<br /><br />“I had Peyton for awhile,” I reminded him. “But, it was lonely. My boss told me that he might be able to introduce me to you, though,” I shared.<br /><br />Sidney laughed, “Did he now? That’s nice of him, offering my services to random girls.”<br /><br />“Random?” I repeated, making him laugh again.<br /><br />“Have you not told your boss that you’re dating me? What am I, an embarrassment?” He asked.<br /><br />“No, you’re not an embarrassment. I’ve just already learned that if people find out I even know you they immediately want me to ask you for favours. I mean, Lisa is an example. I know you didn’t really have a problem with meeting her brother, but who knows what everyone else might expect from you? And I know that you’d go along with it, because you’re just a really nice guy, but I don’t want to do that to you. You’ve got enough happening to and around you, and I’m still really worried that one day you’re just going to lose your mind because you never complain,” I finished, letting out a big sigh afterwards. “I’m sorry to add that last part in, I just wasn’t sure when I would have the opportunity to throw it out there,” I admitted, looking down at my hands for a moment before I looked back up at Sidney. “I’m worried about you, Sidney.”<br /><br />He sighed, getting up from the chair and moving to sit next to me on the couch, taking both of my hands in his. “You don’t need to worry about me, Hanna. I’m okay, and all of the added stress, that’s just part of my job. I can handle it.”<br /><br />“But what if you can’t?” I asked. “I think about this all the time, Sidney, it’s almost ridiculous. What if one day it’s too much for you? What if all these expectations and stress just become too much? What if you just lose your mind, or can’t take it anymore?”<br /><br />“Why don’t you just let me worry about that, okay?” He said, letting go of one my hands so he could run his hand through my hair. “I knew about all of this when I first entered the NHL, and if I feel like I can’t handle it, I promise, I will tell you,” He swore. “You don’t need to worry about me.”<br /><br />“Yeah, because that will stop me from worrying,” I muttered, making him chuckle. I studied his face for a moment, seeing that he didn’t want to talk about his stresses and career anymore. I sucked my bottom lip into my mouth for a moment, trying to think of a way to change the subject. My eyes drifted away from Sidney for a moment, finding their way over to the bag beside the door. “What did you bring?” I asked.<br /><br />“Oh yeah, I forgot,” He said, standing up and walking over to where the bag was, snatching it up from the ground and walking back over to me. “I, uhm, I bought you something,” He said, smiling at me.<br /><br />I raised my eyebrows up at him. “You, the boy who makes millions of dollars a year that he refuses to spend bought me something? Is the world ending?”<br /><br />Sidney rolled his eyes, reaching into the bag and pulling out a rectangular box. “It’s not anything super fancy, but I saw it and thought of you,” He said, handing me the box.<br /><br />I eyed it for a moment, looking up at him. “Sidney-”<br /><br />“Just open it before you try and tell me that I shouldn’t have,” He said, smirking at me slightly.<br /><br />I sighed, opening up the box and looking down at the necklace inside. It was nothing overly-fancy, which was a relief since I had a history of misplacing, losing or breaking anything fancy, but it still made my entire face heat up as I looked down at it. It was a tiny little locket on a silver chain, and once I managed to pry the locket open, I was met with an equally tiny picture of a penguin inside. I let out a small laugh, looking at the little cartoon penguin. “That is so adorable, Sidney. Thank you.”<br /><br />He smiled, “I know you don’t like really expensive looking jewellery and I figured this was simple enough that you could wear it with whatever. I mean, unless you don’t want to wear it.”<br /><br />“Of course I want to wear it,” I told him, lifting the necklace out of the box and holding the chain with my left hand, letting the locket lie flat in the palm of my right. “It’s really pretty, and I love the penguin in the locket.”<br /><br />“Well, you know, I’ll be off on road games a lot now that it’s the end of the regular season, and then with the playoffs, so I wanted you to remember me when I was gone,” He admitted a little sheepishly.<br /><br />I grinned at him, “Like I would forget about you, Sidney,” I said teasingly, testing the clip at the back of the necklace before deciding to put it on.<br /><br />“Do you need help?” Sidney asked.<br /><br />I shook my head, already managing to clip the necklace shut, untucking my hair from under the chain of the locket. “No, it’s pretty easy to put on, which is good because otherwise, I’d never be able to wear it.”<br /><br />Sidney grinned, letting his eyes move away from me as he looked around my basement suite. “Well, everything looks just as I remember, that’s good. I was worried you’d have re-painted or something.”<br /><br />“Right, because I have the motivation to do that,” I replied, giving my head a bit of a shake. “I debated drastically changing the place, just to try and distract myself from how lonely I was. I love Peyton, and she was great to have around, but she never seemed to adjust to the time change and was asleep by about seven thirty every night, which was just after I’d get home from work.”<br /><br />Sidney laughed, “Oh, Peyton. I actually kind of miss her.”<br /><br />“Yeah, she misses you too,” I said, smiling at the unbelieving look he sent me. “Okay, no she doesn’t, but that’s just because she misses Kris too much to miss anyone else. Don’t take it personally.”<br /><br />“I don’t take anything personally. I’m a man,” He informed me, puffing out his chest.<br /><br />I smirked at him, giving my head a small shake, “Sure you are, Sidney.”<br /><br />He bit his lip, looking at me as I played with the necklace around my neck for a moment before he let out a loud sigh, startling me slightly. “Do you want to go for a walk with me? I haven’t had the chance to get a lot of fresh air with the whole hiding in my hotel room thing,” He said, already standing up from the couch.<br /><br />I nodded, also standing up and grabbing my coat from where it was draped across the back of the couch, walking over to the door where a pair of flats were already waiting for me. Sidney waited for me to button up my coat before he pushed the door open for me, having to wait a few feet away once more as I locked the door behind me, finally turning around and facing him so that we could make our way down the driveway and onto the sidewalk, falling into a calm silence as we walked alongside each other for a few moments.<br /><br />I didn’t do a lot of wandering around. I had never been much for enjoying the scenery, I guess. I always wanted to see the people, make friends, make connections. I didn’t even explore much of Vancouver, and I had lived my whole life there. I knew the big name places, Science World, Granville Island, GM Place, Metro Town, etc., but I didn’t actually know the area. Sidney was an explorer. He wanted to see all of the sights, he wanted to know the details of his surroundings, he wanted to feel like he knew every city he visited like the back of his hand. The only problem was that he rarely got to see the city on his own. He could only see the sights in passing through the windows on the bus or the airplane, and even though I knew that it had to drive him crazy and that he must completely despise being locked inside of every hotel room he’s checked into, he refused to admit it. Watching him take in the sights in the small neighbourhood the Dupuis’, and I, lived in, I knew that he must have been itching to be back in an area where he could roam freely.<br /><br />“What’s your favourite city to visit?” I asked, breaking the silence that we had fallen into.<br /><br />Sidney thought about it for a moment, twisting his mouth to the side a bit as he did so. “Well, I loved Vancouver, obviously,” He started, making me chuckle at him., “but I also love Los Angeles.”<br /><br />“LA, really? I wouldn’t have pinned you as the type to like that city,” I admitted, surprised by the answer.<br /><br />“I’m rarely there, so it’s always nice to visit it,” He explained. “And it’s nothing like Cole Harbour or Pittsburgh, so it’s a unique experience. I haven’t really had a chance to see most of it, but what I had seen, I liked. Oh, and I also like being in Carolina. The people are there are always really kind hearted. I’ve only been spit on once there.”<br /><br />I laughed, “It’s sad that being spit on at all is an upside for you.”<br /><br />Sidney shrugged, reaching out to tug one of my hands free from the coat pocket they were trying to keep warm in so he could hold it. “It’s okay. The amount of people who are nice to me cancel out the ones who are so passionate about their team, they hate me.”<br /><br />“Those people are douche bags,” I decided aloud, making Sidney smirk at me. “I think you’re rad.”<br /><br />Sidney laughed lightly, “Thanks, babe.”<br /><br />I was startled by the use of “babe”, as he had never done that before, and by the odd sideways glance Sidney sent me, it was just as unexpected on his part. “That was…neat,” I finally said.<br /><br />Sidney raised up both of his eyebrows, “I don’t know where that came from. I don’t even like pet names.”<br /><br />“Apparently you like ‘babe.’ I guess it’s better then calling me ‘hun’ or some crap like that,” I mumbled.<br /><br />He laughed, “I hate people who call their girlfriends or boyfriends hun, it’s just so…mid thirties of them.”<br /><br />I giggled, “It really is, you’re right,” I agreed. “Although, to be honest, the Babe thing? It makes me think of that terrible children’s movie of the same name, with that stupid talking pig who makes friends with a bunch of chickens or some crap like that, so I’m almost offended by it.”<br /><br />“What stops you from being offended?” He asked, already smirking.<br /><br />“Well, Babe went on to have three mildly successful sequels, and was never caught and turned into a delicious ham, so I guess the name must have some sort of positive sentiment to it,” I explained.<br /><br />Sidney laughed, letting his head tip back a bit as he did so. “I missed you, Hanna. Next time I have to go off for road games, I think you should just come with me so I don’t have to miss out on these conversations.”<br /><br />“I would love that,” I agreed, taking a second to look around us and try to see where we were. “Where are we?”<br /><br />“Down by the park. You’ve never been here before?” He asked, seeming surprised.<br /><br />“No, I didn’t even know there was a park right by my place,” I admitted, eyeing the small playground that was vacant, since it was nearly nine o’clock at night and most of the kids were home.<br /><br />“Are you kidding me?” He asked, laughing. “Hanna, you drive past it on your home every day.”<br /><br />“Do I?” I asked, looking down the stretch of road and realizing that, yes, I did drive down here on my way to and from work every day. “That’s really sad for me.”<br /><br />Sidney shook his head, checking for cars before he tugged my hand and lead me across the road with him, jogging over to the small play area. “When I was younger, my favourite thing to do, next to play hockey, was go on the swings,” he told me, already heading over to the set of swings.<br /><br />I dropped his hand so that he could sit down on one of the swings, leaning against the side the slide just a few feet away. “Really? Why’s that?”<br /><br />He shrugged, started to swing slightly. “I don’t know. There was just something about how high up I could swing, and that feeling of your stomach dropping that I loved. I didn’t spend a lot of time out at the parks, or even on the swing set at my school because I was always playing hockey, but if I couldn’t find anyone else to play, or the pavement was being used for something else, I’d come out to the swing set,” He explained.<br /><br />I smiled, watching as he barely moved on the swing before I made my way over to the swing two over from him, sitting down and starting to sway. “I was always scared of the swings. When I was about five, Cameron pushed me so high once that I lost my grip on the chains and fell backwards,” I admitted, seeing the grin that hit Sidney’s face. “It’s funny to look back on now, how that one fall was enough to scare me off of them for years afterwards, but at the time I was convinced I’d never sit on a swing again. I didn’t even want to walk past them for at least three years after. That’s probably why I was never involved in anything as a kid, no kind of sports, music or dance. I was always a quitter.”<br /><br />Sidney was barely moving now, instead twisting on his swing so he could see me. “I never had that in me. If I fell off the swing, which I’ll admit, I never did, I would be determined to get back on and not do it again. I don’t know why, but it was just always instilled in me to be the best I could be at everything and to never give up on anything.”<br /><br />“That’s a good thing, Sid,” I told him. “Most people don’t gain that attribute until they’re much older.”<br /><br />“I know,” He said, still smiling slightly. “I kind of wish I had had that in me, though, the giving up thing. I know it sounds weird, it’s just, it makes me feel like I was never a kid.”<br /><br />I nodded, looking at him for a moment. “Well, let’s be kids now,” I said.<br /><br />Sidney frowned, “What?” He asked, laughing slightly.<br /><br />I grinned, getting off of the swing. “Come on, let’s pretend we’re pirates on this stupid slide set or something,” I said, already climbing up the wood ladder to stand on the giant wooden bridge that connected the slide to the monkey bars and small zip line. “Do you want be the pirate, or the hostage?”<br /><br />He laughed, finally hopping off of his own swing. “I don’t know, does it matter?”<br /><br />I gasped, “Does it matter? Clearly, you are not cut out to be a pirate. Come up here so I can pretend to tie you up.”<br /><br />Sidney stared up at me for a moment, trying to judge if I was joking or not. When I didn’t change my stoic face he sighed, climbing up to join me. “You are the weirdest girl I have ever met.”<br /><br />I grinned, rising up on my tip toes to kiss him before replying, “I know. Now help me find a giant stick so I can pretend it’s a sword.”Mackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08005607416251563909noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6551347663728545830.post-41239509338022993682010-05-06T01:13:00.001-07:002010-05-06T01:33:13.668-07:00Road Games<em>I am sorry that I disappeared! I had exams and a gazillion papers and a recital. But, I am done school now(FOREVER! Heck yes, no more University) so I shouldn't take that long for an update again.</em><br /><br />“Oh, stop pouting like that,” Peyton scolded, tossing a piece of popcorn at my head as I stuck my lower lip out, looking at the TV with sad eyes as they zoomed in on Sidney sitting on the bench.<br /><br />I picked the piece of popcorn out of my hair, frowning at Peyton. “I’m so glad you decided to stay an extra few days,” I told her sarcastically, eating the piece of popcorn. “I can’t help it, though. I miss him.”<br /><br />“He’ll be back soon, just a few more days,” Peyton reminded me, glancing back at the TV for a second. “Oh, there’s Kris.”<br /><br />“Oh, so you can be sad, but I can’t? At least Sidney’s actually my boyfriend,” I reminded her, earning another few pieces of popcorn in my hair. “Do you want to sleep outside?”<br /><br />Peyton laughed, “I’m sorry. You just make this annoying moaning sound whenever you see Sidney on the TV and it’s driving me crazy. They zoom in on the guy every ten seconds, you can’t make a noise every time you see him!”<br /><br />I sighed, “I know, I’m sorry.”<br /><br />Peyton was silent for a moment, watching the game as she chewed on a few pieces of popcorn, “This is weird.”<br /><br />I looked at her, “What’s weird? Watching hockey?”<br /><br />Peyton laughed, “No. I mean, you. You’re in a relationship. I haven’t seen you in a relationship since tenth grade, and I’m not even sure that you could count that as a real relationship.”<br /><br />I thought about it for a moment before nodding. “I guess it’s the first real relationship I’ve ever been in. It took my twenty years to earn a guy’s attention, but still.”<br /><br />Peyton rolled her eyes, “Yes, Hanna. No other guy in the history of males has ever had an interest you, other than Sidney Crosby.” She shook her head, “I know he’s a special guy, but he is not that special,” She joked, glancing back at the TV as they called a penalty against the Penguins. Peyton waited until they cut to commercial to turn and face me. “Can I ask you something?”<br /><br />“If I said no, would that actually stop you?” I asked, watching as she shook her head. “Then, yeah, go for it.”<br /><br />“Do you have moments where you freak out because Sidney is such a big deal?”<br /><br />I blinked a few times before shaking my head. “Uhm, I don’t really think about what a big deal he is at all, oddly enough.”<br /><br />Peyton made a face, “Did I just put that in your head? Because I’m sorry if I did, it’s just that I was thinking about Kris, and I saw this fan site for him online and it scared the crap out of me.”<br /><br />“Sidney kind of goes out of his way to make himself seem as normal a guy as possible,” I told her. “It doesn’t work, since people stare at him wherever we go, he gets hit on by other girls and I always hear people talking about how amazing he is, but Sidney tried to make me view him as just another guy.”<br /><br />Peyton stared at me for a moment. “And that works? Either he has an acting ability that he can hide really well you are really dumb.”<br /><br />I laughed, reaching out and hitting her arm. “I don’t know, when I’m with Sidney I just think of him as Sidney. He’s not trying to get a goal, he’s not getting booed, he’s just talking to me and buying me food.”<br /><br />“So, what you’re telling me is that I have no reason to be completely convinced that Kris will come back from this road trip with a new girlfriend, or that he’ll do anything really stupid like hook-up with another girl?” Peyton asked.<br /><br />I sighed, “Peyton, you should talk to Kris about that. But, no, I don’t think you need to worry,” I assured her. “That boy asked about you everyday when I first got here, and he spent a really long time deciding on how his hair should be the day you arrived. He’s not looking at any other girls, he’s been waiting for you.”<br /><br />Peyton’s cheeks tinged a little bit, something I very rarely saw happen to her, and she smiled softly, looking away from me and back at the TV as they cut back to the game, showing Eric Goddard in the box. “He’s a man, Eric. Such a man,” She said, taking a handful of popcorn and shoving it into her mouth as she continued to watch the game.<br /><br />The camera panned past the Penguins bench, with the commentator going on about how amazing Boucher, the goalie at the other end playing for the Flyers, had been all night. As usual, the camera stopped on Sidney, zooming in on him as he chewed on his mouth guard a bit, moving it out of his mouth a bit so he could chew on the end before taking it out completely so he could grab a drink of water. The mouth guard accentuated his already large lips, and it made him look a little bit like a monkey. For some reason, I only viewed it as completely adorable, and had to be careful not to let out another squeal of some kind as he continued to move the mouth guard around for a few seconds before the camera moved away from him and back to the Penguins zone where a face off was about to happen.<br /><br />“I saw that,” Peyton said to me, earning my attention briefly. “And if I didn’t think it was so damn adorable that this boy has turned you into one of these girls after just over a month of dating you, I’d dump this bowl of popcorn on your head.”<br /><br />I grinned at her, looking back at the TV as played started. It was weird to think that all of these new people, save for Peyton, had only been in my life for a couple of months. It was almost impossible for me to think back to the time when they hadn’t been there, and I had just been watching all of them play hockey on my TV while I put off going to sleep or getting groceries. I could almost imagine Sidney being in my life long before he had been. When I thought back to the days following Alissa’s death, I could picture him sitting beside me at the funeral, or walking down the halls at school with me. He had just become a part of my life, and even though I still had a few moments where I would pass a poster of him on the street and think about how odd it was that I had somehow earned his attention, I already couldn’t imagine things without him. It was almost scary, to already be so dependant on someone, and to have already let them become such an essential part of your life in such a short span of time, but I felt like the only thing scarier would be losing him.<br />---------------------------------------------<br />“So, hang on,” I said into the phone as I kicked the fridge shut with the back of my foot. “You just don’t eat cookies?”<br /><br />Sidney sighed, “We’ve had this conversation before, I don’t understand why it’s so hard for you to grasp.”<br /><br />“Let’s say that I bake these delicious chocolate chip cookies,” I began, balancing the phone between my ear and shoulder, “and you come over, and I stand in front of you with them all on a platter and a pouty face and tell you that the only thing that will make me believe that you have any real feelings for me is if you eat the cookies. Would you eat them then?”<br /><br />Sidney laughed, “Hanna, why is it such a big deal?” He asked. “I eat basically everything else.”<br /><br />“Don’t avoid my question, Crosby. Would you eat the cookies I had slaved over, and only made because I was trying to fight away all the lonely hours without you, or would you scoff at them and tell me that eating them breaks your commitment to your sport?” I asked him, pouring myself a glass of milk.<br /><br />“If the season was over, I would probably eat one,” He said. “But during the season? Hanna, when you haven’t eaten chocolate chip cookies in just over six years, and then you just say, ‘screw it’ and eat some, you usually end up getting to know your bathroom really well.”<br /><br />“What if I also supplied some Pepto Bismol, or some Immodium?” I bargained, hearing him sigh on the other end, laughing softly to himself. “Come on, I love baking, and now that my family isn’t around there’s no one to eat any of the stuff I make. I’d send some upstairs, but Maria bakes just as much as I do.”<br /><br />“Most of the team will still eat all of the amazing stuff you bake, and I can eat most of it,” He tried to tell me. “Couldn’t you just cut the recipe in half and just make enough for yourself?”<br /><br />“I can’t just bake things for myself, Sidney. What am I, in my late forties and alone?”<br /><br />He laughed, “Fine, bake as much of whatever you want, but you can’t make me eat it.”<br /><br />“That’s what she said,” I muttered, earning a sigh from him. “But what do I do with all of the baking?”<br /><br />“I don’t know,” He said, pausing as he yawned, “Why don’t you open a bakery or something if you love baking so much? We don’t have very many of those around here.”<br /><br />I was silent for a moment, staring down at the recipe book in front of me before I gasped, “Sidney, that’s an amazing idea.”<br /><br />“It is?” He asked,<br /><br />“Yes! Sidney, I’ve spent the last two and a half years trying to figure out what the hell I wanted to do with myself, and you just spout off the answer!”<br /><br />“Wow, now let’s actually think about this,” He started. “Opening up your own business is a lot of work, and a lot of money-”<br /><br />“I’m not going to open up my own bakery now,” I said, laughing. “I’m going to keep working at the arena while I try to find some bakery or something baking related to work at, and save up my money and…I don’t what else, but at least I have something to work towards, right?”<br /><br />Sidney didn’t say anything for a few seconds but eventually agreed, “Yeah, that sounds amazing. If that’s what you want to do with your life, then I’ll help you in any way you need to me too.”<br /><br />“Oh, you know what would really help?” I asked.<br /><br />“I’m not eating the cookies,” He answered, making me groan. “Maybe once the season is done, but not during.”<br /><br />“How will I know if I am actually a good enough baker if my boyfriend won’t even eat what I bake?” I asked.<br /><br />“Wow, you are just pulling out all the stops with this, aren’t you?” He asked, laughing. “You can do this, Hanna. If it’s what you really want to do, I believe you can make it happen.”<br /><br />I smiled, sitting down on the couch with my recipe books, “Thank you, Sidney.” I sighed, glancing up at the clock on the wall across from me. “Shouldn’t you be asleep?”<br /><br />“I don’t sleep very well on the road. Besides, I’m so used to talking to you before I go to bed that I can’t sleep if I don’t hear your voice before,” He confessed, his voice sounding so small on the other end.<br /><br />I felt a grin take over my face, my face heating up, even though I knew he couldn’t see me. “I miss you, Sid.”<br /><br />“I miss you, too,” He admitted. “I’ve gotten used to you being there in the crowd somewhere, waiting for me once the game is over. I’m lonely now. I asked Max if he would hold my hand and go get a sandwich with me, but he said he had plans with Flower.”<br />I let out a small laugh, “Well, I bet Max has gross boy hands anyways. You don’t want to hold those.” I stretched out on the couch, looking at the clock again. “You need to go to bed, Sidney. Go get some sleep so you can be extra cheery with the media tomorrow.”<br /><br />“I love the media. They always know just what to say to make me feel completely encouraged, and they always have cute little reminders for me on when the last time I scored a goal was or what my plus/minus is. I actually look forward to it almost as much as I look forward to smashing my face into a brick wall,” He told me, making me chuckle. “Goodnight, Hanna.”<br /><br />“Night, Sidney. Have fun tomorrow with your off day. Don’t get too crazy,” I joked, smiling as he let out a tired laugh before I pushed the end button, tossing the phone onto the table and yawning, forcing myself to sit back up so I could head over to my room, checking the calendar on my wall as I did so. “Five more days,” I mumbled, letting my eyes glance over to the box with the giant red circle around it.<br /><br />-----------------------------------<br /><br />“Is he a good kisser?” Lisa asked.<br /><br />I sighed, looking up at her over the container of aprons that I was taking over to get washed. “Lisa, I don’t want to discuss all of this with you.”<br /><br />“Come on, humour me! You get to kiss the lips of Sidney Crosby whenever you feel like it, and you can’t even tell me about it?” She prodded. “I’m 24, Hanna, and I have spent the last five years trying to convince myself that Crosby might like older women. Help me.”<br /><br />“I think a psychiatrist is who helps you with stuff like that,” I told her, earning an unimpressed frown from her. I sighed, taking the handful of cloths that she had and adding them to the bin in my hands. “Yes, he’s a good kisser.”<br /><br />“I knew it!” She exclaimed, earning the attention of the other workers. “Sorry,” She apologized, grinning at me. “I’ll stop asking you questions, I swear,” She promised. “It’s just, with lips like that, it can either go one way or the other, right?”<br /><br />I shook my head at her, making my way through the rest of the kitchen area to gather the other laundry that needed to be washed. “You’re a strange girl, Lisa.”<br /><br />“Listen, Hanna,” She said, causing me to turn around and look at her, “I never really thanked you for letting Shawn meet Sidney,” She said. “That meant a lot to him, and it meant a lot to me, too. Thanks for doing that.” She patted my shoulder, shooting me another smile before she turned and headed off towards the front area.<br /><br />I chewed on my lip for a moment, not sure what to think of that whole exchange, before grabbing the last of the cloths and heading off towards the laundry area.<br /><br />There were reminders of Sidney everywhere, especially in his own arena. Pictures of him from the start of his NHL career to present day lined the walls on my walk down the hallway. Downstairs, where the ice was, there were giant sized posters of him with the cup above his head, or in mid slap-shot would stare back at me. It made my entire body ache with loneliness, the reminders that he wasn’t here. I found myself wishing the day would speed by so that I could talk to him before I fell asleep, or catch a clip of his interview from before or after one of the games. I found myself spacing out and losing my train of thought at work as I tried to remember what it felt like to hug him, kiss him or even just sit across from him and listen to him talk. It had only been a week, or just shy of, and yet it seemed like I hadn’t seen him in months.<br /><br />“Hanna, you okay?” Michael, my boss asked me as he passed me in the hall.<br /><br />I was surprised, not even aware that I had stopped on the way to the laundry room and was staring up at a picture of Sidney in the face-off circle against Nicklas Backstrom. “Yeah, I’m sorry. I just-”<br /><br />“It’s okay, a lot of the workers get side-tracked. It’s weird to think that the league’s greatest could just be downstairs, right?” He asked. “Sidney’s a really nice guy, when the team is back from the road trip, he usually makes a point to come upstairs and talk to a lot of us, thank us for keeping the arena clean. A lot of the workers here have already met him, save for couple. Maybe you’ll get lucky.”<br /><br />I bit back a grin, nodding to him. “That’d be fantastic. I’m a huge fan.”<br /><br />Michael nodded. “Well, go finish up the laundry. There’s not a whole lot left to do, so we can probably head out early,” He said, giving me a thumbs up before continuing down the hall.<br /><br />I let out a small laugh, looking back at the Sidney picture. “You come upstairs to thank the workers? You charmer,” I cooed at the picture, reaching up to let my fingers run across his face in the picture before I carried on towards the laundry roomMackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08005607416251563909noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6551347663728545830.post-59106522281469147452010-04-21T23:04:00.000-07:002010-04-21T23:05:44.705-07:00Double Date<em>Hey! Just had to take a second to thank everyone for a)following the story and b) the comments I receive on every chapter. It's very much appreciated! Thanks, guys :)</em><br /><br />I let out a yawn as Sidney walked me to my door, lifting up my free hand to cover my mouth as I did so. “I am so tired. Aren’t you tired?”<br /><br />Sidney shrugged, letting go of my hand so I could dig through my purse to find my keys before I opened the door and he followed me in. “It’s not that late, and I had the day off. It’s you that was up at five this morning.”<br /><br />I sighed, setting my keys down on the counter and sliding out of my coat before I lazily collapsed onto one of my couches. “I don’t know why five am even exists. No one likes it.”<br /><br />Sidney laughed, taking a seat on the chair across from me. “That’s how I feel about Chris Neil.”<br /><br />I had to let out a small laugh, stretching my legs out across the couch. “I like Chris Neil. He’s got character.”<br /><br />“He’s an asshole,” Sidney argued.<br /><br />“He’s a babe,” I corrected.<br /><br />“A babe? Hanna, the guy can’t say my name properly because he’s missing so many teeth,” Sidney reminded me.<br /><br />“So? Brendan Morrison is missing most of his front teeth, does that make him less of a babe?” I asked.<br /><br />“No, but that’s because he has the face of an angel. Neil has the face of an asshole,” Sidney pointed out.<br /><br />I sighed, turning onto my side so I could actually see Sidney. “Whatever, I guess we just have different taste in men.”<br /><br />He rolled his eyes, giving his head a shake as he glanced past me at the clock on the microwave. “I guess I should head out soon, seeing as you’re almost asleep.”<br /><br />I forced myself to sit up, rubbing at my eyes tiredly, hoping that I hadn’t smeared the mascara I was still wearing. “I’m sorry, I’m just so tired. And I’m also sorry if my dad was terrifying.”<br /><br />Sidney widened his eyes for a moment, taking in a deep breath of air before he kind of nodded. “Yeah he was definitely a man.”<br /><br />I laughed, standing up from the couch so I could walk over and hug him, my heavy head falling against his shoulder as I did so. It had been a long dinner, almost three hours, and poor Sidney hardly had time to eat because of the non-stop questions my parents were asking. My dad asked him why he didn’t fight more in games, and then my mom would ask if he viewed the violence in hockey as influential or simply entertaining. I tried to be supportive, but I spent most of the time giggling at how obviously uncomfortable they were making poor Sidney. The only plus that I think Sidney could take away from the dinner was that, despite Sid’s protest, my dad paid for the dinner.<br /><br />“Did they like me?” Sidney asked, his chin resting on top of my head.<br /><br />I laughed, “Well, they stayed for the entire dinner and my dad paid, even though he knows that you make a pretty decent amount of money. That means yes, they did like you.”<br /><br />He sighed, lifting his chin up as I pulled away from him. “That’s good. I was trying to make a good impression. I’m sure they’ve already heard every stereotype there is when it comes to dating a hockey player and I didn’t want to do anything that would make them think I fit into those stereotypes.”<br /><br />“Well, you didn’t have a plastic blonde girl beside you, a pitcher of beer to chug or your shirt off, so I think you safely escaped that,” I assured him.<br /><br />“Oh, that’s just because the girl was busy and the beer I like wasn’t served there,” He joked, earning a smack in the arm from me as he laughed, tugging his keys out of his pocket and walking over to the door. “I’ll see you tomorrow some time. I don’t know when, exactly,” He said, pulling his shoes on.<br /><br />I nodded, yawning again before answering, “I’ll see you after my shift. I don’t work during the game tomorrow, I get to do the pre-game cleaning.”<br /><br />“Wow, you live a good life, Hanna,” Sidney joked, walking over to me so he kiss my cheek before saying goodbye and heading out the door.<br /><br />“Thank goodness, I thought he’d never leave,” Peyton called, making me jump.<br /><br />“Jesus, I forgot you were here,” I admitted, placing a hand over my heart.<br /><br />“Actually, my name’s Peyton,” She joked. “I was going to grab a glass of water, but I didn’t want to interrupt whatever you two may be doing,” She explained, walking into the kitchen with a playful smirk on her face.<br /><br />“Right, because that’s the kind of girl I am,” I said. “Does Kris know you’re in town?”<br /><br />Peyton paused with the cup just before her lips, glancing at me from the corner of her eyes. “No,” She admitted, taking a drink from the cup. “I haven’t told him yet,” She admitted.<br /><br />I nodded, stretching my arms above my head. “Well, you should let him know. Because the guys leave on a road trip the day after my parents fly back, and if you’re planning on staying an extra few days to see him-”<br /><br />“I wasn’t planning to stay just to see him,” She said. “I was going to stay to spend time with you. Plus, I took all of my homework from school with me, my teacher sent the lessons plans with me, so I am set.”<br /><br />“So…when are you going to tell Kris?” I asked.<br /><br />She sighed, drumming her fingers along the counter for a moment while she sucked in her bottom lip before answering. “I don’t know. I’m scared that it’s been to long since we saw each other now.”<br /><br />I rolled my eyes, “Peyton, that’s stupid. He still asks about you, and you guys talk every once in awhile, it’s not like it’s been six months with no contact.” I watched her as she gulped back the rest of her water, wiping her mouth afterwards. “How about you come to the rink once my shift is done and you and Kris can come with Sidney and I for lunch?”<br /><br />She thought about it for a moment, nodding. “I guess that could work.”<br /><br />“I won’t even be here to yell at you to hurry up so you can look extra pretty,” I reminded her.<br /><br />Peyton laughed. “I guess that’s a plus.” She sighed, putting her empty cup into the dishwasher before she headed out of the kitchen, stopping a few feet away from me. “Thank you, Hanna. Not just for letting me stay here, but for everything. For telling me abut hockey so that I could keep up with the rest of you, for forcing me to befriend Max and Jordan, which led to getting to know Kris and-”<br /><br />“Peyton, you don’t have to thank me for all of that,” I interrupted, laughing. “That’s what friends do. You were there for me when Alissa died, I’m here for you and Kris finally smarten up and date. No big deal.”<br /><br />She laughed, “Goodnight Hanna.”<br /><br />“See you tomorrow, Peyton,” I said, tiredly dragging myself into my room.<br /><br />-------------------------------<br /><br />“Do I smell like Mr. Clean?” I asked Sidney as we waited for Peyton and Kris to arrive at the tiny restaurant Sidney and I were already sitting at.<br /><br />“Who’s Mr. Clean?” He asked, seeing the look on my face. “That was a dumb question, wasn’t it?”<br />“It’s the cleaner. You know, the one with the creepy bald headed guy on the front in a white shirt? He winks at you in all of the commercials?” I asked. Sidney gave no response, causing me to shake my head. “You live such a sheltered life.”<br /><br />“You don’t smell like cleaner,” He said, laughing. “You smell like a girl.”<br /><br />“Ew,” I heard someone say from behind me, making me chuckle. “Girls are gross,” Kris joked, sliding in to other side of the booth, Peyton following soon after. “How long have you two been here?” He asked, picking up the two menus on their side and handing one to Peyton with a smile.<br /><br />Sidney checked his watch, “Only a few minutes. Five maybe?” He asked, glancing at me.<br /><br />I shrugged, looking over my menu before looking back up at Kris and Peyton. “So, excited for your game tonight?” I asked, trying to break the silence that had fallen over the table.<br /><br />Kris nodded, “I love playing the Habs. So much energy from them.”<br /><br />“Will Price be in net?” I asked. “He’s a-” I stopped, noticing Sidney’s face. “He’s a goalie,” I finished lamely, making Peyton laugh.<br /><br />“We don’t know who’s going to be in net for them, yet,” Sidney answered. “It’ll probably be Halak, he’s been hot right now.”<br /><br />I laughed, “Yeah he is.”<br /><br />Sidney shook his head, looking over at Peyton. “So, what have you done while you’ve been in town, Peyton?”<br /><br />“Slept,” She answered. “Oh, and Hanna’s mom took me shopping. She bought a scarf. I lost my dignity.”<br /><br />I laughed, “Shopping with my mother is always an adventure,” I told Kris and Sidney. “She’ll try on everything in every store, and then buy something completely useless that she doesn’t need.”<br /><br />“Like a seventy dollar silk scarf with her initials on it,” Peyton said. “I bet she’s already lost it.”<br /><br />“No, she’ll wear it non-stop for a few days and then decide she doesn’t like it. It’s like when she gets a haircut and spends three days talking about how amazing her hair is, and then wakes up on the fourth day and decides she doesn’t like it anymore so she wears a hat for the next two weeks,” I corrected.<br /><br />“Is it just people on the West who do things like that? Because I’m pretty sure my mom never did that,” Sidney said.<br /><br />“Your mom couldn’t go shopping, she had this kid who had to be at hockey practice non-stop,” I reminded him.<br /><br />“My mom does that, too,” Kris said. “She buys things like leg warmers and tries to give them to my sister.”<br /><br />“I’m sure your sister loves that,” Peyton said.<br /><br />Kris nodded, moving his eyes away from the menu to look at Peyton. “She really does. She’s a very odd little girl. She doesn’t like the Jonas Brothers because they’re too mainstream. She listens to Hanson instead.”<br /><br />Sidney and I both burst into laughter while Peyton shook her head, chuckling. “Oh man, Hanson was such an epic part of my life when I was six. I was convinced Taylor was my future husband.”<br /><br />Kris nodded, “Me too.”<br /><br />There was a pause before we all started laughing again, Kris and Peyton falling easily into a discussion of past childhood favourites while Sidney and I merely shook our heads at them.<br /><br />“I don’t think I’ve ever heard Hanson,” Sidney admitted.<br /><br />“What? You’ve probably head ‘MmmBop’ and just don’t know that it’s them,” I said.<br /><br />“Maybe. I’m pretty oblivious to most music, aside form Great Big Sea,” He admitted.<br /><br />“Oh, Sidney, I feel so sorry for your ears right now,” I said, making him roll his eyes. “I’m definitely heading home to make you a mix cd of shitty bands from my childhood for you to listen to on your roadtrip.”<br /><br />“Look at that,” Sidney said, smiling slightly. “You called Pittsburgh home.”<br /><br />I grinned, “Well, it is my home now. Besides, it takes too much time to say ‘Pascal’s basement suite’ and I might as well like the place, right?”<br /><br />He nodded, glancing quickly over at Kris and Peyton as they were still laughing and talking, now discussing S Club 7. “You know that the only girl I’ll be thinking about when I’m gone is you, right? Because I don’t want to leave with you thinking that there’s some chance of me being the guy that some people like to claim I am.”<br /><br />I gave him a small smile. “I know. I mean, I won’t lie, that’s going to be in the back of my head no matter what, because you’re this amazing guy and I’m constantly going to worry that you’ll realize you could do better, but I know you’re not a club goer, or a party guy or any of that.”<br /><br />“Hanna,” Sidney started seriously, making sure Kris and Peyton were still distracted before continuing, “The only thing about me that could be considered amazing are my hockey accomplishments. What’s amazing about you is your spirit, you mind, your everything. I’m not going to leave thinking that there’s any girl, or possibly anything, better than you out there. Do you know how rare it is to find a girl who not only embraces the lifestyle I live, and my career, but also takes the time to get to know me and actually give a shit about what’s happening in my life? While I’m gone, I’m going to be worried that you’ll find some completely normal guy who’s around all the time and realize that’s what you want.”<br /><br />I shook my head, “Sidney, normal guys are boring. I like you more.” <br /><br />He grinned, reaching under the table to grab my hand and give it a small squeeze before he cleared his throat, interrupting Kris and Peyton. “What do you guys think you’ll order?” He asked.<br /><br />Peyton shrugged, looking at the menu once more. “I don’t know. I kind of forgot we were at a restaurant,” She admitted with a laugh.<br /><br />“I do have an ability to make girls forget about where they are,” Kris told her, picking up his menu once more. “It’s a curse, really.”<br /><br />Peyton grinned, looking back down at her own menu with a playful eye roll.<br /><br />“How many babies do you think they’ll have?” Sidney asked me.<br /><br />I laughed, elbowing him. “Hopefully none anytime soon.”<br /><br />“I’m thinking triplets. They can name all three Sidney,” He said.<br /><br />“Yeah, I guess that works if they have three little baby girls,” I replied, trying to keep a straight face as Sidney’s grin fell from his face and he gave me an unimpressed head shake.<br /><br />“Where is our waitress? I am hungry!” Kris groaned, patting his stomach.<br /><br />“She probably forgot where she was and doesn’t know she’s working. Isn’t that the effect you have on females?” Peyton asked, still looking down at her menu and struggling to keep herself from laughing as Kris glared at her.<br /><br />“Does that happen on the ice? You put him out up against Niedermyer or Phillips or someone and they’re stunned by his beauty?” I asked Sidney.<br /><br />“It’s basically the only reason we signed him,” He told me. “He’s super useful on road trips, actually. When all the ladies are chasing after me, I just throw him at them and they’re silenced.”<br /><br />“Silenced and pregnant,” I muttered, earning a laugh from Sidney and Peyton and an embarrassed head scratch from Kris.<br /><br />“Oh, Hanna,” Sidney said, laughing still, “What am I going to do without you?”<br /><br />“I’ll tell you what you’re not going to do, some girl in a glittery pink jersey,” I told him, pointing at him.<br /><br />He nodded, leaning towards me to kiss the top of my head as he glanced back down at his menu and then placed it on the table. “What if she’s in a normal jersey? What if she says she’s my soul mate?”<br /><br />“Sidney!” I yelled, smacking him again as he laughed, making both Peyton and Kris laugh as well.<br /><br />“I won’t do anything that could upset you,” He said, still smiling at me. “I promise.”<br /><br />I nodded, picking up the iced tea the now invisible waitress had brought me earlier and taking a sip of it, desperate to convince myself that the time would fly while he was gone and soon enough, he’d be back, and I’d have no reason to be worried.Mackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08005607416251563909noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6551347663728545830.post-89491078516925500632010-04-16T18:57:00.000-07:002010-04-16T18:58:16.294-07:00Meet The ParentsI let out a yawn as I looked over at the mass amounts of people racing around the airport, frantically trying to find their way to the luggage carousel, or to find their awaiting family members. <br /><br />I was standing about thirty feet away from where the luggage from my parents flight was supposed to be circulating, a cup of steaming coffee in my hand and a weight of fatigue on my shoulders. When my mom had told me that she had chosen the earliest fly in date available, she wasn’t kidding. I had to be up at five am so I could make it to the airport in time for their 6:30am flight, and even though I had become accustomed to waking up relatively early thanks to Kris, five am was just too extreme for my poor brain.<br /><br />My dad was easy to spot in the crowd. His tall build and bright red Snap-On jacket was drastically different from the majority of travellers who were almost all wearing black jackets. My dad didn’t believe in bringing anything more than what could it in a carry-on bag, which I generally agreed with, so he was carrying a large duffel bag with him as he walked beside my mom, who looked as if she could barely walk because of how tired she was. She was whispering something to my dad, probably complaining about how fast he was walking, and didn’t even see me standing less than twenty feet away from the two of them.<br /><br />Peyton was behind them, quite a ways behind. She was yawning as she tried to catch up with them, her usually perfect hair slicked back into a ponytail and no make-up on her face. I spent many hours making fun of Peyton and the amount of make-up and hair products she used, but when I glanced over at her and her bare face and natural hair, it was obvious that she was a beautiful girl even without all of the help. It almost made me less thrilled to see her.<br /><br />“Hanna,” My dad finally greeted, spotting me. He placed his duffel bag down and walked the few feet between us, embracing me in a stiff hug, a gesture that caught me off guard since I wasn’t used to him showing affection in general. He placed both of his hands on my shoulders and looked me over, nodding his face. “You look good. I’m glad. I was worried the change would have worn you down.”<br /><br />I smiled, patting his arm. “I’m fine, dad. I promise.” I turned to look at my mom. “How was the flight?”<br /><br />She smiled tiredly. “Long. I wanted to sleep, but the man behind me kept snoring and I just couldn’t get comfortable.”<br /><br />“Well, I’ll drive you guys to your hotel and you can sleep for awhile,” I told her, moving around her and my dad so I could almost knock Peyton over with a hug. “Peyton, I’ve missed you so much!”<br /><br />Peyton laughed, returning the embrace and almost lifting me off of my feet. “Oh. Hanna. Life at the arena is so dull without you! They hired this new girl, Elisa, and she does not understand how to answer a phone.”<br /><br />I let out a small laugh, offering to take her carry on bag for her as we all watched the luggage belt spit out suitcase after suitcase, trying to spot any of their luggage. I tugged my cell phone out of my pocket to check the time, yawning as I saw that it was nearing seven thirty. Even though their flight had been a mere five minutes late, coming through immigration took a good half hour for them since their flight landed at the same time as a flight from Jamaica. <br /><br />My dad lunged forward suddenly, startling my mom as he had apparently spotted her suitcase: a large, white case with purple polka dots and tiny blue elephants. She had been using it since I was six years old, and I was still embarrassed by it.<br /><br />“What does your luggage thing look like, Peyson?” My dad asked.<br /><br />Peyton sighed, “It’s Peyton, Mr. Ashton,” She told him, shrugging slightly when my dad didn’t seem to care. “It’s black. I attached bright green luggage tags to it and tied a giant yellow bow on the handle so it would stand out more,” She explained.<br /><br />“Oh, I see it,” I said, nudging past the two people in front of us so I could grab her suitcase, apologizing to the couple afterwards as I dragged the giant suitcase over to Peyton. “Is that all of it?” I asked, looking between Peyton and my parents. <br /><br />“That’s it,” My dad said, looking down at his watch. “We should make our way out now, we don’t get caught in all of the traffic.”<br /><br />I glanced at him, “Traffic?” I repeated, almost laughing. “Dad, it’s seven thirty on a Saturday. I doubt there’s a ton of traffic out right now.”<br /><br />“Better sage than sorry, Hanna,” He said, turning and speed walking his way across the airport to try and find the doors that would lead out into the parking lot. <br /><br />I sighed, falling behind a bit with Peyton as my mom scurried off to try and catch my dad. “I’m sorry if my parents were terrible to fly with,” I apologized.<br /><br />“Nah, they were fine. I mean, your dad’s pretty intense, but your mom is so sweet that she makes up for it,” Peyton promised. “The food on the plane, however, I will not forgive the staff for serving that to me. I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to get that taste out of my mouth.”<br /><br />I laughed, sighing as I noticed my dad standing just beside the airport doors with a frown on his face as he watched Peyton and I take our time. “I guess we better hurry up,” I muttered, picking up my walking pace as Peyton and I tried to catch up.<br /><br />---------------------<br /><br />“Wow, sweet digs,” Peyton said as she entered my basement suite, nodding her head as she looked around.<br /><br />“Did you just say sweet digs?” I asked her, frowning. “I almost want to send you back to Vancouver.”<br /><br />Peyton grinned, tugging her suitcase into the room with her and pulling the door shut behind her. “I can’t believe you live here. Not even just here as in this basement, here as in Pittsburgh. I still think that you’re just going to come home soon.”<br /><br />“It’s still weird for me, too,” I told her, heading over to the fridge and pulling out the fruit platter that Pascal’s wife, Maria, had made up for me. The woman was convinced that I didn’t eat enough, so she constantly made me take the leftovers from their dinners, or made up desserts for me. It was a sweet gesture, but since my jeans were starting to fit tighter, I was kind of hoping she’d stop. “I still have mornings where I wake up and wonder where I am,” I admitted. “And don’t even get me started on how weird it is to constantly have players from the Pittsburgh penguins chilling in your living room.”<br /><br />She nodded, grabbing a piece of watermelon from the platter and taking a bite, leaning tiredly against the couch. “I’m so tired. I slept a little on the plane, but your mom kept nudging me to ask if what I thought of Sidney.”<br /><br />I felt my cheeks hit up a bit. “Yeah, she’s really curious about him. I hadn’t even told her that we were together until after Sidney’s agent called her to make travel plans.”<br /><br />“You didn’t tell her?!” Peyton yelled. “Are you kidding me? Hanna, he’s Sidney Crosby. I don’t care if you don’t think of him as just the hockey star, how do you not run around screaming that he’s your man?”<br /><br />I shrugged, chewing on a strawberry. “I don’t know. He doesn’t really talk about it with other people because of how private he is, so I don’t want to make it a big deal, I guess. I mean, people can learn so much about him on the internet already, and I know he tries to keep as much to himself as he can so I don’t really want to give people more of a reason to stalk him.”<br /><br />Peyton shook her head, “Well, I guess that admirable. I’m just saying, your mom is not a crazed Crosby fan, she’s a grown woman who wants what’s best for her little girl, and Sidney is certainly someone she should know about.”<br /><br />I nodded, “I know. I still have days where it’s hard to believe that Sidney Crosby can even remember my name, let alone cares about me. I guess it was more so a way of protecting myself, in case he doesn’t care as much as he lets on or I was insane and we weren’t actually in a relationship.”<br /><br />“You are far too paranoid,” Peyton said, yawning and stretching her arms above her head before she added, “But Sidney’s crazy, too. So, I guess it works.”<br /><br />I smiled, eating a piece of cucumber. “So, there’s a tiny guest room over here,” I told her, leading her past the living room and to the bedroom that was juts big enough for a twin size bed and a nightstand. “I know it’s really small-”<br /><br />“Its fine, Hanna,” Peyton assured me, stepping into the room and sitting down on the edge of the bed. “I appreciate this so much, I really do. One day I will find a way to pay you back for all of these things, I swear.”<br /><br />I shrugged, “Don’t worry about it. I consider you taking time off from school and work to come and make me feel less homesick as payback for me letting you sleep in a room I never use, anyways,” I told her with a smile.<br /><br />Peyton laughed, tugging off the boots she was wearing. “I hope it’s not rude of me to sleep right away, but-”<br /><br />“No, it’s fine,” I told her. “I have to call Sidney and see when he and the other guys are free to head over anyways,” I told her, waving as I stepped out of the room and pulled the door shut behind me.<br /><br />-----------------------------<br />“I’m so nervous,” Sidney admitted, stretching out the collar of his shirt.<br /><br />I smirked at him. “Calm down. My mom is the sweetest person ever. She’ll probably ask what your favourite kind of cake is so she can bake you one. My dad will act like he’s super hard-core, but I can already promise that he’s going to like you. It’ll only be an hour or so, and then we’re off to meet everyone else.”<br /><br />Sidney nodded, still looking unsure. “I’ve never met a girl’s parents before.”<br /><br />I was surprised, leaning away from him. “You’ve never met the parents? But, you told me you’ve had a semi-serious girlfriend before.”<br /><br />He sighed, still tugging at the button down, red shirt he was wearing. “Yeah, but she didn’t care about any of this. She was just with me because of the status. And I knew that, but I thought I was okay with it because it made me feel less lonely.”<br /><br />I frowned, placing a hand on Sidney’s shoulder. “Well, don’t be so nervous. Come on, you’ve played in how many playoff games and in the Olympics and you’re worried about what two people might think of you?”<br /><br />“Two important people,” He corrected. “Should I tuck my shirt in?”<br /><br />“Why, are you thirty-five and desperate?” I asked.<br /><br />He sighed, “Are your parents like you?” He asked. “Because if they are, I don’t know if I can handle it.”<br /><br />I laughed, letting my hand fall from his shoulder so I could take a hold of his hand and give it a squeeze. “Don’t worry. I’ll be right beside you, and if my dad gets too intense, I’ll tell him to stop.”<br /><br />Sidney nodded, letting out a deep breath. “Yeah, I can do this. I can make really awkward conversation for an hour, charm your parents and still attempt to eat something.” He frowned, “Hanna, I don’t think I can do this.”<br /><br />“Wow, no wonder people call you a whiner,” I teased, letting go of his hand so I could grab my cardigan from the counter and slide it on. “You’ll be fine, Sidney. You’re one of the most likeable people I have ever met, I promise my parents will like you. And even if they don’t, I still will.”<br /><br />He sighed, rubbing his face before he nodded. “Okay. I think I’m ready.” He followed me out the door and out to his car, to nervous to do his usual charming gesture of opening the door for me.<br /><br />“So, my dad is super hardcore,” I told Sidney as he backed out of the driveway and started drive in the direction of the restaurant my parents were meeting us at. “He was in the army for seven years, working as an artillery soldier and sometimes as a sniper,” I explained. “So he’s kind of… intense, for lack of a better word,” I continued. “He has a really hard time saying how he feels. I actually have a hard time remembering the last time he said he loved me, even though I know he does,” I told him.<br /><br />Sidney didn’t say anything, probably because of how nervous he was.<br /><br />“My mom was a nurse for most of her life. She’s the most compassionate woman I’ve ever met, the complete opposite of my dad. She has to touch your arm when she talks to you, and she’s crazy about keeping eye contact when she talks to you, so just a heads up. My dad will ask you about your finances, your education, your view on the army, the last book you read and, maybe, who your favourite team growing up was. Have a good reason for why it was the Habs, my dad hates them,” I instructed, seeing Sidney nod from the corner of my eye. “My mom will ask about your family, your childhood, how your stress level is and, maybe, how we met.”<br /><br />Sidney let out a long rush of air, nodding his head. “I will try to remember all of that.” He took a few deep breaths as he parked his car in front of the restaurant, turning the car off and pulling his keys out before he turned to look at me nervously. “I might throw up.”<br /><br />I laughed, “Sidney, calm down. It’ll be fine, okay? You can handle this.”<br /><br /><br />The walk into the restaurant felt much longer than it was. You had to walk up a flight of stairs before you reached the inside door , and my parents were sitting at the far end of the restaurant, my mom sipping on a glass of water while my dad stirred his Caesar, looking around at all of the people sitting around them.<br /><br />Sidney was standing completely still next to me, and I had to give him a nudge before he loosened up enough to take a few steps. I could hear him taking deep breaths as I led him over to my parents, smiling sweetly at them as I slid into the booth, Sidney sliding in beside me. “Mom, dad,” I greeted, “This is Sidney.”<br /><br />My dad held out his hand, looking Sidney straight in the eye. “Nice to meet you, son. You can call me John,” He said.<br /><br />Sidney accepted my dad’s hand, wincing from the strength of my dad’s grip. “It’s great to meet you, sir.”<br /><br />My mom was almost bouncing beside my dad, biting her lip as she watched my dad and Sidney for a moment. Once my dad had let go of Sidney’s hand, my mom extended hers, grabbing Sidney’s hand and holding it in between both of her hands. “It’s so nice to meet you. Do you prefer Sidney or Sid?”<br /><br />Sidney forced a smile. “Doesn’t matter, whichever you prefer.”<br /><br />“Well then, Sidney,” She said, smiling, “I am so happy to finally meet you. You must be a pretty special guy if Hanna was willing to move to Pittsburgh for you.”<br /><br />I felt my entire face heat up. “Mom, Sidney and I weren’t even together then. I came here to try and figure my life out.”<br /><br />My mom winked at me, “Sure you did, sweetie.” She finally let go of Sidney’s hands. “So, Sidney, tell me, how is your relationship with your mother?”<br /><br />Sidney seemed surprised by the question, and I almost started laughing from the obvious look on his face. “Uhm, I get along with her pretty well. She’s very judgemental of me, but I know that she does that because she cares. She sacrificed a lot for me, so I’m always grateful for her,” He answered, nodding.<br /><br />My mom seemed satisfied with the answer, taking another drink of her water. “That’s good.”<br /><br />“I know your money situation is good, seeing as your in the NHL,” my dad began, pausing to take a drink of his Caesar. I knew that he was only allowing the pause to try and freak Sidney out even more, and by the gulp Sidney made, it was working. “What I want to know is, what do you use your money for? And don’t bullshit me, if you spend it on shit like expensive cars and golden statues of Star Wars characters just tell me.”<br /><br />Sidney’s eyes widened a bit and he took in a deep breath before he answered. “I honestly don’t spend a lot of money. I rent a car out here, an SUV, actually for my hockey equipment, and I own a Lexus, which is pretty pricey, but that’s about the only drastic thing I’ve bought. I have my own house in Nova Scotia, but I save the majority of my money. I know I’m young, but I’m already thinking about how I need to be able to support my family, and I don’t want to rush out and waste my money. Hockey isn’t a forever career, and I know that most people don’t have the luxury of making this much money. The last thing I’d want to do is waste it with hasty purchases.”<br /><br />My dad eyed for him a moment before he nodded, a teeny hint of a half smile on his face as he raised his glass and took another sip before pointed at the menus sitting in front of us. “You two should order.”<br /><br />Sidney sent me a confused look which I answered with a smile, picking up my menu and leaning over a bit so I could whisper, “That means he likes you so far.”<br /><br />Sidney let out a long breath of air and nodded, looking over his own menu.Mackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08005607416251563909noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6551347663728545830.post-77220394622442739942010-04-09T15:07:00.000-07:002010-04-09T15:08:04.624-07:00MeetingsI blew my bangs away from my forehead as I loaded the last of the dishes into the dishwasher before untying my apron and heading into the back room.<br /><br />It had been a long night, or at least it seemed like it had been. There had been two suites filled for a business party, where only two of the employees even paid attention to the game while the rest of the company had chugged back their last two paycheques and asked me if Jagr was still in town. <br /><br />The only thing that made me feel a tad bit more at ease was that Lisa was with me, and she was used to dealing with macho men in suites who had booked the suites for the image side of it as opposed to the love of the sport. She laughed at their inappropriate jokes, smiled when openly stared at her and pretended that she didn’t know anything about the sport, either. During the night, I had been calling her names in my head. But when she was left almost three hundred dollars in tips, whereas I had a measly ninety-two dollars in comparison, I understood why she had played that card.<br /><br />“Doesn’t make it you feel…I don’t know, degraded, or like a sell-out, maybe?” I asked her as we both washed up for the night.<br /><br />Lisa sighed, brushing her hair. “It did at first. Obviously I don’t want to be some air-head waitress, but if that’s what gets me the tips from those guys, so be it. When you deal with a group of younger kids, like 18 and under, you make sure to tell them that you know Crosby. They’ll eat out of the palm of your hand if you tell them that, even if you don’t know him.”<br /><br />I frowned, pulling my hair out of it’s elastic and running my fingers through it. “You’ve never met Sidney?”<br /><br />Lisa shook her head. “No. I’ve only taken up Michael’s offer of letting us go downstairs to watch from the back area once, and Crosby was sick.”<br /><br />I laughed, “So he was up in the suite area the night that you weren’t?” She nodded. “That’s shitty.”<br /><br />Lisa laughed, “I know. My brother is the biggest Penguins fan alive. It’s the main reason that I got this job, was for the chance to score any leftover tickets and to maybe get on Michael’s good side so he’d let me go down and meet the team. But, you know, now the arena sells out almost every game, and I’m always so tired by the end of my shift I don’t even think about heading down to get Shawn an autograph.”<br /><br />I listened, nodding my head a bit as I zipped up my hoodie. “How old is your brother?” I asked her, grabbing my purse from my locker.<br /><br />Lisa tugged a sweater over her head before answering. “He’s twleve. I know, almost half my age. My mom re-married when I was eight.”<br /><br />I held up both of my hands, “Hey, I’m not judging, I was just asking.”<br /><br />She laughed, “I know. I always feel obligated to offer an explanation, though,” She told me.<br /><br />I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket, signalling a text. I quickly checked it, seeing that Sidney was asking where I was. “Is your brother here?” I asked her, starting to text Sidney back. <br /><br />“No. He’s at his house,” She answered, yawning. “Which is about ten minutes from here.”<br /><br />I nodded, texting Sidney and waiting for a reply before I looked back up at Lisa. “Hey, would you mind walking with me to my car?” I asked her. “I get freaked out walking alone.”<br /><br />Lisa smirked at me, grabbing her purse. “Okay, if you’re really that scared. Baby,” She joked, waiting for me before we headed out.<br /><br />“So, what made you move out here to Pittsburgh?” Lisa asked me as we stepped into the elevators that would take us to the bottom parking lot. “You’re from somewhere up north, right?” She asked with a small smile.<br /><br />I nodded. “Yes, I am from the native land of Canada,” I replied. “It was actually my boyfriend who talked me into it. Well, his friends and him. Even though he wasn’t my boyfriend when I first got here.” I glanced over at Lisa, who was staring back at me with a completely confused look on her face. “It’s a long story.”<br /><br />I stepped out of the elevator, heading out into the parking lot with Lisa next to me, looking around for where I knew Sidney would be waiting. Lisa spotted him first, pausing in her step for a moment and blinking a few times. “Holy shit, it’s Crosby.”<br /><br />I grinned over at Sidney who smiled back at Lisa, walking over to where the two of us were. “Hi. Hanna said you have a brother I need to meet?”<br /><br />Lisa stared at him for a moment before she glanced over at me, noticing the sheepish grin on my face. “Your boyfriend is Sidney Crosby?”<br /><br />I shrugged, “I don’t know how it happened.”<br /><br />Sidney laughed, extending a hand. “I’m Sid. I’m sorry we haven’t met before,” He told her.<br />Lisa shook his hand, “I…yeah. That’s…you’re…you’re a lot bigger than I thought you’d be.”<br /><br />He grinned, “Yeah, it’s hard to look even average height when you’ve got Staalsy next to you.”<br /><br />Lisa nodded, shaking her head a little bit before she took in a deep breath. “So…my dad’s house?”<br /><br />I laughed, telling Lisa that we’d follow behind her car before Sidney and I hopped into my car. I buckled in my seatbelt and turned to look at him as he yawned, letting his head fall back against the head rest. “I’m sorry if you’re tired. You could have told me, Lisa didn’t know that you and I had even met.”<br /><br />Sidney shook his head. “No, it’s fine. I try to meet everyone who works in the arena, so I was kind of bummed that I hadn’t met her before.”<br /><br />I nodded, backing out of my parking space and following behind Lisa’s car as she drove off towards her dad’s house. I glanced over at Sidney, noticing the way that he was staring out the window tiredly, the lights of passing cars and driven past traffic lights reflecting against his dark eyes as he watched the scenery speed by. His eyes were glistening with fatigue, and I could see the struggle he was having to keep his eyelids from remaining shut with each blink. I looked back at the road, waiting until we arrived at a red light to turn to Sidney, noticing that he had let his head fall to rest against the window. “Ten minutes at the most, okay?” I said, causing him to look at me. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked you to do this, you’re so tired.”<br /><br />Sidney sat straight up, shaking his head again and giving his eyes a rub. “It’s fine. If Lisa’s a friend of yours, then I’m more than willing to meet her brother.” I glanced away from him, making a bit of a face as I checked to make sure the light hadn’t changed yet. Sidney narrowed his eyes at me. “She’s not a friend?”<br /><br />I gave him a small smile, “Not yet. She could be, though. I mean, I work with her all the time.”<br /><br />Sidney laughed, “I swear, you and Staalsy are going to be the reason I throw myself off a building one day,” He mumbled, letting his head fall against the window again as the light changed and I started driving once more before he added, “Or join figure skating. I hear the people are nicer there.”<br /><br /><br />“You heard wrong. Remember that Russian figure skater who was all about his quads?” I asked.<br /><br />Sidney made a face, “Did he have nice quads or something?”<br /><br />I laughed, “Not the body part. He was the only male skater that could do a quadruple axel or something.”<br /><br />Sidney shook his head, “Whatever, I bet he wouldn’t lie to me.”<br /><br />I shook my head, letting out a small chuckle as I continued driving.<br /><br />Lisa’s mom and step dad lived in a surprisingly large house, with a tiny front yard but a giant garage, probably for his collection of sports cars or tools or…something else that’s expensive. Sidney and I both had to take a moment to stare up at the giant brick house in shock before we noticed Lisa waiting for us at the front door, an amused smirk on her face as she opened up the door. “I’m just warning you, my step-dad is a macho manly man, but he will probably cry when he sees Sidney Crosby,” She warned us, stepping into the house.<br /><br />Sidney took off his shoes, waiting for me to take off my own before we followed Lisa through the large front foyer and into the kitchen, was almost the same size as my entire basement suite. “Dad?” Lisa called, signalling for Sidney and I to wait just around the corner as we heard her dad call back. “Is Shawn still awake?” She asked, walking further into the kitchen and disappearing from our view.<br /><br />Sidney yawned, leaning against the wall and making me frown. “I’m so sorry, Sidney.”<br /><br />He laughed, reaching an arm out to pull me closer to him. “Stop apologizing to me, it’s fine,” he told me, leaning down to kiss the top of my head.<br /><br />“Actually,” I heard Lisa begin, walking back over to Sidney and I. “I brought someone over, I hope that’s okay.” She grinned at the two of us, waving us forward. <br /><br />I stepped out first, smiling at her dad, a tall man with greying hair and an aged face that seemed to hold stories in each fallen line that rested around his eyes. He smiled to me, extending a hand. “Marshall.”<br /><br />I was surprised by the greeting, accepting his hand and almost wincing at the force of the handshake. “Hanna. Hi.” I said back, removing my hand and sending a terrified glance back at Sidney who had his mouth covered to try and hide the amusement he clearly saw in that exchange.<br /><br />“And this is my brother, Shawn,” Lisa said, placing both of her hands on the shoulders of the small, blonde boy in front of her. He looked almost nothing like Lisa, with white blonde, curly hair and big green eyes. He smiled up at me shyly, his cheeks tinged pink with embarrassment.<br /><br />“I hear you’re a big Penguins fan,” I said to Shawn, earning a vigorous nod from him. “Who’s your favourite player?” I asked.<br /><br />Shawn cleared his throat. “Sidney Crosby. He’s the best player alive.”<br /><br />I glanced back at Sidney over my shoulder with a grin. “Have you ever met him?<br /><br />Shawn laughed a little bit, reaching up and scratching just behind his ear. “No. I passed him at the mall once, but I didn’t bother him. Plus, I was with my cousin, and he’s a Red Wings fan, so I didn’t want him to say anything.”<br /><br />I nodded, looking up at Lisa. “Well…do you want to meet him?”<br /><br />Shawn’s eyes grew wide as he stared up at me. “Do you know him?”<br /><br />I laughed, nodding my head and turning to look at Sidney. He stepped into the kitchen, smiling down at Shawn, who looked like he was about to fall over, as did Marshall. “Hi. I’m sorry we didn’t meet sooner,” He said kindly, holding out a hand to Marshall. “It’s nice to meet you, sir.”<br /><br />I took a couple of steps back, watching as Sidney talked to Lisa’s brother and her step dad, the way he’d laugh at Marshall’s attempts at humour, how he listened to Shawn describe the way he had looked on the ice during tonight’s game and how he more than happily obliged to sign autographs, even waiting for Shawn to race upstairs and grab his Crosby jersey.<br /><br />Five minutes before, he was almost falling asleep from the fatigue weighing down his body, and now he was using all of his leftover energy to converse with a couple of fans, hiding his tiredness from them.<br /><br />I could only shake my head in disbelief at him. The more I got to see of Sidney, the more I could hardly believe that he was even real.<br /><br />---------------------------------<br /><br />“Next week?” I repeated, grabbing a marker and walking over to my calendar.<br /><br />“Yes. Is that too soon, or is it a bad time?” My mom asked from the other end of the phone.<br /><br />“No, it’s fine. I’m just surprised you and dad want to come out so soon, that’s all,” I explained, scribbling down a reminder. “Have you already booked your flight?”<br /><br />“Everything’s already taken care of. Sidney’s agent called with a list of weekends that he knew worked for the team and we agreed to the earliest one,” She told me. “I don’t know where you found that boy, Hanna, but don’t you let him get away,”<br /><br />I felt my face heat up again and was thankful that she couldn’t see me. “Yeah, I don’t know how I managed to get him, either.” I said back to her. “Is Peyton coming with you?”<br /><br />“She’s hoping too,” My mom answered. “Listen sweetie, I have to get going. I told your dad I’d make lasagne for dinner, but I don’t have the noodles so I have to go out and buy them before he gets home.”<br /><br />I laughed, “Okay, mom. Call me the day before you guys are supposed to leave so we can sort everything out, alright?”<br /><br />She agreed, saying bye to me before she hung up. I tossed the phone over to my bed, walking out into the living room and sitting down on the couch, flicking on the TV and heading over to the sports channel so I could check the hockey scores from the night. The Playoffs were coming up in a few weeks, and even though the Penguins were almost guaranteed a spot, I still felt the need to check out the other teams. With New Jersey three points ahead and Buffalo tied with Pittsburgh, I was growing concerned. Sidney continued to tell me not to worry, but that was almost impossible.<br /><br />I let out a long sigh as I muted the TV so that I wouldn’t have to listen to the basketball highlights, and watched the bottom of the screen to see the NHL scores. I made sure to throw an arm up in celebration upon seeing that the Canucks had won their third straight, meaning that they had taken over the North West division title, but felt my face fall when I saw that Buffalo had won their game, meaning that hopped over the Penguins for third in the Eastern division, overall.<br /><br />It wasn’t until they began talking about upcoming games that I was reminded of the fact that the boys would be heading off on a six game road trip. Sidney had mentioned it to me, but for some reason, the thought of how many times a season he’d be off and away hadn’t occurred to me. I looked over the dates, noticing that the day after my parent’s would head back home, he’d be leaving for his road trip. <br /><br />I probably would have fallen into some form a depression mode if there hadn’t been a knock at my downstairs door, meaning that someone from upstairs wanted to talk to me. I pushed myself up off of the couch and headed over to the door, pulling it open to find Pascal grinning back at me with a chocolate cheesecake in his hands. “My wife wants you to have this,” He told me.<br /><br />I laughed, taking the cheesecake from him. “Thank you.” I saw him trying to peer around me and grinned, “Do you want to come in? I guess you haven’t seen the finished product of the basement.”<br /><br />He nodded, stepping into the room and looking around. “What happened to the green?”<br /><br />“Oh, right. I painted over that,” I told him, shrugging when he gasped at me. “Sorry, man, but I’m not colour blind, so I couldn’t handle looking at it,” I explained.<br /><br />Pascal shook his head, walking through the living room and looking at the kitchen before he nodded. “I approve. I’m still upset that you got rid of the glorious green paint I had lovingly covered these walls in, but other than that, good job.”<br /><br />I shook my head, walking into the kitchen and setting the cheesecake down on the counter. “So, getting rid for your roadtrip?”<br /><br />He nodded. “I am. How are you feeling about that? First time having your boyfriend head off without you.”<br /><br />“I hadn’t thought about it until it was brought up tonight on ESPN, honestly,” I admitted.<br /><br />He chuckled. “You have nothing to worry about. Sid hardly leaves his hotel room and he’s already wrapped around your finger. He’ll probably drive you crazy with his text messages and phone calls.”<br /><br />I smiled, “I hope so.”<br /><br />“You don’t need to hope,” Pascal said, “I know he’ll do that.” He began to make his way back out of the kitchen. “You know, while I’m gone and Sidney’s gone, you and Maria should have dinner together. She’ll be upstairs alone and you’ll be alone down here anyway. She’s a good cook, too.”<br /><br />I nodded walking with him over to the door once more. “Yeah, I guess I could do that,” I agreed. “I’m sure I’ll need to distraction.”<br /><br />Pascal frowned, looking at me. “Hanna, you don’t need to worry about Sidney.”<br /><br />“I’m not worried he’ll do anything,” I explained, “I’m just worried about how much I’m going to miss him.”<br /><br />Pascal grinned, “Aww, that’s cute. It’s only nine days, Hanna. Just over a week, and then he’s back and he’ll be skipping practices to buy you lunch again.”<br /><br />“Six games in nine days?” I asked.<br /><br />He made a face. “Right. I must be wrong about that. Well, he’ll be back soon enough. And he hasn’t left yet, so stop worrying.”<br /><br />I nodded, thanking him for the cheesecake once more before I shut the door behind him as he headed back upstairs.<br /><br />I turned back around to see the TV showing an interview with Sidney from right after the game and almost broke a leg jumping over my couch so I could unmute the TV in time. Sidney was laughing at whatever had just been said, wiping his face off with a towel as he nodded. “Yeah, I have a lot of pretty crazy routines, I’ll admit it. They haven’t been as bad lately, though. I’ve actually skipped a couple of them.”<br /><br />“Any reason for that?” The interviewer asked him.<br /><br />Sidney raised his eyebrows, pressing his lips together as he tilted his head to the side for a second before he looked into the camera and answered. “I’ve got a different kind of luck with me now. One that makes me see that it’s not about routines, it’s about believing in yourself. And as long as I’ve got that beside me, I don’t need to walk into the arena a certain way.”<br /><br />I didn’t have to try and figure out what Sidney was so vaguely referring to. The way he gave a small wink at the camera just after he thanked the interviewer was enough to let me know that he was well aware of the fact that I’d be watching that interview a few hours later. I smiled at the TV for a few minutes before I let out a long sigh. <br /><br />I was going to miss him.Mackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08005607416251563909noreply@blogger.com5