Birthdays

I looked myself over in my bedroom mirror, brushing a few pieces of hair away from my face and tugging on one of the curls with a small sigh.

It didn’t matter how many times I looked at myself in the mirror, I didn’t look a day older. I felt like I had lived so much life in the last six months or so, and yet it didn’t even show on my face. Maybe that was a good thing, after all, women are always going to extreme lengths to try and hide their age, maybe this was a blessing of some sort?

“You ready?” Sidney asked me from just outside of my bedroom door, causing me to turn and glance at him as he leaned against the doorframe.

I glanced back at myself in the mirror once more before shrugging and turning back around to look at him. “I guess so.”

Sidney laughed. “I’ve never seen anyone look as unimpressed as you do about leaving for your birthday party.”

I smiled, walking out of my room and towards the front door with Sidney following close behind. “It doesn’t feel like my birthday,” I tried to explain, letting him step out the door first so I could lock up. “It’s kind of sad, actually. I’ll be here with everyone tonight, and then two days from now, I’m on a plane to Vancouver and won’t see any of you for almost a month.”

Sidney placed an arm around my shoulders as we headed out to his car. “Worry about that in two days. It’s your birthday, stop being so sad and try to enjoy yourself.”

I nodded, thanking him as he held the passenger door open for me so I could get in.

-------------------------------

“Hanna!” Caity yelled, almost tackling me the second I set foot in Kris’ house, “Your dress is so pretty.”

I smiled, trying to move a step back from her in unnoticeable fashion. “Thanks, so is yours.”

She grinned, grabbing my arm and dragging me through the entry way and living room. “The rest of the girls are over here,” she explained with a small smile, letting go of my arm as soon as the rest of the girlfriends were in view. “You leave tomorrow?”

I shook my head, waving to Vero and Jordan’s girlfriend, Tanya. “No, I leave Wednesday,” I corrected. “It’s an early morning flight, though, so tomorrow’s my last day before I leave.”

Caity nodded, placing a hand on my shoulder. “I’m sure Sid will try and fly out and see you while you’re gone. I mean, a whole month? The poor boy will probably lose his mind.”

I laughed. “I’m sure Sidney will have bigger things to worry about then missing me, but thanks.”

Caity became distracted with the food table, allowing me to sneak away from her and over towards Vero and Tanya, earning a grin from both of them. “Happy birthday, Miss Hanna!” Tanya greeted, handing me a small glass of some kind of pink and bubbly drink.

I accepted the glass, eyeing it a bit. “Thanks. What is this?”

“Strawberry champagne,” Vero answered, taking a tiny sip from her own glass. “You seem unsure.”

I smiled, setting the flute glass down on the table. “Yeah, I’m not a big fan of champagne.”

“But it’s your 21st birthday and you’re in America! You have to drink some kind of alcohol, I mean, come on!” Tanya reminded me.

I let out a small laugh “Maybe I’ll grab a cooler or something. I don’t know, I’m not that crazy about alcoholic beverages, especially if I can taste the alcohol part.”

“You are a confusing creature, Hanna,” Tanya joked, picking up a bit sized pizza and popping it into her mouth.

A soft sigh escaped my lips as I glanced around at Kris’ house. It wasn’t too packed, since Sidney had a large part in planning the party and he knew I wasn’t too fond of excessive crowds. Peyton was flying in tomorrow so I could show her how everything in my suite worked before I had to leave the next morning, and I was pretty disappointed that my 21st birthday had to be celebrated without her, but Kris and Sidney had made sure to invite the other players that I got along with and any of the other girlfriends, or just females in general, that I liked. I knew that the main point of the part was to try and distract me from the fact that I was leaving in a day and a half and couldn’t see any of them for almost a month, but it wasn’t working so well.

“Hanna!” Max yelled, lifting me up and spinning me around so fast that I wasn’t even aware of what was happening until he had already set me back down. “Happy birthday!”

I had to lean back against the counter, dizzy from the sudden movement. “Thanks. I feel like I haven’t seen you in a really long time.”

Max shrugged, reaching behind me to grab one of the bite sized pizza bagels and chewing on it for a moment before answering. “I ruined my couch.”

I felt a small smirk forming on my face. “You…you ruined your couch?” He nodded, looking down at the floor. “How did you do that?”

Max sighed, “Why do you need to know that?” He rubbed his face a little bit. “Well, my brothers came to visit, and we started talking about this game we played when we were little-”

“Please tell me it didn’t involve you being naked. If this story involves me picturing the Talbot’s naked, I don’t even want to know!” I interrupted.

Max stared at me for a moment before giving his head a small shake, “Why do you always assume that I’m naked in my stories?”

“Because all of the ones you tell me involve you being naked,” I reminded him.

He laughed, looking up at the ceiling a bit as he chuckled, “Oh, yeah. Those are usually the best ones,” he mumbled. “Anyways, I wasn’t naked. We used to play this game where we’d pretend that the floor was covered in lava, so you couldn’t walk on it and we’d jump across from one couch to the other, did you play that?” He asked, not even waiting to see if I replied before carrying on, “Well, Frank and I decided to see if we were still as good at jumping across the living room and onto the other couch.” He rubbed the back of his neck, giving me a half grin. “That was a bad idea. Two incredibly manly men both trying their best to ninja their way onto a couch?”

I laughed, “Don’t you have two brothers?”

“Yeah, David said he didn’t play those games anymore. He just watched while we snapped the back off of my couch,” He explained.

“Ah, now it all makes sense. You haven’t been around lately because you broke your couch,” I said.

Max smirked at me, taking a step back. “No, I haven’t been around because you’re usually fuc-”

“There you two are,” Sidney interrupted, shooting Max a warning look before he turned to smile at me, handing me a cooler. “I know you don’t like champagne or beer, so I made Kris go buy some coolers. I had to grab you one before Billy drank them all.”

I almost snorted, “Bill Guerin is a fan of coolers?”

Sidney shrugged, “I guess every man reaches a point where all he wants is fruity goodness.”

Max and I exchanged a look before I smiled, patting Sidney’s arm. “I’m not even going to say the comment that’s in my head right now.”

“And I appreciate that so much,” Sidney assured me, glancing behind me at Vero and Tanya. “I guess I’ll leave you to your girl talk.”

“She was talking to me,” Max corrected.

Sidney glanced at him over his shoulder. “I know,” he said, turning back to me with a small grin. “I’ll come find you later,” he said to me, giving my shoulder a small squeeze before he turned and headed off.

Max was frowning, watching Sidney as he walked off before he looked back at me. “That boy needs to learn some manners, Hanna. Be careful with him. One day he loves you,” he paused, pretending to well up with tears, “and then the next, he insults you in front of all of your friends.”

“Awww, Max,” I cooed, placing a hand n his shoulder and looking up at him, “we’re not friends.”

He smacked my hand away from him, making me laugh, “I hate you! I hope…I hope that when you try to blow out your candles, your dignity catches fire.”

I glanced behind me at Tanya and Vero, both of whom looked just as confused as I was, and nodded. “Good insult. It really hurt my pride.”

Max grinned, “Did it? I’ve been trying to work on my mean remarks, because, let’s be honest, I need to be good at something on the ice.”

I nodded, the two of us standing there in silence for a moment before I simply turned around to face Vero and Tanya again. “So, what’s new with you ladies?”

“Oh, I see how it is,” Max muttered behind me, disappearing off into the crowd.

Tanya shrugged. “Not too much. Just trying to deal with Jordan and his crazy stress about the playoffs, especially now that round two is about to start.”

Vero nodded, “Yes, the preparation for the playoffs is never fun. How is Sid handling it?”

I sighed, “Okay, I guess. He doesn’t talk about it too much because he doesn’t want me to worry about him while I’m gone with my family, but I can see the stress he’s under. I mean, especially with the push to be repeating cup champs, I can see that it’s weighing down on him, but he doesn’t want to talk about it, and I don’t want to push him,” I answered.

Vero nodded. “He’s just too considerate sometimes, that Sid.”

I laughed, “Yeah, I guess if there’s one downfall to him, that’s it. He’s just too caring.”

Tanya took a sip of her champagne, reminding me of the cooler Sidney had brought over to me and prompting me to open it, earning a nod of approval from Tanya. “So, what are your plans once the party is over?” She asked.

“Probably sleeping. Peyton’s flight arrives early tomorrow morning and I’ll have to go pick her up,” I answered.

“Wow, that sounds fun,” Tanya joked. “At least you’ll get to see her before you leave. And it’s right after your birthday, so you could just count it as birthday celebration. That means she has to pay for everything,” she pointed out.

I grinned at her, letting out a sigh. “This whole family thing is so horribly timed,” I admitted. “I’m leaving the day after my best friend flies in, and right before the next round starts. I should have never agreed to go.”

Vero gave me a sympathetic smile. “I’m sure that there’s a reason for why you need to go, Hanna. I mean, I have no doubts that this will be a very important trip for you.”

I rolled my eyes, “I know, everyone keeps telling me that. If you’re not right, I’ll probably take up drinking. Just a heads up.”

“Yeah, the girl who’s had one sip of her cooler will become an alcoholic,” Tanya said. “Way to be real, Hanna.”

----------------------------------------

After an incredibly confusing morning at the airport, which involved me being on the opposite side of the airport from where Peyton was arriving, and three coffee stops, Peyton and I were finally able to collapse in my living room.

“I forgot how adorable your place was,” she commented, stretching herself out across the couch.

I smiled, sinking into the armchair next to her. “Yeah, it’s basically fantastic. No big deal or anything.” I sighed, both of us taking a moment to relax before I spoke again. “I’m sorry about the timing. I feel awful about you flying out here so I could spend one day with you.”

Peyton shrugged, “It’s okay. You need to go and at least talk to Cameron, even if he’s a total asshole. Besides, I’m here all summer, so I’ll still be here when you get back.”

I smiled, “I know. I still feel bad, though. I’ve missed you.”

“I am a very miss-able person,” she joked.

She stared up at my ceiling for a few moments while I sunk back into the chair a little more, both of becoming lost in our thoughts. I wasn’t sure what Peyton was thinking about, exactly, but the way that her mouth had puckered in and her brow had furrowed down I was assuming that it was some sort of concern that she just wasn’t ready to share me with, yet.

I was still trying to convince myself that leaving for almost a full month to go off and be miserable with my family would be a step in the right direction. I could see that it had the potential to be. I mean, I did have to, eventually, face my brother again, and there was a part of me that was trying to be optimistic and believe that the news of his first born had caused him to step back, evaluate his life and make an earnest effort to grow up. But at the same time, I could just imagine the distress of it all. I could see Cameron and I screaming at each other, him still blaming me for Alissa’s death and me finally lashing out with the years of built up and withheld resentment. I could see my dad’s reserved nature grating on my nerves because he wouldn’t step in and try to fight for me, even of he knew I was right. I knew my mom’s constant optimism would make me want to pull every hair out of my head, and I knew that I would spend almost every waking second missing not only Sidney, but Peyton, Vero, Tanya, Jordan, Max and the feel of being in Mellon arena while the Penguins played a playoff game.

The more I thought about it, the less I wanted to go.

“I have to ask you something,” Peyton finally said, sitting up and looking at me with a seriousness in her eyes that concerned me.

I nodded, pulling my legs up into the chair so that I could cross them beneath me, “Sure, what’s up?”

She sighed, “I know that this is probably going to piss you off, and I want you know that I’m not saying to try and cause any kind of strain or trouble, okay?” She waited for me to nod my head in understanding before beginning. “I’m worried about you and Sidney.”

I almost groaned. “Peyton, I know that it’s still hard to accept that I changed my views and Sidney and I are having sex-”

“It’s not just about the sex,” she said, interrupting me. “Hanna, you’re basing your entire life around him. I love Sidney, and I really do think he’s good for you, but your becoming so dependant on him that I’m concerned.”

“I’m dependant on him?” I repeated, almost scoffing. “I don’t know if you remember this, but I’m leaving tomorrow for almost a month, and I have a job that he has nothing to do with. I don’t even see him on days when I work with the morning shift, which is almost always, and he has a game.”

“Hanna, I know you, and I know that you are sitting there trying to convince yourself that going to see your family will make you so miserable that you shouldn’t even go, and that you can’t miss seeing Sidney play hockey,” she said, staring at me. “That’s what you’re thinking, isn’t it?”

“So, what are you telling me? That I should break up with Sidney?”

Peyton sighed, rubbing her forehead. “No, I’m telling you that I’m worried. I don’t want you to give everything you have to Sidney.”

“Why not? I’m in love with him,” I shot back.

Peyton looked at me in silence for what felt like hours, trying to decide how she wanted to respond to my reminder. “Are you going to marry Sid?”

I was caught off guard by the question, just as I had been when Vero had asked me a couple of weeks back. “I don’t know yet, it’s only been a few months.”

“Why would you give up everything, and give everything you have, to a guy that you’re not even sure you want to marry, Hanna?” She asked. “You’re debating calling your mom and cancelling this whole trip just so that you can stay here and watch the Playoffs with him. I know you’re scared about Cameron, but I also know that you’re digging for excuses to try and justify cutting your family out to make more room for Sidney.” She waited for me to reply, but when she saw that I couldn’t find any words, she sighed. “I’m not trying to make you doubt what you have with Sidney,” she said quietly, “but I want you to be careful. You get attached to people so easily, and I think that Sidney’s a great guy for you, but I’m scared that if this doesn’t work out, you’ll have nothing left,” she explained. “I don’t want you to go back to where you were when Alissa died,” she added softly.

I finally met her eyes again, trying to sort through all of the words and thoughts in my head. “Peyton….”

She nodded, “I know. You need time to think,” she said. “Listen, just…don’t give up this family visit, okay? Sidney will be waiting when you get back, you know that, and you need a break from him. You really, really need this, Hanna. Please believe that.”

I couldn’t reply, choking on the words that I should have said back. The sound of the doorbell ringing caused both of us to jump, me wincing and glancing at Peyton. “I’m sorry-”

She smiled, “It’s okay. I didn’t say to ignore him. If that’s Sidney, invite him in, make small talk with me and spend your last day with him having fun. Just, don’t give up on the family.”

I nodded, taking a deep sigh to try and shake the conversation from my head before I got up to answer the door.