Moments

Hey guys! So, I'm just letting you know that, if I write this out as it is in my head, there's only two parts after this. But, as I said on Mibba, if you have a suggestion for who I should write about next, leave a comment and let me know! I'm not 100% positive that I will write a whole 'nother story, but I would definitely write a so called "one shot." Also, thank you all so much for continuing to read and comment. I really appreciate it.
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“You are so confusing,” Peyton said to me, watching as I carried another box inside of the apartment. “Just over six months ago, you move out to find yourself. I replace you with a new, mildly smelly, barely speaks English and doesn’t pay the rent room mate. Now, barely speaks English is living on the street, and you’re back. I’m confused.”

I had stopped mid-way through the hallway to turn and stare at her in the living room as she spoke, shaking my head. “Your roommates name was Natalie and she was from Burnaby. Why are you lying to me about her?”

“Burnaby’s version of English and Vancouver’s version of English are not on the same page. Do you know what the bitch referred to Chiliwack as? The wack. What the hell, right?”

I laughed, setting the box down in my room before turning and walking back out to where Peyton was sitting in the living room with a giant bottle of Mountain Dew. “I missed you, Peyton.”

She grinned, pouring me a glass of Mountain Dew. “I know.” She handed me the cup she had just poured for me, picking her own back up and taking a sip. “So, you’re back.”

I nodded, taking a drink from the cup. “I’m back.”

“How does it feel?”

I sighed, letting my head fall back against the couch with a shrug. “I don’t know. I almost feel like I’m in the same position, but that’s probably just because I feel so lonely now. Once I get past that, I’m sure I’ll see all the good Pittsburgh did for me.”

Peyton nodded, leaning forward to set her cup down on the table. “You’re not alone, though. I’m here, and even though I feel as if my level of awesome is high enough that you don’t need other friends, Max, Marc and Jordan already made plans to come see you, and Kris will be here all next week.” She studied my face for a moment before nodding in understanding, “Oh, I see. You mean lonely because there’s no…. boy.”

I let out a half laugh, “You can say his name, Peyton. It’s not like I won’t hear it thirty times a day on the TV or radio.”

She grinned, “I’m sure all the posters of him celebrating that big goal in the Olympics being plastered all over the city doesn’t help either, huh?”

“Not really.” I admitted, sighing. “I just can’t believe that I’m back here already. I was starting to believe that Pittsburgh was my new home. That I’d never be coming back here unless I was visiting. I guess it’s just hard to swallow, that’s all,” I tried to explain to her.

Peyton gave me a small smile, letting out a sigh. “Well, sometimes life has different plans for you. Besides, working as an assistant to the Vancouver Canucks main photographer? I mean, that’s a pretty rad deal, Hanna.”

“Yeah, I guess it’s okay,” I joked, taking another drink from my cup before letting out a groan. “I can’t believe I’m back in this apartment.”

“Can you smell the Thai food? It’s the only thing Natalie would eat, and I swear that eventually it made everything taste like Thai food. Everything. Even cereal.” She leaned forward so that her face was only a few inches from mine and asked, “Do you know the terror of putting a spoonful of Foot Loops into your mouth, and tasting Tom Yam?”

I pushed her face away from me, letting out a loud laugh. “Oh my goodness, Peyton. I don’t know how I survived six months without you.”

“Well, clearly you didn’t do too well,” she joked, earning a push from me.

“I don’t even know what Tom Yam is, but the amount of dirty jokes I want to say now is just unthinkable,” I added, letting out a long sigh as I leaned forward and set my cup down on the table, looking around at the apartment.

“It’s hot and sour soup. It’s also not delicious.” Peyton stood up from the couch, stretching her arms above her head before she glanced back down at me. “Well, let’s get to unpacking your stuff. Also, I need to explain to you why there’s now a whole in the bathroom.”

“There’s a whole in the bathroom? Where?” I asked, standing up and following her down the hall to where my room was.

“In the wall,” she answered, pausing to glance back at me. “I don’t want to get to into it right now, but it may have involved me trying to kick Natalie, and missing.”

I laughed. “I can’t imagine why she was so eager to move out.”

“I don’t know either! Bitch drank all the milk. If anyone should have wanted to run out of the apartment, it should have been me.”

I could only roll my eyes at her.

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“Hanna, are you listening to me?”

I nodded, trying to pick up the papers I had just dropped. “I am. I’m just…I’m really nervous, Jory, that’s all.”

Jory, the main photographer for the Vancouver Canucks, only chuckled at me as I nervously followed after him. “This is the dressing room, as I’m sure you can tell,” he said, letting me step into the Canucks locker room. “Media and photographers are only allowed in if one of the coaches or the media coach says so. Usually, I’m allowed in before and after games pre-media scrum, but not only. It depends on the game,” he said. “Also, you can only be in here taking pictures, or in the hall where the equipment is taken care of. No sneaking off to try and snap a picture of Kesler in the showers.”

I felt my face burn with embarrassment, earning another laugh out of Jory. “Okay.”

He shook his head at me, half laughing still. “Hanna, you need to lighten up. This is a fun job. All of the players are really nice, and really funny guys.” He paused, furrowing his brow for a second. “Well, except Alex Edler. I mean, he’s really nice, but he’s also really quiet. Sometimes, I worry that he’s only so silent because he’s plotting all of our deaths.” He turned to look at me, seeing the disturbed look on my face and patted my head. “Don’t worry, he’s too shy around girls to do anything to you, other than smile and scratch his neck awkwardly whenever you talk to him.” He sighed, “Anyways, feel free to marvel in the beauty of the best locker room in all the NHL.”

I took a step further into the room and took it all in. Jory wasn’t lying when he told me to marvel in it. The room was circular, so that each stall faced into the centre of the room, and every player could see each other and be seen, no one being stuck in a corner. It left far more open space for walking around and for the media to pile in after practices or games. Behind the actual locker room was the players lounge, a room filled with comfortable couches, a kitchen and table, three big screen TV’s and all kinds of game counsels. Then there was the sauna room, where there was a giant hot tub, as well as an ice bath, and, well, the sauna. Showers were somewhere in the same area, but Jory didn’t show me them since he was convinced I might use my camera for “evil.”

The coaches offices were surrounded in glass, so they could see the players out in the hallway, even though most of the time, the players weren’t around the offices anyways. I didn’t get a tour of the equipment room, but I could only imagine that it was superior to most other equipment rooms.

“Jory, I have a question for you,” I said as he lead me back out of the change room and towards the tiny room that was called his office. “How did I end up with this assistant, apprentice, whatever job?”

He laughed at me again, something I was beginning to learn would be a typical exchange between us. “It was Bowness who showed me some of your pictures. I guess he got them from a friend of yours, or maybe a friend of a friend? Anyways, you’ve got potential. You’re good at the portrait style photos, so when the season starts up, you can help with headshots for the stat cards and website, as well as photos at practice. There’s a lot of standing around listening to the coaches plays at practice, so you can get some good still photos. We’ll get you a proper camera for live action shots, because that one,” he pointed to the camera in my hand, “won’t work.”

I had to shake my head, trying to absorb everything that he had just said. “So, was it Vero who sent in pics for me?” I asked.

Jory glanced at me, a small smirk forming on his face. “Well, who do you think it was?”

I sighed, following him out of his office and towards the actual arena, even though it was void of ice due to the summer time. “This job,” I started, “it’s an actual job, right? You’re not just making something up because my friend made you feel sorry for you?”

“Sorry for you?” He asked, almost laughing again. “Hanna, I am 36 and balding. I tried to grow a playoff beard faster than a cheeta pet this year, and I failed. You think I’d feel sorry for you because you’re 21 and don’t have a permanent career yet?” He did laugh this time, reaching out to ruffle my hair. “You’re silly. You can help me write the captions for the photos, I think. Maybe. We’ll see how funny your ideas are.”

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“Hanna!” Peyton answered the door, standing in my way as I tried to enter the apartment. “You are home earlier then I thought.”

I eyed her curiously. “What are you hiding from me?”

Peyton sighed, moving so I could enter the apartment finally. “It was going to be a surprise.”

I tossed my purse onto the floor, walking towards the living room. “What was supposed to be a surpri-”

“HANNA!” Max yelled, tackling me to the floor before I could even finish my sentence. “Oh no, you fell down!” He yelled, already standing back up.

“Shit, Max, I think you broke my hip bone,” I whined accepting the hand he extended and allowing him to help me up.

He chuckled, letting go of my hand and stuffing it into his pocket, using his free hand to point at me with a wink, “Not the first time I’ve heard that from a lady.”

I made a face, peering around him to see Kris and Jordan sitting on the couch. “You guys are here too!” I yelled, startling Kris who dropped the bowl of chips he was holding. “I mean, I expected Kris since he’s dating Peyton, but Jordan!”

Jordan stood up from the couch, clapping his hands and jumping over to me. “It’s a surprise visit!” He yelled, grabbing my hands and making me jump with him.

I laughed, my laughter escalating when Max, after watching the two of with a curious expression, came over and joined the jump circle, letting out a squeal when I almost fell into him, the intensity of my laughter having knocked me off balance and into him. “Oh my God, Hanna, your got clumsiness all over my favourite shirt!” He yelled, making me have to sit down from the overall ridiculousness of the moment.

Peyton came over to help me up, shaking her head at the three of us with a small laugh. “I miss these moments. I feel like I missed so many of them while you were off in Pittsburgh.”

I nodded, wiping away the tears that my fit of laughter had caused. “Yeah, but I have a feeling there will be many more of these to come, whether these boys are here or not.”

Peyton grinned at me. “This is such a Hannah Montana moment. Seriously, if one of us had a bad braid in their hair, I’d feel like we were ripping the show off.”

Once I had finally gotten over the shock of seeing Max, Jordan and Kris again, Peyton and Kris began whispering to one another, stopping occasionally to glance over at me before whispering again. “What are you guys talking about?” I asked, seeming to catch both of them off guard.

Peyton sighed, running her hands up and down the tops of her thighs nervously before finally just saying, “Sidney is coming over tomorrow. He wants to talk to you.”

“Peyton, she wasn’t supposed to know until he was here,” Kris said. “Remember, he said he didn’t want her to know ahead of time because he was worried that she’d spend too much time being afraid of how it would go.”

“Wow, you two are terrible at keeping secrets,” Jordan mumbled, making Max chuckle.

“He’s coming over tomorrow?” I asked. “When?”

Peyton shrugged, “He didn’t say exactly. His flight gets in early, like nine am or so, but he might not come straight here. And he’s only staying for a day, then he’s hopping on a plane and going to Alberta for something about the Olympics. Apparently some of Team Canada live out here and he’s going with them, but he wanted to stop by first.”

I nodded, letting out a nervous breath of air. “Well, I’m glad you told me. If he had just shown up, I probably would have crapped myself.”

“That’s a pretty typical reaction for him, he probably wouldn’t even notice,” Max said.

I shot him an unimpressed look, fighting back laughter when he picked up a cup to throw at me, not realizing that it had pop in it which resulted in him dumping the cup on himself.

It was good that he, and Jordan and Kris and Peyton, were here for momentary distraction. Because, as much as I was trying to act like it was no big deal, my palms were already moistening with sweat from the nerves Sidney’s news had caused.

Adventures

“Hanna?” Vero called, the sound of her walking through the living room accompanying the call.

“I’m in my room,” I called back, flipping shut the book I was reading and looking up at her as soon as she walked into my room. “What do you need?”

She smiled, walking over to sit on the edge of my bed. “I just wanted to see how you were doing.”

I smirked at her, sitting up on my bed. “I go to counselling to talk about my feelings, Vero, you don’t need to worry about me,” I reminded her.

She nodded, smoothing out the comforter on my bed before letting out a long sigh. “I actually wanted to ask you of a favour.”

I nodded, again, trying not to giggle at her. “What is it?”

“You would be okay with me leaving for a few days, right?” She asked, giving me a small smile. “Because, those pictures you took for me, they worked. I have been asked to fly out to New York and meet with an agent.”

I felt my mouth fall open for a moment before I lunged forward and pulled her into a hug. “Vero, that’s amazing! Of course you should go, I’ll be fine here.”

She laughed, “Are you sure? I hate to leave you when you’re still…”

I smiled at her, “Sad? Don’t worry about me, Vero, I can manage. Remember, counselling? I believe I just brought it up a moment ago. Besides, I think a little alone time would be good for me.”

She nodded, looking me over with a soft sigh. “I just feel bad, leaving you after a break up.”

“Well, it was a little bit my fault for the break-up, and it was almost a month ago now. I will be fine. I’ll hang out with… I don’t know, someone. I’ll be fine, okay. I’ll be here, working and spending my spare time taking pictures and crying every time the TV plays a hockey commercial with Sidney in it,” I joked.
She smiled at me, reaching out to move my hair out of my face, a gentle gesture that Vero often used with me. At times, she seemed more like a mother figure to me then one of my closest friends, and after ruining what might have been the best relationship of my life, it was nice to have. “Have you talked to Sidney?”

I shook my head, I giving a small shrug. “No, but he sort of hinted that he thought us being so far apart might be a good thing, so I’m not going to worry about it too much.” I let out another sigh, grinning at Vero. “When are you leaving?”

“In two days, if it is okay?” She asked, smiling shyly.

I rolled my eyes. “Vero, I just told you it’s fine if you leave. You can’t miss out on a possible modeling gig because I just went through a break-up. That’s ridiculous.”

“That is what Marc-Andre told me, too,” she said, laughing. “You’ll help me pack then?”

“Oh, I see. This is the favour you were going to ask for?” I let out a soft laugh when she nodded. “Fine. I mean, it’s not like I already took the pictures that got you this possible modelling gig. I definitely haven’t done enough for you.”

She smirked at me as we both our made way towards her room. “That reminds me,” she began, “how are you liking staying here for almost free?”

I laughed, “Wow. Okay, touché.”

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The apartment was so quiet without Vero in it. The first day without her had been good. I did need a little quiet time, not that Vero was really much of the noise maker, and it was nice to be able to sit down and actually think about the way things were now.

By the second day, however, I was just out about losing my mind. It seemed like everywhere I turned there was a poster of Sidney, a commercial about his golden goal, an FSN commercial featuring him, or a poster of him staring down at me. My counselling sessions had moved on from discussing my family to asking about current relationships and who had helped me realize I needed the counselling, and when my poor counsellor asked me if Sidney was still in my life, I almost started crying. I knew that us not being together, at least at this point in time, was what was best for us. But at the same time, I had never missed anything as much as I missed Sidney’s voice.

It was funny, the things that you do end up missing. I had been to afraid to admit that I wasn’t actually ready for such a serious relationship because I thought I would miss the feeling of his arms around me, or the way his lips felt when he kissed the crook of my neck. I thought I’d miss holding his hand, or falling asleep beside him on the nights that he slept over. But now that all of that was actually gone, I found that I missed his voice more than anything else. I missed the way he would breathe that he loved me into my ear when he was tired. I missed those few moments when he was deep in thought and I would interrupt them with a random comment, and he would let out this soft laugh before telling me I was ridiculous. I missed listening to him. I missed him. I missed the friendship even more then I missed the romantic side of our relationship, and I couldn’t stop worrying that my refusal to just admit that I needed to take a step back and deal with my baggage had ruined every aspect of Sidney and I.

I finally moved myself off the couch, where I had been lying since I had arrived home from work, and sulked my way into the kitchen, opening the freezer and grabbing the small pint of ice cream. I was just about to grab a spoon when I heard a knock at the door, making me abandon the pint of ice cream on the counter and head over to the door, tugging it open to reveal Max and Jordan on the other side. “You guys are still in Pittsburgh?” I asked, letting them come into the apartment.

Max nodded, looking around the place. “Yeah, well, I can’t go back to Quebec yet. Not when I brought the cup last year, and this year? Nothing.”

I laughed, looking over at Jordan, who was already looking through my fridge. “What about you?”

“Me?” He asked, standing up with a jar of pickles in his hand. “I just like Pittsburgh.”

Max pointed over at the untouched container of ice cream and raised an eyebrow at me. “Are you doing that thing girls do when they are sad? Eating bad food and being sad?”

I sighed, “That was the plan, until you two showed up.”

Jordan chewed on a pickle, loudly, before saying, “We’re surprisingly in touch with our feminine side.”

Max nodded, picking up the carton of ice cream. “We can cry about Sidney, too. No worries. But we might need more ice cream.”

I laughed, “Thanks, guys. I’m not sure I want to cry about Sidney anymore, though,” I admitted, walking into the living room and waiting for them to join me. “I just feel lost, guys. I know that this counselling is good for me, and I’ve been loving my time with my new camera, but I still feel like I have no direction. I gave up my relationship because I needed to deal with everything, but now I feel like I’m even more lost.”

Max and Jordan exchanged a completely bewildered look, Jordan still eating pickles straight out of the jar and Max with a spoonful of ice cream in his mouth. After a moment, Max spoke. “Hanna, we can’t help you with that.”

I sighed, “I know. I just missed having someone to talk too,” I explained.
“Well,” Jordan began, crossing one leg over the other and holding the pickle in his hand up in the air for a dramatic pose, “I think that you should spend some time having fun. Your pictures are good, your cookies are good. Keep doing things that make you happy, and keep going to counselling.”

I rolled my eyes. “I thought you’d share some life changing advice with me.”

“I’m a Staal, not a therapist,” he scoffed, taking a loud bite out of the pickle.

“Well I think,” Max began, “that Jordan has a point. You spent a long time ignoring parts of yourself. Spend some time focusing on them. You and Sid both need to just take a little while and live. You’re both just thinking about your relationship, and since there isn’t one right now, maybe you should be thinking about yourself.” He took another spoonful of ice cream, watching to see if I would mock his advice before adding, “What do you want to do? What makes you happy?”

“Honestly?” I asked, watching both of them. “Photography. And baking. I’m happiest when I’m taking pictures, and I love coming home and making cookies or cakes.”

“Which is better?” Jordan asked.

“Photography,” I answered without a thought. “I love capturing a moment. With one movement, the entire story behind the picture could change. Someone could be laughing when I lift my camera up, and scowling by the time the flash has gone off, but I caught the moment of happiness. They’ll look back on it and see the smile. That’s what I love. Capturing those moments.”

Jordan and Max seemed to exchange another look before Jordan set the jar of pickles down the table and leaned forward. “Have you ever thought about maybe being a sports photographer?”

I laughed. “You need a degree for that, guys. Or at least a lot of credibility.”

“What if we said that we could get you on as a junior photographer with a team?” Max asked. “You’d take some pictures, and you could put them on your own site.”

“The only catch is that you’d be moving again,” Jordan told me.

I was still caught off guard by the offer and had to take a moment think about it before asking, “Where would I be going this time?”

“Back to Vancouver,” Max said, grinning at me. “It wouldn’t be until your counselling is done, so you don’t have to worry about that.”

I sighed, “Back to Vancouver? I just moved into this place with Vero.”
“You’ve barely unpacked,” Jordan reminded me. “And if you don’t want to do it-”

“I do,” I said. “I’m just… how did you guys manage this?”

There was a pause, the two of them exchanging another look before turning back to me with a grin. “We know Rick Bowness, the assistant coach of the Canucks, and he introduced us to Jory, their team photographer, and he mentioned needing an assistant. That’s all.”

“How did you meet Rick Bowness?” I asked.

“Hanna, that’s not important,” Max said. “What’s important is that you find yourself. Wait until you’re done your counselling to really answer, but I think this might be good for you.”

“Back to Vancouver?” I repeated, sighing. “You boys, you’re just taking my life and throwing it into all kinds of walls.”

Jordan grinned, “We’re hockey players. Smashing people into boards and walls is what we do.”

I rolled my eyes at him, shaking my head when Max and him both high fived in laughter

Changes

Peyton sat on the floor across me, twisting her mouth from side to side as she watched me sit with my gaze on the floor, the boxes filled with my few belongings around us. She sighed, reaching out and putting a hand on my leg. “Hanna, it’s okay if you weren’t ready. I mean, I don’t mean to be a jerk, but we both knew you weren’t ready to live with him,” she reminded me, causing me to lift my head up and look at her as she gave a shrug. “I mean, I figured you’d last a few days, not less than an hour, but still. You knew you weren’t ready. Why’d you even go?”

It was my turn to shrug as I rubbed my hand back and forth against the carpet, not looking up at Peyton. “I wanted to be ready. I didn’t want to carry around these issues anymore, and I love Sidney. I wanted to prove to everyone that they were wrong, and we weren’t going to fast, and… it all made sense when I packed everything.”

Peyton nodded, blowing her bangs away from her face and studying me for another moment before asking, “What are you going to do now?”

I let out a long breath of air, picking at some loose threads in the carpet as I shrugged, finally lifting up my tired eyes to look at her. “I’m getting counselling. And, I’m moving in with Vero, she’s planning to transfer out here to Pittsburgh University, so we’re getting an apartment together. I’m going to keep working at the bakery until something better comes up, and hope that one day Sidney will speak to me again.”

“So, in short, you’re not even sure?” Peyton asked.

“Not really. I know I need counselling. I mean, I was ready to just throw my life and problems at Sidney and hope he would deal with it for me. I see now that you have to deal with it yourself. I can’t ignore it anymore.”

“I’m glad you see that,” Peyton told me, scooting closer to me. “Hanna, I know that you’re really upset and confused right now, but it’s not bad to step away from some things in order to sort yourself out. The point of you coming out to Pittsburgh wasn’t to date Sidney Crosby, it was to find some head space.”

I nodded, forcing a smile at her. “Well, all I have is space now, right?”

“Don’t get all melodramatic on me, Hanna,” Peyton laughed, earning a genuine smirk out of me. “This is going to be okay. You’ll get help, you’ll move out of Pascal’s basement, you’ll figure out what you want to do with your life.” She paused, putting a hand on my shoulder. “And Sid just needs to calm down. It might take him a few days, but you know he’s not the type to cut you out of his life. He’ll want to make sure you’re okay.”

I nodded, trying to convince myself that I believed her.

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“Hanna, stop sulking,” Vero ordered, making me jump away from the box I was about to pick up. “We have unpacking to do.”

“I have unpacking to do,” I corrected. “You told me you were looking for a place, not that you had one.”

She smiled, “Well, Marc-Andre bought me this place. I was trying to find my own place because I feel bad just accepting things from him, but this is the best apartment for two people. It has a fireplace.”

I laughed, “Well, two friends can only share an apartment if there’s a fireplace. I agree.” I picked the box up and carried it into the room that was slowly being turned into my own. “I’m sorry by the way. I’m sorry that I ruined your plans of finding your own place, without Marc’s help, because I’m a head case.”

Vero shot me a stern look, frowning at me. “Hanna, don’t you dare. Even though I do think that Sidney has a right to be so upset, I also see why it happened. You need to take a little time and get help. If being here with me will help you with that, I am happy to have you.”

I smiled at her, “Thanks, Vero. I really appreciate it. I know the Dupuis’ weren’t going to kick me out because Sidney and I broke up, but I felt like I couldn’t continue mooching off of his friends. Not when he hates me.”

“Sidney doesn’t hate you,” Vero corrected me. “He’s only so sad because he sees that this break is best for you. And I think that a part of him knew that you weren’t ready to live with him. Give him a little bit of time to deal with this and he’ll be back to calling you and asking how you are.” She sighed, putting both hands on her hips and glancing around at the apartment. “Well, I think that we have had made good progress. Do you want to take a break and maybe get some food to eat?”

I wiped the palm of my hands on my jeans and nodded. “Yes, I would love to eat something. I’m starving.”

She nodded, turning to grab her purse and accidentally knocking over a bag of my things, causing my pictures from my family trip, a few tubes of lip gloss, some books and my cell phone, immediately apologizing and bending down to pick up everything she had knocked over.

“Don’t even worry about it,” I assured her, helping to gather up the bags belongings.

Vero let out a soft gasp from beside me, causing me to turn and glance at her. “Hanna, who took these?” She asked, lifting up one of the pictures of baby Alison and looking at me expectantly.

I glanced at the picture, stacking up the few books that had fallen. “I did. Cameron and Elizabeth bought me a camera while I was there, and I pretty much spent all of my time taking pictures.”

She nodded, looking at a few more pictures. “Hanna, you are a wonderful photograph.”

I tried not to laugh at her improper English, instead smiling. “Thanks, Vero.”

“No, I mean it,” she said, standing back up and looking through a few more of the pictures before looking back up at me. “I actually could use your help. I need someone to take head shots of me.”

“Head shots? For what?” I asked, putting the books back into the bag.

She gave me an embarrassed glance, looking back down at the counter. “Well, I’m thinking of maybe doing some modeling.”

“What? Vero, that’s amazing. You’re totally perfect for that, you’re all tall and gorgeous. Are you sure you want me to take the pictures?” I asked her.

“I’m sure. I’ll even pay you, if you want,” she bargained.

I laughed, “Your family is going to pay my rent, I swear. With my job at your dad’s bakery and you paying me to take pictures.”

She only smiled. “Come on, let’s go get food, and then we can see when picture time can happen.”

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The apartment that Vero and I were living in was quite a change from the Dupuis basement. Aside from the fact that I had to take an elevator up three stories, there was the new layout, which had the kitchen across my room instead of beside the living room as I had grown accustomed too, and a decent sized living room, which was the first thing you saw when you walked in, a bathroom in between Vero and I’s room, and no long hallway like I had in my basement suite. Even though I had lived alone there, being alone in the apartment was almost spooky. We weren’t even completely moved in, given, it had only been a few days, but with Vero having a few days off, I had grown used to her company already. My shifts at the bakery started early, meaning I was home early and left alone for long stretches of time. It gave me far too much time to think about the last week, and how I had gone from starting to mend things with my brother, and having an incredible boyfriend who wanted to move in with me, to being miserable, about to start counselling, and living with a French girl who, even though she was all kinds of sweet, didn’t understand my love of Wheel Of Fortune.

I flopped down on the couch, letting out a long sigh as I grabbed the remote, trying to distract myself from how many changes were occurring around me. My parents had no idea about any of the sudden changes, especially Sidney since they were so in love with him, and now that Peyton had to fly back out to Vancouver, I had been living in my head too much. Trying to keep myself from focusing on the fact that Sidney hadn’t spoken to me since I left the mansion he had bought in tears and asked Max to come pick me up, I began flipping through all the channels, trying to find something to amuse me. Just as I had seemed to settle on a re-run of [I]Wizards of Waverly place[/I], there was a knock at the door.

I had to stretch before I was able to walk towards the door, my ponytail stuck in the back of my shirt, making me reach back and fix it as I pulled open the door, freezing mid-motion as I looked up at Sidney’s blank face, my breath catching in my throat and my mind seeming to just lose track of itself as I stared up at him. “Sidney. I didn’t think you’d want to see me.”

He rolled his jaw, looking past me and not at me. “I didn’t. Max drove me here and said I had to talk to you.”

I felt my shoulders sag down, my eyes dropping from him and to the floor. “Oh.” I cleared my throat, “Well, I can tell Max that you came here and we talked everything out if you just want to leave.”

He nodded, “Thanks,” he turned away from me and made his way back down the hall towards the elevators, making me suck my bottom lip in as I was suddenly hit with a wave of emotions again.

I shut the door, wiping away the few tears that were leaking down my face before I leaned against the wall, trying to compose myself so I could walk back over to the living room.

I knew that it was my fault that Sidney wasn’t a fan of mine anymore, but I hadn’t expected him to actually avoid talking to me when I was right in front of him. Seeing him just turn away from me without a second thought, it was enough to just about break me.

Another knock on the door caused me to push myself away from the wall, wipe my face and tug the door open, just about crying again when I saw that it was Sidney once more.

He sighed, “I’m sorry. I’m still…. I’m still trying to decide how I feel, and even though I’m still really mad at you, I shouldn’t have done that.”

I nodded, unable to say anything more to him and choosing to step aside and let him come into the apartment instead. Sidney brushed past me, not even bothering to take off his shoes, and paused to glance around the apartment before he sat down in the armchair, waiting for me to shut the door and sit across from him on the couch before sighing. “So, what’s your plan now?” He asked.

I chewed in the inside of my cheek for a second, not able to meet his gaze. “I’m starting counselling next week to deal with Alissa’s death and my family’s trouble, and I’m going to go back to doing photography for fun. I’d forgotten about how much I loved taking pictures until I was in PEI.”

He nodded, rubbing his hands together. “Well, I’m really happy for you,” he said, standing up from the chair.

I stood up, too. “Sidney,” I started, watching as he hesitated before turning back to me. “I’m sorry. I should have told you that I wasn’t ready, but I wanted to be. I wanted to be ready for everything, for you. But I wasn’t, and I wish I could tell you why I wasn’t, and I’m sure you already know this, but it was completely me. I hate to be this person, but, it wasn’t you. It was me.”

Sidney took in a big breath of air, the kind that seemed to puff his chest out even more, before sighing. “I’m only this mad because you kept telling me that you were okay, and when I told you that I had thought about marrying you, you didn’t tell me that hearing that scared you. Why didn’t you tell me that you couldn’t think that far ahead? After everything I told you, about how hard it is for me to open up to people and how much I wanted to know about you and be there for you, and you couldn’t even tell me that you had these fears?”

“I didn’t want to have them,” I tried to explain. “Sidney, I’ve been running from how much hurt and guilt Alissa’s death put on me since it happened eight years ago. I came here to deal with it, to try and figure out my life. I knew I wanted you in my life, but because I don’t have the other pieces, I didn’t know where you would fit in. It scared me to hear that you had already fit me into yours.”

He gave a half shrug. “Maybe this is for the best. I’m going back to Nova Scotia for the off season, so you won’t have to worry about me showing up and being a jerk to you, again.” He kidded.

I smiled, crossing my arms. “You’re not a jerk, Sidney. You’re a great guy.” I pursed my lips, looking away from him. “And, if you find some other girl in the off season-”

“Sop that,” he said, surprising me when he reached out and pulled me into him. When he let go of me he sighed, putting his hands into his pocket and seeming to scan over my face for a moment before he turned and headed towards the door, pausing on his way out to say, “Bye Hanna.”

Time

Cameron and I drove in silence back to the house, my parents having left earlier to get some sleep. Elizabeth would have to stay overnight, along with the tiny little baby, leaving Cameron and I to have to drive back together.

I had my head against the window, watching as the moisture from my breath fogged up a tiny space on the window for a few seconds before disappearing until my next breath. Cameron and I hadn’t uttered a single word to each other since he had told me that Elizabeth was in labour, and even though I was trying to act as if I didn’t notice the thick smoke of tension suffocating us, it was, well, suffocating.

Cameron let out a loud breath of air and glanced over at me as the car came to a brief stop at a red light. “So, are we just not talking ever again?”

I shrugged, still with my face pressed against the window, voicing no response.

Cameron tightened his grip on the steering wheel and seemed to take a deep breath before speaking again. “I’m sorry for upsetting you,” he began, having to move his attention back to the road as the light changed. “I wasn’t trying to tell you that Sidney was a bad guy, or even that you were making the wrong choices. I just don’t want you to have to look back at this relationship and wish that you hadn’t gone so far, if the relationship doesn’t work out.” He stopped, his eyes widening as he turned to look at me quickly. “Not that I’m saying I think it won’t work out I’m just…I’m just saying.”

I lifted my head up from the window and looked over at him, twisting my mouth to the side for a moment before letting out a soft, probably inaudible, sigh. “I get that. It’s just that it feels like everyone thinks that I’m too young to know what’s best for me. And I just, I’m still having a hard time listening to your advice. I can see that you’re not the same, but I’m still really affected by the past.”

“That’s why I’m worried,” he tried to explain. “Hanna, so much has happened to you. Losing your best friend, who’s also part of your family, that’s hard. And when you’re stupid brother blames you for it, it probably doesn’t help.”

I only nodded, my attention falling to my folded hands in my laps.

Cameron was silent for a few moments before he quietly said, “I don’t want you to leave in a couple of days and still hate me. I don’t want you to think that I still view you as some immature little girl who can’t make up her own mind.”

“What do you want me to think, then?” I asked, looking up at him.

The car came to a stop as we had pulled into the driveway of his house, allowing him to turn and look at me. “I want you to think-no, I want you to [I]know[/I] that I think you’re growing up to be one of the most amazing people I’ve ever known, and the only reason I’m so concerned about your relationship is because I don’t want this spirit in you to be lost in heart ache. I believe Sidney is a great guy, and I don’t doubt that you love him and he loves you,” Cameron explained, studying my face to make sure he hadn’t lost me, “I just don’t want you to give more than you’re ready to to him, and look back on this with regret. If Sidney is as amazing as I’ve heard he is, he’ll understand if you ask him to slow things down a bit.”

There was a part of me that was still angered at the mention of Sidney and I moving too fast, even those same fears were emerging in my own mind. At the same time, I could see that Cameron had never intended to set something off inside of the me the way he had. Sitting there, with the inside car light reflecting off of his face, I could see the pain Cameron felt. I could see the remorse in his eyes when he mentioned Alissa and how he had blamed me. I could hear the fear at me losing myself in a relationship that I might not be ready for in his voice when he spoke, and he looked at me expectantly, waiting to hear what I would say back, I could see that the Cameron I had grown to hate was no longer there, and that the man sitting next to me hated him just as much as I had. He had changed. He had taken the time to deal with his issues, to take steps in a better direction, to find his place in life. And the reason he was so worried about me was because he could see it clearer than anyone else;
I hadn’t yet.
I didn’t know what to say to back him. Instead of even attempting, I reached out and placed a hand on his shoulder, giving it a small squeeze, and smiled. “Thanks.”

Cameron nodded back, the two of us finally climbing out of the car and heading back inside to sleep before he would be leaving to go see his new daughter, and I would be calling the airline to see if I could change my flight and head back to Pittsburgh sooner than I had planned.

------------------------------------


“What did they name her?” Peyton asked me again, yawning beside me.

“Alison. Alison Jane Ashton,” I answered, smiling faintly. “She was the tiniest, sweetest little thing I had ever seen, Peyton, I swear. I can hardly believe that Cameron was involved in creating her, she was just so lovely.”

Peyton smiled, unlocking the back of her car and letting me toss my bag in. “That’s so amazing, you being an aunt. I wish I had been there to see the little cutie.”

“Oh, don’t even worry, I took a gazillion pictures of her,” I told her, grinning. “That camera Liz and Cameron bought me certainly got used the last week. I have four packages of photos already.”

“Wow, way to be an over-achiever. Sidney’s rubbing off on you.” She glanced at me, “Speaking of which, have you talked to him since he told you he wanted to marry you and you basically hung up on him?”

“I had to hang up, Alison had just been born,” I reminded her. “I called him to tell him that the baby was here and safe, and I told him her name and weight, and then told him I was going tog et some sleep, book a flight home and I loved him.”

“So, he’s sitting at the big empty house he bought thinking you’d live in it with him wondering if he just dropped a million dollars on a house he’ll be living alone in?” Peyton asked, nodding. “You’re a great person, Hanna.”

“He didn’t sound too upset when I talked to him,” I said, trying to make myself feel better.

“Yeah, but you probably only let him get three words in before you claimed you had to go. Hanna, I saw him yesterday, and he’s not fine. He’s not bad, but he’s certainly worried that you’re going to show up and dump him.”

I whipped my head to the side so I was looking at Peyton, who was waiting for a car to get out of her way so she could back up from the parking spot. “What? Why would I do that?”

“Why would you stay with a guy that you’re afraid to picture a future with?” Peyton asked back. “Hanna, the guy told you that he planned to marry you one day, and you replied with, ‘I have to go , the babies here.’ Then you don’t even bring it up the next time you talk to him. Of course he’s worried.”

“But, I don’t want to break up with Sidney. I love Sidney,” I argued.

“Tell him that. You could just admit that you’re scared to think too far into the future. He’d understand. He’d be crushed, but he’d still understand, he’s Sidney. He’s the king of understanding everything,” Peyton reminded me, glancing at me occasionally as she drove. “Right now the guy thinks he’s scared you off. You have to tell him something.”

I nodded, looking out the window with a sigh.

----------------------------

Peyton eyed me cautiously as I walked around my basement suite, moving in and out of each room before I stopped in the hallway leading to the bathroom, placing both hands on my hips and pursing my lips out as I took in the whole basement. My eyes scanned past every wall, every speck of the carpet, before I walked into the living room where Peyton was, stopping a few feet away from the couch she was on.

“Should I move out of this place and into Sidney’s house?” I asked.

Peyton shrugged. “Have you seen Sid’s place, yet?” I shook my head, no. “It’s huge. Like, pretty sure you could get lost in it, it’s just ridiculous. But it’s really nice. The kitchen in it, Hanna, is amazing. You could just bake in there all day. He wouldn’t eat any of it, but I don’t think that that should stop you. And there’s a huge backyard where he’s already planning on putting in a barbeque and holding team parties there. The whole living room has hardwood floors, which I know you love, and he told me that you could paint any room whatever colour you wanted.” She paused, watching my face as I thought over what she had just told me. “But, if you can’t imagine marry Sidney, why would you move in with him? That’s basically being married, in case you didn’t know.”

I glanced down at her, rolling my eyes. “Peyton, I really don’t know what to do. He already bought the place, I can’t tell him I don’t want to move in with him now. He’s already getting ready for me to show up with all of my stuff, and now I might just be like, “Hey, just kidding! I’m staying here.’”

Peyton laughed, “If you do change your mind, please let that be your explanation.”

“Peyton!” I whined, sitting down on the edge of the couch.

She sighed, running a hand through her long hair. “What do you want to do Hanna? Don’t worry about what Sidney wants right now. Even if he’s upset at first, he’ll get over it, just worry about what you want. What’s best for you?”

“Sidney. Sidney is what’s best for me,” I replied.

“I understand that that’s how you feel,” Peyton began, “but, listen, the point of you moving out here to Pittsburgh was to help you sort yourself out. I know you opened up to Sidney about Alissa, and I know that you going and visiting your family was really good for you, too, but you still haven’t figured it all out. Take a minute to at least think about whether this is what would help you to set your life in motion, or if it’ll just distract you.”


I nodded, looking around the room again. “It’s just that everyone seems to think that dealing with everything and being with Sidney can’t go hand in hand. I thought the point of leaving Vancouver for awhile was to leave all of those heartaches behind.”

“No, Hanna. You never leave problems behind,” Peyton corrected. “You surround yourself with support so that you have the strength to pick those burdens up, look at them one by one, and eventually toss away the parts that hurt and learn to grow from them. The problem here is that you don’t want Sidney to help you pick these problems up yet, because he already has so much going on in his life.”

I chewed on my lip for a few moments thinking over everything that Peyton had just said and everything that Cameron had said to me the days before. Finally, I stood up from the couch and placed both hands on my hips. “I need to get some boxes.”

Peyton’s eyes fluttered shut for a few seconds as she let out a long breath of air. “Hanna, are you sure?”

“I don’t want to deal with any of this by myself anymore, Peyton. There’s some boxes in the closet by the bathroom. Can you grab them while I call Sidney?”

Peyton shook her head at me but did as I requested, heading over to the closet while I picked up the phone and called Sidney to tell him that I was ready to start moving into his new house.

----------------------------------

“So, this is the other guest room,” Sidney said, opening up what must have been the ninth door and showing me the empty room, “and then down here is the master bedroom,” he said, grinning at me as he opened up the door and let me step into the room, looking over at the bed that was already in there. “I haven’t done too much with it since it’s not just my room.”

I looked around the room, at the big green walls and the giant bathroom attached. “It’s huge. This room is the size of the Dupuis basement.”

Sidney laughed. “Yeah, it’s a lot bigger then my room at Mario’s, too. But I figure we can make it work.”

I nodded, walking over to the closet and pulling open the doors. “I expected this to be bigger,” I spun around to look at him, pointing at him. “Don’t make a ‘that’s what she said’ joke!”

He grinned, winking at me. “Well, I figured that I don’t have a lot of clothes anyways, and if all of your shirts don’t fit in there, I’ll just buy a dresser and you can put the rest of your stuff in there.”

“You’ve just thought this all out, huh?” I joked, walking back over to him. “I only brought my clothes and a few pictures. I don’t really have a lot of stuff. I guess we can take my couches if you want.”

Sidney let out a small chuckle. “No, we’ll buy new furniture.”

I followed him back down the stairs and into the giant kitchen, which was so big and so beautiful that I had actually lost my breath when I first stepped foot into it and it’s shiny black cabinets, mahogany counters and shiny silver fridge and dishwasher. “I thought you went back home to Nova Scotia once the season was done. Why did you buy such a big house?”

Sidney shrugged, leaning back against one of the counters while I sat at the island. “I have a reason to stay in Pittsburgh now. I mean, you can come with me to Cole Harbour and meet everyone, but I’ll only go for a week or two. And if you don’t want to come with me, you can stay here and redecorate. I don’t really care what the place looks like too much,” he said.

I nodded, “I guess I understand that, and also appreciate it,” I said, smiling at him. “It’s the size of it. I mean, an apartment would have been fine. Even just a normal sized house. How am I supposed to clean this?”

He grinned at me. “Well, I could hire someone to clean it. Or you could bribe Vero into helping you out,” he suggested. “And I wanted a big house. I figured the space would be needed when we did get married and eventually started a family.”

I almost fell off of my chair at the sentence, gripping the countertop as I gave my head a shake. “When we do what and what?”

Sidney frowned, confused by my response. “Well, that’s what we’re planning, right? I mean, not now, but, eventually.”

I stood up from the chair, still shaking my head. “I never really thought about it.”

Sidney made a face, watching me as I wrung my hands together. “Hanna, are you okay?”

I lifted a hand up, fanning my suddenly heated face. “I just, I don’t know. All of a sudden I don’t feel so good.”

He moved away from the counter, taking a few steps towards me. “What’s wrong? Did you eat something weird?”

“No it’s…” I stopped, looking up at Sidney and then around at the giant kitchen, the giant house. The house he had bought for the family he was planning on having, on starting, with me. I looked up at Sidney’s concerned face, seeing that all this poor boy wanted to do was make me happy, and it just felt like too much. “I can’t.”

Sidney seemed confused, blinking rapidly as he pulled his head back a bit. “You can’t what?”

I took a shaky breath, stepping away from him. “I can’t move in with you. I knew I couldn’t, but I didn’t want to admit that. I can’t live with you, in this house that you bought so that we could have little babies running around.”

Sidney reached out to touch my arm, his face falling when I moved away from his touch. “Hanna, I’m not expecting you to have kids with me right now. I’m not even 23 yet, I can’t be a dad.”

“But you want them eventually, and I don’t know if I want kids. I don’t know if I want to live in Pittsburgh for the rest of my life. I don’t even know what I want to do with my life. I can’t move in with you, I can’t make a decision like that when I won’t deal with anything else. I can’t bring all of my baggage in here with me.”

Sidney’s whole face was creased with lines of worry as he listened to me, utter confusion glistening in his eyes as he stared down at me. “How long have you felt like this? I thought something was off when you talked to me in PEI, but you were fine all day.”

“I just…everyone kept telling me that I wasn’t ready for all of this, and I didn’t want to admit it. I didn’t want to admit it because admitting it meant that I hadn’t dealt with it all. I hadn’t dealt with Alissa’s death, with the resentment towards my family. I hadn’t sorted myself out.” I looked up at Sidney, my eyes glistening a bit, but my voice breaking when I saw the panic in Sidney’s eyes. “I can’t be here with you, Sidney. I’ve been using you to distract me from everything, and it was great to have that break from everything that had been haunting me before, but I can’t just keep ignoring it.”

“Then let me help you deal with it,” Sidney said, taking a step towards me. “You don’t have to live with me, just let me help you. What do you need? Counselling? I can pay for that.”

“I don’t know what I need,” I said, suddenly overwhelmed with emotion. “I saw my brother, who had been this ugly person when I saw him last, and he had dealt with everything. He was still feeling guilty over what he had said to me, but he was different, better. He and Elizabeth made sure he had dealt with everything and that he was strong enough to carry on and I was looking at him on my last night there and I was… I was envious. I was mad with envy, because he was nothing like he used to be, and I as the same. He had washed away all of those issues, and I was just hiding mine.” I rubbed my eyes, well aware that it had probably caused my mascara to smear. “I think I just need to stop.”

Sidney seemed to not understand what I was saying for a moment before realization hit him and his whole face melted with hurt. “Hanna, no. I can help you. You don’t have to live here with me, but you don’t have to cut me out.”

“I don’t want to cut you out, I just don’t know if I should be in a relationship. I should have never gotten into a relationship. I should have never slept with you, or tried to move in here with you. It’s not fair to you, not when you’re making plans.”

He ran a hand through his hair. “What plans? What are you talking about?”

I reached out and grabbed his hands, looking up at him with glossy eyes. “Sidney, do you see yourself marrying me?”

He didn’t even have to think about it. “Yes. Yes, Hanna, of course I do. Are you kidding me? I’m in love with you! I look at you and all I can do is make plans for us. I want you forever. Not for a few months, forever, because after these few months together, I can’t imagine myself without you.”

I nodded, almost choking on the sobs that wanted to crawl out from my throat. “I don’t. I love you, Sidney, I do. But I don’t see anything. And it’s not you, it’s because I’m not even sure of who I am or what I want yet. I can’t do this when you’re thinking about weddings and babies and I’m still trying to figure out if I actually want to open up my own bakery or just live on the street.”

Sidney pulled his hands out of mine, his face flashing between different emotions. “What are you saying?”

I had to take a moment to make sure I still had control of myself. “I need a break. I do love you, but I need to make it so that I can even imagine the future before I can give myself to someone.”

Sidney stared at me, opening his mouth a few times without any sound accompanying the motion before he turned away from me and left the kitchen, moving out of my sight, and leaving me stand there, the pieces of my character falling around me as my body shook with the pains from not only leaving Sidney, but from every other event that I had tried to hide from.

I had come to Pittsburgh to try and fix myself, and now that it was finally time to, I was terrified.

The Waiting Game

My mouth hung open as I stared at my TV screen, my dad and mom looking equally shocked on either side of me as we stared, trying to let the last moment sink in.

“Oh my God,” I said, lifting my hands up to cover my mouth.

My dad shook his head, standing up from the couch. “Damn. I knew not to get my hopes up.”

Cameron, who was in the kitchen, poked his head around the corner. “What? Did the Canucks get eliminated again? Shouldn’t you be used to that?”

I ignored him, as I had been doing the last three days, and continued to stare in complete shock at the TV, my heart rate beating fast as the events of the game sunk in.

My mom was almost in tears, which was both amusing and depressing, as she turned to Cameron. “No, they play tomorrow. But the Penguins are out.”

Cameron frowned, “The Penguins? I thought they were playing the Bruins?”

“They were,” my mom reminded him, “and they were winning this last game, game seven, until some asshole-”

“Michael Ryder” I mumbled.

“tied the game, and then Fleury misplayed the puck and some other asshole-”

“Patrice Bergeron,” I mumbled again.

“got the puck and scored. Then it was over.” She finished, letting out a shaky sigh as she looked back at the TV and watched as the Penguins and Bruins began the handshake line, Sidney leading it. “Poor Sidney.”

Cameron’s eyes shot from my mom to me, clearly having forgotten that Sidney was on the team. “So, the Pens are done? They can’t win the cup now?”

Both my mom and I nodded, still watching as the Penguins finished the handshake line and held their hockey sticks up in the air, paying thanks to the fans as they had been eliminated in their own arena.

“I’m sorry about that. What do they do now?” Cameron asked.

My mom glanced over at me, clearly checking to see if I was going to answer him or not. When I didn’t so much as blink, she sighed, turning her head back towards Cameron. “They go golfing.”

I didn’t hear Cameron’s reply to the comment, my entire focus being cast towards the television as I watched Marc Savard get interviewed, my eyes catching Sidney in the background, leaning against the boards of the bench, his helmet off and discarded somewhere on the ice as he stared at the rink, the rest of the team filing off of the ice behind him, their heads hanging low. Bill Guerin waited just behind him on the bench, placing a hand on Sidney’s shoulder and saying something to him that made Sidney nod his head a bit, glancing at back at Bill before he looked back out at the ice for a long moment, rubbing his chin before he left the ice and disappeared into the back where the rest of the team was.

My mom placed a hand on my shoulder, giving me a small smile. “He’ll be okay, honey. Sidney knows how to handle things like this.”

I nodded, letting out a long breath of air. “I know that he’s okay, it’s me I’m worried about. What am I going to say to him the next time I see him? ‘Sorry you guys couldn’t beat the team nobody expected to make to make past the first round. Better luck next year’? I mean, what do I do?”

“Hanna, calm down,” My mom said, almost laughing. “Sidney isn’t going to expect you to take care of him, he’ll just be happy to see you again. You know that, don’t you?”

I nodded, my eyes moving past her face towards Cameron, who was still leaning against the door frame, watching the two of us. I could see the look of worry written across his face, but I wasn’t sure if it was because he was concerned about Sidney, or if he was worried about whatever it was I was going to do when I saw him next. I couldn’t help but scowl at him, earning an eye roll out of him before he moved out of view and back into the kitchen.

----------------------------

I scrolled through my uploaded pictures, letting out a sigh as I glanced at them all. Photography had been such a passion of mine when I was in high school, but I was never willing to take the required photos. We’d be assigned to take a picture of railway tracks, and on the way over to the tracks I’d be distracted by a little kid riding his bike down the road and snap a picture of him instead, killing any hopes of me acquiring some kind of degree in it, like maybe Art Media.

There were quite a few pictures of Elizabeth, all pregnant and smiling at me with one hand on her stomach. They had all turned out nice, and with the editing program I had downloaded it didn‘t take very long before I had cropped out the open cupboard behind her, adjusted the lighting and contrast and had a pretty decent looking photo. There were a few of my dad and Cameron in the back, working on the tree house they were building, and then a few abstract ones of things I had seen while out with my mom walking, a flower with a bee on it, a mom and her newborn baby walking down the street, the typical.

I let out a sigh, glancing over at my cell phone. Sidney hadn‘t call me yet, and even though I knew that he would call when he had composed himself enough that he was ready to talk, I couldn‘t help but worry. Ever since Cameron and I had fought over whether Sidney and I were moving to fast or not, I couldn’t stop worrying. And maybe Cameron had brought a fear that I hadn‘t been ready to face before. Maybe I was willingly throwing myself into my relationship with Sidney because I still wasn‘t sure what I wanted to do. I loved working at the bakery, but could I really handle owning my own business? Did I want to go be a pastry chef? Did I even want to live with Sidney yet, or would it be better to save up and get my own apartment? Did I even want to spend the rest of my life in Pittsburgh, or was it time for me to come back home?

I was only supposed to stay on Prince Edward Island for another four days, but since Elizabeth was already past her due date, I wasn‘t sure if I would just stay longer, or if I would leave before the baby was born. I wanted to talk to Sidney about it, but now that he was dealing with the shock of the elimination from tonight‘s game, I wasn‘t sure if he would want to try and sort out my problems with me, at least not yet. And I wanted to tell him that there was a part of me that was concerned about the fast pace of pur relationship, but I knew that he was sensitive right now, and that telling him I was starting to worry probably wouldn’t be the best choice right off the bat. I was out of pictures to edit, which meant that I was out of distractions, and he still hadn’t called me. I stared down at my phone for a good three minutes before I shut my lap top and got up from the desk, deciding that I would just try and force myself into slumber instead of worrying myself sick over issues I couldn’t even resolve on my own and waiting for Sidney to call me.

I was just about to crawl under the covers when I heard footsteps running down the stairs, making me pause and look over at my bedroom door right as it burst open and a panting Cameron yelled, “Elizabeth’s water broke, we have to go to the hospital.”

------------------------------------

“Is there a baby yet?” Peyton asked, making me laugh into the receiver.

“No, not yet.”

“But, it’s been, like, three hours. Tell her to hurry up, I need to sleep.”

I shook my head, looking up at the sky from outside of the hospital. “Sometimes it takes more than three hours, Peyton,” I reminded her. I chewed on my lower lip for a second before finally asking, “How’s Kris?”

She sighed, “He’s alright. Disappointed, but he keeps telling me he’s used to it now, and that this is just how hockey goes. I think I’m handling it worse then he is, honestly”

“Have you talked to Sidney? Because he hasn’t called me yet,”: I asked.

“I saw him just after the game. He was quiet, but he didn’t seem as upset as I would’ve imagined him to be. He was basically attacked by the media as soon as he stepped into the locker room. He was the last one to come back into the room, actually, and I’m guessing it was to avoid the craziness of the media. He went home as soon as they were done talking to him. I’m not even sure he had showered,” she admitted, laughing lightly. “He’ll call you, Hanna. He’s probably just leaving you alone right now because he doesn’t want to put any pressure on you. You know how he is.”

I nodded, sighing. “I wish he’d call. I haven’t even been able tot ell him that my niece is on the way, and I want to make sure he’s okay.”

“He’ll call you, Hanna. Or, here’s a crazy idea. Call him. It’s not like he’ll see the caller ID and think, ‘shit, my girlfriend is calling me.’”

“You’re so sweet, Peyton. You’re empathy is really you’re strongest quality,” I told her, smirking despite the fact that she couldn’t see me.

“Thanks. I’ll let you go and call your man now. Let me know when that baby gets here, okay?” She said, making me promise to do so before she hung up.

I had to take a second to talk myself into calling Sidney before I finally punched in his number and waited, surprised when he picked up after the first ring. “I’m sorry to call-”

“Don’t be sorry, I’m glad you did,” he interrupted, sighing. “how are you?”

“I’m waiting for my niece to get here, actually. Liz is in labour as we speak and I’m waiting for the baby to get here,” I answered. “How are you? I saw the game.”

There was a pause, “I’m…I’m okay. I should be used to it by now, right? I mean, we’ve been eliminated in the playoffs more times then we’ve won the cup,” he joked. “Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine. I’m disappointed, maybe a little mad, but I’ll deal with it. How long has your sister in law been in labour for?”

“Just over three hours,” I answered, debating on what I should bring up next before I sighed. “Sidney, can I ask you something?”

“Of course you can,” he sad, sounding almost amused.

“Do you ever think that maybe you and I are moving too fast?” I asked.

There was a long pause on the other end, and I could almost see the worry stretch itself out across his face as he tried to understand what I was getting at. “I-I, don’t’ really think about it, no. Why? Is this about the house, because you don’t have to move in with me if it’s too soon for you, I just-”

“No, it’s not the house, it’s everything,” I admitted. “I mean, we went from barely making out to sleeping together, to now living together, and I guess I’m just starting to worry. I mean, a few days ago Cameron asked me if we were going to get married and I didn’t know what to tell him, and I guess that set everything in motion for me to start worrying.”

Sidney sighed on the other end. “I guess we haven’t talked about marriage at all, and I’d justify that by saying it hasn’t been to long, but I can see how that’s no longer a legitimate reason if we’re making plans to live together,” he said quietly. “But if we are talking about, I can’t see myself with someone else. If I think about the future, you’re always there with me, so, if Cameron needs to know what my intentions are, I plan on marrying you one day. I’m just not sure when that day is, yet.”

I almost dropped my cell phone, my veins pulsing with a mix of complete excitement over the fact that Sidney had just told me that he did think about making me his wife someday, and complete terror at the exact same fact. Even thinking the word, “wife” was enough to almost make me faint, and he didn’t even have a problem admitting that he thought about it. I didn’t know how to reply, or what to say back, because telling him that I also planned to marry him would be a lie, even though I also didn’t have plans on breaking up with him.

As if it were a miracle, my mom stepped out of the hospital doors, looking around for me before spotting me and grinning. “She’s here! Come meet her.’

I almost let out a thankful sigh into the phone. “Sidney? I have to go, the baby is here.”

I hung up before he could tell me he loved me.